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Who Really Reads the Dead Tree Media - The Truth Finally Revealed (Humor)
VWRC - Author Unknown | 1/19/04 | add925

Posted on 01/19/2005 6:49:39 AM PST by add925

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country - if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: deadtreemedia; losers
Save a tree, end a subscription.
1 posted on 01/19/2005 6:49:41 AM PST by add925
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To: add925

12. The Star Tribune is read to people who 'visualize' that they are running the country.


2 posted on 01/19/2005 6:53:51 AM PST by WorkingClassFilth (Let's arm all the "patriotic" Democrats and field a penal battalion...)
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To: add925

Got this in an e-mail forward three years ago, but it's still funny.


3 posted on 01/19/2005 6:55:11 AM PST by formercalifornian (Daschle b-gone!)
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To: add925
As someone who owns a small paper, what you need to do is find a smaller paper. Quite often the smaller Alternative papers (I know, that's a dirty word in the business, but small alternatives mean more than gay lifestyles). My paper is a business monthly. We routinely beat the bigger daily and the two TV stations each month primarily because we're hungrier.
4 posted on 01/19/2005 6:55:18 AM PST by Military family member (Go Colts!)
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To: add925

Ezcellent!

Remember the old acorn about "The Washington Post"?

"If a Post reporter saw Christ walk on the water today, the headline of the story tomorrow would be 'Christ Can't Swim!'"

I really like that one.


5 posted on 01/19/2005 6:55:58 AM PST by RexBeach
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Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: add925

And the Washington Times is read by those who don't run the country - but could. (i.e., Freepers)


7 posted on 01/19/2005 6:58:08 AM PST by Hammerhead
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To: formercalifornian
Finally got to me today....this is a "gift that keeps on giving"...over and over and over and over....

Unfortunately for the Libs

8 posted on 01/19/2005 6:58:56 AM PST by add925 (The Left = Xenophobes in Denial)
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To: add925
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

I would have said,

4. USA Today is read by people on the run, leaving their hotel rooms and headed to the airport where they can appear to care about what is going on. They don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

9 posted on 01/19/2005 6:59:09 AM PST by kinsman redeemer (the real enemy seeks to devour what is good)
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To: RexBeach

13. The Chicago Tribune is written by reporters whose fondest dream is to write for the NY Times.


10 posted on 01/19/2005 6:59:36 AM PST by CivilWarguy
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To: Military family member
"My paper is a business monthly."

Is it in Indy? IBJ?

11 posted on 01/19/2005 7:02:01 AM PST by add925 (The Left = Xenophobes in Denial)
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To: add925

My housekeeper was sick, so I went to the grocery store.
Hadn't been there in years.

I was astonished at the checkout stand mags. I had no idea who all those people on the covers were, yet I'm sure they were all icons of our society.

I've turned into a Martian.


12 posted on 01/19/2005 7:02:07 AM PST by the gillman@blacklagoon.com
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To: CivilWarguy
13. The Chicago Tribune is written by reporters whose fondest dream is to write for the NY Times.

Good one....just like Jane Pauley...1st Indy, then Chicago, then NY. (Wonder why Letterman skipped Chicago?)

13 posted on 01/19/2005 7:03:55 AM PST by add925 (The Left = Xenophobes in Denial)
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To: add925
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

Well, there is that enjoyable aspect to the Post, but this is a bit dated. The NY Post has evolved. While they still have scandalous drunk news, they also have one of the finest editorial pages in the country, a great sports section, and some of the best front pages ever.

Not that they still aren’t trashy.

14 posted on 01/19/2005 7:05:04 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: RexBeach
Ezcellent!

Remember the old acorn about "The Washington Post"?

"If a Post reporter saw Christ walk on the water today, the headline of the story tomorrow would be 'Christ Can't Swim!'"

I really like that one.

And the subtext would be..."Women and Children Worst Hit"

15 posted on 01/19/2005 7:05:16 AM PST by Sensei Ern
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To: add925
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.......and these same people get their breaking news and good ideas from FreeRepublic.
16 posted on 01/19/2005 7:08:31 AM PST by 1Old Pro
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To: add925

the Ithaca Journal is read by people who hate the country, unless the country is France.


17 posted on 01/19/2005 7:09:04 AM PST by Behind Liberal Lines
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To: add925
The Cleveland Plain Dealer is read by people who COULD NOT run the country, SHOULD NOT run the country and WILL NOT run the country. (can you spell poorest big city in the U.S. - thanks alot Mayor Janie)

The Indianapolis Star is read by people who could run the country but are scared to because the city is surrounded by a sea of RED.

18 posted on 01/19/2005 7:22:16 AM PST by add925 (The Left = Xenophobes in Denial)
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To: add925

The Flagstaff Daily Sun is read by people who like to move their lips.

The Arizona Republic is read by people who like the underwear ads.


19 posted on 01/19/2005 7:31:33 AM PST by NaughtiusMaximus (Their women give good lamentation, maybe we can conquer them again sometime.)
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To: add925
The Cleveland Plain Dealer is read by people who COULD NOT run the country, SHOULD NOT run the country and WILL NOT run the country.

I'll second that.

Now if we could only keep them from "running" the city (into the ground)...
20 posted on 01/19/2005 7:32:40 AM PST by babyface00
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To: add925

If you want to read the national and world stories in tomorrow's Indianapolis Star, read today's Chicago Tribune.


21 posted on 01/19/2005 7:34:04 AM PST by RonF
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To: WorkingClassFilth
I'd been feeling a little grouchy after one particularly long Minnesota winter and walked out to get my morning dose of bile from the Strib. It made me feel even worse, so I called and canceled. In two weeks, winter was over and I began to feel a lot better.
22 posted on 01/19/2005 7:49:09 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: add925

MAD Magazine is read by Dems who think it's a guide to running the country but get preoccupied with the fold-over back cover...


23 posted on 01/19/2005 7:57:39 AM PST by wildehunt (follow those hounds..)
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To: add925
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

USA Yesterday is looked at by people who can't read at all, let alone understand. They like the different colors in the pie charts.

24 posted on 01/19/2005 8:17:25 AM PST by aardvark1 (Eschew obfuscation.)
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To: the gillman@blacklagoon.com

It's the same way for me when I see TV every couple of years. We haven't had a TV in 27 years. When people were asking, "Who shot JR?" we were asking, "Who IS JR?"
But when we stay in a hotel and watch TV, we finally match up names with faces. I don't think we've been missing much.


25 posted on 01/19/2005 8:28:03 AM PST by formercalifornian (Daschle b-gone!)
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To: add925

No doubt you are right, but at least the Plain Dealer has an original name. And as far as names go, I've always liked the Post-Intelligencer from Seattle because it sounds like they are writing from the Alzheimer ward of the state hospital. They were intelligent once, but have kind of declined since.


26 posted on 01/19/2005 8:31:05 AM PST by formercalifornian (Daschle b-gone!)
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To: Eric in the Ozarks

Is the Pioneer Press any better?


27 posted on 01/19/2005 8:32:08 AM PST by formercalifornian (Daschle b-gone!)
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To: formercalifornian

Know what you mean.

I was real sick over the weekend and ended up lying there watching the tube. 69 channels, all crap, at least until I found the history channel and a great show called Mail Call, all about military items and history.

That was worth watching, but I wouldn't go out of my way to schedule it.

Guess we're a couple of out of touch guys, like W's dad.


28 posted on 01/19/2005 8:32:43 AM PST by the gillman@blacklagoon.com
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To: Fzob

bump


29 posted on 01/19/2005 8:33:22 AM PST by Popman
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To: formercalifornian

Except for Joe Soucheray's column, no.


30 posted on 01/19/2005 8:38:13 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: add925

LMAOARAOTF


31 posted on 01/19/2005 9:10:27 AM PST by sr4402
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To: the gillman@blacklagoon.com

YOUR HOUSEKEEPER WAS SICK AND YOU HAD TO GO TO THE STORE???!!!!

My God, what a dreadful experience that must have been for you! A similar disaster befell me when the INS deported my nanny & my gardener some time ago. Funny, I can't seem to recall their names...Anyway, you can imagine how traumatized I was when I had to drive the Lexus all the way across town (wouldn't you know it, my driver had the day off!) to pick up the children at their private school. It was a perfectly awful experience. I had to actually GET OUT OF MY CAR & go into the school office to get some help finding my children (there must have been 50 kids standing out there waiting for a ride &, of course, they all look alike to me). Some woman at the reception desk (clearly a public school graduate, if you know what I mean) had the temerity to demand my ID because I couldn't remember the actual names of Binky, Muffy, & Princess! She was making all sorts of feeble excuses about security & privacy & not allowing strangers to pick up kids from school...fortunately, I had my checkbook with me so I could show her the record of the fat tuition checks I'd written to the school. That finally humbled her & she produced the requisite children without further delay. The children, for their part, were ungrateful little wretches. After all I'd gone through for them (including missing my massage with Helga), they had the hubris to demand an explanation for why I'd kept them waiting! It so upset me that I ran over an entire bed of prize Old English roses that what's-his-name had imprudently planted too close to the driveway! Had he not been in the custody of the INS, I'd have fired him on the spot, to be sure. I put Cook in charge of the children, poured myself three fingers of Chivas with a Zoloft chaser, & phoned the agency to have them send over a couple of people to set things to rights.

So, you see, I really DO understand your comment about thinking you might be from Mars. One question, however. Are you sure you meant to say Mars & not Uranus?


32 posted on 01/19/2005 9:30:49 AM PST by torqemada ("Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!")
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To: torqemada

It really wasn't that bad. My driver wasn't sick so I was spared so many other potentially harrowing experiences.
In fact, it was rather entertaining.

Funny though, he was no more familiar with the inside of the grocery store than I, yet he was able to explain who many of the checkout counter celebrities were supposed to be.

When we got home, we pooled our talents and made a passable chicken soup for my ailing housekeeper.

She seemed genuinely pleased with our efforts. Gives one a warm feeling to be so handy in a pinch.


33 posted on 01/19/2005 12:34:12 PM PST by the gillman@blacklagoon.com
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To: add925

Terre Haute


34 posted on 01/19/2005 1:49:29 PM PST by Military family member (Go Colts!)
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