Posted on 05/29/2005 5:25:59 AM PDT by NCjim
Teenage boys, said a report this week, are becoming anxious about their appearance, much like teenage girls. About 80 per cent of the boys in the British survey described themselves as unhappy with how they looked. At 15, they are spending $60 a month on hair and skin products. A quarter of them would like to have cosmetic surgery.
All this, I think, is a great shame. There are plenty of things that men can learn from women. How to pop a toilet roll onto the toilet-roll holder is just one example. But body image obsession is not one of them.
Let me whisper to young men the secret of the tribe; the secret that has been passed from one generation of men to the next: we're just gorgeous, each and every one of us.
Next time you're at the beach have a good look around. There will be some gnarled old bloke striding along, massive beer gut held proudly in front of him, rather like the bow of a majestic sailing ship, his balding head pitted with skin cancers, his spindly legs buckling under his massive weight, his pair of budgie-smugglers sagging limply around his tiny and frozen member. And yet something about his gait reveals what he's thinking: My God, I'm a fine figure of a man.
Yes, he's delusional. But he's happy.
Meanwhile, coming the other way, will be the most gorgeous woman, conventionally perfect in every way, and she'll be thinking to herself: I bet everyone's staring at my puffy ankles. How did they get so huge?
She, too, is delusional - unhappily so.
Why the difference? Why, when men get old and weather-beaten, do they get called "distinguished", while when women get old and weather-beaten they get called "old and weather-beaten"? Why do men do year-long courses in Buddhism in an attempt to dissolve their ego, while women can achieve the same result in a three-minute tussle with a size-10 dress in the change room at Target?
And why, at the gym, do the eyes of the men flick to their own best bit, staring lovingly at the one or two muscles they've managed to build, while the eyes of the women flick impulsively towards their one supposed imperfection?
Consider the matter of baldness. Who but a man would come up with the explanation that baldness is a sign of virility? "Oh yes," he'll say, running a hand through thinning hair, "I've just got too much testosterone coursing through my system. I guess I've just got more sex drive than other men."
This explanation seems somewhat unlikely, and yet balding men have managed to convince the world it is a ridgy-didge scientific orthodoxy. Put the words "bald" and "sexy" into Google and you'll get 840,000 matches, kicked off with a website offering testimonials from women on the allure of bald men, and a flashing message: "I'm too sexy for my hair."
If women commonly went bald, would they claim it as a good thing, offering it as proof of an excess of oestrogen? Would they start up websites and testimonial logs, and purchase "Woman of Perfection" T-shirts?
Take the example of varicose veins. If women behaved like balding men, they'd claim varicose veins as a symbol of fertility. "Oh, yes," the woman would say, delicately unfolding her legs, and tracing the throbbing purple lines with an outstretched finger, "you get them in the later stages of pregnancy." Here she would pause and flutter her eyelids: "And, as you can see, I've fallen pregnant quite a few times."
Again the point is not to mock the bald-headed men: they're the ones with the good attitude; they are the example we should all be following.
Certainly, it's difficult to imagine how these young Brits are spending $60 a month on grooming products. When I was their age, it's true I would put some effort into preparing for a night on the town. In terms of skin care, I'd get a handful of sugar, add it to some soapy foam, and create my own abrasive face scrub. A firm hand would simply sand-paper away those troublesome pimples, leaving a bleeding and red-raw surface that singled me out from the crowd.
As for hair care, one rarely needed to purchase product. Far better to simply not wash one's hair for a given period. A week of not washing in order to achieve the David Bowie spiky look; a month and a half for the full-Elvis quiff.
"Ego," as the band Skyhooks put it at about this time, "is not a dirty word". Today's generation of young men would be wise to remember it. And, hopefully, one day the girls will follow their wise lead.
I know I'm gorgeous. But so, you know, are you.
The image of Ted the Swimmer comes immediately to mind...
Poor Wittle Metrosexuals.
A lot of young guys in the US are girlymen too. Just look at all the male grooming products in the store these days. There sure wasnt all that boy primp cr@p on the shelves when I was 12 to 30. This probably realates to what doctors are saying about children starting sexual developement much younger than they use to. Unfortunatley what we get now are boys who grow up to be b!tches are girls who grow up to be bullys. Hmmm... could this be realted to those frogs and found with both sex organs?????
Until we come to the part about the cosmetic surgery, this all sounds pretty normal for adolescents.
"realted to those frogs and found with"
ooops, meant to say - realted to those frogs and "fish" found with ...
When you say "frogs", are you being derogatory about the French?
Here's a hint, guys: women don't want men prettier than they are. 'Nuf said.
"Why, when men get old and weather-beaten, do they get called "distinguished",..."
I tell people that my graying hair makes me look "extinguished".
"Yes, he's delusional. But he's happy."
Hey, I resemble that remark!
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