Mom Uses eBay To Sell Monster Under Child's Bed

ClickonDetroit ^ | March 15, 2005

[Rebelbase]

Creativity is a great way to appeal to a kid's skull full of mush.

[capt. norm]

When I was at that age, my monster had rules. He could not get you if you were totally under the covers. If you could make it from the bathroom to your bedroom and jump into bed and dive under the covers he'd miss his opportunity.

[MEG33]

With my daughter it was the Closet Monster..LOL! I wished I could sell it!

[TexasTaysor]

What an ingenious mother. I'm sitting here trying to remember how we got rid of the monster, (so many years ago and so many thoughts later). I wonder if my kids even remember now.

[tiredoflaundry]

next it will be dust bunnies,bathtubs rings, & wax buildup for auction! ;-)

[ShadowDancer]

Hahaha. To this day, I still get the creeps if my leg or arm hang even an inch over the side of the bed. It's like you have this massive neon sign on it saying "Come and get me".

[airborne]

I prefer the method used in the movie "Major Payne".

The monster in the closet was 'terminated with extreme predjudice'by unloading a full clip from the Major's .45 !

[the invisib1e hand]

thanks. starting the day with a great big smile. husband ought to be a very thankful man.

[Quilla]

When my son was very young, I would always tuck him in at bedtime. Then I'd gasp loudly, "Something under your bed just grabbed my foot!", and run out of his room.

[Oberon]

A search of e-Bay seems to indicate that the auction, and by extension possibly this post, is a fairly elaborate scheme to get free advertising for a childrens' e-book about monsters under the bed.

Boo, hiss.

[ShadowDancer]

ROTFL. That is so something I would do to my kids.

[ShadowDancer]

I think you should protest. Really loud.

[elli1]

Clever mom. I hope it works!

When my oldest son was a wee toddler, he developed a fear of monkeys. So I explained to him that we were going to lock the monkeys up so they couldn't 'get him'. I gathered up every bit of monkey that was in the house, from the stuffed ones to the ones that were in books, and 'we' locked them in the trunk of the car. Getting those devilish little primates under lock & key solved the problem.

Sure am glad that I didn't have an invisible monster to deal with.

[DCPatriot]

It's simple to keep monsters at bay.

Install Next-Day blinds...the wooden ones! ;^)

[OldFriend]

That is a wonderful idea! Good for the Mom.

[bmwcyle]

My mother kill my pet mouse. therapy now

[Oberon]

I think you should protest. Really loud.

Nah. There's always the distinct possibility that I'm wrong...it happens quite a lot, actually. I've learned long since to always remain as thoughtful and polite as I can manage, and so avoid stepping on my own genitalia.

[MaryFromMichigan]

"People can sell pretzels, so why not a monster?" Tait said.

Because, unlike pretzels, monsters aren't real.
That's something she should be teaching to her daughter.
Hope she enjoys her 15 minutes of fame.
/rant

[Quilla]

There actually is a book entitled "The Monster Under My Bed" and it comes with the most adorable stuffed monster. I bought it for my son years ago. No tellin' where it is today, probably under his bed. ;-)

[ShadowDancer]

Her daughter will learn that but right now they are very real to her and as many parents know, no amount of explaining will make the child believe different until they have outgrown it.

[Freedom4US]

He could not get you if you were totally under the covers.

The monster under my bed operated under similar constraints, ever alert for a hanging arm over the edge of the bed. Light was something the monster couldn't abide, so my room required periodic disinfection, usually during the night by turning on all the lights, opening all drawers and closet and emptying them of their contents. Somehow mom and dad couldn't understand how brilliant this idea was. I recall that Calvin and Hobbes discovered this very method in one of their cartoons!

[spectre]

Oh Mary...my bedroom monster lived in the closet and my parents couldn't convince me otherwise. I'd go to sleep at night with a flashlight and the covers pulled over my head and tucked securely under my pillow. Like a tent.

My monster left to be with some other kid, when I didn't believe in him any longer...:~)

sw

[SuziQ]

Then I'd gasp loudly, "Something under your bed just grabbed my foot!", and run out of his room.

What a novel way of making sure he stayed in his bed! ;o)

[JusPasenThru]

When my son was very young, I would always tuck him in at bedtime. Then I'd gasp loudly, "Something under your bed just grabbed my foot!", and run out of his room.

Sicko.

I gave my son a pump-action shotgun, with the first shell containing birdshot, and the rest double-ought. I told my son that if the monster so much as shows his sorry butt in the room, fire the first round as a warning shot and then shoot to kill.

The only problem is that we've had to get 5 new pet cats.

[14erClimb]

The actual monster is listed here.

[bd476]

Oberon wrote: "A search of e-Bay seems to indicate that the auction, and by extension possibly this post, is a fairly elaborate scheme to get free advertising for a childrens' e-book about monsters under the bed.

Boo, hiss."

Oberon, here's the real auction showing that the story is legitimate:

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		MY DAUGHTERS MONSTER, PLEASE TAKE HIM AWAY	Item number: 5565400762

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Current bid:	US $81.00
Time left:	4 days 5 hours 7-day listing, Ends Mar-20-05 11:10:55 PST
Start time:	Mar-13-05 11:10:55 PST
History:	33 bids   (US $1.00 starting bid)
High bidder:	flowerguy1 (private)
Item location:	philadelphia, PA United States
Ships to:	United States
Shipping costs:	US $5.40 -  US Postal Service Priority Mail® (within United States ) > EBAY Auction MY DAUGHTERS MONSTER, PLEASE TAKE HIM AWAY

[LRS]

I wonder if that is what happened to Ross Perot's "crazy aunt in the attic"?

[Hebrews 11:6]

Incompetent reporter: never thought to mention the child's age! Might be 16!

[Quilla]

ROFL!

[MaryFromMichigan]

Been there, done that. :)
The way you teach them is not by feeding into it and reinforcing their fears.
It is far more unsettling for a child to have parents who seemingly believe there is a monster under the bed versus one whose parents give lots of emotional support and guidance during this fantasy period.
Even if the child is sure there is a monster, they are comforted by the knowledge that Mom and Dad say there isn't.
We did something along these lines, "There is no monster under your bed, but I can see how worried you are. What can we do to make you feel more comfortable?"
Then let her come up with some ideas.

[JusPasenThru]

Nice gun!

[SoFloFreeper]

GREAT IDEA!

[Kenton]

When I was about a sophomore in high school, some of us decided to play a trick on one of our friends' sisters.

We made a tape recording that was totally silent for about the first 20 minutes, then the sound of ragged breathing - growing gradually louder and more unmistakeable - we plugged it into an outlet that was turned on when she switched the bedroom light on.

My one buddy (her brother) described how she came home from a date, took a shower and was just getting ready for bed, when she came screaming out of her room, sure that somebody was under the bed!

Mean, I know, but we were bored. I guess. ;)

[Smokin' Joe]

My wife just told my grand children that "Papa threw all the monsters out years ago because they kept making messes on the floor."

They are OK with that! No monster problem in our house. (8^D)

[ravingnutter]

I was even worse...

My kids watched the movie The Devil's Gift (1984). An evil spirit is conjured up by an old woman through a Ouija board. It kills her, demolishes her home, then possesses her toy cymbal playing monkey. The monkey ends up in a second hand store and is sold to a woman who it to a boy for his birthday. Every time the monkey claps his cymbals together, someone dies. In the last scene, the family is running out of the house to get away from the monkey and you see an explosion.

Shortly afterwards, we were at the flea market one day and saw a monkey like this:

So I bought it and if the kids didn't go to bed on time, I'd threaten to turn him on. He is still sitting on top of the TV. My kids are 24 & 26 now, but they still say he creeps them out.

[ravingnutter]

who it to a boy = who gives it to a boy...not enough coffee this morning!

[wmichgrad]

Huh? Here is the listing. Nothing about books as far as I can see.

[WIladyconservative]

I wrapped a piece of construction paper around a hair spray bottle and told my kids it was "monster be-gone." One quick spritz in the closet and under the bed and all the monsters went away!

[Quilla]

How horrible! I don't understand why I'm laughing so that I can hardly type.

I'd always glance back at my son before I actually left him for the night. He'd be giggling. Lordy, they grow up so fast. He goes off to college in the fall. I hope he let's me go with him. ;-)

[keats5]

I told my little daughter to pray to God to send His angel to protect her. Then I explained how th Bible described angels as big strong men, even stronger than her Daddy. I really played up how huge and powerful they were, thinking this would really make her feel safe and secure.

She stayed up all night worrying about the big angel monster.

[NoControllingLegalAuthority]

Our small children used to slip plastic snakes and spiders under the covers to rest on the pillows of the made bed. My wife would pull back the covers at night and scream. It worked almost every time. The kids loved it.

[Romish_Papist]

My monster was not a monster at all, but a skeleton. His plan was to slither up through the tiny gap between my bed and my wall. Funny he never planned on popping up on the side of the bed away from the wall. Skeletons are funny like that. But I countered his plans. See, he was not permitted to "get me" if I saw him coming. So all I had to do was face the wall when I went to sleep. Viola! Never popped his bony head up at all. Last I knew, he moved on when he realized he was never going to get one over on me.

[joesnuffy]

My little brother was also fairly creative..used lighter fluid and a match..

Burned our house down but ah what they hey...the good news was that the monster was no longer under the bed...

The bad news however was that...

He had instead possesed my little brother...

[Quilla]

[Joe 6-pack]

I never had a monster under my bed, but for a long time after watching 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I lived in sheer terror of giant squids....My older brother had me convinced that they were known to occasionally reach through the sewer pipes and abduct kids off the toilet.

[Politicalmom]

I had a friend in high school who was terrified of whales, because she was taken to see Pinochio as a child and was scared by Monstro.

Phobias are weird things....

[Vor Lady]

I agree! We used to tell the kids that there was no monster and if one showed up that we were tougher than any monster. The kids appreciated that we were confidant that we could defend them against anything. That fantasy stage didn't last too long at our house.

[ccmovrwc]

I wrapped a piece of construction paper around a hair spray bottle and told my kids it was "monster be-gone." One quick spritz in the closet and under the bed and all the monsters went away!

We use "monster-be-gone" at my house, too ... only I use a little spritz of my perfume and make sure that I get some on the covers so if they wake up in the middle of the night they can still smell it. :)

[Capriole]

I prefer the method used in the movie "Major Payne". The monster in the closet was 'terminated with extreme predjudice'by unloading a full clip from the Major's .45 !

Excellent! I may try that. Up to this point I have relied on my gallon spray jug of Ortho Monster-B-Gon. I spray it around my son's bedroom and under his bed and it pretty much took care of ants, silverfish, dragons, orcs, and monsters. But a clip full of Black Talons would work too, of course, I guess. I just figured the poison would be easier on the woodwork and drywall than a magazine from my Browning. (Anyway, wouldn't you really need a 12-gauge loaded with 00 buck to deal with a big hairy monster?)