Posted on 04/27/2005 10:16:13 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin
Fathers are absolutely essential to boys. I spent a summer living at my Grandmother's house when I was 12, because my family was building a new house, and they didn't want I and my sister living in the mess. This was the only time in my life that I got into trouble. Nothing major, of course, but began to get involved with vandalism and the like. When the house was finished, and I came back home, I spent all of the next 6 months right by my dad every minute I was at home. I can't explain exactly why, but dads are so very important to a boy that age.
I'm a single Dad with a son, who is now 15. Been raising pretty much by myself since he was 4, a lot of help from his Grandma. He seems to be turning out good, ethical and street smart; academics are terrible but improving now. Conversely, I worry a lot about him not having a mother's love and influence in his life.
I try to be both mother and father to my little son by taking him fishing and camping, teaching him about guns, encouraging him to take risks instead of being like most timid, worried mothers, putting him on horseback, etc.
You are not trying to be a mother and a father; you are succeeding at being an excellent parent. Your son is blessed to have you!
Children without fathers ---> Fathers who don't know how to be husbands and fathers ---> Children without fathers.
I have never heard a response to this statement that comes close to passing the sniff test.
It's not just the sons. Girls need their fathers too.
I have a staunch environmentalist feminist friend from college that adopted a baby girl from South America. The four year-old is now completely undisciplined, as the mother considers herself above "harsh" methods of discipline. Every other book in the house deals with environmentalism, as the mother is trying to turn the daughter into a clone of herself. It's already clear the daughter's personality is very different, so there are probably going to be some huge fights in a decade or so.
If a father was around, there's a good chance he would say "Dear, our daughter doesn't have to like everything you like." The two-parent system forces compromises and is thus a check on an individual's narcisism.
Let's face it: single moms can be very narcissistic when raising daughters. They often view the daughter as an extension of themselves.
Flame away.
Doesn't mention the most obvious reason a father is important.
When a boy reaches about 15 it is highly educational for him to be knocked clear across the room for lipping off to his mom.
I know it was for me.
Looks like one Hollweird single mother, Liz Hurley, after enjoying the child birth and being reported as "radiant" has has second thoughts. Now she thinks single motherhood "sucks." See: http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=4441174
Be careful. Big Brothers and Big Sisters are infested with homosexuals and sexual predators. Think about it, how many adult men (especially married men) have time to spend with someone else's kids?
I think that boys, especially, need a strong male role model. Wife has a number of male friends.....all of them are dysfunctional, liberal, gay, or a combination of the three. In all cases, the father either isn't on the scene, or is a complete limp-handshaking wimp.
Boys need a male role model - or, barring that - a strong female model - in their lives. My hat is off to the single Mom who wasn't afraid to let her kid take chances, shoot guns, etc etc etc. It's the nature of boys to test their limits, and it's much easier to recover from testing them at age 12 or 14, than at 30. :-)
"When a boy reaches about 15 it is highly educational for him to be knocked clear across the room for lipping off to his mom."
Most execellent "fathering" there, LOL! Our son will be 18 next month, and we've had a few of those moments when he was 15 & 16. I especially loved his, "You're not my Mother!" crack when I was hassling him about the losers he was hanging out with. (I'm his StepMom, but adopted him when he was four. Bio-Mom is in the picture to some extent.)
I told him I was greatly RELIEVED that I wasn't his Mother, and from here on out I wasn't going to bother to feed, clothe or shelter him. I got a nice 'Letter of Appology' within a week. I'm framing it, and presenting it to him when he becomes a Father. (Another DECADE from now, please!)
Announcer: In other news, water rolls down hill.
Leftist: That's stereotyping!
Ping to self for later.
"Be careful. Big Brothers and Big Sisters are infested with homosexuals and sexual predators."
I guess having been a "Big" myself, I give BB/BS the benefit of the doubt. The screening process for myself, and a few other women I asked to join was gruelling and endless. It was easily 6 months before we got our "littles."
I've never heard of any problems with the Big Brothers in my local area. Some guys just plain LIKE kids, and are looking forward to being Dads themselves one day. My husband (and I, to a great extent) spend a lot of time with our Godson and nieces and nephews, now that our son is nearly out of the nest. It's do-able for men, depending upon what their family situation is.
But, best to be safe when kids are concerned.
At 14, my daughter forced me out of her life with her mother's encouragement and active participation. I was told at the time that I was the most horrible influence in her life and I should just "do the right thing" and go away. Her mother could barely contain her glee.
Now my daughter is 19, unmarried, unemployed, and pregnant with the father long gone. When my ex called to inform me, she preceeded with "This is all your fault".
Hmmph. Imagine that...
So VERY true! Children of both sexes need parents of both sexes. Period. They learn different and valuable lessons from each. Do you think God a plan? :)
oops...had a plan
I have the opposite problem. Being the father of two children I try to be a mother as well as a father. It is my hardest job. In fact it's impossible! I just have to manage as best I can. They see their mother fairly regularly but it is not enough.
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