The look of Catch Me If You Can
Posted on 06/08/2005 6:17:39 AM PDT by Constitution Day
Fly Me a River
The King Hussein Center happens to be stocked with lissome young ladies,” wrote Jay Nordlinger the other day. He was reporting for National Review Online from the Davos Middle Eastern confab in Jordan, and, although he had many insightful observations to make about the big geopolitical socioeconomic questions of our time, it was the “lissome young ladies” who caught my eye, as evidently they had caught his. Jay’s no slouch at the in-depth investigative-journalism stuff, so, warming to his theme, he went on to report that many of the “hostesses” were wearing the uniform of Royal Jordanian Airlines. Ah, yes, I sighed contentedly, as the memories came flooding back. In recent years, my flights to the Middle East have begun with a little US Airways twin-prop down to Boston or New York — no “cabin service” at all; they don’t have any on their bigger planes either, but at least on the twin-props there’s no hatchet-faced “flight attendant” in shiny stretch pants and flat shoes shuffling along the aisle doling out mini-bags of mini-pretzels to remind you of all the “cabin service” you’re not getting. In Boston or New York, I switch to Virgin — much better: proper “trolley dollies” in bright smart red skirts and heels and the best kind of peppy Estuary English accents that make you feel like you’re Austin Powers and they’re at least prepared to pretend you’re shagadelic. And then in London, for the final leg (as it were), it’s Royal Jordanian to Amman — bliss: “air hostesses” in dapper stylish uniforms that, like Singapore and the other great Asian airlines, are an artful combination of native elements from local culture and retro cool from our own. East is East and West is West and ne’er the twain shall meet, but on the best national carriers from east of Suez they come pretty close. The Royal Jordanian gals had our man Nordlinger waxing nostalgic. “These uniforms are a real throwback, to the America of the 1950s or so,” he wrote. “You remember that movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio played that conman, who posed as a pilot for Eastern or something? You remember that bevy of fresh, eager, fetching stewardesses (and in those days, you could use the word ‘stewardess’ — ‘flight attendant’ was a long way off)?”
If you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane.
Catch Me If You Can, the DiCaprio caper in question, does a grand job of evoking that era — the jet-age glamour of the air terminals with the flying-saucer shapes; Sinatra singing “Come Fly with Me” with that marvelous Billy May intro that sounds like an orchestral Boeing taxi-ing down the runway and taking off into the blue; and, of course, the gals.
Which begs the question: Where did it all go? In America, that is. U.S. air travel is the exception that proves the rule about American service: In a Welsh restaurant or Austrian department store, I long for American waitresses and sales clerks. But on USAir or Northwest or Continental, I pine fondly for Royal Jordanian or British or Thai Airways. I yield to no one in the amount of derision I’m willing to heap on “Old Europe,” but, if it’s a choice between Delta and Air France, or United and Lufthansa, I’m with Jacques and Gerhard in wanting to put as much distance as possible between me and the arrogant bullying unilateralist Yank, if only when airborne and pushing a cart of Clamato cans.
Two years ago, an American Express survey revealed that 55 percent of customers had found a “noticeable decline” in cabin service since 9/11, which is pretty amazing because it was a good nine-tenths down the abyss before 9/11. The Wall Street Journal reported the dissatisfactions of “flight attendants” — “A lot of us,” said Glenda Talley of US Airways, “are in a terrible mood before we even set foot on the plane.” “There’s more stress to the job,” complained Kristi Tucker of Delta. “As human beings we can only take so much,” said someone from United. Yeah, fly me a river, baby.
Or how about this? According to flight attendant René Foss, “It didn’t take long after Sept. 11 for people to start acting like complete idiots again.” The first sign you’re acting like a complete idiot is when you book a ticket with these guys. The Journal proposed eight improvements airlines could introduce — more legroom, junk the cart, predictable stuff. But no one thought to address the most obvious defect — that U.S. airlines look just awful, beginning with the shiny shapeless prison-warden garb of their staff, the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism. I’m not being sexist here — if you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane; when the networks have exhausted every other lame makeover reality-show concept, they should do Queer Eye for the Fly Guy. But the point is, for many folks, an airline ticket is one of the biggest single payments we make other than for a car or house, and in return we get a grubby bus ride with seat restraints.
True, many of those spiffy foreign airlines are either state-owned or de facto monopolies. But America’s federally-bailed-out basket-case carriers aren’t exactly shining exemplars of ruthless capitalism. And their government-subsidized contempt for the public starts with the look — the look of the planes and the look of the staff, the look that says, “Who needs a look?” When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
Steyn ping?
I live in Singapore and can let you know that no one beats the "Singapore Girl"....in fact they are still as young and beautiful and glamerous as ever.
In point of fact, they've created a new ad campaign that focuses entirely on the SIngapore Girl.........it evokes the fifties or something.
I think they just like women in uniform. ;~ )
FYI, your Aviation list may find this of interest.
There was a thread on here about foreign airlines being better than US ones a few days ago. Are you a FReeper, Mr. Steyn?
In America, there are too many airlines and too many planes, hence, the dreadful service.
Mr. Mark, as usual, makes some super points in this piece.
I have to go now...they're calling my flight. Ugh.
>>When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
That's gonna leave a mark. (npi)
Absolutely, positively spot-on. Steyn's only error is one of omission in failing to mention KLM as another oasis of good service. And those Delft miniature liquor bottles they give you are way cool!
Does Mark Steyn know about Hooters Airlines I wonder, but other than that he's dead on.
Steyn should go find an arab to pilot a chartered plane if their customer service is so great.
LOL. Ouch!
Steyn is usually spot on, and yes, the customer svc with US airlines is lacking, but I'm not ready to concede customer service to the arabs yet. I would like to see independent analysis to support his claim, otherwise, Steyn is rehashing the same air travel frustration we have all experienced for 20 years.
Whatever did happen to "Coffee, tea or me?"
Makes one wonder if Mark has to pay for his own tickets. The grubby bus ride is far cheaper than the price to fly in the good old days of regulated fares.
Years ago, a book came out called The Ugly American. Americans were astonished to learn that to people of other countries, Americans were often considered ugly.
Many did not understand. Many did not believe it. Me, for example.
Then I saw it first hand, travelling in other countries.
Once in the Ritz Bar in Paris, for example, I watched as an American woman complained loudly that they had stopped using Limoge china in the bar; she wanted another one for her collection. The waiter's explanation that they had to discontinue Limoge because too many people stole them had no effect on her. She kept complaining and insisted that it was good publicity for them to allow people to steal their china etc. etc. She was loud and demanding, and I wanted to disguise my Americanhood or else hide under the table.
A relative, who was a flight attendant, told me that she preferred flights to South America because she didn't like to deal with all the "pushy, demanding, ugly Americans." This changed my life a little; I thought about all the times I've been pushy, demanding, and ugly, and, I hope, I changed my ways.
Travelling in Mexico, I was impressed with the courtesy of the average Mexican and how implicit threat of litigation and the demand of RIGHTS did not dominate everything. It was like being in the United States years ago before all this ugliness began to dominate everything you do and everywhere you go and almost everyone you meet.
When a woman ran into me and knocked me down on the Colorado ski slopes, she was amazed that I didn't take her name, addresss, and I guess fingerprints, so that I could sue her. I merely said, "I'm fine," and resumed skiing. You don't run into that kind of litigation consciousness in Europe, and I'd much rather ski there for that very reason.
Several years ago, in rush hour traffic, I dented the fender of the woman in front of me. It cost $200 to fix the fender. However, the woman, grabbing her son's head and shaking it from side to side, said, to her son's obvious astonishment, "My son's got a neck injury." Later, she turned out to have the "neck injury." (The son played highschool football.) She demanded $10,000. My insurance company gave her $5,000 and increased my insurance premiums drastically.
A few months ago, on the other hand, in a shopping center parking lot, I backed into a woman's car and put a few scratches on it. Naturally I apologized and offered to call my insurance company and the police etc. etc. etc. She said, "Don't worry about it. The car's already scratched; another one won't make any difference." She wouldn't even take my name. She spread much love and goodness with that one kind act. I don't even know who she is, but I shall not forget.
American culture has become very ugly in some very important ways.
Litigation has made everyone defensive. Everyone lives in fear of being sued for one thing or another. Why Americans want to live in such fear is beyond me. I certainly don't want to. But lawyers armed with lawsuits dominate American culture.
Equal rights for women, and for everyone for that matter, is certainly worthy and to be desired, but the demands have become ugly and threatening--and so have many American women.
Freedom of speech is also a right worthy of respect and protection, but this has deteriorated into ubiquitous obscenity and, perversely, the abolition of freedom of speech under certain circumstances, e.g. "hate speech."
Human rights are certainly to be protected, but in America EVERYONE KNOW HIS OR HER RIGHTS AND THEY'RE GONNA DEMAND THEM. GOT IT?!!!
Americans have brought some very ugly things into their culture. Surly, rude, insolent--and overstressed--stewardes...uh...flight attendants are merely a small part of the tip of the iceberg.
Most Americans must like it this way or else they would change it.
But I don't like it at all, and I do my best to avoid situations and people that bring out this ugly aspect of American culture--or lack of it.
I love the United States, but this is one thing that I would definitely like to change about it.
Steyn is usually more sensible than this. Obviously his expense account has insulated him from reality (that's the place where us peons who pay our own bills live).
I didn't catch this until after I posted that last comment, but this confirms it.
I've bought all sorts of things -- a TV, each item of my bedroom set, hell, the bill for getting the cat fixed -- that cost more than any airline flight I've taken.
.
They are dressed in the clothes that make it easiest to do the job. As we all should be.
May favorite flight was on British Airways. The only nondomestic flight I've ever been on.
I'd rather hold my nose and pay $84.00 to fly SOUTHWEST from Baltimore to Buffalo, NY...than $200+...just so that I can gawk at an attractive aloof flight attendant.
I could buy a few lap dances with the difference...not that I would, mind ya!
Thanks for the ping, Pokey! The BEST flights I've ever been on were non-domestic, as well. You would think that some of the so-called "bastions of capitalism", like the airlines, would realize what they're giving up by poor attitude and "entitlement" philosophy.
On a side note, I have often said that the bail-out money was a mistake. They should have just bought a LOT of vouchers for government travel instead of "gimme" money. This is what we get when we subsidize stuff, more bad decisions.
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars...
An American Expat in Southeast Asia
Are you really the Watson's guy??? I buy my soap there.
I would respond to that infuriating comment, but find that I cannot without profanity.
I appreciate any posting of Steyn's work and the ping.
However, this particular piece is uncharacteristically lightweight and obtuse - quite disappointing.
I hope Mark gets back to his real work and true calling very soon.
Mr. Steyn,
Two words for ya:
Hooters Air.
  Frank Sinatra FLY ME TO THE MOON Julie London CRY ME A RIVER Julie London MOONRAKER Shirley Bassey MISTY Sarah Vaughn  |
It is a sad commentary that more people are afraid of lawyers than terrorists.
My car has been hit a few times & unless there is real damage, I don't bother with insurance info either. I have been lucky with this twice in reverse twice in my lifetime. One person who backed into my car in a parking lot actually left me a note with real contact info once. I was shocked & grateful.
British Airways is fabulous.
But, I have also had great service on a Southwest flight. The flight attendent to a liking to us & we got free drinks & all the nuts we could eat.
Nice rant. My comliments.
Steyn isn't gonna know what hit him. never mind cute little things in skirts, how about your own jet, with no travel stress and being treated like a human being.
You think the airlines have pension problems now?
You think people may be tired of taking of their shoes and their replacement hips setting of the buzzers?
I can't wait for that Jet....
I'll agree. Although I've flown Luftansa before.
My trip on BA had this nice old guy for a steward that was chatty and just a hoot to listen to on the PA. At the end of the flight he announced that he was retiring and that was his last flight. I think I got over to shake his hand and congratulate him.
I have no idea how they do it, but it seems like all Southwest employees are just having a great time. The seem to genuinely love their jobs. I remember lots of trips from Dallas to Houston on SW where the stewardesses would practice their standup routines in place of the regular seatbelt briefing. I have no idea how they get away with that from the FAA.
When you're in a kick-the-tires-and-light-the-fires mood, SW is awesome. Since they don't have seat reservations, people get the hell on the the airplane and sit the hell down, so as to claim their favorite seat. They appear to load in less than half the time as other airlines, and without anyone really being pushy.
Steyn needs to fly 1st Class more often.
I certainly hope Conrad Black and friends pay his fares.
But actually, you forget that Mark Steyn, unlike most of us, flies mostly internationally. This is a much, much, much more expensive proposition than domestic flights. They are also much longer and that makes things a lot more difficult in terms of comfort. This is one reason the international flights are better; they can last 12 hours plus.
Going from Manchester, NH (where I believe Mark's based) to Annan, Jordan costs at least $1,695 per Orbitz.
Clicking on "Shortest Flights", which I highly recommend on this trip, gives a fare of about $1,883.
So his commentary on those flights is sadly accurate. They really are some of the biggest purchases you will ever make, and in a few hours they are all gone. If I buy a $2,000 camera it at least stays with me for a few years.
D
Not that I disagree with you or anything in regards to "get what you pay for", but aren't you being a little hypocritical? You just condemned the author of that article for criticizing the looks (I thought that portion of the piece was out of place as well) then you start slamming passengers who are wearing jeans and t-shirts? What the heck? I believe the point of the piece was to point out that we have no alternative. And you are right, the airlines can't afford to redo the seats to give us more legroom, but wait, they redo the seats quite often to pack ONE MORE ROW in... I'm 6' 1", and those airline seats are SMALLER than seats on a bus. They cram you in there in order to increase their profit. I'm telling ya, if someone came along, and put comfortable seats in an airplane, they would own the skies...
I've noticed that in North America the discount carriers are the way to go now. Before they tanked, jetsgo had good service in-flight (it was their service on the ground that sucked) and their hosties were babes.
Most of the airlines in the middle east get their pilots from the UK, Europe, the US and Canada. There just aren't enough Arabs who can afford the training needed.
IIRC the Shakespeare quote is accurate but out of context it has become the most widely misunderstood statement ever made in the English language. The "kill all the lawyers" statement was from an advisor who was asked how to go about establishing totalitarian rule, and the meaning was clear: that lawyers would stand in the way of tyranny.
Good point, and I know you wouldn't put that camera in checked baggage, LOL.
More great music from you!
Thank you for posting it.
And, thank you for the ping.
It's very good to see you. ;o)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.