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US police force to recruit capuchin monkey for 'intelligence' work
The Daily Telegraph (UK) ^ | April 21, 2005 | By Tom Leonard in New York

Posted on 04/21/2005 4:56:39 PM PDT by aculeus

An American police force is planning to sign up a monkey to reinforce its elite special operations team.

Members of the special weapons and tactics (SWAT) unit in Mesa, Arizona, believe that a capuchin monkey, dressed in a bullet-proof jacket and equipped with a two-way radio and video camera, could prove an invaluable reconnaissance tool.

The SWAT team's commander has agreed to a feasibility study into the use of a capuchin monkey. Sean Truelove, a SWAT officer who builds and operates reconnaissance robots, has applied for a £53,000 federal grant to fund the four-year monkey project. Capuchins have already been trained to be companions to quadriplegics, performing tasks such as serving food, turning off lights and brushing hair. Mr Truelove said the same training could prepare a capuchin monkey for police intelligence work.

He said the monkeys, which weigh only 3-8lb and whose puzzle-solving skills are enhanced by tiny, dexterous human-like hands, could unlock doors, search buildings and find injured people upon command.

Their size could allow them into places that officers and robots could not reach, such as attic rafters, he said. "Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it. It would change the way we do business."

Mr Truelove is prepared for potential opposition from animal rights groups and insists that the capuchin would not be sent into action if "the threat level is too high". Gloves for its hands and feet would protect it from broken glass.

Just as he has never known a suspect to harm a robot, he predicted that criminals would be "too stunned" by the capuchin's appearance to hurt it.

Information appearing on telegraph.co.uk is the copyright of Telegraph Group Limited and must not be reproduced in any medium without licence.


TOPICS: Extended News; US: Arizona
KEYWORDS: donutwatch
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Capuchins will be issued with radios and cameras.

1 posted on 04/21/2005 4:56:39 PM PDT by aculeus
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To: aculeus

In Mesa? He'll make captain inside of a year.


2 posted on 04/21/2005 4:58:46 PM PDT by NaughtiusMaximus (What this country needs is dirtier hands and cleaner minds.)
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To: NaughtiusMaximus

LOL!


3 posted on 04/21/2005 4:59:34 PM PDT by Dog
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To: aculeus

its a idea thats crazy enough to work


4 posted on 04/21/2005 5:01:26 PM PDT by Charlespg (Civilization and freedom are only worthy of those who defend or support defending It)
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To: aculeus

Well, guess my Arizona-Ex has found work after all...


5 posted on 04/21/2005 5:01:31 PM PDT by donozark (ATTENTION MICHAEL MOORE:Please go to the courtesy desk. The forklift you requested is ready!)
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To: NaughtiusMaximus
In Mesa? He'll make captain inside of a year.

Not true, and very unfair to the City of Mesa.

Any cop who is bribed as cheap as a monkey would be would be on track to rapidly become mayor. Assuming he's a Mormon monkey, of course.

6 posted on 04/21/2005 5:02:10 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

ROTFLMAO!! Cracks me up! (Going to go mix a Manhattan.)


7 posted on 04/21/2005 5:04:08 PM PDT by NaughtiusMaximus (What this country needs is dirtier hands and cleaner minds.)
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To: aculeus

Probably do a better job than F-troop.


8 posted on 04/21/2005 5:04:14 PM PDT by SENTINEL (USMC GWI (MY GOD IS GOD, ROCKCHUCKER !!))
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To: NaughtiusMaximus

LOL. Yeah, makes me recall "midnight runs" to grab drink at the Hambone out that way.

Used to buy a round for all the Mormons in the bar when I got there. You'd be amazed how many people will claim to be Mormons for a free beer.


9 posted on 04/21/2005 5:11:09 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: aculeus

I thought they already had Teddy and Chuckie and Biden and Byrd already working for them.


10 posted on 04/21/2005 5:11:14 PM PDT by garyhope
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To: aculeus

US police force to recruit capuchin monkey for 'intelligence' work



They need someone who can do some 'intelligence' work.


11 posted on 04/21/2005 5:12:38 PM PDT by jec41 (Screaming Eagle)
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To: aculeus
US police force to recruit capuchin monkey for 'intelligence' work

I hear the original memo said to hire Capuchin monks, but something got garbled.
12 posted on 04/21/2005 5:15:16 PM PDT by Xenalyte (It's a Zen thing, you know, like how many babies fit in a tire.)
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To: aculeus

There they go again...outsourcing management to a bunch of foreign monkeys.


13 posted on 04/21/2005 5:23:25 PM PDT by ARCADIA (Abuse of power comes as no surprise)
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To: aculeus; NaughtiusMaximus; Dog; LibertarianInExile; Xenalyte; Boazo; Joe 6-pack; speedy; ...
:
14 posted on 04/21/2005 5:24:36 PM PDT by The Spirit Of Allegiance (ATTN. MARXIST RED MSM: I RESENT your "RED STATE" switcheroo using our ELECTORAL MAP as PROPAGANDA!)
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To: aculeus

Don't stop there, give them a badge and a small Glock!


15 posted on 04/21/2005 5:26:12 PM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (Let Me Die on My Feet in the Swamp, BUAIDH NO BAS)
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To: aculeus

If you give the monkey a badge, a black uniform and a machine gun, he'll qualify as a BATF agent.


16 posted on 04/21/2005 5:28:16 PM PDT by ASTM36
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To: ASTM36
If you give the monkey a badge, a black uniform and a machine gun, he'll qualify as a BATF agent.

This is the second time on this thread I've had to correct a problem like this. You are maligning the BATF to imply a capuchin monkey would qualify as a BATF agent.

He'd be a BATF area director, at the very least. Probably a regional director.

17 posted on 04/21/2005 5:39:01 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: Xenalyte
They probably got a little overwhelmed watching this movie:

18 posted on 04/21/2005 5:42:13 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: Blurblogger
Actually primates are a logical choice for law enforcement as they've been on the side of goodall for a long time. While the badger may seem a more logical choice for police duty, the forces of evil will find the monkeys to be more opposable.

They will probably work for peanuts instead of doughnuts; saving the taxpayers money; however, I'm assuming their taste in coffee will be somewhat more exclusive as they no doubt will prefer....Capuchino.

19 posted on 04/21/2005 5:43:16 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: aculeus
Police Commissioner: "I said we need a MONK, you idiots!"

20 posted on 04/21/2005 5:44:43 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: Joe 6-pack; Larry Lucido

I hope we don't wind up with a bunch of police officers smuggling secondhand coffee beans to their local donut shops....

"Mr. Lucido, that smells like, um, EXCEPTIONAL coffee, but I've gotta roll, there's a Viking Kitty up a tree across town...."



BEST COFFEE MADE FROM MONKEY POO; CRAPPUCCINO -- Drudge Report
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/575635/posts

Filipinos seek to boost production of coffee beans retrieved from animal droppings
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1309149/posts


21 posted on 04/21/2005 5:59:15 PM PDT by The Spirit Of Allegiance (ATTN. MARXIST RED MSM: I RESENT your "RED STATE" switcheroo using our ELECTORAL MAP as PROPAGANDA!)
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To: aculeus
"Capuchins have already been trained to be companions to quadriplegics, performing tasks such as serving food, turning off lights and brushing hair."

(Shudder) This makes my skin crawl. I can just see them going at me with a hair brush, screwing with my hair with their little monkey hands, their funky monkey breath in my ear. God forbid, they would next be entrusted with scissors.

22 posted on 04/21/2005 6:01:46 PM PDT by yooper (If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there......)
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To: ASTM36
"If you give the monkey a badge, a black uniform and a machine gun, he'll qualify as a BATF agent."

YOU IDIOT! THE MINKEY WAS THE LOOKOUT!

23 posted on 04/21/2005 6:03:49 PM PDT by yooper (If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there......)
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To: Joe 6-pack
Oh, I don't know about that...they might prefer Kopi Luwak. Or not.

24 posted on 04/21/2005 6:06:50 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: yooper

25 posted on 04/21/2005 6:09:11 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

LOL...from the description at your link, it sounds like the monkeys already had their crack at it....


26 posted on 04/21/2005 6:10:14 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Blurblogger

We have to make it clear to these monkeys that if they unionize, it's back to the zoo.


27 posted on 04/21/2005 6:11:03 PM PDT by speedy
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To: ARCADIA

Best comment on a fun thread BUMP!


28 posted on 04/21/2005 6:12:33 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: Joe 6-pack

Oh, that was a bad `un. You were here, you'd simian utter agony.


29 posted on 04/21/2005 6:13:23 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: speedy
Funny you should mention that...

Monkeys show affinity for tough union tactics
Study finds they'll go on strike if treated unfairly
David Perlman, Chronicle Science Editor

Thursday, September 18, 2003
Peace-loving capuchin monkeys may not carry picket signs like workers in a labor dispute, but the little animals do balk at unequal pay -- and they'll even go on strike if they see they're being treated unfairly -- researchers have found.

30 posted on 04/21/2005 6:15:30 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile
"You were here, you'd simian utter agony."

Make no bonobos about it...that coffee tastes like crap.

31 posted on 04/21/2005 6:17:11 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Rennes Templar; Dog Gone; tnlibertarian; Mr. Burns; JoeSixPack1; Dead Corpse; SlowBoat407

Freeper FreePun' List PING!
32 posted on 04/21/2005 6:18:19 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: Joe 6-pack
Make no bonobos about it...that coffee tastes like crap.

You can't make a monkey out of me, mister. I'm not gonna go ape over a pun like that.

33 posted on 04/21/2005 6:21:42 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

This is some serious monkey business.


34 posted on 04/21/2005 6:24:39 PM PDT by Bald Eagle777 (Liberalism is bad news for modern man.)
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To: Blurblogger

all your monkeys are belong to us

someone set us up the monkey


35 posted on 04/21/2005 6:26:00 PM PDT by Bald Eagle777 (Liberalism is bad news for modern man.)
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To: Bald Eagle777

LOL. Just getting the monkeys off our back. Far more fun to pun about the news than simply read about those friggin 400-lb gorillas in Congress screwing things up again.


36 posted on 04/21/2005 6:26:18 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

What grounds do you have to criticize my coffee puns? You thought this was a bunch of monkey shines, but in fact, the subject at hand is coffee. I think you folger-self by going out on a limb with the monkey thing. Coffee puns are one of the hottest forms of black humor, but they can also be rather sweet.


37 posted on 04/21/2005 6:26:49 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Joe 6-pack

You got me. I'm still on monkeys. In fact, though I don't have a link for it, did you hear about the accident at the English cloning lab where they accidentally blew up the test subjects? The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus' pieces.


38 posted on 04/21/2005 6:28:51 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

No, seriously... what's this new simian rookie going to say to the bad guys, "Surrender or I'll shoot you with my banana?"


39 posted on 04/21/2005 6:29:52 PM PDT by Bald Eagle777 (Liberalism is bad news for modern man.)
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To: Joe 6-pack

Sanka very much for trying to turn the subject back to coffee, though. I didn't mean to roast your hide regarding your puns...I think they're grande.


40 posted on 04/21/2005 6:30:43 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

That's a real howler....


41 posted on 04/21/2005 6:31:23 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Bald Eagle777

I dunno, I think a well placed "Move along, or I'll fling poop at you!" would probably be effective in stopping teen loitering.


42 posted on 04/21/2005 6:31:48 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile

Based on what happened to that guy who got his butt kicked recently by a bunch of malevoloent chimps, better watch out, Lieutenant Monkey can probably kick all our butts!

Oo-oo-oo-AAC-AAC-ACC!


43 posted on 04/21/2005 6:32:47 PM PDT by Bald Eagle777 (Liberalism is bad news for modern man.)
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To: Joe 6-pack

I Gevalia can to the topic, man.


44 posted on 04/21/2005 6:33:34 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: aculeus

Can we get a few of these monkeys onto the Florida Supreme Court? Then we would have a chance at somke sensible decision.


45 posted on 04/21/2005 6:33:46 PM PDT by docbnj
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To: docbnj

Nope, monkeys don't belong in court. There are some things even monkeys won't do. For that, we have lawyers.


46 posted on 04/21/2005 6:35:25 PM PDT by LibertarianInExile (The South will rise again? Hell, we ever get states' rights firmly back in place, the CSA has risen!)
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To: LibertarianInExile
"Sanka very much..."

Just bean a good citizen. I suppose you would be steaming if I hit you with a whole latte puns all at once so I'm trying to espress my good will before trouble really starts brewing around here....

47 posted on 04/21/2005 6:36:51 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack
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To: Joe 6-pack

48 posted on 04/21/2005 6:39:07 PM PDT by null and void (You're in Bloody Hands with Allah State...)
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To: LibertarianInExile

I'm gibbon you credit for the monkey puns; the coffee is just one of the perks of the job.


49 posted on 04/21/2005 6:46:48 PM PDT by speedy
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To: Xenalyte
..to hire Capuchin monks.. LOL! :D
50 posted on 04/21/2005 6:52:09 PM PDT by skinkinthegrass (Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you :^)
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