Posted on 12/20/2004 7:10:45 AM PST by dead
Cultivating the modern myths of Christmas may make children question our honesty, writes Barbara Grace.
Most parents have a cache of lies, half-truths and murky misunderstandings they feed children from birth. I created elaborate rituals supporting cultural delusions. I stencilled talcum-powder bunny prints on the carpet and left half-eaten carrot sticks as clues to where chocolate eggs lay hidden.
All good fun, except that my five-year-old, who was a little too practical for his age, questioned why the burglar alarm hadn't gone off if a bunny with a large straw basket filled with eggs had broken in.
Like millions of other parents, I also tried to convince him that waif-like fairies scuba dived in tumblers of water collecting calcium-enriched teeth, miraculously leaving cash as compensation. Again, his logic came to the fore: "How could they carry such big coins when they're so little?" Advanced molecular structure. He never bought the tooth fairy story, although now I could possibly claim the fairies took his teeth to store stem cells for use in later life.
But the lie my son, who is now 11, questions over all others is that of an oversized, ageing man in a red ensemble, who, riding a sleigh pulled by a reindeer with a sunburnt nose, cared enough about his behaviour throughout the year to give him a gift at Christmas. This lie makes him question not only the cultural icon but also my moral value: "Why do adults go to so much trouble to lie about something that's not real, Mum?" I don't know.
I could blame it on the St Nicholas tradition gone mad. But that's not quite right. I could blame preschool for making Santa faces covered with cotton wool. But that's not the reason.
I could say I'm parenting the way I was parented, keeping a family tradition alive. Yeah, right, thongs, sand and barbies had a lot to do with big men in red felt clothing.
But if I was honest with myself, it was pressure. Peer pressure, cultural pressure, social expectations. "What's Santa bringing you for Christmas?" friends and family would ask.
Honesty and truth are the two toughest values I've tried to teach my son. He's found it hard to be honest if he knows he'll be in trouble, he smidgins the truth to evade a lie, he's done what most people do to avoid swallowing truth serum - resort to a failed memory. But he's miffed. "Why did you lie about something that doesn't exist?" he asks.
His question pains me at a deeper level, not about the relevance of Santa, the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy. My worry is that I lied to him, I perpetuated a cultural myth knowing he would one day expose my duplicity. How could I do that, when making him confront the difficult issues of always telling the truth, being honest with himself and not avoiding consequences by omitting certain facts? Why is it OK to lie to children who trust you?
What I overlooked was integrity.
The question really should be: who loses if children grow up believing in the idea of receiving, not giving? That fulfilling their needs means more than sharing with others? That Christmas Day is a time for suspending reality, and that a child born in a manger to a virgin mother is so ridiculous that inventing a power sleigh, magical reindeer and a fat bloke squeezing down chimneys makes more sense?
Young children are busy understanding the day-to-day wonders of everything that happens between a marmalade sunrise and a blueberry-tipped nightfall. Yet consumption, commercialism and computerised play quickly replace any wonder of the natural world. So it's not surprising that as adults it's easier to devise a ridiculous Christmas icon and swallow a few beers, anaesthetising the reason we all take a few days off rather than reflect on why Christmas even exists.
I can already hear the voices mocking me - killjoy, grouch - and part of me wants to succumb to the whole ridiculous fanfare. So, looking back, would I do it differently? Would I debunk the myth, stuffing Santa's nose in his reindeer's trough with glee?
I don't know - society holds such power, influencing our every thought and deed; yet, children growing up now don't have the luxury of putting off reality and maturity. They face problems I never grew up with. Environmentally my son knows the world is changing, he is alert-but-not-alarmed about pedophiles, strangers and terrorists. His family structure is evolving and he has experienced an enormous amount of change that most adults won't in a lifetime.
So does a little lie about a fat bloke make any difference? I think it does. My son needs to know how to differentiate an adult's mis-truths and question values while he still has time to explore the different versions of honesty and truth he'll experience as an adult, when lies are minimised to be nothing more than misrepresentations.
I say, strip Santa of his power and revert to the truth - at the very least someone won't be making money from it.
Barbara Grace is a Sydney writer.
We’re not sure if he really doesn’t want to know the truth, or just isn’t willing to do anything to threaten the coming bonanza.
Just lay low, don’t ask questions, and watch the toys roll in.
How about the truth about Christmas?
I believe all kids will get the story straight by themselves. To be consistent with 'no lies' policy, we shouldn't give them stuff animals as the real ones may be dangerous for people. We shouldn't let them see a sponge talks to a fish. Or a mouse wears a white glove... (Ooops... the last one may be real... :-)
We have told both our beautiful, sweet girls that it is a game parents love to play with their kids. We have "santa presents", put out the cookies, and enjoy the game, and they are cautioned not to "spoil the fun" for other kids whose parents may want to REALLY play the game with them by letting them believe. We get the joy of the play, and still the kids won't get to a certain age and find out their parents lied to them. (We are firm believers that if we lie to them about a pretend person, how can they believe when we tell them a real man rose from the dead.)
Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The Sun, it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?
Virginia O'Hanlon
Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.
He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!
Personally, I have no problem whatever with the Santa myth. Kids have rich fantasy lives, and if they believe in Santa, it's just one more non-existant character to believe really exists, along with the fairy tale characters, etc. It does no harm.
Once they reach a certain age, they find out that there is no real Santa Claus, just a spirit of giving and fun that informs the Christmas season.
I think I figured it out when I was about 5, but don't remember being particularly disappointed. I was just past the age of believing in fantasy characters that were all-powerful and all giving.
Wait a second...what's this about Santa Claus being a lie?
Best rule. If you want to ruin the Santa Claus thing with your own kids , by all means do it. Just mind your own damned business about what other parents want to do with theirs.
Society lies about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc, and then wonders why these kids grow up not beleiving in God.
Good response. I do not believe that parents that tell their kids about santa are liars. They are just playing an innocent game.
I never held the "Santa thing" against my parents. I enjoyed my childhood, complete with the little "lies" that helped to protect my innocence until I was old enough to handle the "truth". However, the truth is NOT that Santa doesn't exist, it is that Santa exists in the hearts of giving, loving people year round.
I may be wrong but I have noticed that parents that embrass santa and the easter bunny tend to be parents that also embrass God to a larger degree.
Drama queen.
I was able to read at a very young age and looked it up in the encyclopedia. Whoops.. da truth.
We've done the Santa thing with our boys. But we've also told them about St. Nicholas (when we get our act together we celebrate St. Nicholas day). But when they ask, we'll tell them.
We also give our boys Easter baskets, but have never told them they're brought by the Easter bunny. At least there's some basis for Santa.
When our older son asked who gave him the Easter basket, we told him.
Then he started making a list of what he wanted...
Yup. Kids understand all that stuff.
We have always incorporated a celebration of the life of Saint Nicholas - Thought you might all like a little review.
Who is St. Nicholas - The St. Nicholas Center
The true story of Santa Claus begins with Nicholas, who was born during the third century in Patara, a village in what is now Turkey. His wealthy parents, who raised him to be a devout Christian, died in an epidemic while Nicholas was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor," Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to the those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships.
Under the Roman Emperor Diocletian, who ruthlessly persecuted Christians, Bishop Nicholas suffered for his faith, was exiled and imprisoned. The prisons were so full of bishops, priests, and deacons, there was no room for the real criminals—murderers, thieves and robbers. After his release, Nicholas attended the Council of Nicaea in 325 AD. He died December 6, AD 343 in Myra and was buried in his cathedral church, where a unique relic, called manna, formed in his grave. This liquid substance was said to have healing powers which fostered the growth of devotion to Nicholas. The anniversary of his death became a day of celebration, St. Nicholas Day.
Through the centuries many stories and legends have been told of St. Nicholas' life and deeds. These accounts help us understand his extraordinary character and why he is so beloved and revered as protector and helper of those in need.
One story tells of a poor man with three daughters. In those days a young woman's father had to offer prospective husbands something of value—a dowry. The larger the dowry, the better the chance that a young woman would find a good husband. Without a dowry, a woman was unlikely to marry. This poor man's daughters, without dowries, were therefore destined to be sold into slavery. Mysteriously, on three different occasions, a bag of gold appeared in their home-providing the needed dowries. The bags of gold, tossed through an open window, are said to have landed in stockings or shoes left before the fire to dry. This led to the custom of children hanging stockings or putting out shoes, eagerly awaiting gifts from Saint Nicholas. Sometimes the story is told with gold balls instead of bags of gold. That is why three gold balls, sometimes represented as oranges, are one of the symbols for St. Nicholas. And so St. Nicholas is a gift-giver.
One of the oldest stories tells of the townspeople of Myra celebrating the good saint on the eve of St. Nicholas' feast day. A band of Arab pirates from Crete had come into the district. They stole treasures from the Church of Saint Nicholas to take away as booty. As they were leaving town, they snatched a young boy, Basilios, to make into a slave. The emir, or ruler, selected Basilios to be his personal cupbearer, as not knowing the language, Basilios would not understand what the king said to those around him. So, for the next year Basilios waited on the king, bringing his wine in a beautiful golden cup. For Basilios' parents, devastated at the loss of their only child, the year passed slowly, filled with grief. As the next St. Nicholas' feast day approached, Basilios' mother would not join in the festivity, as it was now a day of tragedy. However, she was persuaded to have a simple observance at home-with quiet prayers for Basilios' safekeeping. Meanwhile, as Basilios was fulfilling his tasks serving the emir, he was suddenly whisked up and away. St. Nicholas appeared to the terrified boy, blessed him, and set him down at his home back in Myra. Imagine the joy and wonderment when Basilios amazingly appeared before his parents, still holding the king's golden cup. This is the first story told of St. Nicholas protecting children—which became his primary role in the West.
Another story tells of three theological students, traveling on their way to study in Athens. A wicked innkeeper robbed and murdered them, hiding their remains in a large pickling tub. It so happened that Bishop Nicholas, traveling along the same route, stopped at this very inn. In the night he dreamed of the crime, got up, and summoned the innkeeper. As Nicholas prayed earnestly to God the three boys were restored to life and wholeness. In France the story is told of three small children, wandering in their play until lost, lured, and captured by an evil butcher. St. Nicholas appears and appeals to God to return them to life and to their families. And so St. Nicholas is the patron and protector of children.
Several stories tell of Nicholas and the sea. When he was young, Nicholas sought the holy by making a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. There as he walked where Jesus walked, he sought to more deeply experience Jesus' life, passion, and resurrection. Returning by sea, a mighty storm threatened to wreck the ship. Nicholas calmly prayed. The terrified sailors were amazed when the wind and waves suddenly calmed, sparing them all. And so St. Nicholas is the patron of sailors and voyagers.
Other stories tell of Nicholas saving his people from famine, sparing the lives of those innocently accused, and much more. He did many kind and generous deeds in secret, expecting nothing in return. Within a century of his death he was celebrated as a saint. Today he is venerated in the East as wonder, or miracle worker and in the West as patron of a great variety of persons-children, mariners, bankers, pawn-brokers, scholars, orphans, laborers, travelers, merchants, judges, paupers, marriageable maidens, students, children, sailors, victims of judicial mistakes, captives, perfumers, even thieves and murderers! He is known as the friend and protector of all in trouble or need.
Sailors, claiming St. Nicholas as patron, carried stories of his favor and protection far and wide. St. Nicholas chapels were built in many seaports. As his popularity spread during the Middle Ages, he became the patron saint of Apulia (Italy), Sicily, Greece, and Lorraine (France), and many cities in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Russia, Belgium, and the Netherlands (See list). Following his baptism in Constantinople, Vladimir I of Russia brought St. Nicholas' stories and devotion to St. Nicholas to his homeland where Nicholas became the most beloved saint. Nicholas was so widely revered that more than 2,000 churches were named for him, including three hundred in Belgium, thirty-four in Rome, twenty-three in the Netherlands and more than four hundred in England.
Nicholas' tomb in Myra became a popular place of pilgrimage. Because of the many wars and attacks in the region, some Christians were concerned that access to the tomb might become difficult. For both the religious and commercial advantages of a major pilgrimage site, the Italian cities of Venice and Bari vied to get the Nicholas relics. In the spring of 1087, sailors from Bari succeeded in spiriting away the bones, bringing them to Bari, a seaport on the southeast coast of Italy. An impressive church was built over St. Nicholas' crypt and many faithful journeyed to honor the saint who had rescued children, prisoners, sailors, famine victims, and many others through his compassion, generosity, and the countless miracles attributed to his intercession. The Nicholas shrine in Bari was one of medieval Europe's great pilgrimage centers and Nicholas became known as "Saint in Bari." To this day pilgrims and tourists visit Bari's great Basilica di San Nicola.
Through the centuries St. Nicholas has continued to be venerated by Catholics and Orthodox and honored by Protestants. By his example of generosity to those in need, especially children, St. Nicholas continues to be a model for the compassionate life.
Widely celebrated in Europe, St. Nicholas' feast day, December 6th, kept alive the stories of his goodness and generosity. In Germany and Poland, boys dressed as bishops begged alms for the poor—and sometimes for themselves! In the Netherlands and Belgium, St. Nicholas arrived on a steamship from Spain to ride a white horse on his gift-giving rounds. December 6th is still the main day for gift giving and merrymaking in much of Europe. For example, in the Netherlands St. Nicholas' Day is celebrated with the sharing of candies (thrown in the door), chocolate initial letters, small gifts, and riddles. Dutch children leave carrots and hay in their shoes for the horse, hoping St. Nicholas will exchange them for small gifts. Simple gift-giving in early Advent helps preserve a Christmas Day focus on the Christ Child.
I saw NORAD radar on the internet tracking Santa's journey last Christmas, so he IS real.
Barbara Grace is another IDIOT reporter! How many
of us when parents of young kids went overboard by
talcing bunny prints on the carpet? Our Greatkids
are 12 and 10 and they STILL get a bang out of
looking for Easter eggs hidden in the shrubs/plants
outside in the yard ( along with the 5 year old.
And if the weather is bad, we hide eggs in two
rooms of the house with the whole family's names
on one of them, and a few extra for the kids to find.
The whole family walks around with wine glasses in
hand looking for the eggs to set before themselves
at the dinner table. Even the 5 year old doesn't
anticipate a bunny hooping into the yard or the house!
Re Christmas, ur fireplace has had the traditional
socks hung for the youngest since 1949. We're going
to change now because some reporter thinks we're being untruthful with our kids? News for you, Ms. Grace...our kids aren't that stupid! And we KNOW they will continue
our family traditions when their little ones arrive on
the scene.
WShen Ms. Grace married, did she disavow the
traditional "something old...something blue"?
Now if anything is dull-witted, THAT little super-
stition takes the cake. But it IS tradition!
I'm always amazed that people who are willing to look the other way while a president lies about sex, or a presidential candidate invents heroic tales about events 30 years ago, or ignore massive corruption in the UN, or dream up imaginary slights and conspiracies suddenly become concerned about integrity when it comes to the magic of Santa Claus to a 6 year old.
Tell you what... if they renounce the UN and repudiate the Clinton's and Kerry's I'll agree to rethink my position on Santa Claus.
They are not lies. They are myths. Myths help in making sense out of chaos particularly for children. They fill a void and will be slowly rejected , forgotten, or ignored through experience with the world. And besides, it's fun believing in a little fur wearing fat man with magical hoofed animals. The tooth fairy on the other hand..........
My four year old is the biggest realist about some things. He believes in Spiderman, but told a lady at church the other night, "Santa's not real." We haven't pushed playing Santa (I'm lazy about it, honestly), but we haven't told him either way. He said he just knew himself. This is the same kid who I read "The Three Little Kittens" to, and heard, "Cats don't wear mittens. Cats don't eat pie." Yet, he insisted that Bear on the Bear in the Big, Blue House is a real bear.
Santa Claus may have birthed from the world's greatest advertising campaign I've ever seen; but it back handedly became a cultural bridge to merge traditions of La Befana, St. St Nicholes, the 3 Wiseman etc. While maintaining the true spirit of CHRISTmas.
I am still doing that at 54
We did St. Nicholas Day this year. Not quite the way I planned, though. Am hoping things will work better next year.
Coal.
Lumps and lumps of coal for you!
LVM
I eventually found out the truth maybe a couple of years later, but the Santa myth is a wonderful thing and is one of the tiny bits of folklore that binds our nation together.
Smart kid.
My kids grew up knowing that their presents did not "magically" appear. First of all, I would never lie to my kids. Secondly, they knew, as I was a single mother, that I worked my butt off to buy them. They appreciated them and me more that way. However, I did explain to them that other kids are taught the myths of Santa, the EB and such, and to just play along. No harm, no foul on either side.
These are some of the very few fantasy's the parents engage in. The children learn that as they grow up, they don't have to leave everything about their childhood behind when the become an adult. It is important for adults to play too.
Amen! I refuse to be called scrooge, I will give anything I have to anyone who needs it. I will not be part of a lie (myth, same thing). Nothing wrong with the truth from here, considering what the Bible says about anyone who maketh a lie!
"My kids grew up knowing that their presents did not "magically" appear. First of all, I would never lie to my kids. Secondly, they knew, as I was a single mother, that I worked my butt off to buy them. They appreciated them and me more that way. However, I did explain to them that other kids are taught the myths of Santa, the EB and such, and to just play along. No harm, no foul on either side."
Your point is well-taken. In reality, it doesn't much matter in the long term. Kids who believe in Santa at an early age find out soon enough. Kids who don't aren't harmed, either.
The Santa Claus myth is just that...a myth. Kids like stories and we don't have to expect them to discriminate between reality and fantasy until they're of school age. They won't anyhow. Young children will invent their own imaginary characters if none are offered to them.
"His question pains me at a deeper level, not about the relevance of Santa, the Easter bunny or the tooth fairy. My worry is that I lied to him, I perpetuated a cultural myth knowing he would one day expose my duplicity. How could I do that, when making him confront the difficult issues of always telling the truth, being honest with himself and not avoiding consequences by omitting certain facts? Why is it OK to lie to children who trust you?
What I overlooked was integrity."
Ah, yes. How I was wounded and how I agonized! And yet....and yet...I survived the lies, the grief, the disappointment in my folks.
Except for that brief stint of random murders because MOMMY LIED, I turned out ok...[/sarcasm]
Every year some clown comes up with the sameolesameole...every year some news service screams about it.
Good friends with Dick Clark, huh? Good comment on the "bricks"
That's "Uncle Clark" to you. ;O)
Not me...I used my God-given right to own a gun to dispel the myths in my house (see my #31) : )
Seriously, I taught my kids the REAL meaning of Christmas and Easter, but also taught them to respect others beliefs. We celebrated the joy of Christ's birth and what His death meant for us. Best way to go, IMHO.
During his sermon yesterday, my pastor said that he has spoken with thousands of people in his 35 years of ministry. He has counseled many hundreds more.
He said that in not one of those cases has anyone told him that they have been damaged or traumatized in any way because of Santa Claus.
Some people need to find something more serious to worry about.
Frankly, this advice
is good in any number
of relationships . . .
I grew up believing in all of the above. My faith in God was never shaken.
"Just lay low, don’t ask questions, and watch the toys roll in."
LOL, sounds like an awesome plan from the perspective of a five year-old.
As for this article--I really think kids can pick up on the seriousness of an adult talking to them about Jesus, and the fun associated with Santa. In other words, when they find out Santa isn't a real person, they do not automatically then conclude that Jesus does not exist.
Yes. When little Mary at age 4 asks where did I come from, tell them the whole truth. Tell them about every specific detail about the night she was conceived. How good the sex was, etc. Lets not give half-truths.
I was taught that as well. My father is an ordained minister and every Christmas Eve we would read the story of Jesus' Birth. (In the King James Version because I cannot imagine Christmas without "Swaddling clothes".)But then on Christmas morning we played the Santa game.
"I'm always amazed that people who are willing to look the other way while a president lies about sex, or a presidential candidate invents heroic tales about events 30 years ago, or ignore massive corruption in the UN, or dream up imaginary slights and conspiracies suddenly become concerned about integrity when it comes to the magic of Santa Claus to a 6 year old."
Amen. I could not have stated it better. Children are forced to grow up too fast. The imagination in little kids is so wonderous. Who would wish for it to be any other way? Let kids be kids and parents be parents of little kids for the short while they are small. They grow up too fast.
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