Surely there is way to get on the air with it this week.
Posted on 03/06/2005 5:10:13 PM PST by supercat
VERSE 1:
Theresa Marie was a beautiful girl. With a smile that could light up the room. Her fate, alas, thanks to three evil men, now seems to hold naught but doom. Her husband, it seems, now wants her dead-- Wants to marry another wife. Why can't he just see, Terri ought to be free. She and he could get on with life.CHORUS:
She's kept like a bird in a barren cage. 'Cos her husband keeps it bare. No pictures, no music, no pets, no TV. Her life is so lonely there. But Terri is loved by her family and by thousands from coast to coast. Though_her life has been sold for corrupt men's gold she refuses to give up the ghost.VERSE 2:
The more one looks into this sad sad case, the clearer the evil plot. They're not trying to starve her because she's dying, but rather because she's not. Mike, Felos, and Greer are pushing this case and fighting with all of their might Not_because Terri won't speak up, But rather because she might.REPEAT CHORUS
VERSE 3:
So what shall become of Michael's bird? Will_he starve her as he intends? Or will she be rescued by those far and wide, who'd_be honored to be her friends? The future right now, is hard to see. Though_a showdown is coming nigh. Will forces of life trump_the_old judge who says: "The law of_the_case_is_that she must die"?REPEAT CHORUS
Midi available here.
Lyrics copyright 2005 -- They may be freely distributed for the purpose of publicizing the Schiavo case, but recording rights are retained; free licenses will likely be granted for those supporting the Schindlers' case, but permission must be obtained first.
Halls, LOL! that is me!
Good for another bump.
Surely there is way to get on the air with it this week.
The song cannot be song syllable-by-syllable with the original tune. Attempting to do so will put all the word stresses in the wrong places. If you listen to it with the supplied MIDI, I think the stresses come out pretty well.
theREsa maRIE was a BEAUtiful GIRL with a SMILE that could LIGHT up the ROOM. her FATE aLAS thanks to THREE evil men now SEEMS to hold NAUGHT but DOOM. Her HUSband, it SEEMS, now WANTS her DEAD-- Wants to MARry aNOther WIFE. Why CAN'T he just SEE, Terri OUGHT to be FREE. She and HE could get ON with LIFE. she's KEPT like a BIRD in a BARren CAGE. 'cos HER husband KEEPS it BARE. no PICTures, no MUsic, no PETS, no teeVEE. her LIFE is so LONEly THERE. but TERri is LOVED by her FAMilYy and by THOUsands from COAST to COAST. Though_her LIFE has been SOLD for corrUPT men's GOLD she reFUSes to GIVE up the GHOST. the MORE one looks INto this SAD sad CASE, the CLEARer the Evil PLOT. they're NOT trying to STARVE her beCAUSE she's dyING, but RAther beCAUSE she's NOT. mike, FELos, and GREER are PUSHing this CASE and FIGHTing with ALL of their MIGHT NOT because TERri WON'T speak UP, but RATHer beCAUSE she MIGHT. so WHAT shall beCOME of MICHael's BIRD? will he STARVE her as HE inTENDS? or WILL she be REScued by THOSE far and WIDE, who'd be HONored to BE her FRIENDS? The FUture right NOW, is HARD to SEE. though_a SHOWdown is COMing NIGH. will FORCes of LIFE trump the OLD judge who SAYS: "The LAW of_the_case_is_THAT she must DIE"?Pretty good word-stress arrangements, generally. I'll admit there are a few lines I'm not happy with. Most notably:
her FATE aLAS thanks to THREE evil men the MORE one looks INto this SAD sad CASE, mike, FELos, and GREER are PUSHing this CASE NOT because TERri WON'T speak UP, who'd be HONored to BE her FRIENDS? will FORCes of LIFE trump the OLD judge who SAYS:The first of those should have a stress on EVil; the second is awkward. The third sorts squeezes Michael in there a bit too abruptly. The fourth is awkward without a pickup, but I can't think of a good one-syllable conjunction to put there. In the fifth I don't like "BE" as a verb; an earlier revision had "Who'd be HONored to_be CALLED her FRIENDS" but that seemed awkward too (maybe better than what I've got, though). On line six I don't really like "OLD" as an adjective, but "BLIND" might come across as too pejorative.
Have you done a readthrough with the MIDI?
What would you think of adjusting lines 5: "her aDULterous HUSband now WANTS her DEAD"?
There's always a work-around to get back to the primary beat - e.g. "But NOW the PLANS of three EVil MEN/Are RUSHing her TOWards her DOOM"? "No pictures, no music, no pets, no love" "She will not give up the ghost"
"They're not trying to starve her because she's dying" HAS to be reworked - it's the buildup to the climax of the verse, and it has a whole extra foot in it, plus an inadvertent internal rhyme.
I'm being very, very picky and technical here, I know -- but if this weren't a good song with the potential of being a GREAT song, it wouldn't be worth picking over. (I wouldn't use blind here either, even though Arlo Guthrie did . . . "it was a typical case of American Blind Justice" . . . he was trying to be funny.)
We're actually trying to work a couple of different aspects here - singability and comprehension. Can't always get both, but I think this will go if you work it over thoroughly, then put it away for a little rest, then have another shot at it. You can't revise every detail at once. Sleep on it, it will come right.
SC-Let's get this rolling.
Halls---Why not freepmail supercat and get a sound to him of your fantastic voice....send this off complete next week.....and let Glen Beck FLY WITH IT!
I have freepmailed supercat and we'll see what happens!
Well, the MIDI was a pretty quick effort to try to whip up something from scratch that would sound decent. It sounds a lot better than last night's MIDI except I need to do something about ths second line of each verse and the chorus.
BTW, I wrote the lyrics originally based on a slightly-faulty memory of the song, and derived the music from that. There are melodic differences among the verses. Some I may change, some I'll leave as is. Original is public domain, so I claim artistic license.
There's always a work-around to get back to the primary beat - e.g. "But NOW the PLANS of three EVil MEN/Are RUSHing her TOWards her DOOM"? "No pictures, no music, no pets, no love" "She will not give up the ghost"
I like your first line. Mind if I use it?
The "No pictures" line is a spot where I misremembered how the original went, but I like the way my melody fits the words there. Your suggested line doesn't fit the original tune unless you shift a syllable somewhere; it comes out "no picTURES, no MUsic, no PETS, no LOVE". But I really like my line there.
Although "She will not give up the ghost" certainly works lyrically, I think the point of "she reFUSes" is critical to the meaning of the text.
"They're not trying to starve her because she's dying" HAS to be reworked - it's the buildup to the climax of the verse, and it has a whole extra foot in it, plus an inadvertent internal rhyme.
It works with the "No pictures" music I mis-transcribed/created. No extra feet ("trying" is one syllable). Although the word stress on "dyING" is not standard pronunciation for the word, I think it's reasonably effective there because it emphasises that she's not "in the process" of dying.
I'm being very, very picky and technical here, I know -- but if this weren't a good song with the potential of being a GREAT song, it wouldn't be worth picking over. (I wouldn't use blind here either, even though Arlo Guthrie did . . . "it was a typical case of American Blind Justice" . . . he was trying to be funny.)
Any ideas for a good adjective for Judge Greer? Blind really is the OBVIOUS one, but there's gotta be something else that would work too.
BTW, I'll be trying to generate some BMPs of sheet music (sorry I can't do PDF) soon; that may make it easier to judge how stuff fits musically.
Demand a Grand Jury for Terri! - and . . .
and now, `back to the music' bump!
Updated Action / Contact list re: averting a March 18, 2005 1PM Death Sentence for Theresa Maria Schiavo, getting her out of the hands of those trying to murder her, getting her back on the road to her recovery through rehabilitation and therapy and most importantly under the guardianship and care of those who truly love her
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1357549/posts?page=4#4
Good job, supercat!
bttt
My mistake...her name is Halls!
The velocity-127 piano for the vocal lead is not a bit "bouncy" for instrumentation I will certainly agree, but I wanted something that would allow someone reading the text to tell precisely where the double-notes were; when I tried wind instruments on the lead, it came out mushy and indistinct.
BTW, wasn't "Bird in a Gilded Cage" a product of Tin Pan Alley?
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