Head turning Headlines! (funny)

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[Bobalu]

Head turning Headlines!

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax
Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victim
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

[Prime Choice]

Reminds me of an incident when I was in college. A student of chemistry dropped a bottle of sulfuric acid. Made a really serious mess of things and the fumes were acrid, so the lab had to be cleared out.

The next day's headline in the college paper: "STUDENT DROPS ACID. BUILDING EVACUATED."

[BJClinton]

This was funny the first time I read it...a year ago.

[KeyWest]

Honk

[alnick]

Leno's headlines segment recently included a piece about a man named Rich White who ran in the election as a Republican. He was listed on the ballot as Rich White Republican.

[RaceBannon]

Funny Headlines

The following are all genuine headlines:

Give the Palestinians a homeland - Ottawa
Toronto Star, 31 July 1982

Babies are what the mother eats
The Times-Herald, 7 November 1984

Newspaper to recieve seven awards
The Sentinel Ledger, 7 April 1983

Never Withold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Alburquerque Journal, 26 December 1984

Kampala - A hand grenade exploded on board a passenger train killing a Uganda Army soldier who was toying with it and two civilian passengers.
The Times, 27 March 1982

Here's How You Can Lick Doberman's Leg Sores

How to combat that feeling of helplessness with illegal drugs
The Royal Gazette, 9 May 1985

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy

Obscene snow sculptures built by two fraternities Chi Psi and Delta Upsilon, had around townspeople as well as the administration.
Addison Independent, 15 March 1979

Woman off to jail for sex with boys
The Record, 23 October 1984

Plot to kill officer had vicious side
The Chicago Tribune

Infertility unlikely to be passed on
Montgomery Advertiser

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995

Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us
Holland Sentinal

Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut
The New York Times

Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find
The Los Angeles Times

'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories
Huntington Herald-Dispatch

Alcohol ads promote drinking
The Hartford Courant

Malls try to attract shoppers
The Baltimore Sun

Official: Only rain will cure drought
The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts

Teenage girls often have babies fathered by men
The Sunday Oregonian

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
Newsday

Man shoots neighbor with machete
The Miami Herald

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes
The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows
The New York Times

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies
The Los Angeles Times

Scientists see quakes in L.A. future
The Oregonian

Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning
The Buffalo News

Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold
Lexington Herald-Leader

Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer
Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel

Economist uses theory to explain economy
Collinsville Herald-Journal

Bible church's focus is the Bible
Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons
Cedar Rapids Gazette

Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear
Journal of Commerce

Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person
The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York

Lack of brains hinders research
The Columbus Dispatch

How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart
Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera

Fish lurk in streams
Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Eye Drops off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board