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Some conspiracy theorists elect to ignore the truth
Chicago Sun-Times ^ | November 30, 2004 | RICHARD "DOPEY" ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

Posted on 11/30/2004 10:24:25 AM PST by Chi-townChief

Real conspiracy theorists never admit they're wrong. No matter how many facts and bits of logic you throw at them, they'll always say, "That's all well and good, but you haven't proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm wrong. Why can't you produce concrete evidence that the Loch Ness Monster doesn't exist?"

Well, because it's a little tough to prove a negative.

If Lee Harvey Oswald materialized from the beyond, knocked on the door of the JFK Assassination Conspiracy Headquarters and said, "I want you to know that I acted alone," the typical JFK conspiracy theorist would say: "Thank you for proving my point, oh spirit of Lee Harvey. See that, everyone? Obviously this Oswald ghost is being manipulated by the ghosts of J. Edgar Hoover, Sam Giancana and Lyndon B. Johnson. He's afraid to come right out and speak the truth, but he was sending a secret message to me by winking in Morse code. The man is just a ghostly patsy!"

To this day, there are people who believe the moon landings were faked, Elvis is alive and in hiding, Vince Foster was murdered and the Pentagon was not struck by a plane on 9/11.

The medical term for such a person is "bonehead," pronounced, "bonehead."

Bush only THINKS he won

I don't believe the 2004 election conspiracy theorists are dumb or delusional -- but I do think their passion is misguided.

It's been a month since the election, but every day my e-mailbox continues to fill up with messages from anti-GOPers.

"Is there any reason why voting irregularities are not being reported on, only 3 weeks after the election? Please let me know if you support democracy ..."

"The mainstream media continues its blackout of coverage regarding voting irregularities in Florida and Ohio ..."

"It is possible John Kerry could be sworn in as POTUS. ... To beat election fraud, the press (that is YOU) have to report on it ..."

"An open letter to the media: Please do your job and report on the vote fraud that occurred in Ohio and Florida ..."

I share only the first few lines of these e-mails with you, because to reproduce them in full would be to fill up the entire newspaper. (A woman from Ohio recently sent out a conspiracy theory e-mail that ran more than 3,000 words. I think it's safe to say that with a margin of error of plus or minus 3 points, approximately zero percent of recipients actually made it to the end of the essay.)

Often the e-mails provide links to Web sites and blogs claiming that John Kerry might have won Ohio and Florida.

What, no Texas?

Like most conspiracy theories, the allegations of massive election-changing voter fraud and computer error in the election contain a sprinkling of facts, erroneous interpretations of statistics, paranoid speculation passed off as scientific analysis, and loads of assertions that are just wrong.

Here's a classic example.

In Florida, some two dozen counties that went to Bush are dominated by registered Democrats. Consider Lafayette County, Fla., where more than 80 percent of residents are registered Democrats -- but 74 percent of the vote went to Bush. In Holmes County, Fla., almost 75 percent of registered voters are Democrats, but Bush beat Kerry by a 6-1 margin.

How can this be?

In the counties in question, most of the registered Democrats have been voting Republican in national elections for decades. They just haven't officially switched party affiliations. Bush won those same counties by large margins over Gore in 2000.

All right, then how about the suburb of Columbus, Ohio, where Bush was reported to have won 4,258 to 260, even though only 638 ballots were actually cast? And what about the 76,000 punch cards in Ohio where no vote for president was recorded?

In the first case, the overcount for Bush was the result of an apparent computer glitch. It was quickly corrected, and the "extra" votes were not in the final tally.

As for the phantom punch cards: some people actually didn't vote for president, but voted in other races. You're allowed to do that, you know. Others mistakenly voted for both candidates, negating their ballot.

And how do we know those double-dippers didn't really intend to vote for Bush?

For every theory out there, I could provide debunking ammo, or I could direct you to debunking stories from the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe and other news organizations. But it wouldn't sway the true conspiracy theorist. He would counter with a debunker-debunking blog, or claim the debunking articles prove there's a "media blackout" on voter irregularity stories.

Funny though. I thought we were the "elite liberal media," acting in concert. If we're the elite liberal media, why are we conspiring with the White House to ensure George Bush's fraudulent re-election?

I hate it when conspiracy theories collide like that.

"Ebert & Roeper" airs at 10:35 p.m. Saturday and 10:30 a.m. Sunday on WLS-Channel 7.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections; US: Illinois; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: barfalert; bushhaters; bushwins; chicago; cluelessidiot; conspiracy; conspiracytheory; dopeyroeper; doublestandard; du; goebbelswouldbeproud; hollywoodleft; liberalbias; lyingliar; mediabias; michaelmorons; reddiaperdoperbabies; richardroeper; roepadope; roeper; roeperisadope; tinfoil; traitorslose; usefulidiots
Our friend Dopey actually has a couple lucid moments in this column which, oddly enough, was a few pages before Jesse Jackson's squeal: Something's fishy in Ohio
1 posted on 11/30/2004 10:24:25 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Chi-townChief

Richard Roeper is the first liberal to write who's not a victim of Moore's Disease. We can be thankful the rest of the Left hasn't caught on yet.


2 posted on 11/30/2004 10:26:46 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: Chi-townChief

Conspiracy theorists are part of the conspiracy. There is a conspiracy to make us believe there is a conspiracy, and by the clumsiness of the conspiracy theory conspiracy to thereby discredit the conspiracy so we do not believe there is a conspiracy.


3 posted on 11/30/2004 10:29:41 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Chi-townChief

There are still plenty of unanswered questions about Vince...


4 posted on 11/30/2004 10:32:26 AM PST by Frumious Bandersnatch
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To: goldstategop

"To this day, there are people who believe...Vince Foster was murdered"

Well, DUH! Because he was murdered!!!


5 posted on 11/30/2004 10:35:27 AM PST by sdcraigo (Kerry's plan simply didn't work...)
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To: RightWhale
...thereby discredit the conspiracy so we do not believe there is a conspiracy.

And this in turn proves that there is, indeed, a conspiracy.........;^)

6 posted on 11/30/2004 10:35:36 AM PST by elbucko (Feral Republican)
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To: Chi-townChief

These people see a conspiracy ONLY because Kerry didn't win.


7 posted on 11/30/2004 10:36:35 AM PST by Quinotto
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To: Chi-townChief
Some conspiracy theorists elect to ignore the truth .....

right!

Exactly what is the difference between the truth and the accepted facts?

Go Bucs!

8 posted on 11/30/2004 10:39:55 AM PST by maestro
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Comment #9 Removed by Moderator

To: RightWhale

You're one of Them, aren't you?


10 posted on 11/30/2004 10:42:23 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: ZellsBells
No, when I conspire, I prefer to conspire alone.

--slide guitar riff while standing on your table kicking your drinks

11 posted on 11/30/2004 10:43:50 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Billthedrill

You are obviously TOGETHER.


12 posted on 11/30/2004 10:44:43 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Chi-townChief

The drunken rabble who make up DU and Michael Moore's fan base were amusing to the Democrats who wanted agitators to denounce Bush every day.

Now that they are sufficiently out of power (and increase in GOP seats in the House and Senate), they realize it only hurts their party more at this point.

Even Michael Moore turned in a "disappointing" performance on the Tonight Show according to the quotes in DU Funnies today.


13 posted on 11/30/2004 10:45:41 AM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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Comment #14 Removed by Moderator

To: Timesink; martin_fierro; reformed_democrat; Loyalist; =Intervention=; PianoMan; GOPJ; ...
Funny though. I thought we were the "elite liberal media," acting in concert. If we're the elite liberal media, why are we conspiring with the White House to ensure George Bush's fraudulent re-election?

The left considers the mainstream media to be "biased to the right" because they are owned by big corporations (no joke). They prefer the business model of a media source such as Pravda under the Soviet Union. So much better when the State owns the media (like much around the world).

15 posted on 11/30/2004 10:50:00 AM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: Chi-townChief
Still undecided? Consider these facts on Bush (BARF AND LAUGH ALERT) (Dopey Roeper, Nov 2, 2004)
16 posted on 11/30/2004 10:53:13 AM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: Chi-townChief
Among Dopey's "Truths":

Never adequately explained that mysterious bulge in his back.

Goebbels would be proud of this lying liar who tried to manipulate the masses.

17 posted on 11/30/2004 10:54:20 AM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: Chi-townChief
More of Dopey's own conspiracy "truths":

Never fully explained his National Guard Service, and stood mute as Republicans produced factually challenged ads attacking John Kerry's war heroism.

The Big Lie. Tell it often enough and it becomes the truth.

F. Democrats. Rats lie.

18 posted on 11/30/2004 10:56:37 AM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: Chi-townChief

It appears that Dubya "got to" Roeper.

LOL


19 posted on 11/30/2004 11:07:13 AM PST by cripplecreek (I come swinging the olive branch of peace.)
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To: sdcraigo

No, he wasn't murdered. He drove to Ft. Marcy park with a hole in his head and traveled 50 yards without leaving any footprints to where he fell over and shot himself again with a pistol no one has been able to trace while leaving no powder burns. We had a murder like that in Nashville a long time ago where a guy shot himself in the back several times.


20 posted on 11/30/2004 11:10:09 AM PST by dljordan
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To: Chi-townChief

contain a sprinkling of facts, erroneous interpretations of statistics, paranoid speculation passed off as scientific analysis, and loads of assertions that are just wrong

Heck, we do that sometimes too.


21 posted on 11/30/2004 11:19:28 AM PST by oldbrowser (You lost the election.....................Get over it.)
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To: Billthedrill; RightWhale
You're one of Them, aren't you?

The scary Them or just a 30 ft giant ant ?

22 posted on 11/30/2004 11:29:43 AM PST by Oztrich Boy ("Ain't I a stinker?" B Bunny)
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To: Chi-townChief; jan in Colorado
In Florida, some two dozen counties that went to Bush are dominated by registered Democrats. Consider Lafayette County, Fla., where more than 80 percent of residents are registered Democrats -- but 74 percent of the vote went to Bush. In Holmes County, Fla., almost 75 percent of registered voters are Democrats, but Bush beat Kerry by a 6-1 margin.

How can this be?

The answer is so simple:

Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the Metric System down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Altantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!

PS.. y'all better wrap that tinfoil tighter.... we have more powerful mind control rays now.

23 posted on 11/30/2004 11:36:09 AM PST by USF (I see your Jihad and raise you a Crusade )
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To: Frumious Bandersnatch; sdcraigo; dljordan

My Vince Foster theory is that he whacked himself in one of safe houses that the White House uses when they want to meet people on the sly.

Then, after they found the body, some moron decided they didn't want to burn the location of the safe house, so they moved the body to Ft. Marcy park.


24 posted on 11/30/2004 11:42:37 AM PST by RatSlayer
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To: USF

LOL


25 posted on 11/30/2004 11:44:09 AM PST by jan in Colorado (Know your enemy. Destroy them before they destroy you.)
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To: Chi-townChief

Ohoh. We better keep this article away from the DUer's it may cause them to up their dosage of medication.


26 posted on 11/30/2004 11:48:14 AM PST by Tempest (Click on my name for a long list of press contacts)
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To: Chi-townChief

It would be good of the MSM to take on election fraud, starting with registration procedures that eliminate multiple registrations, requirements for photo-ids, reliable voting media that leave a paper audit trail, and so forth.


27 posted on 11/30/2004 11:49:40 AM PST by js1138 (D*mn, I Missed!)
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To: dljordan

"He drove to Ft. Marcy park with a hole in his head and traveled 50 yards without leaving any footprints to where he fell over and shot himself again with a pistol no one has been able to trace while leaving no powder burns."

Darn it! I knew there must have been a good reason it was ruled a suicide. Oh yeah, and thank goodness they were able to discredit that crazy Patrick Knowlton who had no idea what he was talking about - right?


28 posted on 11/30/2004 11:49:52 AM PST by sdcraigo (Kerry's plan simply didn't work...)
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To: Chi-townChief

STOCK TIP: Buy Alcoa


29 posted on 11/30/2004 11:50:55 AM PST by Muleteam1
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To: Oztrich Boy

That was a great album - featuring Van Morrison, no less.


30 posted on 11/30/2004 11:51:15 AM PST by sdcraigo (Kerry's plan simply didn't work...)
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To: weegee
DU is hilarious.
These people no doubt are the source of the mass emails to supporting elite media types.
Complete with "scientific" statistical analysis based on bogus assuptions.
And they so easily turn on those fellow lefties who will not drink their kool-aide.
31 posted on 11/30/2004 11:54:06 AM PST by ricks_place
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To: Chi-townChief
You watch. In two years, whatever Dan Rather clone they hatch will go on the air and state, as established fact, "everybody knows Bush stole the 2004 election".

Just like, "everybody knows that a million minorities were disenfranchised in Florida in 2000".
32 posted on 11/30/2004 11:58:26 AM PST by dinasour (Pajamahadeen)
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To: Chi-townChief

Actually a fairly decent read.


33 posted on 11/30/2004 12:08:26 PM PST by jcb8199
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To: js1138
Bill Maher was on Steve Harvey's "Big Time" or whatever it is called a week or two ago.

He said that it was odd how there is more oversight on the slot machines in Vegas than there are on the election ballots. He did not dispute the results of the election but he did say that he was sickened by the statement that the count was "around" some number.

If we had security cameras IN the polls monitoring the voters AND the poll workers (hey, we need them to keep an eye on the people inspecting our bags at the airports, they'd rob us blind otherwise), asked for photo ID from every voter (you have to be 21 to gamble in Vegas and you CAN be carded), didn't allow provisional paper ballots (many of the Ohio voters were not registered to vote), did not allow foreign language paper ballots, etc. (the more "alternate" ballot systems you offer, the more you compromise the accuracy and security of the total), then you would be well on the way to being able to have "Vegas type" oversight of the elections.

The dirty secret is that Democrats fight such measures because (A) they have crooked poll workers who will poke out "extra" ballots to help their candidates and (B) they have illegal voters who will vote multiple times on election day or at least assume the identity of a dead or absent voter if they themselves are not permitted to vote (non-citizen/felon).

34 posted on 11/30/2004 12:14:07 PM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: RatSlayer

That's plausible.


35 posted on 11/30/2004 12:16:59 PM PST by dljordan
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To: jcb8199
Too little, too late. Dopey Roeper wore as much tinfoil himself on election day if you read the thread that I linked into this article.

That is, unless he knew them to be lies and printed them ANYWAY.

36 posted on 11/30/2004 12:17:51 PM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: weegee

It is interesting that people "vote" via lotto machines -- millions every week -- and there are so few charges of fraud or incompetence. One key might be that lotto machines print a ticket with a serial number, date, time, and validation number.


37 posted on 11/30/2004 12:20:36 PM PST by js1138 (D*mn, I Missed!)
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To: js1138
You can still be asked to show ID at the counter to get your lottery ticket, you have to present legal currency, you are being filmed in virtually any convenience store, and the guy taking your cash/ID has no stake in helping you to get free tickets. His store is billed for each ticket and he cannot influence the actual winner. He's happy when a customer wins because he gets a cut from the state, but he does not root for some customers more than others.

Crooked voters/officials need to be stopped from permitting ballots that are "genuinely" counted yet granted for false purposes.

Also the penalties for those who cheat at Lotto are higher than for those who cheat at politics. Few ballot stuffers are prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

38 posted on 11/30/2004 12:32:10 PM PST by weegee (WE FOUGHT ZOGBYISM November 2, 2004 - 60 Million Voters versus 60 Minutes - BUSH WINS!!!)
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To: dljordan

Sounds reasonable to me!!! I saw a comedian do a routine many years ago which began with his reminding the audience, "I don't make this stuff up folks, it comes right out of the newspapers". He then related a story about a coroner in Texas making a finding of suicide in a case of a man who was shot five times in the chest with a SINGLE SHOT 22 caliber rifle. He did a deadpan routine on what is involved in doing this and had me rolling in the floor. He ended by saying, " to shoot yourself five times in the chest with a 22 caliber single shot rifle requires a degree of dedication devoutly to be admired".


39 posted on 11/30/2004 12:55:05 PM PST by RipSawyer ("Embed" Michael Moore with the 82nd airborne.)
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To: RatSlayer
I have always subscribed to a similar theory. After reading Bloodsport, it seemed apparent that Foster was despondant and suicidal because he thought he'd let Hillary down. I think the cover-up involved spiriting away any incriminating Whitewater documents and covering up a possible affair between Vince and Hillary (yeah, I know, barf!). I think he offed himself but for some reason the body had to be moved.

Also, funny how Roeper disses conspiracy theories as his partner Ebert has long felt that Dubya stole the 2000 election.

40 posted on 11/30/2004 1:17:13 PM PST by Sans-Culotte
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To: Frumious Bandersnatch

Personally, I believe Vince Foster was killed by Jimmy Hoffa on orders from the Illuminati. But this was not before the Men in Black came out from Area 51 to abduct Ed Sullivan and Elvis.


41 posted on 11/30/2004 1:44:39 PM PST by PeterFinn ("Tolerance" means WE have to tolerate THEM, they can hate us all they want.)
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To: Chi-townChief

bump.


42 posted on 12/01/2004 11:26:13 AM PST by WinOne4TheGipper (Yes DUmmies, we stole the election, but you'll never figure out how. Love, the VRWC.)
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