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Huge crowds, rabid devotees and no Mick Jagger in sight. Are you afraid? (Atheist alert)
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 8/3/05 | Mark Morford

Posted on 08/03/2005 1:08:29 PM PDT by Homer_J_Simpson

Huge crowds, rabid devotees and no Mick Jagger in sight. Are you afraid?

Mark Morford

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

I have never been to a big creepy megachurch. This is my first confession.

I have never been to, say, Lakewood Church in Houston, the biggest, glossiest megachurch of all, which just dumped a staggering $75 million to renovate the former stadium for the Houston Rockets and turn it into a massive pulsing swaying arm-raisin' eye-glazed weirdly repressed House o' Jesus.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Philosophy; US: California; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: christians; hates; liberaltolerance; morford; normalphobia; sandinvagina
Bizarre paragraph from a bizarre essay:

But you really don't need to attend one of these surreal spectacles to realize that most of us should kneel down right now in heartfelt gratitude that we have never been forced to endure, say, the all-paunchy-married-man revue of a Promise Keepers rally, or the bizarre pious cheerleading of a Harvest Crusade in L.A., and hence we have been blessedly devoid of the taint of guys like Greg Laurie, one of the new breed of sleek, preening pastors, a strange new mutant species of pastor-CEO-huckster-salesman, who leads the big Harvest chant-alongs and who writes milky best-selling self-help books, books that claim to know something of God but that somehow never mention single-malt scotch or Tom Waits or grinning Buddha icons or chocolate ice cream drizzled on a lover's tailbone, slowly, tantalizingly. Greg. Sweetheart. You so don't know God. I'm just sayin'.

1 posted on 08/03/2005 1:08:31 PM PDT by Homer_J_Simpson
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

I'm guessing the author is a militant homosexual. Just a wild guess.


2 posted on 08/03/2005 1:11:52 PM PDT by Argus
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

isnt CA one those homo-stoner states? that should explain it all


3 posted on 08/03/2005 1:12:29 PM PDT by minus_273
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Sounds like the author believes that experiencing God is akin to self gratification. Makes sense... each lefty is the most important thing in the universe to themselves.


4 posted on 08/03/2005 1:12:42 PM PDT by MarineBrat (We are taxed twice as much by our idleness. -- Benjamin Franklin)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

So is this Morford's first shot out of the box after being promoted from the Chronicle's web site to newsprint?

Only difference I can see is less cussing. But yes, he's still a homo.


5 posted on 08/03/2005 1:14:49 PM PDT by telebob
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To: Argus

I see you've met Ms. Morford. Using the word "homosexual" to describe Ms. Morford is just not enough. The words properly used to describe her are just not repeatable on FR.

She writes screeds like this regularly for the Comical out there in San Cramcrisco, and they're all like this...run-on sentences; rabid hatred of any part of the country east of Marin County, conservatives, Republicans, Christians, and heterosexuals; and at least two references to masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, or the Kama Sutra.

}:-)4


6 posted on 08/03/2005 1:15:46 PM PDT by Moose4 (Newsflash: It's the South. In the summer. IT GETS HOT. DEAL WITH IT.)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Should be "Morford alert."

Already posted somewhere but I don't really care as I avoid this idiot at all costs.


7 posted on 08/03/2005 1:16:16 PM PDT by subterfuge (Obama, momama...er Osama-Labamba, uh, bama...bananrama...URP!---Ted Kennedy)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Saw the Stones once in Jersey in the late 70's.

They were 2-3 hours late.

Sound system sucked.

They played 45 minutes and left.

Enjoyed watching the ensuing RIOT.

Twas no religious experience and no refund either.


8 posted on 08/03/2005 1:16:50 PM PDT by funkywbr
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To: MarineBrat
. . . that somehow never mention single-malt scotch or Tom Waits

Not to dis Tom Waits, but I wonder if the author has ever heard of J.S. Bach. He wrote some fairish music for the liturgy of my church.

9 posted on 08/03/2005 1:17:07 PM PDT by Homer_J_Simpson (My brain maybe tiny but it is quite accurate.)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Wow, now there's a backed up drainpipe if I've ever heard one.


10 posted on 08/03/2005 1:17:35 PM PDT by freedomson (Tagline comment removed by moderator)
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To: minus_273

There are lots of devout Christians in California. I grew up in Texas, but now live in California.

In fact, the Christians I know in California are more devout than the ones that I know in Texas.

In California, you really have to know what you believe to say you are a Christian because you will be persecuted here.

My church is a very small passionate church, and I love all of the members of the church.


11 posted on 08/03/2005 1:21:22 PM PDT by luckystarmom
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

"I have never been to, say, Lakewood Church in Houston"

It would cut down on the time he'd have to go to bath houses and retrieve the soap...


12 posted on 08/03/2005 1:23:54 PM PDT by NRA1995 (West Virginia needs neurosurgeons like San Francisco needs gynecologists)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson
I never thought I'd read anything in this seditious twerp's column that would make me feel happy but...

located in the heart of honey-let's-never-go-there Colorado Springs.

...I was wrong.
13 posted on 08/03/2005 1:34:49 PM PDT by frossca
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Is it paragraph, or a run-on sentence? Perhaps both. Either way, it is bizarre, but standard fare for Msr. Morford.


14 posted on 08/03/2005 1:38:25 PM PDT by Disambiguator (Making accusations of racism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.)
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To: NRA1995
"I have never been to, say, Lakewood Church in Houston"

It would cut down on the time he'd have to go to bath houses and retrieve the soap...
-----

Not even. He can do like I do and watch it on TeeVee. It's on twice on Sunday in NJ. While it is a monster church I have yet to see glazed eyes.

And while I'm at it what was that about "chocolate drizzled on a lovers tail bone?" This guy doesn't know the history of psychiatry - I do - HE IS A FREAK!
15 posted on 08/03/2005 1:38:36 PM PDT by Sterlis (My brain is full.....)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Last column I read it was chocolate truffles on a lover's tailbone. I think I am learning more about weird homo fetishes than I care to know.

But this was the sentence that drew me - "and malicious teenage abstinence seminars".

That one probably kills him. All those young teens being armored against being seduced by perverts.


16 posted on 08/03/2005 1:39:05 PM PDT by I still care (America is not the problem - it is the solution..)
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To: minus_273

You should know that (in FR parlance), Morford's beeber is permanently stuned.


17 posted on 08/03/2005 1:40:29 PM PDT by Disambiguator (Making accusations of racism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.)
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To: Argus

Or a raving anti-Christian bigot. What hatred!


18 posted on 08/03/2005 1:42:15 PM PDT by AppyPappy
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

Hey Mark Morford....why don't you turn off the old Bronski-beat tunes, quit playing the bone dance with your partner and maybe listen to what's being said in there, not what your pathetic anti-Christian hate tells you. People like you hate to be told what you are doing is wrong or harmful, that is why you hate them. I would say ask my gay brother, but I buried him in 1994, another senseless casualty in the AIDS Epidemic. He had little time for a christian message as well.


19 posted on 08/03/2005 1:45:54 PM PDT by PAMadMax (Islam is the enemy of all mankind...AlJazeera is its PR Firm)
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To: Argus
This is one sick dude!

In case he hasn't made his "orientation" clear, this appears on his bio page

Go ahead, pretend like you don't know. Pretend like the Divine isn't whispering nasty love notes into the ear of your soul as you read this and stare at this picture and admire its juicy double meanings. Pretend like you're just going about your day, same as it ever was, as if you didn't have the opportunity to fire up the love gun of your buzzing hot nature on a whim. Go ahead.

20 posted on 08/03/2005 1:56:15 PM PDT by GeorgiaYankee
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To: Sterlis
And while I'm at it what was that about "chocolate drizzled on a lovers tail bone?" This guy doesn't know the history of psychiatry - I do - HE IS A FREAK!

Hey. Excuse me, but you can just kiss my tagline, you chocolaphobe! ;-)

21 posted on 08/03/2005 1:57:21 PM PDT by Capriole (I don't have any problems that can't be solved by more chocolate or more ammunition.)
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To: GeorgiaYankee

When I look at this, the Divine whispers to me that I have to go out and buy a new .38 S&W wheelgun like I've been planning.


22 posted on 08/03/2005 2:00:07 PM PDT by Capriole (I don't have any problems that can't be solved by more chocolate or more ammunition.)
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To: Capriole

Someone needs to tell Ms Morford that the orifice she/he/it is obsessed with is an EXIT ONLY, DO NOT ENTER!

Other basic info Mark may be unaware of:
2+2=4
The sky is UP
The ground is DOWN
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
In the end, we all have to stand before Him. (God, not Ms Morford)


23 posted on 08/03/2005 2:08:36 PM PDT by GeorgiaYankee
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Comment #24 Removed by Moderator

To: GeorgiaYankee

When I see that picture, the Divine is whispering to me that the the knucklehead who designed this revolver forgot to put on a front sight, made the grips way too big, and forgot to put the spur on the hammer. By the way, have these clowns ever heard of an extractor rod? How are you supposed to eject the shells after firing all of the shots?


25 posted on 08/03/2005 2:11:51 PM PDT by dbehsman (NRA Life member and loving every minute of it!)
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To: funkywbr
LOL!

BTW

I've never heard anyone refer to a house of God as "creepy".

That indicates something far worse 'atheist'.

26 posted on 08/03/2005 2:21:46 PM PDT by BenLurkin (O beautiful for patriot dream - that sees beyond the years)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson
I have never been to a big creepy megachurch.

I thought these guys were always denouncing Christians for objecting to a book they hadn't read or a movie they hadn't seen.

How is that different from denouncing a church you haven't attended?

27 posted on 08/03/2005 2:55:53 PM PDT by Restorer (Liberalism: the auto-immune disease of societies.)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

"These are the churches for whom BushCo tried to codify homophobia in the U.S. Constitution and for whom he appoints countless right- wing misogynist lower-court judges and nominates a neoconservative Supreme Court justice who is so white and so male and so gleamingly, blindingly conservative he might as well be Dick Cheney and Antonin Scalia's immaculate love child."

This idiot doesn't understand procreation.


28 posted on 08/03/2005 3:13:17 PM PDT by i_dont_chat
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To: Capriole
"you chocolaphobe! ;-)"

Not guilty. It was the hairy "lovers tail bone" thang that got me. Per your tagline "Pass the ammo and I'll aim for the chocolate spot..."
29 posted on 08/03/2005 5:58:06 PM PDT by Sterlis (My brain is full.....)
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To: Homer_J_Simpson

What was this guy on when he wrote this anti Christ garbage?


30 posted on 08/03/2005 6:00:03 PM PDT by ladyinred (Here come the judges!)
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