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40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor) - a British response.

Posted on 12/13/2004 5:39:51 AM PST by Le Bouledogue Britannique

It has been noted that there has been a grievous and unprovoked attack on Great Britain on these pages

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1295524/posts

which THE MANAGEMENT, in their wisdom, have seen fit to leave in situ.

Therefore, here is the British response.

[Note to Mr Moderator, please feel free to remove this thread (I'm sure you will anyway) and indeed ban me from these boards (once again) However, if you do choose you that path, please display your lack of bias and sense of fair play by removing the "40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor)" thread which I have linked to above at the same time. Thank you.]

70 Reasons why GREAT Britain is miles & miles better than the USA (humour)

1. Michael Moore

2. You don't have any custard

3. You invented McDonalds

4, Our military are peacemakers.

5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.

6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)

7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life

8. We understand irony.

9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break

10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US

11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US

12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.

13. We aren't xenophobic

14. Did I mention Michael Moore?

15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.

16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.

17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)

18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.

19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox

20. We are not all obese.

21. Yorkshire pudding.

22. We are a net exporter of oil

23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.

24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.

25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.

26. We have a prettier flag than you.

27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.

28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.

29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.

30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.

31. We don't eat raw corn.

32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries

33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.

34. I live here.

35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.

37. Our students study geography

38. We don't let our armed forces recruit in our schools.

39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.

40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.

41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.

42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.

45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.

46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.

47. Michael Moore anybody?

48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.

49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.

50. We stopped having mullet haircuts in the 80's

51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou

52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites

53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA

54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.

55. Michael Jackson.

56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.

57. You elected Bill Clinton.

58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)

59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.

60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.

61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)

62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.

63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.

64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.

65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly

66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.

67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?

68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.

69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.

70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.

& one for the pot...

71. We are British. Don-cha-know!

Toodle Pip Chaps.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: 40; a; australia; better; britain; british; canada; humor; india; is; reasons; response; than; the; thespicegirls; topten; uk; us; why
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
I like your "Wooly Pullies" better than ours. I bought some wool "sweaters" while shopping at a NAAFI store in the former British occupation zone of northern Germany. I was stationed in Braunschweig at the time. They kept me warm during some awful German winters when the sun would disappear for weeks at a time.

We were stationed too far from the U.S. sector to pick up the U.S. armed forces TV and radio networks. We could, and did, however, listen to the British armed forces radio network. After all, how could I get by without knowing the latest snookers results?

My U.S. military ID permitted me access to the British bases and NAAFIs. The only problem I ever had was understanding the gate guards. They seemed to have a universally thick Cockney accent (probably intensified deliberably when they spied my US ID). One queried me three times before I comprehended the phrase: "'ave you 'ad a look under your bonnet?" Fortunately my American accent probably made me an unlikely IRA terrorist candidate.

21 posted on 12/13/2004 6:01:48 AM PST by jpthomas
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
31. We don't eat raw corn.

I resent that statement. Who the heck eats raw corn in the US? Certainly not my cousin/hubby Billy Bob and me. I didn't know they had corn in Britain and those other African countries. You learn something new everyday.

22 posted on 12/13/2004 6:01:50 AM PST by mgist
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

You don't seem to know the original meaning of the term "redneck". Originally they *all* came from the British Isles.


23 posted on 12/13/2004 6:01:57 AM PST by Ditter
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
Your sense of "humor" escapes me.

I know how to spell it, too.

24 posted on 12/13/2004 6:02:15 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

There was a reason GB was better than the US, but it is no longer relevant since Clinton is gone --

"When you approach the head of state, you only have to get down on one knee!"


25 posted on 12/13/2004 6:06:39 AM PST by FatherofFive (Merry Christmas)
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
1. Michael Moore
-He's probably of British descent...
2. You don't have any custard
-Of course we do, many varieties...
3. You invented McDonalds
-You just don't like the Scottish name...and you're jealous!
4, Our military are peacemakers.
-I wonder if THEY agree...
5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
-We know all we need to know - we kicked your a$$e$ 200 years ago and we defended your a$$e$ 60 years ago.
6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)
-Prove it.
7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life
-Your social intercourse is a form of Prozac.
8. We understand irony.
-How ironic.
9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
-After 10 minutes of your TV I'd welcome a 15 minute commercial break.
10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US
-Based upon what statistics?
11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
-That must be because your military are ppeacemakers.
12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
-Because you're perfectly happy being subservient to mother government...that's why we left in the first place.
.
.
16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
-We don't drink diluted gnats urine.
17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)
-We don't have "subjects".
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
-Corners? What's withall of those roundabouts?
19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox
-We're intelligent enough to invent automatic transmissions thus negating the need for a manual gearbox.
20. We are not all obese.
-Your food sucks!
21. Yorkshire pudding.
-See #20 above.
.
.
This is just too easy!
26 posted on 12/13/2004 6:08:28 AM PST by Poseidon
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.

But our Royal Family more than makes up for that:-)

27 posted on 12/13/2004 6:08:57 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: tonycavanagh

Tony,

This could be your new standard reply to the Brit Bashing threads!


28 posted on 12/13/2004 6:10:12 AM PST by Incorrigible (immanentizing the eschaton)
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

Now, this is absolutely untrue. Studying this is my job, so I can tell you: nobody is denied excellent healthcare in the US because of an inability to pay. If you're old and/or poor, Medicare, Medicaid, hospital insurance plans or local government plans pick up the tab for your health care, and the care you receive is as good as, probably better than, British health care.

But the socialist healthcare system of the UK drives rich Britons to the US for serious procedures lest they die waiting for treatment. You don't notice rich Americans going to England for major operations or cancer treatment. You want the best care in the world, you come here.

29 posted on 12/13/2004 6:13:11 AM PST by Capriole
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
6. We have a sense of humour...

You're kidding, right?

30 posted on 12/13/2004 6:14:20 AM PST by Rudder
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

That explains your high tax burden?

31 posted on 12/13/2004 6:14:52 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

Having lived in England, most of those items are not true.


32 posted on 12/13/2004 6:15:13 AM PST by shellshocked
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

"70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street. "

The brits don't have sex. "NO sex, please, we're British!", the book.


33 posted on 12/13/2004 6:16:37 AM PST by shellshocked
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
"12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government."

Well, it's not only to protect us from "our" government - it's a holdover from a time when we bore firearms to protect us from YOUR government.

And that worked so wonderfully well, we just decided to keep them!

34 posted on 12/13/2004 6:16:40 AM PST by Redbob (always ready to kick British butts again)
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.

But we don't pay $5 a gallon for gas:-)

35 posted on 12/13/2004 6:18:52 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

101. "We got to in a fight with the Germans and were able to talk the yanks into saving our asses"


36 posted on 12/13/2004 6:20:36 AM PST by DainBramage
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
Some really good hits here. But some demand responses in the same spirit:

You invented McDonalds

Wimpy's.

Our military are peacemakers.

Lexington

We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.

"Dallas" vs. "Monty Python"

We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life

Government subsidizes Barley Crop. Pubs close after lunch so people will bother going back to work.

We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.

Which is why the National Health can be inflicted without a whimper.

British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.

Nolo contendere.. :-(

We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)

They have Yorkshire accents.

We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.

Yup. My Jag gets 17.

Our accents don't sound vulgar.

Which is why there are schools for upward-yearning career people to learn BBC accents and ditch the Working Class Pompey that holds them back.

We don't hate people just because they are different to us.

Seumas McManus, "History of the Irish Race".

We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.

Sulk, slink.

We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries

Though Stella Artois, essentially the same thing, is dragged across the Channel by the boatload.

We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

You surely get what you pay for it, too.

We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou

No, they are called "Royalty".

All in all though, a goodly number of non-answerable hits in the post.

37 posted on 12/13/2004 6:23:03 AM PST by Gorzaloon (*GASP* He insulted the Religion Of Peaceā„¢!!! --- KILL HIM!)
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique
20. We are not all obese.

Fergie and Churchhill were just "pleasantly plump".

38 posted on 12/13/2004 6:23:33 AM PST by moondoggie
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To: Le Bouledogue Britannique

We do so have a sense of humor (yur spellign exseption is dully knowted and hallowed). We also respect and honor Great Britain's past imperial glory. It made for such wonderful sub-plots to so many Shirley Temple movies.


39 posted on 12/13/2004 6:24:34 AM PST by katana
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To: Jemian

28, more attractive women

COUGH COUGH british women are ugly also.

go to france or sweden or estonia for some hot women.

NOT the uk.


40 posted on 12/13/2004 6:29:08 AM PST by angel-of-death
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