Posted on 12/18/2004 1:43:45 PM PST by Tumbleweed_Connection
EXTERIOR BRIDGE OVER POTOMAC RIVER - NIGHT
CLOSE SHOT - Rummy is standing by the railing, staring morosely into the water. The snow is falling hard. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he wheels around and wrestles an old man with wings into a headlock.
OLD MAN: Ouch! Tut, tut. When will you learn that force doesn't solve everything?
RUMMY: Who the dickens are you?
OLD MAN: Clarence, Angel First Class. I've been sent down to help you.
RUMMY, squinting: You're off your nut, you old fruitcake. You can't help me. I was a matinee idol in this town, a studmuffin. Now everyone's turned on me - Trent Lott, Chuck Hagel and that dadburn McCain.
CLARENCE: No more self-pity, son. I'm going to show you what the world would have been like if you'd never been born.
Clarence, who can fly now, takes Rummy's hand and they soar over the icy Potomac to the Pentagon. Beneath the glass on the desk of the defense secretary is a list of members of Congress and their phone numbers.
RUMMY: Who put that there?
CLARENCE: Sam Nunn. He's the defense secretary. Sam consults with Congress. Never acts arrogant or misleads them. He didn't banish the generals who challenged him - he promoted 'em. And, of course, he caught Osama back in '01. He threw 100,000 troops into Afghanistan on 9/11 and sealed the borders. Our Special Forces trapped the evildoer and his top lieutenants at Tora Bora. You weren't at that cabinet meeting the day after 9/11, so nobody suggested going after Saddam. No American troops died or were maimed in Iraq. No American soldiers tortured Iraqis in Abu Ghraib. No Iraqi explosives fell into the hands of terrorists. There's no office of disinformation to twist perception abroad. We're not on the cusp of an Iraq run by Muslim clerics tied to Iran. Here's Sam. He's with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs.
GENERAL SHINSEKI: We got some good news today on the National Guard, sir. Recruiting is up 40 percent. With the money we saved killing that useless missile defense system, we up-armored all our Humvees.
RUMMY, fists and jaw clenched: Grrrrrrr...I want to see Wolfie!
CLARENCE: Sam never hired any of those wacko neocons. Wolfowitz is a woolly headed professor at the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies, and a consultant to Ariel Sharon. Richard Perle was never in charge of the Defense Policy Board, so he was unable to enrich himself through government connections, or help Ahmad Chalabi con the administration. Perle stayed an honest man, running a chain of soufflé shops. His soufflés were so fluffy he became known as the Prince of Lightness. Doug Feith never worked here, either, so he never set up the Office of Special Plans to spin tall tales about W.M.D. and Qaeda ties to Saddam. And he never bungled the occupation because there was no occupation. Without you to swoon over in a book, neocon doyenne Midge Decter became a fallen woman, like Violet.
RUMMY, dyspeptic: Holy mackerel! Take me to Dick!
CLARENCE: Dick and Lynne run a bait, tackle and baton-twirling shop in Casper, Wyo. You didn't exist, so you never gave him those jobs in the Nixon and Ford administrations, and he never ran for Congress or worked for Bush 41 or anointed himself 43's vice president. W. chose Chuck Hagel as his running mate. So without you and Dick there to dominate him, he was guided by his dad and Brent Scowcroft, who kept Condi in line. Colin Powell was never cut off at the knees and the U.N. and allies were never bullied. There was never any crazy fever about Iraq or unilateralism or "Old Europe." Here's Colin now, heading for the Oval Office.
POWELL: Merry Christmas, Mr. President. With the help of our allies around the world, we have won the war on terror. And Saddam has been overthrown. Once Hans Blix exposed the fact that Saddam had no weapons, the tyrant was a goner. No Arab dictator can afford to be humilated by a Swedish disarmament lawyer.
RUMMY: Goodness gracious, I've heard enough now. I'm going home. Unless you're going to tell me my wife is an old maid, because I wasn't around to marry her.
CLARENCE: Oh, no. Joyce lives across the street from your old house on Kalorama Road. She's happily married to the French ambassador.
"Auld Lang Syne" swells as we FADE OUT.
YES!! Bring on the pics!!!!!!!
This woman is seriously deranged ... not that there is any other kind. Maybe being dumped by Michael Douglas was the last push she needed into the abyss.
Poor Maureen. Dumped by Michael Douglas. Dumped by the crackhead producer of the West Wing. Facing a lonely 53rd birthday alone and childless. An aging harpy is not a pretty sight.
Very original Dowd. Shinseki was going to resign before 9/11 even happened. Rumsfeld wasn't responsible for firing him
Is this woman for real?! Does she really believe this stuff?
It must feel so awful to be her.
What is her obsession with Rummy? She's a sad, sad woman.
I think she's got the hots for Rummy, but he's too
much man for her.
Gee Mo, think how much better this world would have been if
Clinton had never been born, Vince and a whole slew of people would still be alive today, maybe even three thousand New Yorkers!
Dowd is mentally disturbed.
I saw her a few months back on Letterman and I kept saying to myself, "There is something wrong with this woman,she is really weird"
I thought it was just me---glad to know I'm not alone.
I think this falls in the "too cute by 12,678-and a-half" catagory.
I saw her on a show (not Lettermen) a couple of months ago or so and she had this incredibly strange, freaky, creepy way of speaking. I wouldn’t advise anyone to actually fall asleep in the same room with her.
All the Democrats who are screwed up beyond hope and repair, and who does Dowd write about? Us, of course.
I can practically hear the ice rattling in her scotch glass.
Like most libs, Maureen lives in a fantasy world.
1) It would be impossible to mobilize 100,000 to Afghanistan in one day, let alone feed and house them. But that's a "detail".
2) It's impossible to seal the border of Afghanistan with 100,000 troops. It's probably impossible to do it with any number of troops, especially in winter.
3) Capturing bin Laden will not end the war on terror. Is she daffy? Did capturing Saddam end the fighting in Iraq?
4) If there was no war in Iraq, we would not be having it so easy in Afghanistan. All the scum now pouring into Iraq would be fighting there instead. And Saddam would be helping them.
After reading that trash, all I can think of is how much less bitterness there would be in the world had Maureen Dowd never been born. (Also, think of all of the scotch bottles that would still be full today.)
Cue the Catherine Zeta Jones pics. (Preferably the post-face lift "Oceans 12" ones.)
She's a stunning dunce.
The Maureen Dowd autobiographical.
I think she has a secret unrequited crush on "RUMMY"
Maybe this bridge scene is her thoughts of suicide, but that a demon would come along with pitchfork in hand and skewer her from the depths, reassuring that in the final Ohio count, John Kerry will be declared winner and will announced as president elect just before inauguration day, and Kerry will proudly announce during his inauguration speech that Maureen Dowd has been picked for Secretary of Defense. (BARF!!!)
Talking style here...not content.
CLOSE SHOT - Maureen is standing by the railing, staring morosely into the water. The snow is falling hard. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, she wheels around and wrestles an old man with wings into a headlock.
OLD MAN: Ouch! Tut, tut. When will you learn that bad mouthing doesn't solve everything?
MAUREEN: Who the dickens are you?
OLD MAN: Clarence, Angel First Class. I've been sent down to help you.
MAUREEN, squinting: You're off your nut, I'm an old fruitcake. You can't help me. I always considered myself a columnist but it seems as if everyone is always sending people in white jackets over. Now everyone's turned on me - Fox News, Rupert Murdock, my dog, Rush Limbaugh and even my cat won't use the sandbox anymore. So Clarence, fly on out of here and go find a conservative who would be most interested in what you have to say. As for me, I will continue to write the "Oh no, what happened" party talking points and cry on Michael Moore's shoulder.
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/001047.html
...
This is another clear example of what happens to a mind on drugs.
I'd say you summed it up very well, libs don't seem capable of rational thought these days.
Will someone please give this miserable woman a good lay. No I don't mean lei. Anyone? Anyone? Please.
5.56mm
Exactly--Something pro-active might have been done after World Trade Towers 93 Bombing..if there was one with no Clinton
An old diva who realized the destruction that age can bring to one who lives a shallow life who made the change from "babe" to one who was a "Babe" to a striver for continence in another field that doesn't require the "babe" attributes.
She chose wrongly in her profession of change.
33 posts before pictures, yall are slipping.
Thanks, all is better in the world now.
My dog could write a parody of "It's a Wonderful Life".
It's as distasteful as Mark Morford's "thing" for John Ashcroft.
Many thanks!! Now MO DO thread is worth reading without the pics. Lowers the levels of madness!
Poor Ms. Dowd. She's not even aware that her hero Sam Nunn INSISTS on having our national missile defense system.
The Washington Post
Our New Security Framework
By Sam Nunn
"Yesterday's military strike in Afghanistan is the most dramatic and visible decision President Bush has made so far in the campaign to protect the world from terror. But it will not be the only one.
...
We also must come to an agreement on missile defense -- a debate that has been set aside since the terrorist attacks, but not because it has been resolved. The proliferation of missile technology poses the danger that a rogue state could develop the capability to launch a missile with a weapon of mass destruction at a U.S. city. From my perspective, this threat is not an immediate danger, but it cannot be dismissed because it is more distant or because it would -- for the attacking nation -- amount to national suicide. I believe, however, that protecting our deployed military forces is a much more urgent threat, and mobile theater defense should be our priority focus."
She has just gotten absolutley lazy.
Is there no left wing, leftist with a work ethic out there that the NY Times could employ who would actually work?
I don't know how many times Dowd begins a column like this. Frankly, the first time she did it she should have been warned, and the second time she should have been fired. It's not the place of a newspaper writer to talk about public figures by nicknames, especially when it is done scornfully rather than affectionately. It's just not done.
A. M. Rosenthal pointed this out and, even though he had formerly been Editor in Chief of the Times, he was fired for saying it. Probably this was because the editor at that time, Howell Raines, had had an affair with Dowd and felt sorry for her. Raines was later fired himself because he showed himself incompetent to run a newspaper.
So, the question for Pinch Sulzberger is: Why are you keeping this madwoman on? She is out of control. She demeans our country, she demeans herself, and she demeans your newspaper every time she publishes swill like this. It's long past time for her to go.
MoDo and Molly Ivins each have a date with destiny in the twilight zone. MoDo's journey may have started (long before Michael Douglas) when Tiny Tim ignored her advances and chose Miss Vicky. The paragraph describing how Hans Blix disarmed Saddam by humiliating him, over WMD's, shows just how close she is to that destination.
So, the question for Pinch Sulzberger is: Why are you keeping this madwoman on? ...
One might assume that your earlier statement answers that question.
Maureen, I've read David Burge. David Burge is a great satirist...and you, madam, are no David Burge.
When are you going to post some pro American and pro Bush articles? All I ever see from you are negative threads from the NY Times,etc.
Maureen Dowd -- LOL Sometimes she is 'cutsey-funny,' but mostly she is a sad and angry woman, now well past her prime and without a man or a family of her own. She launches her vitrol at Bush and Rummy and even conservatives she has never met. What we need to keep in mind is that she is soooo lonely and soooo lost and soooo bitter. Perhaps a prayer for Maureen Down would be in order... :)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.