Posted on 06/14/2005 7:08:00 AM PDT by mlmr
Thought you might laugh at this. Don't forget to vote in your local elections!
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing fetching, and hair dressing.This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
Thought you might laugh at this. Don't forget to vote!
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girlymen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
The way that many Republicans let the liberals run all over them, sometimes I believe that they are the jackasses.
never seen that...thanks mlmr! That's great!
"Vote today in your local elections."
Aren't democrats supposed to vote tomorrow?
Aren't democrats supposed to vote tomorrow?
No,no. Thursday!
BBQ, that got my attention.
Hey, I'm so conservative I verge on being libertarian -- and I love sushi. I also love quiche, but the way my mom made it -- with jalapeños.
Once was enough.
Bump
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