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The Dead Zone..
19-June-2005 | Ron Pickrell

Posted on 06/19/2005 7:44:20 AM PDT by pickrell

As the mists slowly lifted, they walked out, dazed, in what seemed like a stupor. By the dozens, by the hundreds, they slowly emerged from the fog. We approached several of them to try to understand what was happening.

"What day is it? What year is it?" the young woman blinked. "The last thing I remember, so many years ago, was standing there, glancing up at the facade of the Columbia School of Journalism building, wondering what our first semester would be like. After that, it's like a fog closed in, and my mental capacities seemed to shut down..."

They would come to be known to the world as "The 2200", a large group of "abductees" who have been in some other world for all of this time. Wherever they were, they each now believe that they obtained "special powers". Many claim the power to see invisible government conspiracies everywhere. Others are convinced that they can focus special rays from their minds, and cause great mental disgust in their audiences at considerable distances, merely by making bizarre comments in their newscasts. A few have the power to rearrange reality, merely by endlessly broadcasting looped "war atrocity" footage showing Gitmo terrorists being cruelly served luke-warm "cous-cous" in contravention of all civilized norms, and being walked down hallways wearing orange prisoner jumpsuits, flanked by no-nonsense Marine guards. Senator Dick Durban was too overcome with tears to comment, other than to mumble, "...Nazis...Nazis..." The scene was reminiscent of Martin Sheen and Marlon Brando commenting on the forerunner of Hollywood's vision of war atrocities, "...the horror...the horror..."

In the background, a large group of fans were packing away signs saying "If the Media has a fit, you must acquit..." The fans seemed happy about the outcome of something, but were careful not to make body contact with their "cause celebre". We could only wonder what that was all about, since in the preceding weeks, whenever the words "Michael Jac-" were heard, our fingers reflexively pressed the remote control to see what else was on.

Word quickly spread among the returnees that another big story was in the works. It seemed that a woman of atrocious judgement, who had engaged in heavy drinking, had disappeared in the company of several unsavory and shady characters. But no one seemed to care about Hillary, Teddy and their friends, so the returnees instead booked a flight to Aruba.

I grabbed one to ask, "All 2,200 of you are now going to descend on a small, remote island? What about the danger of culture shock, and the problem of an isolated, backward society removed from all modern reality?" "Ah," he answered brightly, "I see you've already been to a reporter's conclave! Well, we'll just have to risk it again..." As I released him I couldn't help but wonder at the fate of these- (I can't be insensitive and call them journalists) - ...these "differently coherent" victims of a shadowy university.

Would Pinch Sulzeberger hire them?

TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: idiots; journalism; journalists; reporters

1 posted on 06/19/2005 7:44:21 AM PDT by pickrell
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To: pickrell

a excellent bit of biting satire . Take 2 attaboys & 2 way to goes from petty cash.

2 posted on 06/19/2005 9:15:08 AM PDT by Nebr FAL owner (.308 reach out & thump someone .50 cal.Browning Machine gun reach out & crush someone)
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