The look of Catch Me If You Can
Posted on 06/08/2005 6:17:39 AM PDT by Constitution Day
Fly Me a River
The King Hussein Center happens to be stocked with lissome young ladies,” wrote Jay Nordlinger the other day. He was reporting for National Review Online from the Davos Middle Eastern confab in Jordan, and, although he had many insightful observations to make about the big geopolitical socioeconomic questions of our time, it was the “lissome young ladies” who caught my eye, as evidently they had caught his. Jay’s no slouch at the in-depth investigative-journalism stuff, so, warming to his theme, he went on to report that many of the “hostesses” were wearing the uniform of Royal Jordanian Airlines. Ah, yes, I sighed contentedly, as the memories came flooding back. In recent years, my flights to the Middle East have begun with a little US Airways twin-prop down to Boston or New York — no “cabin service” at all; they don’t have any on their bigger planes either, but at least on the twin-props there’s no hatchet-faced “flight attendant” in shiny stretch pants and flat shoes shuffling along the aisle doling out mini-bags of mini-pretzels to remind you of all the “cabin service” you’re not getting. In Boston or New York, I switch to Virgin — much better: proper “trolley dollies” in bright smart red skirts and heels and the best kind of peppy Estuary English accents that make you feel like you’re Austin Powers and they’re at least prepared to pretend you’re shagadelic. And then in London, for the final leg (as it were), it’s Royal Jordanian to Amman — bliss: “air hostesses” in dapper stylish uniforms that, like Singapore and the other great Asian airlines, are an artful combination of native elements from local culture and retro cool from our own. East is East and West is West and ne’er the twain shall meet, but on the best national carriers from east of Suez they come pretty close. The Royal Jordanian gals had our man Nordlinger waxing nostalgic. “These uniforms are a real throwback, to the America of the 1950s or so,” he wrote. “You remember that movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio played that conman, who posed as a pilot for Eastern or something? You remember that bevy of fresh, eager, fetching stewardesses (and in those days, you could use the word ‘stewardess’ — ‘flight attendant’ was a long way off)?”
If you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane.
Catch Me If You Can, the DiCaprio caper in question, does a grand job of evoking that era — the jet-age glamour of the air terminals with the flying-saucer shapes; Sinatra singing “Come Fly with Me” with that marvelous Billy May intro that sounds like an orchestral Boeing taxi-ing down the runway and taking off into the blue; and, of course, the gals.
Which begs the question: Where did it all go? In America, that is. U.S. air travel is the exception that proves the rule about American service: In a Welsh restaurant or Austrian department store, I long for American waitresses and sales clerks. But on USAir or Northwest or Continental, I pine fondly for Royal Jordanian or British or Thai Airways. I yield to no one in the amount of derision I’m willing to heap on “Old Europe,” but, if it’s a choice between Delta and Air France, or United and Lufthansa, I’m with Jacques and Gerhard in wanting to put as much distance as possible between me and the arrogant bullying unilateralist Yank, if only when airborne and pushing a cart of Clamato cans.
Two years ago, an American Express survey revealed that 55 percent of customers had found a “noticeable decline” in cabin service since 9/11, which is pretty amazing because it was a good nine-tenths down the abyss before 9/11. The Wall Street Journal reported the dissatisfactions of “flight attendants” — “A lot of us,” said Glenda Talley of US Airways, “are in a terrible mood before we even set foot on the plane.” “There’s more stress to the job,” complained Kristi Tucker of Delta. “As human beings we can only take so much,” said someone from United. Yeah, fly me a river, baby.
Or how about this? According to flight attendant René Foss, “It didn’t take long after Sept. 11 for people to start acting like complete idiots again.” The first sign you’re acting like a complete idiot is when you book a ticket with these guys. The Journal proposed eight improvements airlines could introduce — more legroom, junk the cart, predictable stuff. But no one thought to address the most obvious defect — that U.S. airlines look just awful, beginning with the shiny shapeless prison-warden garb of their staff, the product of some malign combination of unionization and feminism. I’m not being sexist here — if you want to see America’s worst-dressed gay men, take a plane; when the networks have exhausted every other lame makeover reality-show concept, they should do Queer Eye for the Fly Guy. But the point is, for many folks, an airline ticket is one of the biggest single payments we make other than for a car or house, and in return we get a grubby bus ride with seat restraints.
True, many of those spiffy foreign airlines are either state-owned or de facto monopolies. But America’s federally-bailed-out basket-case carriers aren’t exactly shining exemplars of ruthless capitalism. And their government-subsidized contempt for the public starts with the look — the look of the planes and the look of the staff, the look that says, “Who needs a look?” When the Arabs understand customer service better than you do, you know you’ve got a problem.
I have no idea how they do it, but it seems like all Southwest employees are just having a great time. The seem to genuinely love their jobs. I remember lots of trips from Dallas to Houston on SW where the stewardesses would practice their standup routines in place of the regular seatbelt briefing. I have no idea how they get away with that from the FAA.
When you're in a kick-the-tires-and-light-the-fires mood, SW is awesome. Since they don't have seat reservations, people get the hell on the the airplane and sit the hell down, so as to claim their favorite seat. They appear to load in less than half the time as other airlines, and without anyone really being pushy.
Steyn needs to fly 1st Class more often.
I certainly hope Conrad Black and friends pay his fares.
But actually, you forget that Mark Steyn, unlike most of us, flies mostly internationally. This is a much, much, much more expensive proposition than domestic flights. They are also much longer and that makes things a lot more difficult in terms of comfort. This is one reason the international flights are better; they can last 12 hours plus.
Going from Manchester, NH (where I believe Mark's based) to Annan, Jordan costs at least $1,695 per Orbitz.
Clicking on "Shortest Flights", which I highly recommend on this trip, gives a fare of about $1,883.
So his commentary on those flights is sadly accurate. They really are some of the biggest purchases you will ever make, and in a few hours they are all gone. If I buy a $2,000 camera it at least stays with me for a few years.
D
Not that I disagree with you or anything in regards to "get what you pay for", but aren't you being a little hypocritical? You just condemned the author of that article for criticizing the looks (I thought that portion of the piece was out of place as well) then you start slamming passengers who are wearing jeans and t-shirts? What the heck? I believe the point of the piece was to point out that we have no alternative. And you are right, the airlines can't afford to redo the seats to give us more legroom, but wait, they redo the seats quite often to pack ONE MORE ROW in... I'm 6' 1", and those airline seats are SMALLER than seats on a bus. They cram you in there in order to increase their profit. I'm telling ya, if someone came along, and put comfortable seats in an airplane, they would own the skies...
I've noticed that in North America the discount carriers are the way to go now. Before they tanked, jetsgo had good service in-flight (it was their service on the ground that sucked) and their hosties were babes.
Most of the airlines in the middle east get their pilots from the UK, Europe, the US and Canada. There just aren't enough Arabs who can afford the training needed.
IIRC the Shakespeare quote is accurate but out of context it has become the most widely misunderstood statement ever made in the English language. The "kill all the lawyers" statement was from an advisor who was asked how to go about establishing totalitarian rule, and the meaning was clear: that lawyers would stand in the way of tyranny.
Good point, and I know you wouldn't put that camera in checked baggage, LOL.
More great music from you!
Thank you for posting it.
And, thank you for the ping.
It's very good to see you. ;o)
My own impression is that Americans now tend to behave better abroad than they do in the USA. Maybe it's because they're not afraid of getting sued.
Best cabin crew I encountered was with Air Canada of all places. The safety briefing got everyone's attention: "In the unlikely event that the oxygen mask drops from the ceiling, stop screaming..."
I guess their CEO was listening when Sam Walton pointed out that the way you treat your employees is the way your employees will treat your customers.
Unfortunately the economics of flying are such that six more seats can make or break the profitability of the plane. With the lowest possible fare becoming ever easier to find thanks to the internet, customers are now gained or lost for as little as a dollar.
I honestly find this EXTREMELY hard to believe, considering the NUMEROUS amounts of "non-revs" (used to be one) that fly. If profit margins were THAT tight, "non-revs" would not exist...
I think you're right. Customers forget how uncomfortable they were on their last flight and just choose the cheapest fare. The result is we all suffer merely because we won't spend another few bucks per ticket.
I think the solution might come from a back door somewhere. Like Southwest has quick turns because they don't reserve seats, which induces people to sit down ASAP.
The problem is that ever airline must compete, so it's a race to the bottom of comfort and service.
I don't have an idea to fix it. There needs to be something between first class with quadruple the fares and fine china, and down in steerage.
You do have a point but the economics of flight are almost as bizarre as the physics ;) On a more serious note, the biggest challenge of making money in the business is getting bums into every seat, because airline seats by their nature are the ultimate perishable commodity.
I do believe it is possible to improve things because of what's happening in retail; nobody can undersell Wal-Mart so most of their competitors have decided to try delivering something that WM cannot, which is a pleasant shopping experience.
I'm with you on that. Many people today do not believe me when I tell them that the Canadian Air Regulations used to require that all flight attendants be registered nurses and are surprised when I tell them that there are regs governing the minimum number of cabin crew. They were under the impression that flight attendants are hostesses and have never appreciated that these people are aircrew.
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