Skip to comments.Bush to Create "Great Gated Community"
Posted on 01/16/2005 5:15:19 PM PST by writer33
In a bold new plan, rumors surfaced, that Bush is planning to create a Great Gated Community across the Mexican and Canadian borders. Through an unnamed email and at CBS, Counterjab learned Bush had resolved to take major strides in immigration reform. Rather than proceed with stricter immigration enforcement, Bush has instead, decided to seal up everything, keeping us safe from terrorists.
This is utterly ridiculous. Theres no way we could get this proposal past the House of Representatives, said an unnamed source at the White House. This is a complete red herring. In fact, this email is highly questionable. Were going to get to the bottom of this.
Unfortunately, that isnt the end of it.
Counterjab has also been informed of the recent release of memos and telephone transcripts, detailing the Gated Community plan. Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS, we were able to nail Bush to the wall. Weve got him on the run, said the former unnamed producer. This will cost the taxpayers a fortune. Its only a matter of time before impeachment proceedings begin.
The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.
Its a masterpiece, said an unnamed former first lady. Id have it constructed at my home. I think the plan is brilliant.
If you cant win the war, then well just hunker down, build a wall and take a trip back to the nineties. After all, we were better off then anyway. With this economy, youd be a fool not to," said a former unnamed great president, through unsubstantiated phone transcripts.
A statement released shortly afterwards by the White House, says that the plan is appalling. This would require the immediate withdraw of all troops in Iraq to protect the borders during the building phase. We have no intention of doing that. We dont know where these kinds of things surface. We have learned it came from somewhere in Texas.
The troubling rumors, memos and phone transcripts suggest that the building phase begins in Arizona. Counterjab dug deeper with the unnamed former producer. I dont why theyre starting there instead of California. But quite frankly, you cant blame them. No one wants to bother with California anymore. She I mean the unnamed producer giggled. Even the Governator cant save it.
Counterjab also spoke with an unnamed Canadian Prime Minister. I think this is a wonderful plan. Why bother with fighting the war on terror? Just build a wall. Of course well have to talk with Bush. I hope this doesnt affect outsourcing.
All indications are that outsourcing will continue. It will just leave America sealed up. Much like a bottle of 1996 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine, a most appropriate year, said the unnamed Canadian Prime Minister.
We are pleased to bring this report to you, using the most informative and accurate information. Even though the email, memos and phone transcripts are unsubstantiated, we are going to regard them as accurate. We will, however, keep an open mind when reporting further on this story. We think it deserves all of our attention in the future.
In the opinion of Counterjab, its high time that Bush sobered up and acted responsibly in protecting the American people. After all, we shouldnt be bothering with immigration reform when a wall will suffice. With the building of this wall, its only a matter of time before we have the recall of troops throughout the world.
Well keep on top of that report, or we wont call ourselves journalists, said the Managing Editor at Counterjab. I think this is a wonderful way to reach out to liberals
become non partisan as it were.
Aw nutz, can't get to the website linked. I want to see more!
Is this suppossed to be funny ?
Actually not a bad idea, except for the cost.
We don't need a fence with all the high tech we have, we just need more border agents.
Yep...didn't you git it?!
I'd rate it a 6.5-7.0 because I like your previous work.
I disagree...I believe it is sarcastic AGAINST the President's ill-conceived Immigration Policy.
LOL!!! Oh man, what a brilliant idea. Who could be against it?
Heck, after I read the article, I was ready to go get some popcorn and sit back and LMAO at the incomming flames.
I'm sending back my tax refund as we speak....
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