Stripper shortage a national disgrace

The Toronto Star ^ | Dec 2, 2004 | Linwood Barclay

[JusPasenThru]

Rather than give Immigration Minister Judy Sgro a hard time about whether or not she greased the pole, as it were, to fast-track the process to allow a Romanian stripper to stay in Canada, we need to be taking a look at the bigger issue: Why is Canada unable to meet the demand for exotic dancers on its own?

What is lacking in our national character that we cannot turn out enough people who can figure out how to take off their clothes? Are we so lacking in skills that we do not know how to pull down a zipper, unhook a bra, unsnap a garter, or roll down a stocking? Is it not a source of national shame that we must import people to do this kind of work? What does this say about us?

Nothing good, I think.

Who knew things would get so bad that Ottawa would have to come up with a stripper visa program to deal with the shortage of exotic dancers in this country? Last year, 500 Romanian women got such visas, and thank heavens they did, otherwise thousands of Canadian men would have had spend their household grocery money on booze without any entertainment to help justify it.

The opposition parties up in Ottawa are trying to discredit the Liberal immigration minister and members of her staff for allegedly meeting with strip club owners wanting help with this problem, and for a ministerial permit Sgro supposedly gave a Romanian stripper who worked on her election campaign. If Stephen Harper thinks we shouldn't be bringing in strippers from overseas, what is he doing about ensuring that these sorts of skills are taught at home? Not much, evidently.

How often have we heard politicians demanding that our schools be more competitive? How often have we had our students' test scores compared to those of kids from, say, Japan? It's seen as nothing less than a national crisis when we hear that some children in Tokyo have done better on a fractions test than some students in a classroom in Toronto. But when people from overseas beat us, pants down, in the stripping competition, no one seems to care.

Perhaps, to be fair, stripping is a skill that simply does not come naturally to Canadians, male or female. We have become so accustomed to layering that removing clothing goes against everything we know.

Many strip clubs, to their credit, have been willing to let Canadians audition. But by the time most locals have finished their act, you can hardly see the dancers onstage, hidden as they are by parkas, snowpants, and fur-trimmed boots.

"There seems to be," said one strip club owner, "a lack of understanding of the process. They start their act in a skirt and blouse and heels, and by the time they're done, they're ready to go snowboarding."

It may not be that taking off one's clothes offends Canadians' sensibilities. It may not be a moral issue at all. We may not like to take off our clothes because once we do, we're cold, especially when you do it in a big, open room. And it may not even be that we're incompetent when it comes to the intricacies of undoing laces and buttons and zippers and snaps. It's just that it's very hard to do that sort of detail work when you're wearing Thinsulate gloves.

It's possible we may never be able to compete against the Romanians, if it's true that they send their kids to school in winter without mitts or scarves as a way of preparing them for a better life someday in Canada.

So let's just cut Judy Sgro and her office some slack. If we're not willing to tackle the tough jobs ourselves, we can't go blaming those who make sure there's someone here to do them.

[JusPasenThru]

And don't be telling me "already posted". I've looked high and low for it.

[RockinRight]

Canada can't even do this right!

[Americanwolf]

Please someone tell me this is a joke? Really come on!

[dirtboy]

Many strip clubs, to their credit, have been willing to let Canadians audition.

And by the time the first gal got all her clothes off, it was last call.

[reagan_fanatic]

Already posted here

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Why can't Canada get their own strippers?

You can't teach sheep to pole dance.

[TheBigB]

PJ sez..."Mebbe we should send out some aggressive recruiters! Volunteers?"

PING to the REPUBLICAN PARTY REPTILE ping list! What is the Republican Party Reptile? It is a creature of the eighties. It's neoconservatism with its pants down around its ankles, the Rehnquist Supreme Court on drugs, a disco Hobbes living without shame or federally mandated safety regulations. The Republican Party Reptile supports a strong defense policy, but sees no reason to conduct it while sober. The RPR believes in minimum government interference in private affairs;unless the government brings over extra girls and some ice. In short, the RPR is the new label that our political spectrum has been crying out for;the conservative with a sense of humor and a healthy dose of depravity.

[Bella_Bru]

LMAO!

[Thinkin' Gal]

I thought this was going to be a thread about Israel, what with all the strippers being in the IDF.

[Larry Lucido]

Windsor has a couple of good clubs. Haven't been back there (much) since getting married, though.

[CaptainJustice]

This is hilarious. Bravo, Linwood!

[Americanwolf]

I will be more than willing to be a talent scout! :)

[Billthedrill]

Outsourced strippers? An outrage!

But the author's right, it is cold up there. And there are age-discrimination laws, of course, so for every Selma Hayek we'd have a Helen Thomas prancing nekkid in a toque. Is Canada ready for that? Are we?

[JusPasenThru]

You're going to have to spend another 50,000 years in Purgatory for that one.

[JusPasenThru]

This is a joke.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Just how do you do table dances with these on?

[Former Proud Canadian]

This is no joke. There is a special government program to give strippers visas. This particular case involves the Immigration Minister (I guess the US equivalent would be the INS Director, except in Canada it is a cabinet level post) giving a stripper a special "ministerial permit" to stay in the country.

It is kind of a medium scandal.

[F16Fighter]

It ALL starts in the home...

If Granny doesn't pass on the great family traditions, then society is doomed.

[Redcloak]

Already posted here.

[A Ruckus of Dogs]

Canadian women probably do not consider this a respectable profession and there are well paying jobs elsewhere. It also explains the illegal prostitution rings that traffic in unwilling eastern bloc women.

[Modernman]

Canada is the holy land of strip clubs. Especially Montreal and Toronto, as well as border towns like Niagara and Windsor.

Fully nude, touchable lap dances for $20 Canadian. An international supply of talent. And, in various clubs in Montreal, "Full Service."

Or so I've been told.

[dfwgator]

Ah yes, the "Windsor Ballet."

[Americanwolf]

In that case I will have to qoute Homer Simpson on this one.....

D'OH!

I can imagine it being a scandal essentially it looks like the are trying to find excuses to bring more foreigners into the country through other means then the normal immigration process. I for the life of my cannot understand that kind of logic.

[Modernman]

Well, if a country is going to have more immigrants, they should at least be hot and know how to dance in 5' stilletoes.

[PistolPaknMama]

This really came from The Onion...right? Yes?

Bread and Circus. And the beat goes on.

[Calpernia]

I can't even believe that I just read this:

>>>>What is lacking in our national character that we cannot turn out enough people who can figure out how to take off their clothes? Are we so lacking in skills that we do not know how to pull down a zipper, unhook a bra, unsnap a garter, or roll down a stocking? Is it not a source of national shame that we must import people to do this kind of work? What does this say about us?<<<<

Words fail me!

[Tijeras_Slim]

How come wideawake isn't over saying something about Salome? :)

[Prime Choice]

And our next gathering will feature LIVE STRIPPERS! ('Cause let's face it...dead ones just aren't any fun.)

[headsonpikes]

I'm sitting here posting in a pair of Sorels I bought in Colorado a few years ago.

With those, a skidoo suit, and a tuque, you're good for 40 below!

[FastCoyote]

Strip Club news is always of interest to me in Las Vegas. So much fun, so much lovable corruption.

[FredZarguna]

Already posted here.

You're sending the DU lurkers into infinite recursion, you know.

[Prime Choice]

This really came from The Onion...right? Yes?

Nope. And it seems my father was right yet again. Long ago he told me that the older I got, the more the line between reality and satire would blur. The man was wise beyond his years...

[Americanwolf]

You know I would argue that point with you, but I just can't see to find anything wrong with it. :)

[FredZarguna]

Helen Thomas prancing nekkid in a toque. Is Canada ready for that? Are we?

No society is ready for that. Not even Quebec.

[Only1choice____Freedom]

So this solves two problems at once.

The Liberals attempting to migrate will at least have some offers in a field where are experts.

Problem is, there won't be any clients for them after they see or smell them.

[nicollo]

Oh, Lord, help me, I'm one of you... Put me on your ping list.

[Prime Choice]

Here now, what's this aboot?

[Calpernia]

That was funny! I clicked the link and got confused. Good one :)

[Former Proud Canadian]

The Liberal party runs Canada. Immigrants generally vote liberal. They are importing votes. Simple, eh?

[Modernman]

('Cause let's face it...dead ones just aren't any fun.)

Yup. As an example, see "Very Bad Things."

[Jimmy Valentine]

"Stop your grinnin'...and drop that linen."

Regards,

[Prime Choice]

Helen Thomas prancing nekkid in a toque. Is Canada ready for that? Are we?

After surviving the horror of the singing bellybuttons, I'd say we're ready for anything.

[rellimpank]

---must be the aging population or something. About twenty five years ago , I had a discussion with a "dancer" in a Vancouver, BC, nude joint who was a farm girl from Alberta who indicated that most of her contemporaries were the same --farm girls looking for a way off the farm.

[QwertyKPH]

"Perhaps, to be fair, stripping is a skill that simply does not come naturally to Canadians, male or female. We have become so accustomed to layering that removing clothing goes against everything we know."

Headline:

Canada's birth rate at all-time low

Click Here for full story:

Need we say more?

[Former Proud Canadian]

I've been in clubs in Windsor (in my younger days), looked around at the action in the dark recesses, and expected the vice squad to bust in at any time. Never happens, though.

[Modernman]

Strip Club news is always of interest to me in Las Vegas.

Had my bachelor party at Club Saphire (I think that's the name- new, gigantic club). Vegas might be my favorite place in the world.

[Americanwolf]

yeah... I guess that was kinda what I thought... I just get amazed that some people can be so blatent about it.

[BoilermakerCAengineerguy]

...they should at least be hot and know how to dance in 5' stilletoes...

Geesh, your standards are high! I, personally, would be satisfied if they could dance in 5" stilletos... ;-)

[Trainfish]

The one-inch Sorrels I wouldn't mind too much either...

[FredZarguna]

Oh, Lord, help me, I'm one of you... Put me on your ping list.

Anybody who says "Oh, Lord, help me," except in the sense of the young St. Augustine, probably shouldn't be on the list...