Posted on 12/04/2004 4:51:23 PM PST by NYC GOP Chick
By SARAH E. RICHARDS
OMINICK COPPOLA, 22, a real estate salesman from Brooklyn, is looking for a confident, intelligent and open-minded woman who shares his love of walks in the park, sushi and home cooking. He had some luck meeting women through Internet dating sites like AmericanSingles.com, but they were rarely good matches. Then he found what he now considers an online gold mine — JDate, a Web site that bills itself as "the largest Jewish singles network."
Although he is Catholic by birth and upbringing, Mr. Coppola has long preferred to date Jewish women. "If a girl walks by in a bar, and I'm attracted to her, it always turns out she's Jewish," he said. "My friends say I have Jew-dar. I thought I'd go with the odds."
Mr. Coppola is one of a growing number of gentiles who have lately signed on to JDate, which was established in 1997 as a service for bringing Jews together. The number of non-Jews on the site is difficult to estimate: 50,000 of its 600,000 members identify themselves as religiously "unaffiliated," but they include Jewish members who don't want to identify themselves as "secular" or with any particular sect. But interviews with people who use JDate suggest that gentiles have become an increasingly visible presence in recent years (full disclosure: this reporter is one of them) on a site that was designed to promote mating within the tribe.
The reasons non-Jews seek Jewish mates vary in their particulars, but generally seem to come down to the old idea of the nice Jewish boy or girl. Agnes Mercado, a Catholic administrative assistant from West Hollywood, had never even met a Jew until she immigrated from the Philippines 15 years ago. But in October, a little over a year after the death of her Jewish boyfriend of 13 years, she placed an ad on JDate that read, "I am a gentile looking for my mensch, are you out there? I want to be your shiksa and your partner for life." Ms. Mercado, 40, said that her late boyfriend had been "a kind soul" and that she believes his Jewish upbringing gave him a good character. She has just started seeing a 44-year-old Jewish man she met through the site, and is willing to convert if things get serious. "If I have kids, I would want to raise them Jewish," she said. "It's so ancient and full of traditions that make sense to me."
Another non-Jewish JDate member, Mark (who insisted that his last name not be used, to protect his privacy), was at first reluctant to join the site. A 48-year-old professional sports coach from Wayne, N.J., he was raised "vanilla Protestant," as he put it; although he checked the "unaffiliated" box in his profile, he felt that he "should have put `Christian in hiding.' " But he had dated a Jewish woman for several years, was comfortable with Jewish culture ("I knew more about her holidays than she did"), and felt that Jewish women "hold onto tradition — that's important." He added that they also "take care of themselves — they just seem to be more put together."
Krissy Kerwin, 31, a self-described lapsed Catholic and a chef in Encino, Calif., said she joined JDate for a month just to locate an old neighbor. After she was contacted by several interesting men on the site, though, she extended her membership. "The ones I've met seem to be a little bit nicer and have their values intact," she said. She does worry though that pressure on some Jewish men to marry within their faith means that she's "O.K. to date, but not good enough to marry."
Traditional stereotypes are alive and well, according to Robin Gorman Newman, the author of "How to Meet a Mensch in New York" (City & Company, 1995) and a dating coach with several non-Jewish clients who say they prefer to date Jews. "A lot of girls think that Jewish guys know how to treat women, so they want one," she said. "On the flip side, non-Jewish guys think that Jewish women will take charge and make their lives easier."
That is the central theme of "Jewtopia," the comedy that opened off Broadway in October, which satirizes both Jewish anxiety about intermarriage and the romantic desire of non-Jews for Jews. The play is advertised as "the story of a gentile who wants to meet a Jewish girl so he'll never have to make another decision." It also follows the travails of a Jewish man who falls for a Mongolian woman; his parents can't decide whether their joy that she is a doctor outweighs their dismay at her not being Jewish.
To some Jews, of course, the issue of intermarriage is not at all funny. The most recent data available, from the National Jewish Population Survey of 2000-2001, show that 47 percent of Jews who married after 1996 chose a non-Jewish spouse, an increase of 13 percent from 1970. If the trend continues unabated, some fear, it could lead to the end of the American Jewish community.
Jonathan D. Sarna, the author of "American Judaism: A History" (Yale University Press, 2004) and a professor of the subject at Brandeis University, argues that while gentiles who marry Jews may embrace Jewish traditions and pass them on to their children, such commitment is unlikely to last more than a generation in a mixed family. "Jews are much more in danger of being loved to death than persecuted to death," he said.
Given those concerns, some JDate members are less than thrilled about outsiders on the site. Jill Flegenheimer, a 51-year-old computer consultant from Livingston, N.J., was recently contacted by a man on the site who told her he was Catholic. "I said, `You have Catholic kids. I have Jewish kids. I don't see a future.' Women on JDate are looking for Jewish husbands or else they'd be on Match.com." And Stephanie Rodin, 30, a lawyer from Manhattan, said she has seen non-Jews on the site but has avoided them. "It defeats the purpose," she said. "I'm like, `Get your own site!' "
David Siminoff, the chief executive of JDate's Los Angeles-based parent company MatchNet, defends the site's unrestrictive policy. "I'm not going to tell someone who wants to be part of Jewish culture you can't come online," he said, although he added that JDate is clearly oriented toward Jews. He said the company is considering adding a "willing to convert" option in the religion category.
Mr. Coppola, the real estate salesman, said no one has ever admonished him for being on a site created to encourage Jews to meet and marry other Jews. Still, he does not advertise his background in his written profile.
Because he is not Jewish, he lets women contact him. "I respond, `You probably figured out by now I'm not Jewish,' " he said, adding that his status as a gentile has not seemed to be a problem: he has gone on about one date a week since he joined JDate a year ago, and has had several monthlong relationships.
But Mr. Coppola concedes that he does sometimes wonder if he is trying to become a member of a club that does not want him. "I feel a rabbi is going to knock down my door because I feel I'm doing a disservice to Jewish culture," he said.
Firebrand: Do you think I should invite my new friend to this thread? ;D
...but it helps!
*wincing*
Friends of mine that are Jewish will laugh about JDate uproariously.. I just know it.
I can hear the countdown now..
There is also Christiancafe.com for Christians. I know someone who met her husband through that one.
I'm not jewish, but I can remember my grampa saying 'oy-yoy-yoy' all the time.
He's now living in her $20 million mansion (in Beverly Hills).
Why will they laugh?
I know a lot of Jewish/Gentile mixed marriages (mine being one of them). For some reason, Jewish/Italian marriages seem very common
One can certainly meet the most interesting people on the 'net. ;D
I'm Jewish...Why would I be laughing? Plus, I don't blame men for wanting Jewish women.
PING
Which are you?
BTW & FWIW, I'm Jewish and happen to be very involved with a most wonderful Gentile man. :)
He was a Stillers fan?
is he from long island? there are so many nice people out here you know.
Liz will laugh for reasons of her own, and will make some small attempt at an explanation that I won't understand.
(It sounds more like a girl reason thing to me, so my brain likely won't 'get it!')
She's not a practicing Jew, she'd likely be considered ultra-secular by some.
Cheryl and Rob would laugh and crack a joke about it, leaving me mystified.
Short answer is: I truly do not know why, but I know they would.
Are you serious? If so, I can hear the stampede of incoming goys already.
LOL -- very good! :)
Actually, he's from Manhattan (by way of Texas).
My preference is for Latin women of any stripe. One of the hottest girls I even "knew" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) was a Brazilian Jew.
Personally, I laugh more at the concept of dating services. :)
All I've met so far through Lava Life are Single Moms and nutcases. Usually both.
Oh, I found an excellent one this time. ;D
My preference is for Latin women of any stripe. One of the hottest girls I even "knew" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) was a Brazilian Jew.
Yes, we *all* know about your "thing" for Latinas. ;)
My marriage is Jewish/Serbian. I actually like my husband's family more than I like mine!!!!
Yes, unfortunatly, everyone out here in Sea-Town is either an outerwhitelandist in sensible shoes or Asian.
LOL, no, I don't think he understood football. I don't remember him well. I think the 'oy-yoy-yoy' was a Russian thing.
I didn't know you are Jewish... I'm not surprised!!!!!!
I dunno.
I just know that my friends that are Jewish would crack a joke or two.
I chalk it up to something similar me cracking jokes about my mixed ancestry.
(A few mad celts, a Frenchy, a Swede or two, and a few krauts with hatred for krauts[???] So I crack jokes about the French and such.)
Likely, they would give JDate a shot.
But they'd chuckle about it.
I really do not know why.
That, yes.
I tend to view dating services as akin to some insane ritual.
"Your date for the evening is named *Buzz*"
*Mental image is of ex-high school jock.*
Are you series? Maybe I should keep an open mind and rethink my aversion to dating services....
You didn't know?
Actually, I've been doing some research into genealogy and stuff recently. Yesterday, I went up to the Lower East Side, to see if the tenement where my grandfather first lived when he and his family came here was still there -- it was not. But I found the one where I think his father lived when he first came here 4 years earlier. It's like a mile from where I live...
I know one person who got married to someone she met on one of those internet dating services. She'd literally tried everything else, but finally clicked with that.
Considering my track record in the past with dating...
*chuckle*
I've heard tell of good matches and such through dating services.
But never had the guts to give it a shot myself.
(See cryptic comment above.)
Vey series. She's recently divorced, got a bundle in the settlement (to put it mildly), and was evidently looking for a Jewish guy to take to all her functions. ....and to have a little fun with. My bud fit the bill, apparently.
Is it really like that?
Think about it: are all Catholic women the same? Maybe your friend just meets and attracts that type...
Which Country did your people come from?
I know two couples who met and married through JDate. A close friend from elementary school, another good friend's sister. Both were in the neighborhood of 30 years old.
Like me attracting the psychotic types.
My friend Liz is looking for a guy who is serious.
She's NOT of the psychotic type I usually attract.
(Hence, she's my frend.)
zNot all women are psychotic, but I've attracted enough psychotics in my relatively short time on this planet to be very afraid.
(Shades of Vincent Price's "The Last Man on Earth")
Your friend is likely a magnet for the not so nice types like I am.
did ya hear that girl on Hannity giving out her email address (twice)? What a riot she was.
OMIGOD! That "Darksheare" guy is like so friggin' hot! I could just die!
Only a fool makes a judgment about the individual based on the group. I think your friend is a fool, but as your question indicates, you're not.
IN my case it'd be "That "Darksheare" guy is like so friggin' hot! He could just die!"
*Insert 'Archer' brand staplegun sound effect here.*
That's interesting there. If I had more time at the RNC convention, I would have looked more into my family history(there was a ton of information at the NTC library). I thought there were only two main branches to my family in the states - instead there were several(Brooklyn for one, I think Newark was another).
I also found out that someone with my last name was a crooked local elected treasuer. (If the NY Slimes were to be believed). On the same note, I was just appointed treasurer of one of the local GOP funds......
Drat, I missed that one.
Been kinda busy here with some things.
(Peopekl being down with flu already.)
dina punim ve dina tuchus viselvesacht
I know what this is supposed to mean, but my question is, has he spelled it all properly?
whew. I thought a flame was coming.
;O)
I wasn't looking for a Jewish lady at all, but met a girl 30 years ago who seemed to have the values of my (Episcopalian) mother (a girl just like Mom!) and was pretty, to boot. Been married to her for 30 years now, love her to death, she is just the best, and still really very pretty.
Jewish girls are the best!
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