Glad my wife and girls don't know that. My credit cards are glowing now.
A Happy Boxing Day back to you, eh!
Posted on 12/26/2004 3:59:14 AM PST by Clive
WISH AN American a happy Boxing Day.
He might look at you warily and put up his dukes.
Or he says: "Isn't the Kawashima-Navarro fight next week?"
(Yes, in Tokyo.)
But Boxing Day has nil to do with boxing. Unless you still celebrate Jack Johnson beating Tommy Burns for the world heavyweight crown. In 1908.
Nor does it celebrate the gift boxes scattered all over your living room floor. Or the ones you're returning to the Bay.
Appearances aside, it does not celebrate shopping. Otherwise, it would be Bag Day. Or Shopping Cart Day. Or Gawdwhatalineup Day.
So why do we mark today? We, the Australians, Brits, Kiwis and other Commonwealthers.
Ask your butler.
Today, lords and ladies give Christmas gifts and provisions to servants and serfs. In boxes. Little boxes. Earthen boxes, cracked open by grateful drudges, some historians say.
Yuletide fires
Christmas Day, centuries ago in England, servants and serfs were too busy building Yuletide fires, serving Yuletide feasts, washing Yuletide dishes and answering the Yuletide door.
Few of us still have butlers, but Boxing Day survives.
Now, when the lady at the Bay asks, 'How may I serf you?' you'll know the history.
This is the day you tip the peasants.
Maybe that explains Mao Tse-tung. Today is his birthday. As it is for Rose Mary Woods, Dick Nixon's secretary, who erased those tapes.
Boxing Day as a birthday must feel like Feb. 29.
You just missed the saintly status of Christmas Baby, a la Pierre Trudeau. And everyone's too busy shopping to notice you.
Too bad. Boxing Day cries out for a new image.
It needs a hook. Like eggs to Easter, pumpkins to Halloween, turkey to Thanksgiving, hearts to Valentine's Day.
A cardboard box does not set your heart aflutter? Boxing gloves would just confuse people. How 'bout chocolates?
We could give each other boxes of chocolates. Sort of a dessert to Christmas.
Why are there no Boxing Day cards?
"There is no consumer demand," says Paul Berto, a Hallmark honcho.
Boxing Day cards?
But, Paul, you have 780 elves writing poetry and funny sayings. Can't a couple of them write Boxing Day cards?
May your refunds be rosy, your credit be true...
Something like that.
"Well, we don't create holidays at Hallmark. I think consumers focus on Boxing Day as a sales day, rather than the meaning behind it."
How will you celebrate, Paul?
"Looking for great deals."
Well, the best of the season to you.
I still like the card idea. Send them if you forgot Christmas cards. Deliver them yourself. (The serfs at Canada Post are out shopping.)
Boxing Day also is St. Stephen's Day, for Christianity's first martyr, who was stoned to death. Or the Feast of Stephen, as in that do-gooder king, Wenceslas.
Some call it Whiners' Day, as in bitching about your gifts.
Namibians have the right idea. It is Family Day there.
So, too, South Africans, who celebrate the Day Of Good Will.
The Americans miss out on Boxing Day, but make do with Kwanzaa. Its origin is Swahili, and harvest celebrations in Africa. It arose in the civil rights crusade of the '60s.
The Dutch, as always, keep it simple. In Holland, Luxembourg and Norway, today is Second Day of Christmas.
Break out balloons
So when that American laughs at you about Boxing Day, tell him: Think that's silly? Tomorrow is Constitution Day in North Korea.
North Korea has a constitution?!
Break out the balloons.
The malls in Pyongyang will be nuts.
And the merchants are now advertising Boxing Week.
It is a day to drop the XYL off at the mall and go find something else to do so as to avoid the crush while waiting for her to call on the cell phone to pick her up with all the bargains that she has bought.
-
"The Americans miss out on Boxing Day, but make do with Kwanzaa. Its origin is Swahili, and harvest celebrations in Africa."
Nonsense.
Reckon I'll miss out on that one, too!
As a servant of the government, should I expect something?
Why, yyes! Glenn. You're 2004 1040 form will arrive in the mail by weeks end.
Thanks for reminding us at the IRS.
Seriously.
That was mean. Like coal in a stocking.
Don't forget to sign the form, Glenn.
You should box his ears.
And what about Festivus?
"Well, we don't create holidays at Hallmark."
No? Then who do we blame for the proliferation of "holidays" like ...
Grandparent's Day
Boss's Day
Secretary's Day
Teacher's Day
And soon to come ... Card Writer's Day.
Glad my wife and girls don't know that. My credit cards are glowing now.
A Happy Boxing Day back to you, eh!
For me "Boxing Day" was the day before Christmas.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Swahili a made-up language designed by some lib do-gooder to unite the tribal groups of Africa?
Boxing Day Hunt
You're joking! LOL Swahili is NOT a made up language but kwanzaa is a made up holiday. BTW, the guy who made up kwanzaa is far from a liberal do gooder.
I celebrate Boxing Day thanks to my mother. Boxing Day isn't an American holiday and kwanzaa isn't either, not for most black Americans.
Reall far *LOL*
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