Posted on 01/16/2005 5:15:19 PM PST by writer33
In a bold new plan, rumors surfaced, that Bush is planning to create a “Great Gated Community” across the Mexican and Canadian borders. Through an unnamed email and at CBS, Counterjab learned Bush had resolved to take major strides in immigration reform. Rather than proceed with stricter immigration enforcement, Bush has instead, decided to seal up everything, keeping us safe from terrorists.
“This is utterly ridiculous. There’s no way we could get this proposal past the House of Representatives,” said an unnamed source at the White House. “This is a complete red herring. In fact, this email is highly questionable. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.”
Unfortunately, that isn’t the end of it.
Counterjab has also been informed of the recent release of memos and telephone transcripts, detailing the “Gated Community” plan. Speaking with a former unnamed producer at CBS, we were able to nail Bush to the wall. “We’ve got him on the run,” said the former unnamed producer. “This will cost the taxpayers a fortune. It’s only a matter of time before impeachment proceedings begin.”
The plan calls for a total construction of a great wall, resembling the Great Wall of China. According to the unsubstantiated memos and transcripts, the cost to the project totals a whopping 500 trillion dollars. That would reportedly require the immediate repeal of all tax cuts, with an additional tripling of tax increases to pay for the project. The idea comes in the wake of the failure in Iraq. The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style.
“It’s a masterpiece,” said an unnamed former first lady. “I’d have it constructed at my home. I think the plan is brilliant.”
“If you can’t win the war, then we’ll just hunker down, build a wall and take a trip back to the nineties. After all, we were better off then anyway. With this economy, you’d be a fool not to," said a former unnamed great president, through unsubstantiated phone transcripts.
A statement released shortly afterwards by the White House, says that the plan is “appalling.” “This would require the immediate withdraw of all troops in Iraq to protect the borders during the building phase. We have no intention of doing that. We don’t know where these kinds of things surface. We have learned it came from somewhere in Texas.”
The troubling rumors, memos and phone transcripts suggest that the building phase begins in Arizona. Counterjab dug deeper with the unnamed former producer. “I don’t why they’re starting there instead of California. But quite frankly, you can’t blame them. No one wants to bother with California anymore.” She…I mean the unnamed producer giggled. “Even the Governator can’t save it.”
Counterjab also spoke with an unnamed Canadian Prime Minister. “I think this is a wonderful plan. Why bother with fighting the war on terror? Just build a wall. Of course we’ll have to talk with Bush. I hope this doesn’t affect outsourcing.”
“All indications are that outsourcing will continue. It will just leave America sealed up. Much like a bottle of 1996 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild wine, a most appropriate year,” said the unnamed Canadian Prime Minister.
We are pleased to bring this report to you, using the most informative and accurate information. Even though the email, memos and phone transcripts are unsubstantiated, we are going to regard them as accurate. We will, however, keep an open mind when reporting further on this story. We think it deserves all of our attention in the future.
In the opinion of Counterjab, it’s high time that Bush sobered up and acted responsibly in protecting the American people. After all, we shouldn’t be bothering with immigration reform when a wall will suffice. With the building of this wall, it’s only a matter of time before we have the recall of troops throughout the world.
“We’ll keep on top of that report, or we won’t call ourselves journalists,” said the Managing Editor at Counterjab. “I think this is a wonderful way to reach out to liberals…become non partisan as it were.”
Ok, you think it is JUST sarcastic against his immigration polices.
Well, MUD.... that little jab about "sobbering up" is not sarcastic against his policies it IS sarcastic against him ... a man who quit drinking long ago and is QUITE SOBER now.
I like satire when it's fair. That "sobbering up" comment was unfair and unnecessary in the context of the piece.
You may knock his immigration policies... and by the way, I do not like all his policies on it at all... but I do not knock a man for his well known success in giving up the booze. Bush has sobbered up. THANK GOD!
LOL!
Thank god you asked that; I thought I had lost my humor gene.
"The wall is said to be constructed of concrete, reinforced with rebar and splashed with brick veneer, giving it that ever so subtle hint of style."
Obviously of socialist design. They choose style over substance every day of the week. Morons.
Could just be the mood I'm in today, but I didn't find this piece especially funny or entertaining or satirical. Sorry. I know it's a tough row to hoe...
Bump!
Pinging the usual suspects!
What's this all got to do with Bill Gates?
Breaking News...
Bill Gates to Create "Great Bushed Community"
We just need an industrial strenght "Instant Fence" system and EMT's to revive the ones that go own.
We just need an industrial strenght "Instant Fence" system and EMT's to revive the ones that go down.
You know there is a spell-check on the comments page and I'm on my third vodka tonite. LOL
I opt for a plan that would send all new military recruits after boot camp to the border to earn their marksmanship medal!
Much cheaper!
Probably not, but there's always a chance. I'll freepmail you after I have three more to let you know. LOL
Thank you.
Just some humor to lighten the evening.
"Is this suppossed to be funny?"
Nope. Just humor.
There are also reports that all marinas and waterways will be mined for our protection. :)
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