Skip to comments.My Pregnant Wife: An Unexpected Target in the Culture Wars
Posted on 04/02/2005 4:36:04 AM PST by gobucks
"Don't you dare guilt your wife into having a natural childbirth!", I am told by a nice woman I know at church. I have known this lady for some time, and we have never talked politics. Suddenly, my wife is hot political topic #1. And though the politics are 'under the radar', my wife is clearly a target in the ongoing cultural war.
Until my wife started to dramatically enlarge during this last trimester, comments like these had been few. Now, it is a torrent. "What hospital? What OB? You are getting an epidural, right? What brand of formula do you plan to use (as if we will collapse immediately into the arms of the Enfamil salesman)? You are not going to breast feed too long, are you? Are you on a waiting list yet for infant day care?"
My wife and I, married over 10 years with all kinds of issues associated with getting pregnant are about to be parents of a boy in a few weeks. We are of course, thrilled and overjoyed.
But the political overtones of how we bring him into the world are just unreal. The unending stream of opinion and advice about it, with over 95 percent of it being something like this: "don't be stupid. Get the epidural." We have yet to have a single woman report to us that having her baby in a fully undrugged state was a good idea.
Why is labor today so terrifying for women? Why is it that husbands are being taught that encouraging a woman to experience a full unmedicated delivery is akin to treating her like a barbarian? Heck, I've told my wife I am not the one having the baby, and thus, I'm not about to dictate to her how it should be done; I simply said I like the idea of natural childbirth and that is it. Why is this so politically incorrect? Why are hordes of women pouring out of the woodwork yelling at us to make sure she gets the drugs, the epidural?
What the heck is going on such that bringing a child into the world has to be so .... upsetting?
And these are women at my church! I can just imagine what a hapless secular woman in some lonely cul-de-sac must endure.
I'm a typical Chistian man with a very pregnant wife. I have an atypical enthusiasm for most things associated with FreeRepublic. I'm looking for reports from any of you husbands (or their wives) out there have experienced the kind of unreal cultural pressure my wife and I have undergone as this last trimester winds down.
I have googled around, looking for articles about this - and it is just about nada. Mostly stuff on teen pregnancy and abortion. Zilch regarding ordinary married folks who are being pressured to have a 'modern' birth experience.
I'm I the only one who is seeing how a pregnant woman is somehow a political lightning rod these days?
We're also reading up on the Bradley method of natural childbirth. And we're also pretty sure breast milk, my wife's, is going to be diet item #1 for a good while. And we're also pretty sure infant day care is going to be provided by us, not some pretty building with cartoon characters in the window...
(And we're pretty sure, too, that this boy will grow up to vote Republican like a man should.)
Breaking news vanity?
It's called PAIN!!
I did it twice and while during each delivery I thought I had completely lost my mind for doing so, I was glad afterward that I had and I still am.
Congratulations to you and your wife and frankly, just ignore everyone.
" It's called PAIN!!"
Well, of course. But why is it that nearly all women, and their husbands, are being taught that labor pain MUST be drugged away? Why is this dogma so profoundly steeped in our culture?
While it sounds like people are being heavy-handed and stupid, I have to agree with them.
Our son is now 18, and one of the OB-GYNs in the delivering practice was an old-school guy who had done pre-epidural deliveries, I think in the 1950s, early 60s for sure.
His blunt question of my wife, during a pre-natal visit: "Do you want an epidural, or is pain your 'thing'?"
Having seen what an epidural could do for people, he really didn't understand why people would want to go back. There's nothing superior about "natural", in this case.
"I was glad afterward that I had and I still am."
Thank you so much for this reply. Can you give a couple of details about why afterward you were glad you did so if you don't mind me asking?
The only news of the day is pope pope pope.
To come to one's friends on a Saturday morning with a real issue should be ok.
I'm anxious to see the replies.
Ann Landers and Miss Manners both advise that you answer such busybodies with a polite "That's none of your business, but thank you for your concern." Because it IS none of their business, although in this day and age people think nothing of coming up to us in a grocery store and lecturing us about what food we're buying or asking if our children are adopted or what we paid for our hats, they do not merit a reply other than as above. One of my boys, the Tactless Wonder, used to say "My mother says that's none of your business, thank you." (Which is why I could never take him out of the country.)
You are correct to leave the choice to your wife, and I'm sure she is an autonomous woman. Ignore the busybodies. And let us know how it goes!
Suck it up, ya wimps.
Want to talk about being a target in the culture war -
Back in September we had our 5th. Then came the "are you just going to keep having them!!"comments. Or the ever so lovely "are all those yours!?!?!?" But, my favorite is "don't you know how that happens?"
First, the people who think so highly of their idiotic opinions to believe it is worth throwing them at you need a swift kick in the behind. But, in lieu of that, my wife and I have been trying to come up with some great comebacks.
When asked if all the kids are hers (what is so stupid is that there are only 5) my wife responds "yeah, but I had to leave most of them at home." When some idiot asks me if I know "how that happens?" I usually respond "yeah, and I am a master!"
Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your child. Parenthood will finally reveal to you what your real mission on earth is.
simple, a woman in labor is a very hard thing for the nurses to handle. I chose to have my kids with no pain therapy. Both times I became a "Medusa" during labor.
So IMHO some L&D nurses don't want to have to deal with women like me.
But, I can FULLY understand any woman wanting an epidural.
Thanks! I have noticed that I've already been moved out of the sidebars ... so I'm guessing only 'Latest Posts' folks will be seeing this.
The ability to advise those busybodies to bugger off, is also very hard for many.
I did not have any medications or epidural. It just wasn't an option I considered. I think that if a woman and her husband educate themselves about the labor and delievery process then they know what to expect and it is not as frightening. Our society has become too over-medicated. No wonder people are pressuring you.
Looks like a plan. :) I have no idea what makes people say the things they do, they need to shut up. (Mother of 5)
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