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Bush to Create "Great Gated Community"
Counterjab ^ | 01/16/2004 | Chris Davis

Posted on 01/16/2005 5:15:19 PM PST by writer33

In a bold new plan, rumors surfaced, that Bush is planning to create a “Great Gated Community” across the Mexican and Canadian borders. Through an unnamed email and at CBS, Counterjab learned Bush had resolved to take major strides in immigration reform. Rather than proceed with stricter immigration enforcement, Bush has instead, decided to seal up everything, keeping us safe from terrorists.

“This is utterly ridiculous. There’s no way we could get this proposal past the House of Representatives,” said an unnamed source at the White House. “This is a complete red herring. In fact, this email is highly questionable. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”

Unfortunately, that isn’t the end of it.

Counterjab has also been informed of the recent release of memos and telephone transcripts, detailing the “Gated Community” plan. Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS, we were able to nail Bush to the wall. “We’ve got him on the run,” said the former unnamed producer. “This will cost the taxpayers a fortune. It’s only a matter of time before impeachment proceedings begin.”

The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.

“It’s a masterpiece,” said an unnamed former first lady. “I’d have it constructed at my home. I think the plan is brilliant.”

“If you can’t win the war, then we’ll just hunker down, build a wall and take a trip back to the nineties. After all, we were better off then anyway. With this economy, you’d be a fool not to," said a former unnamed great president, through unsubstantiated phone transcripts.

A statement released shortly afterwards by the White House, says that the plan is “appalling.” “This would require the immediate withdraw of all troops in Iraq to protect the borders during the building phase. We have no intention of doing that. We don’t know where these kinds of things surface. We have learned it came from somewhere in Texas.”

The troubling rumors, memos and phone transcripts suggest that the building phase begins in Arizona. Counterjab dug deeper with the unnamed former producer. “I don’t why they’re starting there instead of California. But quite frankly, you can’t blame them. No one wants to bother with California anymore.” She…I mean the unnamed producer giggled. “Even the Governator can’t save it.”

Counterjab also spoke with an unnamed Canadian Prime Minister. “I think this is a wonderful plan. Why bother with fighting the war on terror? Just build a wall. Of course we’ll have to talk with Bush. I hope this doesn’t affect outsourcing.”

“All indications are that outsourcing will continue. It will just leave America sealed up. Much like a bottle of 1996 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine, a most appropriate year,” said the unnamed Canadian Prime Minister.

We are pleased to bring this report to you, using the most informative and accurate information. Even though the email, memos and phone transcripts are unsubstantiated, we are going to regard them as accurate. We will, however, keep an open mind when reporting further on this story. We think it deserves all of our attention in the future.

In the opinion of Counterjab, it’s high time that Bush sobered up and acted responsibly in protecting the American people. After all, we shouldn’t be bothering with immigration reform when a wall will suffice. With the building of this wall, it’s only a matter of time before we have the recall of troops throughout the world.

“We’ll keep on top of that report, or we won’t call ourselves journalists,” said the Managing Editor at Counterjab. “I think this is a wonderful way to reach out to liberals…become non partisan as it were.”


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: aliens; doit
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SATIRE ALERT!
1 posted on 01/16/2005 5:15:19 PM PST by writer33
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To: blackbart.223; HitmanNY; bitt; Stellar Dendrite; Glenn; Lokibob; kellynla; jobim; ...

Satire Ping!


2 posted on 01/16/2005 5:16:01 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: billorites; Peach; Arpege92; SpottedBeaver; Extremely Extreme Extremist; CSM; NavySEAL F-16; ...

Satire Ping!


3 posted on 01/16/2005 5:16:40 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: Aquamarine; Bob; hoosiermama; ConservativeMan55; mylife; NYTexan; WilliamofCarmichael; DollyCali; ..

Satire Ping!


4 posted on 01/16/2005 5:17:14 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: writer33

excellent piece


5 posted on 01/16/2005 5:18:10 PM PST by cyborg (http://mentalmumblings.blogspot.com/)
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To: writer33

Aw nutz, can't get to the website linked. I want to see more!

Very funny!


6 posted on 01/16/2005 5:21:32 PM PST by Theresawithanh (2005! My resolution: FReep even MORE this year!!!)
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To: writer33

Is this suppossed to be funny ?


7 posted on 01/16/2005 5:22:04 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: writer33

Actually not a bad idea, except for the cost.


8 posted on 01/16/2005 5:23:32 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: John Lenin
Sarcastic AGAINST President Bush... but not funny. :^ {

IMVHO.

9 posted on 01/16/2005 5:26:34 PM PST by Lion in Winter (I ain't no pussy cat... don't mess with me... ya hear! GRRRRRRrrr)
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To: Lion in Winter

We don't need a fence with all the high tech we have, we just need more border agents.


10 posted on 01/16/2005 5:29:47 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: Cicero
Maybe we can get the criminals we catch coming across the border to build it, go to jail or build the wall?
11 posted on 01/16/2005 5:30:39 PM PST by mammer
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To: John Lenin
"Is this suppossed to be funny ?"

Yep...didn't you git it?!

FReegards...MUD

12 posted on 01/16/2005 5:31:27 PM PST by Mudboy Slim (RE-IMPEACH Osama bil Clinton!!)
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To: writer33
This is not your best work. The references in it seem dated like you wrote it when some of the subjects were more in the "fore front" of the news and didn't release it until now.

I'd rate it a 6.5-7.0 because I like your previous work.

13 posted on 01/16/2005 5:33:03 PM PST by perfect stranger (Godel, Escher and Bach. The Eternal Golden Braid)
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To: Lion in Winter
"Sarcastic AGAINST President Bush..."

I disagree...I believe it is sarcastic AGAINST the President's ill-conceived Immigration Policy.

IMVHO...MUD

14 posted on 01/16/2005 5:33:16 PM PST by Mudboy Slim (RE-IMPEACH Osama bil Clinton!!)
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To: Mudboy Slim


"New" The Instant Fence receiver is smaller and lighter, and offers 6 levels of stimulus. Lightweight 2.5 ounce receiver that's only 2 1/4"W x 1 5/8" D x 1" H

Offering safety and portability, the new Instant Fence from PetSafe is the first electronic containment system with instant installation. If you can plug in a cord, you can install Instant Fence: no unattractive poles to set up and no wires to bury. Instant Fence uses a constant radio signal to create a "stay zone". When your pet leaves the area, he receives a mild correction until he returns - which means it’s escape-proof. And since Instant Fence is completely portable, you can take it and your pet wherever you go. So your pet is safe, and your mind is at ease. This system is recommended for pets that weigh at least 15 lbs.
15 posted on 01/16/2005 5:36:08 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: writer33
The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.

LOL!!! Oh man, what a brilliant idea. Who could be against it?

16 posted on 01/16/2005 5:37:39 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: writer33
“It’s a masterpiece,” said an unnamed former first lady.

ROFL!!!

17 posted on 01/16/2005 5:39:23 PM PST by StarCMC (It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden; it's our job to arrange the meeting.)
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To: writer33
Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS


18 posted on 01/16/2005 5:41:28 PM PST by b4its2late (You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.)
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To: writer33; Sir Gawain
You ruin the fun. You are supposed to post and not comment. Then watch the circus. It's always a blast.

Heck, after I read the article, I was ready to go get some popcorn and sit back and LMAO at the incomming flames.

19 posted on 01/16/2005 5:42:40 PM PST by Texaggie79 (Did I just say that?)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

I'm sending back my tax refund as we speak....


20 posted on 01/16/2005 5:43:54 PM PST by Texaggie79 (Did I just say that?)
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To: Mudboy Slim
"In the opinion of Counterjab, it’s high time that Bush sobered up and acted responsibly in protecting the American people."

Ok, you think it is JUST sarcastic against his immigration polices.

Well, MUD.... that little jab about "sobbering up" is not sarcastic against his policies it IS sarcastic against him ... a man who quit drinking long ago and is QUITE SOBER now.

I like satire when it's fair. That "sobbering up" comment was unfair and unnecessary in the context of the piece.

You may knock his immigration policies... and by the way, I do not like all his policies on it at all... but I do not knock a man for his well known success in giving up the booze. Bush has sobbered up. THANK GOD!

21 posted on 01/16/2005 5:44:19 PM PST by Lion in Winter (I ain't no pussy cat... don't mess with me... ya hear! GRRRRRRrrr)
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To: Texaggie79

LOL!


22 posted on 01/16/2005 5:45:34 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: John Lenin

Thank god you asked that; I thought I had lost my humor gene.


23 posted on 01/16/2005 5:46:13 PM PST by Howlin (I need my Denny Crane!)
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To: writer33

"The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style."

Obviously of socialist design. They choose style over substance every day of the week. Morons.

Could just be the mood I'm in today, but I didn't find this piece especially funny or entertaining or satirical. Sorry. I know it's a tough row to hoe...


24 posted on 01/16/2005 5:46:47 PM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Guyin4Os; cherry; Dead Corpse; texasflower; SeeRushToldU_So; oldbrowser; TheRatHunter; ...

Bump!


Pinging the usual suspects!


25 posted on 01/16/2005 5:47:41 PM PST by NYTexan (.....Back to the Bunker!)
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To: writer33

What's this all got to do with Bill Gates?


26 posted on 01/16/2005 5:49:10 PM PST by Alouette (Learned Bubbie of Zion)
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To: writer33

Breaking News...

Bill Gates to Create "Great Bushed Community"


27 posted on 01/16/2005 5:49:20 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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To: Howlin

We just need an industrial strenght "Instant Fence" system and EMT's to revive the ones that go own.


28 posted on 01/16/2005 5:50:32 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: Howlin

We just need an industrial strenght "Instant Fence" system and EMT's to revive the ones that go down.


29 posted on 01/16/2005 5:50:47 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: Alouette
You beat me by ten seconds...

Any more gun fights at the "Quick Post Corrale" with you and I'll have to bring my sharpshooters. :)
30 posted on 01/16/2005 5:51:00 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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To: Lion in Winter
"sobbering up"

You know there is a spell-check on the comments page and I'm on my third vodka tonite. LOL

31 posted on 01/16/2005 5:54:19 PM PST by perfect stranger (Godel, Escher and Bach. The Eternal Golden Braid)
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To: perfect stranger
After a few more vodkas, you might actually be "slobbering up". :)
32 posted on 01/16/2005 5:56:05 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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To: Cicero

I opt for a plan that would send all new military recruits after boot camp to the border to earn their marksmanship medal!

Much cheaper!


33 posted on 01/16/2005 6:03:37 PM PST by dalereed
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To: Red Sea Swimmer

Probably not, but there's always a chance. I'll freepmail you after I have three more to let you know. LOL


34 posted on 01/16/2005 6:04:05 PM PST by perfect stranger (Godel, Escher and Bach. The Eternal Golden Braid)
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To: perfect stranger
Vodka is a great drink. In moderation of course.

Long Live Russia !

Viva Stolichnaya !
35 posted on 01/16/2005 6:10:12 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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To: Red Sea Swimmer; Blue Highway
"Always take even your own moderation in moderation."
Percival Frequency
36 posted on 01/16/2005 6:17:27 PM PST by perfect stranger (Godel, Escher and Bach. The Eternal Golden Braid)
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To: cyborg

Thank you.


37 posted on 01/16/2005 6:18:25 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: Theresawithanh

Just some humor to lighten the evening.


38 posted on 01/16/2005 6:18:55 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: John Lenin

"Is this suppossed to be funny?"

Nope. Just humor.


39 posted on 01/16/2005 6:19:21 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: Cicero

There are also reports that all marinas and waterways will be mined for our protection. :)


40 posted on 01/16/2005 6:19:58 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: Lion in Winter

"Sarcastic AGAINST President Bush... but not funny. :^ {"

Humor, not funny.


41 posted on 01/16/2005 6:20:30 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: perfect stranger

"This is not your best work. The references in it seem dated like you wrote it when some of the subjects were more in the "fore front" of the news and didn't release it until now."

I know its not. Its just a bit of humor only, laced with sarcasm and dripping with absurdity.


42 posted on 01/16/2005 6:21:37 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: writer33

For a minute there I thought you joined sides with Hillary and Joe Hadenuf.


43 posted on 01/16/2005 6:22:01 PM PST by John Lenin
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To: Mudboy Slim
I disagree...I believe it is sarcastic AGAINST the President's ill-conceived Immigration Policy. Yep. A bit of humor, laced with sarcasm and dripping with absurdity.
44 posted on 01/16/2005 6:23:01 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: perfect stranger
"Percival Frequency" sounds like some sort of mathematical thing. I'll have to check with my girlfriend on that. (She's a Maths wizz.) Or it could be a character's name from one of those bawdy British "Carry On" films from the 1970's.
45 posted on 01/16/2005 6:23:15 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

"LOL!!! Oh man, what a brilliant idea. Who could be against it?"

No one. And we could have a bipartisan commission established to sort out the remainder of the problems.


46 posted on 01/16/2005 6:23:56 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: Lion in Winter
I missed the "sobered up" comment the first time thru...it's a low blow, but one I expect Dubyuh would almost be expected to self-deprecatingly make about himself. I guess I'm just sensitive about this Cult of Personality that sometimes gets built up around Dubyuh...the dude makes mistakes and it's wise of us to be there to point them out so that he can redirect his course. His non-amnesty Amnesty Policy with regards to illegal immigration is one such area where Dubyuh-supporters need to help Dubyuh change course. Satire is one arrow in our quiver fer accomplishing said goal.

FReegards...MUD

47 posted on 01/16/2005 6:24:06 PM PST by Mudboy Slim (RE-IMPEACH Osama bil Clinton!!)
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To: StarCMC

Thanks, Star. I appreciate it.


48 posted on 01/16/2005 6:24:16 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: b4its2late

Thanks, b4. Just a bit of humor.


49 posted on 01/16/2005 6:24:43 PM PST by writer33 (The U.S. Constitution defines a conservative.)
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To: writer33
A huge moat with floating, decoy Michael Moore scarecrows dotted every one kilometre should do the trick.
50 posted on 01/16/2005 6:25:02 PM PST by Red Sea Swimmer (Tisha5765Bav)
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