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Dam Beavers
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Posted on 08/06/2005 8:10:08 AM PDT by G3

Dam environmentalists!

Subject: Dams

Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter

(This is the State's Letter!) SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water Management Division

** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: ** Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.

RYAN DEVRIES &THE DAM BEAVERS


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: beavers; dam; damties
This e-mail arrived today and what a hoot!!! Our goverment hard at work.
1 posted on 08/06/2005 8:10:09 AM PDT by G3
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To: G3

I want to see the how correspondence back and forth.


2 posted on 08/06/2005 8:13:21 AM PDT by dts32041 (Shinkichi: Massuer, did you see that? Zatôichi: I don't see much)
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To: G3

They changed the date of the original letter.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

This happened in 1997.


3 posted on 08/06/2005 8:16:25 AM PDT by Indy Pendance
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To: G3

That's a classic.


4 posted on 08/06/2005 8:20:37 AM PDT by beyond the sea ("If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." - Jack Lemmon)
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To: dts32041
The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer ---

LOL

5 posted on 08/06/2005 8:21:24 AM PDT by beyond the sea ("If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." - Jack Lemmon)
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To: G3

You know what a beaver says to the other when he spots a pile of debris?


DAM!!!


6 posted on 08/06/2005 8:23:38 AM PDT by JRios1968 (Will work for a tagline.)
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To: Indy Pendance
Thank you for the source, you answered my questions.
7 posted on 08/06/2005 8:26:45 AM PDT by dts32041 (Shinkichi: Massuer, did you see that? Zatôichi: I don't see much)
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To: G3

These beavers are lucky they aren't located in North Carolina.
I have a creek at the north and east boundary of my property, and the State Fish & Game and/or Water Quality people are regularly "fixing" the dams with dynamite. The beavers just come back and rebuild.


8 posted on 08/06/2005 8:28:56 AM PDT by TommyDale
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To: G3; eyespysomething

This is dam funny.


9 posted on 08/06/2005 8:37:32 AM PDT by SittinYonder (America is the Last Beach)
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To: G3; grellis; sergiod; queenkathy; cripplecreek; Hillary's Lovely Legs

Just dam!


10 posted on 08/06/2005 8:59:03 AM PDT by apackof2 (In my simple way, I guess you could say I'm living in the BIG TIME)
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To: G3
Another big beaver story.
11 posted on 08/06/2005 9:03:47 AM PDT by oyez (¡Qué viva la revolución de Reagan!)
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To: tutstar

12 posted on 08/06/2005 9:26:10 AM PDT by Nightshift (Faith is something everyone has. The question is faith in what?)
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To: G3; Peanut Gallery; Darksheare; SAMWolf; Valin; alfa6; Iris7; Wneighbor

Natural engineers at work ping


13 posted on 08/06/2005 9:54:23 AM PDT by Professional Engineer ({in best George W voice} A penny saved is {insert characteristic pause here} one cent.)
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To: G3

I like beavers!!


14 posted on 08/06/2005 10:02:20 AM PDT by aquila48
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To: JRios1968
What did the fish say when he hit a wall?

DAM!

15 posted on 08/06/2005 10:11:05 AM PDT by doodad
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To: oyez

I like big beavers.


16 posted on 08/06/2005 10:14:48 AM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: G3

All your dam ties are belong to us.

dam ties
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1306708/posts
posts #13 and #14


17 posted on 08/06/2005 10:36:52 AM PDT by Kevin OMalley (But once life has begun... termination should not be decided merely by desire. Ted Kennedy 1971)
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To: apackof2

LMAO and bookmarking. You just made my dam day!


18 posted on 08/06/2005 5:10:57 PM PDT by grellis (node iddum eentup sechew)
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To: BibChr

I don't know if it's a true correspondence or not, but it's awfully funny!


19 posted on 08/06/2005 5:12:21 PM PDT by grellis (node iddum eentup sechew)
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To: grellis

Thanks, I would have missed that!

And as another poster pointed out, it evidently did happen:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

Dan


20 posted on 08/06/2005 5:19:55 PM PDT by BibChr ("...behold, they have rejected the word of the LORD, so what wisdom is in them?" [Jer. 8:9])
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To: tet68

I kinda like the ... oh, never mind, this is a family forum!


21 posted on 08/06/2005 11:39:01 PM PDT by JRios1968 (Will work for a tagline.)
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To: G3

Man I was laughing so much I almost cried!


22 posted on 08/06/2005 11:54:45 PM PDT by maui_hawaii
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To: G3

Thanks! I enjoyed it.


23 posted on 08/06/2005 11:59:49 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar
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