A Nation of Wimps

Psychology Today ^ | Nov/Dec 2004 | Hanah Estroff Maranno

[Day Kay]

Great article! I know a lot of the stuff they talked about is not prevelant with my kids' friends, because most of them are also home schooled - which may seem like an oxymoron: non-hothouse home schooled kids. However, when all the kids around your kids are also allowed to "go play" with no adults on the field; and all the kids in the group are told "make a documentary on the Revoluationary War, tell us when you're done," or "quit whining, work it out yourselves," it makes it very easy to not over-protect your kids. Our kids have much more non-peer interaction through their volunteer work (which happens during "school hours,"), so they are not pressured with the perfection level of all peers. I know home schoolers who do WAY over protect their kids, so I'm not advocating home schooling as the only way to stop this trend; I just know that - for us - because we home school, we circulate in a different social set than more people who succumb to the hot house effect.

[.45MAN]

I think you just do the best you can as a parent, teach them self respect and to respect others, good work ethic and the chips will fall where they may. The key; don't worry so much!

Guess what! that's it in a nut shell

[tiki]

The one thing I notice is that people don't TALK to their children, they talk at them. Sometimes it's just a running commentary on the adults part and the child never gets a word in edgewise. There is no semblance of a conversation.

I hate it when I hear a mother following after a kid, nagging, especially when they are sitting there telling him not to do something that the kid is doing and not doing anything to stop them except nagging.

[Ksnavely]

Just want to make a couple quick comments. Being a 21 year old college student, I do agree that this Lady has hit the nail right on the head. I do see alot of coddled, self-centered, insecure, (dare I say) brats. But I also see alot of overcomer's, risk-takers, achievers, self sufficient young adults. While we do need to look at this problem I am afraid that if we simply focus to much on what is wrong we will somehow convince ourself that nothing is right. I am proud of many people of my generation (especially the conservative ones), and I think that our skills and abilities will surprise the older generation someday.

[Hat-Trick]

Kids are having a hard time even playing neighborhood pick-up games because they've never done it, observes Barbara Carlson, president and cofounder of Putting Families First.

I agree with this contention, and it is true for alot of kids, but one of the best places in America to be a 10 year-old boy is on our cul-de-sac. There's 4 of them who live in the circle, and they usually draw in a few more. The biggest challenge is keeping them from rushing through their homework. We always know whose yard they are in because you can hear them playing. We also know they are up to no-good when it gets really quiet.

[Chemist_Geek]

This morning, just like every other morning during the school year, I saw many, many cars parked at school bus stops. Parents were sitting in their cars mere feet away while the children stood waiting for the bus.

I've always been disturbed by this behavior. If they're going to drive them to the bus stop, why not drive them to the school? Why have half a dozen parents-in-cars sitting there supervising them? Sheesh.

[MamaTexan]

they had to stand on a chair to reach the stove when cooking with me (gasp!). It's amazing too - the more I've taught them, the more they want to do for themselves.

I think most children inherently want to be helpful, they've just never been taught how to be.

My girls watched me cook via the 'chair' method when they were small as well.

One was particularly hardheaded about trying to touch the stove while I was cooking. After about the 15 millionth 'Don't touch it, it's hot', I let the stove cool off considerably. When she reached for it (looking at me the whole time, of course) I told her 'Go ahead! You want to touch it, then touch it, but it's hot!"

She did, yanked her hand back, and tears welled up in her eyes. I told her not to even think about crying, because I'd told her repeatedly NOT to touch it.

The older twin loves to cook to this day. She made a chocolate layer cake last weekend that was scrumptious!

I just can't believe they turn 11 on Monday!

[LibSnubber]

Well, Happy Birthday to your twins! And may they have many, many more!

And, isn't it amazing that if you don't expect much of them - they're happy to oblige. But if you teach and then challenge them - they will absolutely amaze you!

[Uncledave]

Great piece. Bump.

[Don Simmons]

Teach a boy to hunt and fish - he'll grow up to be a man. I firmly believe that. No guarantees he'll be a responsible human being...but it's a great way to start out.

These days, hunters and fishermen are held in more contempt by the liberal PETA-freaks and pussy pseudo-intellectuals than are the terrorists.

I was raised by my grandparents - definitely "old school". Even though Grandpa was a democrat, (Roosevelt, Depression-era democrat...not like today's nutsacs), the old guy raised me with a sense of right and wrong.

- You do right - you don't get an award...you just don't get your ass busted.

- You do wrong - you get the award of getting your ass busted.

He and Grandma loved me enough to tear my ass up when I did something I knew was wrong. I learned from that - and I can never thank them enough.

From age seven on, I played for hours with no supervision. If I wasn't home when I was supposed to be, they'd come looking for me and I'd get my ass busted for not having a damn good reason.

I have more scars on my body than I care to mention. I broke both my arms two years apart. I swung from trees, swam in dirty ponds, jumped ramps with my bike, built treehouses, hunted squirrels, rabbits, and deer (and ate what I killed), caught fish, walked for miles along railroad tracks, played soldier (which no doubt led to my current 17-year US Army profession), and made friends I still have to this day.

I drank my first beer at age 13 and have been in love ever since. I learned to drive on a Case tractor. (The two previous experiences sometimes coincided!) I learned the hard way that a mean old bull does not want you riding on his back.

Yes - I grew up in a small town in the 60s and 70s. Things have changed, or should I say "people have changed things"?

It's all esoteric, social engineering designed to make everything safe, easy, and more digestible for the wimpiest slacker pussies among us - it's just that simple.

It's a regressive mindset that gets worse with each generation. I'd hate to see young adults today have to endure something like the Great Depression.

[Sam's Army]

"He sees young people becoming weaker right before his eyes, more responsive to the herd, too eager to fit in--less assertive in the classroom, unwilling to disagree with their peers, afraid to question authority, more willing to conform to the expectations of those on the next rung of power above them."

Perhaps this helps explain the democratic (sic) groupthink that's alive and well on college campi these days. I have recently gone back to school for my MBA and am amazed by the level of nanny-state-ism of not just the professors, but peers as well.

[Logophile]

He finally found the disability he was to make allowances for: difficulty with Gestalt thinking. The 13-year-old "couldn't see the big picture." That cleverly devised defect (what 13-year-old can construct the big picture?) would allow her to take all her tests untimed, especially the big one at the end of the rainbow, the college-worthy SAT.

And it doesn't end with the SAT. If a university student can claim a "disability," the professor has to make "accommodations." This may include giving extended time on in-class exams, quizzes, and assignments; in some cases, the student may take his or her exams in a "distraction-free environment."

I once challenged the director of the "adaptive services" program at a major Midwestern university. How could she justify giving preferential treatment to some students and not to others? She bristled at the idea that extended time on an exam was preferential treatment. Besides, she said, in the "real world" it doesn't matter whether one employee takes longer than another to complete the same task. Apparently she had never heard of the adage "Time is money."

Federal law requires that we make "reasonable accommodations" for students with learning disabilities. Of course, the law does not define what is reasonable or even what constitutes a disability, so there is no limit to the nonsense.

[iconoclast]

Very sad - many parents (ex-wife included) will never let their kids play outside by themselves.

Yep, it's absolutely sad/crazy.

I attribute a lot of it to the "latch key" kids phenomena.

[tbird5]

binge drinking and substance abuse, self-mutilation and other forms of disconnection".

Nothing new here about students in college.

[tbird5]

Have to disagree with you. No wonder parents are nervous about parenting. Psychiatry keeps telling us how we're screwing up our kids. Psychology Today Magazine is a very liberal publication.

[Semaphore Heathcliffe]

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[Professional Engineer]

ping

[investigateworld]

Don, great post!
(now speaking in the old timers voice:)
Hell me and a buddy hopped a coal train to Las Vegas, played with explosives left over from Gen. Patton's desert training area...so on and so forth...now tell me there aren't angels in this world. Stay safe out there.