Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage

The Financial Times ^ | July 5, 2005 | Richard Tomkins

[Tax-chick]

"Prepare one meal each day." ???

I deduce that you do not have 8 children.

[AmishDude]

While I agree with you, how do we reverse the trend of the current generation of men that want it all and want it now (McMansion, two or more cars, kids, electronic gadgetry) that require two incomes to support?

Actually, the economics would tell you that, since women have expanded the labor market, the purchasing power of a single salary has gone down precipitously. It's a spiral, the more two-income families there are, the less one income will buy.

[Aquinasfan]

My solution was getting my own financial house in order, cutting up my credit cards, paying off my car; basically being debt-free myself then dropping out as an "income source" for all of his stuff.

Harsh? Yes. Eye-opener? Yes. Was I initially guilty of being a "spending enabler" to my husband? Yes. Did it work for us? Yes.

You probably dodged a bullet. My sister has bill collectors calling her or showing up at her house every week. She got out just before her ex cleaned her out completely.

[aberaussie]

bttt

[HairOfTheDog]

If economic necessity is not going to bring and keep men and women together in marriage, then we are going to have to rely on mutual affection and respect.

"...So, in that spirit, women are all bitches that henpeck us." ~rolls eyes~

What a whiner.

What there is, in this country, are a bunch of people of both sexes that lack commitment within relationships, and some who think that commitment entitles them to be mean to the other.

[Aquinasfan]

[homeschooling] makes it possible for kids to see the home as a true center of activity, a "place where things happen," and not just a dormitory and a "place where you keep your stuff"

Vastly under-valued benefit of homeschooling.

[grayforkbeard]

After all, it is a documented fact that children raised by fathers in motherless homes do much better than those raised without a father present.

Would that be because fathers raise the kids anyway?

[krb]

the way men used to outearn women in the 1950's

That is a myth that has been busted up by this fascinating book. Written by a past board member of the NOW and the preface written by a past president of the same group, I was pleasantly shocked at their findings.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

I deduce that you do not have 8 children.

Wow. I envy you. :-)

[Conservatrix]

Position: Wife Duties: Cooking: Prepare one meal each day. Cleaning: Keep house in order. Vacuum and dust 1-2 per week, wipe down kitchen and bathroom daily. Laundry: 2-3 times per week. Total time required: 20-25 hours per week. Perks: Get up when you want. Make your own schedule. No commuting. No bosses. No rude co-workers. 2-hour lunches. 2 1-hour breaks.

Er, what planet are you on? Here is my job dscription: SINGLE MOTHER OF SIX Duties: Cooking: 3 meals a day for 7 people plus snacks Shopping: several stores a week for bargains and various staples, 4-6 times a week to and for errands Cleaning: 5 bedrooms and two bathrooms, yard and porch. Cycles of dishes 3 times a day. Laundry: 2-3 loads A DAY (not per week) Schedule: Get up an hour before kids to shop if necessary, run errands, check email, BEFORE the day starts with all the other things Boss: God Almighty Subordinates: 6 busy, active, intelligent children needing guidance, direction, discipline, acitivites and affection Perks: Get to love a large family of beautiful kids Other jobs: two part-time teaching jobs, job searching for full-time job Wait until your imaginary "wife" has kids-- I am sure her job description would be quite different. And you forgot one for your list: Other duties: suffering with living with a bonehead

[PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain]

Saying marriage is about compromise is one thing, saying it is sacrafice is another. I believe it is about compromise, but if you view that compromise as a sacrifice, I think you could get resentful towards your spouse.

And altho I do beleive people who don't want children because of the "sacrfice" they would have to make are very selfish people I do admire them for having the courage to admit it, and do feel sorry for them because they just don't understand that not having children is a bigger, true sacrifice then having them. They must be sad shallow people to not be able to love without viewing it as a sacrifice.

Becky

[GSlob]

Actually, it is due to the very simple fact that in olden days an extended family was the only social safety net available - and thus had to be preserved. Only the very rich could afford being without one. Therefore, as a thought experiment, abolish the welfare system and Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid, permit the hospitals and doctors to throw away uninsured would-be patients - and you will see stable families if not overnight, then within a very short time.

[Bon mots]

Women do suffer economically after the marriage ends. Many women are single moms, and usually with jobs which pay less than the males.

Well then they shouldn't whine when they screw up the marriage.

[F.J. Mitchell]

Well, one thing is obvious. If same sex marriage becomes the norm as the democrats are pushing it to be. Half the population of one gender or the other, will have to make one hellova change.

[Conservatrix]

It sounds like he was a terrible choice, but since you chose to respond, it's very important to answer the question. Why did you select him?

I will send you a private reply on this.

[Lord_Baltar]

AMEN.

[digitalman]

Here is another prospective:

I try to be patient, and realize most people views are taken from a narrow perspective; usually the prospective of their life time.

For a few of the macho men of the board, lets take a look at this perspective, for a good portion of our nations history, man did not bring home the bacon,, for most American’s the bacon was on the family farm. Mom did as much work as Dad did, junior also got up for chores. The family was home with each other, bonding, working side by side, with occasional ‘outings’ among neighbors. If Pop went off to war, or had to be gone, Mom worked the farm, as hard as any man.

Then the family moved to the ‘city’, mom, home bound, pop new role ‘bread winner’. Dad has a different out look on Mom at home as he goes off to the city earning a “liven”, and socializing among the town folk. Mom’s value dropped in the eyes of her man.

Hope your starting to get the picture here, I would hate to have to spell it out more for you.

It’s not matter of ‘girly men’ it is a matter of putting your ‘thinking’ cap on’

The author of the articles views are narrow in perspective.

There are several ways to tear down our society one is to male bash the other is to 'woman bash'. To less the value of women in the home, in marriage and society is to damage our nations as much as any insurgent.

Some males on the board need stop whinning like spoiled children who's mommy is not taking care of them, and look at men who have keep their marriages in tact, and a good healthy family, and wife. Note the word difference 'males' vs. 'men'.

[Tax-chick]

Wow. I envy you. :-)

Because of my sharp, logical mind?

Jk, you're very kind! The 8th one hasn't been born yet, actually, so it's very quiet and doesn't produce any dirty dishes or laundry!

[Kelly_2000]

"Er, what planet are you on? Here is my job dscription: SINGLE MOTHER OF SIX Duties: Cooking: 3 meals a day for 7 people plus snacks Shopping: several stores a week for bargains and various staples, 4-6 times a week to and for errands Cleaning: 5 bedrooms and two bathrooms, yard and porch. Cycles of dishes 3 times a day. Laundry: 2-3 loads A DAY (not per week) Schedule: Get up an hour before kids to shop if necessary, run errands, check email, BEFORE the day starts with all the other things Boss: God Almighty Subordinates: 6 busy, active, intelligent children needing guidance, direction, discipline, acitivites and affection Perks: Get to love a large family of beautiful kids Other jobs: two part-time teaching jobs, job searching for full-time job Wait until your imaginary "wife" has kids-- I am sure her job description would be quite different. And you forgot one for your list: Other duties: suffering with living with a bonehead"

Wooo Hoo go girl :-)

[Bon mots]

Marriage has become financial union based on the females emotions only because the man has no say in the program lest he sued for divorce and his life be ruined for ever.

Marriage is a financial union CONTRACT! A contract where the guy will be royally screwed if anything goes wrong... regardless of who is at fault.