Ted Kennedy Jokes

[WillMalven]

Well, I call him Orca...the killer whale.

"Hey Teddy, What if I'm pregnant?" "Don't worry Mary-Joe, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Bumper sticker seen on car. "More people were killed in Ted Kennedy's car than at Three Mile Island."

[SteveMcKing]

Has anyone yet welcomed you to FR?

[Calusa]

Ping.

[holdonnow]

Interesting. I've been calling him the Cape Cod Orca for years.

[luv2ndamend]

http://www.jokesdigest.com/cgi-bin/jokepage1.cgi?jid=2638

[Bullish]

Ted Kennedy would have passed away a long time ago if only the govt could find a safe place to bury his liver.

[SteveMcKing]

"Hard line conservatives are at least as bad as Dumocrats. They would rather see Kerry in the White House than vote for Bush, just because he doesn't strictly adhere to the perfect conservative line. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face." <-- WillMalven

[Wombat101]

Kennedy bumper sticker during 1976 Primaries:

Kennedy: A chicken in every pot and a blonde in every pond.

[Cowman]

Remember that press briefing from the first Gulf War when General Powell was showing the film from a bomber. It showed a bridge and the bomb falling toward it. While the bomb was falling but before impact a pickup truck crossed the bridge. That truck's driver was then known as "The Luckiest Man In Iraq." When they make the movie about this incident that man will be portrayed by Ted Kennedy because he knows what it's like to cross a bridge while bombed.

[cripplecreek]

Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale.

A tale of a deadly trip.

[CAluvdubya]

Can we send this thread to Unca Teddy? Just to remind him that we have not forgotten that he is a murderer and got away with it!

[Cowman]

Ted Kennedy would have passed away a long time ago if only the govt could find a safe place to bury his liver

Actually the plan is to have him cremated, but they are concerned about how long it will take for the fire to go out.

[RedRover]

What I wish Rummy had said to Kennedy at last week's Congressional hearing: "Senator, you may think I'm dead in the water, but you're all wet. All this resignation business is water on the bridge and I assure you I'm still bobbing along."

[dirtbiker]

Ted Kennedy would have passed away a long time ago if only the govt could find a safe place to bury his liver

Now THAT would be a toxic waste dump....

[luv2ndamend]

[ken21]

an on star conversation:

hellwoo, dis is ... ted kennedy...um i don't know where i am...i don't know who i am.

last night ... i had that woman ... what's her name?

hey! could you unlock the doors of my oldsmobile?

[Cowman]

[dirtbiker]

What I wish Rummy had said to Kennedy at last week's Congressional hearing: "Senator, you may think I'm dead in the water, but you're all wet. All this resignation business is water on the bridge and I assure you I'm still bobbing along."

I wished that Rummy had told that bloated a$$, after asking when Rummy was going to resign, "Thirty minutes after you do, Senator... Hell, I'll even commit Hari Cari, if you show me how..."

[Eric in the Ozarks]

Neck brace photo is mandatory.

[Cowman]

[roylene]

My favorite was a VW add in Mad Magazine that said:
(remember that the Bug could float)
a picture showed a Bug floating in a river
quote:
If Ted Kennedy had been driving one of these,
he'd be president today.

[Cowman]

Ted Kennedy walks out of a bar... No... This is too far fetched to be believed.
Sorry,

[BW2221]

Don't forget July 18 is the 36th anniversary of "Teddy's midnight swim." You might want to send him an anniversary card. Can you say moral leper?

[raccoonradio]

It was National Lampoon actually.

If Ted Kennedy drove a Volkswagen, he'd be President today

It floats.

The way our body is built, we'd be surprised if it didn't. The sheet of flat steel that goes underneath every Volkswagen keeps out water, as well as dirt and salt and other nasty things that can eat away at the underside of a car. So it's watertight at the bottom. And everybody knows it's easier to shut the door on a Volkswagen after you've rolled down the window a little.

That proves it's practically airtight on top. If it was a boat, we could call it the Water Bug. But it's not a boat, it's a car.

And, like Mary Jo Kopechne, it's only 99 and 44/100 percent pure. So it won't stay afloat forever. Just long enough. Poor Teddy. If he'd been smart enough to buy a Volkswagen, he never would have gotten into hot water.

--------------------------
When a law suit was threatened by VW, National Lampoon ran the following retraction:
"Even if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen he wouldn't be president today."

Source: Curmudgeonly and Skeptical

[raccoonradio]

As seen on fatboy.cc:

[Cowman]

[CROSSHIGHWAYMAN]

When Ted Kennedy croaks, global warming will be cut by 5%.

[CyberAnt]

"More people were killed in Ted Kennedy's car than at Three Mile Island."


Or .. at GTMO!!

[smoothsailing]

LOL! I remember that!

Ted's Bug

[Mike Bates]

Michael M. Bates: My Side of the Swamp

[JarheadFromFlorida]

Fat Teddy himself is a walking joke.

[txroadhawg]

"When a law suit was threatened by VW, National Lampoon ran the following retraction:
"Even if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen he wouldn't be president today."

LOL!!! I spilled my drink on that one!

[Luigi Vasellini]

http://www.ytedk.com

[Bars4Bill]

[WillMalven]

Chill dude, that was a quote from me in reply to "Mark in the Old South" on another thread.

[WillMalven]

Yeah, but Thanks anyway.

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

[skinkinthegrass]

Kennedy: A chicken in every pot and a blonde in every pond...

OUCH!...Thats' gonna leave a mark! :D

[still_learning]

My favorite:

Mary Jo Kopechne did not die in vain! Her death prevented Teddy Kennedy from becoming President!

[RedRover]

Yes, that would have been even better!

[dirtbiker]

Bumper sticker seen on car. "More people were killed in Ted Kennedy's car than at Three Mile Island."

The bumper stickers I've seen say: "Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun has..."

[dirtbiker]

The only person I can think of that would be aroused by this pic is Barney Frank.....(want some BBQ sauce with that?)

[Mr Ducklips]

Shortly before Rose Kennedy passed away, she was having tea with neighbors when, out of the blue, she asked, "I wonder how Jackie's doing?"

"Rose," a neighbor said gently, "Jackie died some time ago."

"Oh, no!" Rose cried.

"Was Teddy driving?"

[tkathy]

Only the democrats could have a KKK former member and a murderer as their top senators.

[eleni121]

Teddy is a legacy Harvard dropout. He paid someone to take his Spanish exam and was found out and expelled (this is true).

Here is the joke:

How do Kennedy's get back into Harvard after cheating on exams?

They promise never to cheat on Spanish exams again...cheat on other stuff yeah but not on Spanish exams.

[DaveLoneRanger]

[No Longer Free State]

More people have died in Ted Kennedy's car than have died at Gitmo.

[stratman1969]

You Know You Drink Too Much When.........

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.