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Rednecks: The Virtues Thereof
Fred on Everything ^ | May 22, 2005

Posted on 05/22/2005 2:16:33 PM PDT by right said fred

Rednecks: The Virtues Thereof

Cornell As Evolutionary Miscalculation

May 22, 2005

There is a lot of snot and malice about rednecks on the internet. Most of it comes from such cornflowers and honeysuckles as college professors, other witless suburban nonentities, and assorted twits in cities. By “redneck,” these bundles of intellectual lingerie seem to mean anyone without a college degree who can hang a door or lube his car.

One of them, some sort of biochemical rascal, figured that rednecks were examples of poor evolutionary fitness—compared, I guess, to him. Now, that’s a stretch.

Tell you about rednecks. They’re probably the only people in the whole country that ain’t unfit. What used to be Davy Crockett’s country today is full mostly of folk who can’t do anything for themselves. They call someone else to fix the plumbing, shoot the burglar, gap their plugs, build their houses, get their kids off drugs. If the cat dies they need a pet-loss grief-management counselor. From a redneck’s point of view, the United States is turning fast into people like those nasty white grubs that nekkid savages in New Guinea eat, only with legs.

I know the breed—rednecks, not grubs. I grew up with them, in King George County, Virginia, and in Athens, Alabama in 1957. Back then I thought I was Huck Finn. I may have been right. Certainly the evidence favored the proposition. I’d run through the woods like a Southern Mowgli with a slingshot and later got drunk with the country boys in high school and drove like three dam fools, buy one and get two free. We hunted, and crabbed in the Potomac, and such like. We called people from Massachusetts “Damyanks,” or “targets.”

Now, the people in KG were either farmers or fishermen. They could build a crab boat from scratch. Try it. What they were, really, was versatile. They’d snatch an old engine from a junkyard Chevy and rebuild it, convert it to marine, and mount it in the boat. They changed their own transmissions, replaced clutch plates, wired the barns they built. They could run a farm, keep old tractors going, blast a stump, raise hogs and slaughter them. They knew guns, and had them. They could hunt, shoot, and fish. They were tough, cut cordwood and split logs and dug foundations. If they wanted a wall, they laid the brick. If something broke, they fixed it.

Maybe they came up a little short on iambic pentameter. Didn’t seem to hurt’em none.

Now, if an asteroid hit Boston, which would be a good idea, and all the International Safeways and designer-cheese stores went tits-up, and the repair shops and gas stations that do things for all that human okra up there that needs someone else to water it, and if people had to take care of themselves like grownups…how long do you think the English department at Cornell would last?

Too long, yes. Maybe minutes. Think of it: Five hundred BMWs descending on the drug stores, people squealing and clawing and snatching out eyeballs to steal the last Prozac. Why, they couldn’t live without sour white wine not nearly as good as Ripple and those cheeses with names like Chartreuse. A week later they’d be eating their lawns. (I don’t oppose this, understand. I’d sell tickets.)

People in the country wouldn’t blink. They might wonder how to start an asteroid so they could get Washington too.

If some upscale flowerbed like Fairfax County outside DC ever had to deal with hard times, it would the best show since Aunt Sally sat on that ant nest. It isn’t just that they can’t do anything. They can’t even think about doing anything. I mean, suppose that after the asteroid hit the cops had other things to do, like look after their families, and a larcenous parasitic lawyer encountered some Diversity with a knife in its hand and an itch for his television or daughters, what would he do? Get extra therapy? Hit him with a rubber stamp? Say, “Can’t we talk about this?”

Now, in the country, people had a slightly less lenient attitude toward having their homes invaded. Nobody ever shot anybody, much anyway. People didn’t think it was civilized. They did have dogs and shotguns and rifles. Further, they had the backbone to use them if the need arose. Which is why it didn’t.

Now, I reckon professors are pretty smart. After all they’re picked for it—except in departments whose names end in “Studies,” and Departments of Education, where they’re picked for being stupid. And in some other departments, if brains were oil, the inmates would be about a quart low: Anthropology, psychology, sociology, cosmetology science. The really smart ones—there must be a couple of dozen—might be able to handle an asteroid strike.

But I doubt it. The dinosaurs didn’t. What happens is, most people grow up helpless in some suburb. It isn’t their fault. They have to wear helmets and life-preservers to walk around the block and probably adult diapers and if they are boys they like as not get estrogen injections so they won’t be. They can’t wrestle or play dodge ball because it’s violent. They can’t play Cowboys and Engines because it’s insensitive. Then they get a job in some office fiddling with forms. And that’s all they do. Ever.

A redneck has a life, lots of times anyway. A buddy of mine grew up in a tough section of a Yankee city, where the deciding factor in a philosophical discussion was a good right hook. He went to Viet Nam for a couple of tours in spec ops, spent ten years in the fishing fleets of Alaska, and retired as a fireman-EMT. He knows motorcycles, scuba, and NASCAR.

A man like that has some depth to him. He knows what life is. He has seen it. You can talk to him about the street trades—cops, fire, paramedics—and he knows what happens. He knows Nana Plaza and small boats in cold oceans and Saigon in the bad times. You don’t get that with a biochemist, master of aldehydes. A perfesser is like one of those polished jewels of the British upper classes, except bright, and pig-ignorant of the world. I mean, if you spend ten years in labs to get your meal ticket, you don’t have time to amount to much.

Of course you might cure cancer. And I guess penicillin is pretty good stuff. Maybe everybody’s got some virtue, even professors. They still can’t cure an asteroid.


TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: blogpimp; justaboringbio; newbiepimping; notnews; rednecks; whocares

1 posted on 05/22/2005 2:16:33 PM PDT by right said fred
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To: right said fred
Durn toot'n intrestin' ferst post thar, Pard! Yup, I rekun so.
2 posted on 05/22/2005 2:20:13 PM PDT by Michael Goldsberry (an enemy of islam -- Joe Boucher; Leapfrog; Dr.Zoidberg; Lazamataz; ...)
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To: right said fred
D*mn, I can relate to this. There is an ignorance of the world of academe that is very difficult to penetrate. Talk to them of the reality outside of their cloister, and they simply cannot relate. Some of those in the *hard* sciences and engineering are pretty good, they *have* to deal with reality in a form.

Perhaps I have to say that, as I have science and engineering degrees, but at heart, I am a country boy, and I love the song, "A country boy can survive".

3 posted on 05/22/2005 2:27:57 PM PDT by marktwain
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To: marktwain

Should be "of the world in academe".


4 posted on 05/22/2005 2:29:41 PM PDT by marktwain
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To: marktwain

Texas born, and brought up all over the country by Tennessee born military parents. And I'm a redneck :)

I worked at Oak Ridge National Lab for a few months after I got out of the military. I was delivering mail, getting to talk with some of the best and the brightest in the nation. I also picked up spare change doing things like tuning their cars, changing the oil, stuff such as that.

Funniest experience of all at the Lab. This was after the comet strike on Jupiter. I'm at one of the physics labs, looking at a bulletin board. Someone pinned up a bunch of pictures of the strikes on the planet, and this gentleman comes up to me and asks what I do. I tell him that I deliver mail, and that leads him to ask "Do you know what you're looking at?" The tone was kind of snide, but you should have seen the look on his face when I answered him.

I can't recall the exact words - it's been ten years now, but it was something along the lines of "That's fragment Alpha, striking the planet at such and such location. The force of the blast was approximately 150 megatons, determined by the flash of the blast, etc, etc. The impact zone was aproximately XXX in size, etc etc etc." I gave him all the technical details of the comet strike, how many fragments, total energy expended, you name it.

He slowly shook his head and asked "What is a man like you doing delivering mail?" I told him that it wasn't as boring as some other things I could be doing...didn't have the heart to tell him that I read the answer word for word from the captions under the pictures.


5 posted on 05/22/2005 2:38:52 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob (The Crew Chief's Toolbox: A roll around cabinet full of specialists.)
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To: right said fred

Not the best of Fred, but I became politically aware in Ada County Idaho, in the late '50's, so I can relate.


6 posted on 05/22/2005 2:39:08 PM PDT by Little Bill (A 37%'r, a Red Spot on a Blue State)
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To: right said fred

"...we called.....people from Massachusets targets..."
Would someone please explain to me how you can refer to someone who embraces this philosophy as "virtuous"? Or was it written as sarcasm? Are rednecks still fighting the civil war?


7 posted on 05/22/2005 3:01:37 PM PDT by whipitgood (Public schools have replaced a biblical moral code with pragmatism. Civilization, beware!)
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To: whipitgood

Oh for Chrissake, did you overdose on the sensitivity and political correctness pills this morning. Yep, they must have been targets - they hid in the woods and shot them dead with assault rifles. (eyeroll)


8 posted on 05/22/2005 3:10:46 PM PDT by AggieCPA (Howdy, Ags!)
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To: right said fred

My folks are from the eastern shore, now called Delmarva. It used to be free country. None of em believed in government. They'd push their pungyboats up into the swamps to avoid tax men. They were pirates and smugglers to a man.
Today they own more water front marsh land than the government. So the government puts their claims off limits to development. Swamps are protected now. So they still are pirates and smugglers.
They did not support the revolution. They did not fight on either side of the civil war and they damn well tried to avoid all the other wars. They also avoid taxes and voting and social security.
They think rednecks are ignorant mountain people who can't clean a crab or shuck an oyster. They damn well want to be left alone.
Now I live near the Everglades. These people down here are about the same as my p[eople back on the Chesapeake but they figured out how to beat the government back. They call themselves native Americans and set up their own government.
They can kill and eat as many gators as they want and they do not answer to the Feds or the state. Oh yeah, and they steal from the white man with their casino. These guys figured it out.


9 posted on 05/22/2005 3:11:13 PM PDT by Louis Foxwell (LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE)
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To: Tennessee_Bob
I find it amusing that the most intelligent, articulate dissertation can be given by a guy with a drawl, and he is looked at like he was Jed Clampett ;'}

(Washington born, but southern raised)
10 posted on 05/22/2005 3:16:34 PM PDT by rockrr (Revote or Revolt! It's up to you Washington!)
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To: whipitgood
"...we called.....people from Massachusets targets..." Would someone please explain to me how you can refer to someone who embraces this philosophy as "virtuous"? Or was it written as sarcasm? Are rednecks still fighting the civil war?

I'm from as far north as one can imagine. If you have to ask this question, you need to get out more.

11 posted on 05/22/2005 3:25:07 PM PDT by vikzilla
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To: right said fred
By “redneck,” these bundles of intellectual lingerie seem to mean anyone without a college degree who can hang a door or lube his car.

I have been complimented by being called a “redneck”. Yes - I used to do my own vehicle maintenance, and yes – I can hang a door. But I also have a BS in Sociology. Does the degree make me only half a redneck?
12 posted on 05/22/2005 3:27:03 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: whipitgood
Would someone please explain to me how you can refer to someone who embraces this philosophy as "virtuous"?

Sure! It's the virtue of self-sufficiency, and of being left alone by those "who only want to help us".

Are rednecks still fighting the civil war?

That's the "War of Northern Aggression" to you...It's a Southern thing, you wouldn't understand unless you were American by birth, Southern by the grace of God!

(I also like to refer to myself as a liberal's worst nightmare: A redneck with a pickup, a library card, and a concealed carry permit. And why is it liberals and yankees get a wad in their panties over the stars and bars?)

13 posted on 05/22/2005 3:30:21 PM PDT by dirtbiker (Solution for Terrorism: Nuke 'em 'till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark!)
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To: right said fred

I went to one NASCAR race out of curiosity - at Talledega. Judging from the license plates we saw, most rednecks live in Indiana.

Semper Fi,


14 posted on 05/22/2005 3:32:34 PM PDT by 2nd Bn, 11th Mar (Sniper: "One shot, one kill". Machinegunner: "One shot, one kill...again, & again & again".)
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To: 2nd Bn, 11th Mar

Damn, I couldn't get past the idea of a crab boat with a 409. I want one!!!


15 posted on 05/22/2005 3:58:31 PM PDT by jjmcgo
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To: R. Scott
But I also have a BS in Sociology. Does the degree make me only half a redneck?

Nah - you're still a full redneck, but now you can explain the social mores behind your class status.

16 posted on 05/22/2005 4:03:18 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob (The Crew Chief's Toolbox: A roll around cabinet full of specialists.)
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To: Tennessee_Bob

I knew all that psychobabble I had to learn would come in handy.


17 posted on 05/22/2005 4:04:58 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: right said fred

I would have less of a problem with rednecks and certain other of my southern fellow citizens if they didn't have such a chip on their shoulder about us "damn Yankees," even those of us whose families weren't even IN this country in the 1860s.


18 posted on 05/22/2005 4:06:12 PM PDT by Clemenza (Regrets, I've had a few...)
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To: whipitgood; dirtbiker; vikzilla; AggieCPA
Are rednecks still fighting the civil war?

Nope - it's not a war, per say - now it's more of a guerilla action. See, we sell homes on the Florida coast to the Yankees. Then the hurricanes come in and blow them down, and then we charge them to rebuild them. Then the hurricanes come in and blow them down, and then we charge them to rebuild them. Then the hurricanes come in and blow them down, and then we charge them to rebuild them.

We're also draining them economically by selling them "family heirlooms." I can bury a #7 frying pan in the backyard for six months, then sell it for three times what I paid for it at Walmart. I've learned that if I take a piece of fifty cent yard sale junk, paint it speckle blue and white, I can sell it for twenty dollars, because it's "country."

See, we've learned that the North had a fairly good economy behind them during the War of Northern Aggression. We didn't surrender - nope - we just changed fronts...

Speaking of which, I've got some speckle blue and white cow manure that just finished drying - I'll give you a deal on it before I take it to market...

19 posted on 05/22/2005 4:10:45 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob (The Crew Chief's Toolbox: A roll around cabinet full of specialists.)
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To: right said fred
We need lot of rednecks in the government. It will save and bring back America. The morons that you meet in social security, unemployment, motor vehicles, etc. offices are messing this country bad.

I kept wondering why Republicans use the red (commie) color to identify their territories. If it reflects red-necks, then it's alright.

Go rednecks, lets bring some pickups into DC.

20 posted on 05/22/2005 4:12:00 PM PDT by Leo Carpathian (FReeeePeee!)
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To: right said fred
cosmetology science

I especially laughed when in a fit of forgetfullness, Fred attacked the stereotypical occupation of the female redneck: The beautician. Other than that it was the same rehashed "Country folk are better than city people" trash that pops up from time to time.

21 posted on 05/22/2005 4:12:10 PM PDT by Melas
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To: R. Scott

My sociology professor would be impressed that I actually paid attention in class. She thought I was in there as a troublemaker. But then again, she brought it on herself when she said, "I don't want to be the only one talking in here - if you disagree with something I say, then say so."

I disagreed with a lot of what she said. But I have to give her some credit - she was pro-death penalty.


22 posted on 05/22/2005 4:15:14 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob (The Crew Chief's Toolbox: A roll around cabinet full of specialists.)
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To: right said fred
I have lived in New England almost all my life. I've heated my home with wood I've harvested myself for over twenty years. I can tear down an engine and rebuild it so I don't have to do it again any time soon. When I shoot, I don't waste ammunition because I hit what I'm aiming at. I built the house I live in and wiring, plumbing and carpentry are things I've always known how to do.

I can slaughter animals, ride horses and play guitar. A five mile hike is a good way to spend a Sunday morning and three days in the woods is a vacation for me and my friends.

If you think you have to be from south of Baltimore to be self-sufficient you've displayed enough ignorance for one day.

23 posted on 05/22/2005 4:20:00 PM PDT by muir_redwoods (Free Sirhan Sirhan, after all, the bastard who killed Mary Jo Kopeckne is walking around free)
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To: right said fred
This puppy is a hoot.

Nam Vet

24 posted on 05/22/2005 4:26:58 PM PDT by Nam Vet (MSM reporters think the MOIST dream they had the night before is a "reliable source".)
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To: right said fred

I'm a redneck, it's a redneck nation


25 posted on 05/22/2005 4:27:46 PM PDT by Vision (When Hillary Says She's Going To Put The Military On Our Borders...She Becomes Our Next President)
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To: Tennessee_Bob
"I don't want to be the only one talking in here - if you disagree with something I say, then say so."

I too heard that, and I did my best to please. Even though I disagreed a lot (but could back up my opinions), I still came out with the little “cum laude” brass plate on my diploma.
I was also a bit lucky – my primary professor for Sociology flew B-25s in WW II. He wasn’t one of those Berkeley types, although he was leaning way to the left.
26 posted on 05/22/2005 5:18:51 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: whipitgood

It's a Southern thing..you wouldn't understand. J/K


27 posted on 05/22/2005 5:24:15 PM PDT by neal1960 (This space for rent.)
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To: muir_redwoods

There are plenty of "Yankee rednecks".
I have friends in western upstate NY that are as hardy and self-sufficient as any southerner ever born.
I'd bet you live somewhere *outside* of the cities of New England.
That would really classify you as more of a "mountain man" then redneck but it's all semantics, anyway....:)
It's really more of an "urban" vs. "rural" issue.
"Redneck" is just a handy, convenient label....:)

Case in point;
My ex was born 2 miles north of the Mason-Dixon but grew up [barely] suburban in western MD.
If disaster had struck, he wouldn't have survived a week.
He was literally helpless in "rough" conditions.
My husband grew up in extremely citified Federal Hill, Providence RI.
He's lived everywhere and learned all he knows on his own.
If disaster struck, his only setback would be getting gas for a generator to run his welder and there's nothing he -can't- do, build, make or fix.
No matter what comes, he'll take care of it and me.
I also can hunt, fish, split wood, grow food, etc and between us, we'd do just fine.
Self-sufficiency is *not* the sole property of any geographic location.
"Redneck" is a state of mind....:)


28 posted on 05/22/2005 5:50:47 PM PDT by Salamander (No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn,.......)
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To: right said fred

Great stuff - thanks.


29 posted on 05/22/2005 5:55:22 PM PDT by lodwick (Integrity has no need of rules. Albert Camus)
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To: lodwick

I urge all you you to read Fred's list of articles.


30 posted on 05/22/2005 6:15:34 PM PDT by hillyes
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To: right said fred

Country people are the best. Call them rednecks if you want, it's becoming a compliment. They are the folks that make the red states red.

OTOH, there are plenty of rural "rednecks" that live in drunken squalor and would just as soon shoot you or steal from you as look at you, they are pretty much indistinguishable from inner city thugs.

fred can be very witty.


31 posted on 05/22/2005 7:33:02 PM PDT by Sam Cree (Democrats are herd animals)
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To: MacDorcha; JohnPigg; smug; TexConfederate1861; peacebaby; DixieOklahoma; kalee; dljordan; ...
My hair's turning white,
my neck's always been red,
my collar's still blue....

-LS

32 posted on 05/22/2005 7:34:38 PM PDT by stainlessbanner
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To: Tennessee_Bob

LOL! We also sell swampland (Own a piece of Florida!), and sell them t-shirts, stuffed baby gators, and pink lawn jockeys to take back home.


33 posted on 05/22/2005 7:40:27 PM PDT by stainlessbanner
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To: AggieCPA; whipitgood
"Oh for Chrissake, did you overdose on the sensitivity and political correctness pills this morning."

Yep; they're passing them out when you log in with your first cup of coffee in the morning. I've noticed lately that more and more are lining up for them every day.

34 posted on 05/22/2005 8:08:40 PM PDT by sweetliberty (Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.)
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To: Tennessee_Bob
I can bury a #7 frying pan in the backyard for six months, then sell it for three times what I paid for it at Walmart

You know that ain't a half bad idea. we've got enough of 'em rummaging around at yard sales and the flea markets here in NC looking for that 'country look' somebody could make a good little bit

35 posted on 05/22/2005 8:34:18 PM PDT by billbears (Deo Vindice)
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To: stainlessbanner
"My hair's turning white,
my neck's always been red,
my collar's still blue...."
-LS

Ain't it the truth?
Great song.

/jasper

36 posted on 05/22/2005 8:46:13 PM PDT by Jasper ( Craigellachie, Stand Fast!)
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To: right said fred

Southern by the grace of God, I used to be a college instructor, of English, nonetheless, but I can make bread from scratch, spin and weave, knit things the way people did in the 1700s, make fire from flint and steel, sew servicable clothes with no sewing machine or patterns, the way they used to, tell you about the world's great literature, discuss something of cosmology, and reassemble just about anything I can take apart, including a large part of my car.

I will always say y'all, and am just as likely to say, "He ain't got none," while discussing the fine points of why Tarleton deserved to get his butt kicked, or how you can sing most of Emily Dickenson's poetry to the tune of the Yellow Rose of Texas...while crocheting a doily at the same time.

I don't know what this makes me. Confused?


37 posted on 05/22/2005 8:46:43 PM PDT by Knitting A Conundrum (Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly With God Micah 6:8)
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To: right said fred
On Gilligan's Island it was always the Professor who could make a radio out of a sea shell and the Captain who insisted on trusting the village idiot (Gilligan) to monitor and protect it; meanwhile the Tycoon bought and sold the island twice to natives with empty coconuts for currency and his coconut-headed wife dithered about in sublime confusion while the home-economics major and the homecoming queen of knights whiled away the time being provocatively chaste (chased) until the viewing public left them forever stranded for fear of being somehow being found "guilty-by-association" in a court of temporary sanity.

There is truth in what you post.

38 posted on 05/22/2005 8:48:25 PM PDT by Old Professer (As darkness is the absence of light, evil is the absence of good; innocence is blind.)
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To: Clemenza

"I would have less of a problem with rednecks and certain other of my southern fellow citizens if they didn't have such a chip on their shoulder...."

I think we got us a sow here........


39 posted on 05/22/2005 8:53:11 PM PDT by RFEngineer
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To: Jasper

Hey Jasper - it is a great song. The boys came back with a rockin' album. Grits and Gravy - good Southern Rock by Great Americans.


40 posted on 05/22/2005 9:11:44 PM PDT by stainlessbanner
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To: Tennessee_Bob

HEHEHE!! LONG LIVE REDNECKS!


41 posted on 05/23/2005 6:51:22 AM PDT by whipitgood (Public schools have replaced a biblical moral code with pragmatism. Civilization, beware!)
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To: 2nd Bn, 11th Mar
went to one NASCAR race out of curiosity - at Talledega. Judging from the license plates we saw, most rednecks live in Indiana.

A true Hoosier redneck is more likely to be found at their favorite dirt track on Saturday night holding the stub to a $10 ticket, a can of Bud and dodging dirt clods flying on the rear tire of a Sprint car than in the grandstands of Talledega with a $75-$100 ticket and a $7.50 beer.

42 posted on 05/23/2005 7:00:26 AM PDT by IamConservative (To worry is to misuse your imagination.)
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To: IamConservative

I'll trust your judgment on this. I must have been seeing the fake Hoosier rednecks.


43 posted on 05/23/2005 8:48:32 AM PDT by 2nd Bn, 11th Mar (Sniper: "One shot, one kill". Machinegunner: "One shot, one kill...again, & again & again".)
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To: stainlessbanner
"The boys came back with a rockin' album. Grits and Gravy - good Southern Rock by Great Americans."

Yep, they sure did. I hear that Skynyrd is due to release a new album next year.

In the mean time, The VanZants (Donny and Johnny) just released a new country album called "Get Right With The Man". There's a whole lotta truth in this one.

If you 'puter is wired for sound, go to the site below, click on 'MUSIC' and take a listen to the samples.

The VanZants

/jasper

44 posted on 05/23/2005 7:57:25 PM PDT by Jasper ( Craigellachie, Stand Fast!)
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To: right said fred

http://www.earlpitts.us/


45 posted on 05/23/2005 8:01:59 PM PDT by bannie (The government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.)
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