Wouldn't be suprised to hear that somewhere deep in the bowels of EU headquarters in Brussels is a real Ministry of Silly Walks.
Posted on 03/04/2005 6:51:29 PM PST by quidnunc
Sounds like it's about time for the roofing tar and sacks of feathers...
lol
Listen up, Crow, I'm not going to be your pigeon, so don't try to rook me. If you don't take off right now and fly out of here, then your goose is cooked. So you've got to be asking yourself, "do I feel lucky?" Well, do you ya, punk chicken?
BANG!
;^D
That was exactly what I ws thinking, "It's coming right for us!"
I've actually been practicing this scheme for a few years. Only thing is the neighbors counteract my actions by ground swatting the birds from their vehicles.
mc :>)
I watched a crow take a mouse, once and I wouldn't call harassing hawks depredation, but otherwise they are very destructive.
It doesn't seem possible at this point. I am a huge cynic but words escape here.
I think Monty Python has done a suitable sketch for this indeed. I can see it now the bird police catch a poor farmer with a dead bird in his possesion. With apologies for liberties taken with the Monty Python sketch we shall set the scene.
Farmer : Oh yes, the, uh, the Blue throated gackle ...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Bird police : I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
F: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
BP: Look, matey, I know a dead bird when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
They attempt to wake him up but alas:
Bird Police Now that's what I call a dead bird
Farmer : No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
BP STUNNED?!?
F.: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin'up Rooks, crows,squabs, gackles stun easily, major.
Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That bird is definitely deceased, and when I inspected it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a your wearing a halloween mask and meowing at the thing.
Well you get the idea.
Too bad Gary Larson is not writing Farside anymore.
Monty Python did indeed do a dead bird sketch.
with simple adjustment it suits the situation at hand.
For Parrot- substitute Crow or other pest bird
and instead of a pet shop owner and customer we have the bird police and the farmer. See simple .
BP: Now that's what I call a dead crow
F: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
BP: STUNNED?!?
F: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Crows stun easily, major.
BP: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That crow is definitely deceased
DID NOT MEAN TO DOUBLE POST-THOUGHT THE FIRST ONE HAD NOT GONE THROUGH. VERY SORRY.
LOL...that was really, really good..you should write comedy
Gun law: don't shoot first, shout
By Valerie Elliott
Countryfolk must try to scare off their prey before opening fire
COUNTRY sportsmen keen on pigeon pie will need to put the cat among them first. Farmers and landowners will also need to hone their windmill gyrations and scarecrow impersonations if they are planning a potshot at crop-eating birds.
The Government has ruled that it is now illegal to shoot a crow, rook or pigeon for the pot without scaring it first. The legislation says shooters must attempt to frighten off the birds before pulling the trigger.
Only when the birds fail to respond can he or she shoot it for dinner. The same rule applies to farmers who have shooting days blasting woodpigeons and rooks to protect their crops or gamebirds.
At this time of the year thousands of people pull on their camouflages for a day’s rough shooting. They are now acting unlawfully. They too must first engage in frightening techniques to disperse the birds. Only if their antics are ignored can they shoot legally. Failure to comply can result in a fine of up to £5,000 or a maximum six months in prison.
The new rules emerged this week when new “general licences” were issued covering the killing of pest species, which also include magpies, jays, collared doves, Canada geese, and greater and lesser black-backed gulls.
However, without warning, a new rule was added that states: “This licence can only be relied upon in circumstances where the authorised person can demonstrate that appropriate non-lethal methods of control such as scaring are either ineffective or impracticable.”
The “licence” referred to means a general permission for everyone; it is not a piece of paper, it is simply a law. Firearms licences must still be applied for in the usual way.
There was uproar from country organisations but the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs denied that there was any change of law and issued a clarification. This has only added to the confusion, for it underlines that scaring must always be a precursor to shooting and that records of scaring may be required.
Defra said: “It is not a requirement that detailed records of non-lethal methods are kept, although this may be helpful under some circumstances. Users must however be able to explain why they believe that such methods are either ineffective or impracticable.”
The Country Land and Business Association, the National Gamekeepers’ Organisation, the Moorland Association and the Countryside Alliance have lodged objections with the Government.
Clarissa Dickson Wright, a countrywoman and cook who enjoys cooking pigeon, said she despaired at the “fluffy bunny brigade” in the Government. She said: “Scare them off. Where to? To the next field or vegetable plot.
“What’s more, though possibly inadvertently, they have removed the countryman’s right to one for the pot.”
The “open general licences” are to allow exemptions to the EU Birds Directive which protects all bird species. This allows any authorised person to shoot a pest bird to protect livestock, crops or human health or to prevent other damage to agriculture. An authorised person is anyone with a firearms licence but can also cover cage-trapping.
Defra said: “People have to demonstrate that they have looked at alternative, non- lethal measures. If these have not worked then, yes, they can shoot species that are causing problems.”
Brought to you by the Ministry of Silly Hunting.
<< Brought to you by the Ministry of Silly Hunting. >>
Yep.
Straight out of Monty Python's short-lived so rip-off-as-much-as-you-can-while-the-going's-good Brussels-based and Strasbourg-situated Neo-Soviet's squalidly-socialistic offshore-satellite-state's hand-book of Absolutely-the-wrong-thing-to-do-at-every-turn -dressed-up-as-"Law."
Toodle-oo
Hard to give a warning when you come down with a case of larengitis caused by a quick onset of adrenaline.
"Honest officer, I tried to yell and warn the animal, but it sounded more like a whisper. I always lose my voice when I get excited."
Only when the birds fail to respond can he or she shoot it for dinner.
That is senseless an animal failing to respond is more than likly ill; not something good for the pot.
I have to credit Monty Python, I hope I already did. But as someone else pointed out, Britian already is one huge ongoing Monty Python skit. Of course there are touches of Black Adder thrown in the mix as well. Here in the State of Florida, in order to obtain fireworks for the 4th or other big bang events we must sign an affidavit stating we are using the fireworks for either:
a. Scaring birds from our crops.
b. Signaling trains of some danger ahead
c. using them in construction. There may be more choices but I quite forget the rest. We always chose A and B. Pertaining that we are trying to keep the trains away from savage birds which are at that moment attacking our crops.
Course the only thing growing in our farm is some sandspurs and a very, very sad looking eugenia bush. But the law must be obeyed.
Does anyone know if track torpedoes are still used? They were like tiny land mines with metal tabs attached that could be anchored to the rail by a rear brakeman flagging behind a train stopped on the main line. The brakie would plant a couple when he was called back to the caboose, and any following train would set them off with a bang loud enough to alert a drowsy engineer. Since trains don't seem to carry brakemen any more, I doubt if torpedoes are still provided. Besides, they were dangerous! (sarcasm)
Wouldn't be suprised to hear that somewhere deep in the bowels of EU headquarters in Brussels is a real Ministry of Silly Walks.
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