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Democrats' New Strategy: Almost Winning (Mark Steyn On The Couch Potato Democrats Alert)
Chicago Sun Times ^ | 08/07/05 | Mark Steyn

Posted on 08/07/2005 5:39:34 AM PDT by goldstategop

The other day an official with a British teachers' union proposed that the concept of "failing" exams should be abolished. Instead of being given a "failing" grade, she said, the pupil would instead be given a "deferred success."

Oh, sure, you can scoff. But evidently the system's already being test-piloted in Howard Dean's Democratic Party. That's why the Dems' Congressional Campaign Committee hailed their electoral failure in last week's Ohio special election as a triumphant "deferred success." As their press release put it:

"In nearly the biggest political upset in recent history, Democrat Paul Hackett came within just a few thousand votes of defeating Republican Jean Schmidt in Ohio's Second Congressional District."

Yes, indeed. It was "nearly the biggest political upset in recent history," which is another way of saying it was actually the smallest political non-upset in recent history. Hackett was like a fast-forward rerun of the Kerry campaign. He was a veteran of the Iraq war, but he was anti-war, but he made solemn dignified patriotic commercials featuring respectful footage of President Bush and artfully neglecting to mention the candidate was a Democrat, but in livelier campaign venues he dismissed Bush as a "sonofabitch" and a "chicken hawk" who was "un-American" for questioning his patriotism.

And as usual this nearly winning strategy lost yet again -- this time to a weak Republican candidate with a lot of problematic baggage. Insofar as I understand it, the official Democratic narrative is that Bush is a moron who's nevertheless managed to steal two elections. Big deal. Up against this crowd, that's looking like petty larceny. After the Ohio vote, Dem pollster Stan Greenberg declared that "one of the biggest doubts about Democrats is that they don't stand for anything." That might have passed muster two years ago. Alas, the party's real problem is that increasingly there's no doubt whatsoever about it.

Fortunately, the Dems have found a new line of attack to counter the evil election-stealing moron. A few days ago, the Democratic National Committee put out a press release attacking Bush for being physically fit. It seems his physical fitness comes at the expense of the nation's lardbutt youth. Or as the DNC put it:

"While President Bush has made physical fitness a personal priority, his cuts to education funding have forced schools to roll back physical education classes and his administration's efforts to undermine Title IX sports programs have threatened thousands of women's college sports programs."

Wow. I noticed my gal had put on a few pounds but I had no idea it was Bush's fault. That sonofabitch chicken hawk. Just for the record, "his cuts to education funding" are cuts only in the sense that Hackett's performance in the Ohio election was a tremendous victory: that's to say, Bush's "cuts to education funding" are in fact an increase of roughly 50 percent in federal education funding.

Some of us wish he had cut education funding. By any rational measure, a good third of public school expenditures are completely wasted. But instead it's skyrocketed. And the idea that Bush is heartlessly pursuing an elite leisure activity denied to millions of American schoolchildren takes a bit of swallowing given that his preferred fitness activity is running. "Running" requires two things: you and ground. Short of buying every schoolkid some John Kerry thousand-dollar electric-yellow buttock-hugging lycra singlet, it's hard to see what there is about "running" that requires increasing federal funding.

Perhaps America could have a Running Czar or a National Commission on Running that would report back on the need for a Cabinet-level Runner-General. Perhaps Title IX needs to be expanded to provide a federal sneaker subsidy: a woman's right to shoes.

But I don't think so. Sitting behind yet another Vermont granolamobile bearing the bumper sticker "Bush Scares Me," I found myself thinking that perhaps the easiest way to reduce childhood obesity in American families might just to be to shout out, "Look! There's big scary Bush! Run! Run for your lives! No, wait, there's John Bolton, too! Better cut through the park before he puts his hands on his hips in an aggressive manner!" Indeed, when yesterday's coming man John Edwards dusts off his "Two Americas" stump speech -- the one with the heartwarming Dickensian vignette about the shivering girl whose parents can't afford to buy her a winter coat ($9.99 brand new from Wal-Mart) -- he might want to add a section about how an easy way for shivering coatless girls to keep warm is to run around the block a couple of times.

Speaking of shivering coatless girls in Bush's America, spare a thought for the underprivileged urchins of the Bronx. The Gloria Wise Boys & Girls Club, a nonprofit social-services organization in New York, receives millions of dollars in government funds to give disadvantaged youth in poor neighborhoods a leg up the ladder of life. But mysteriously much of the money wound up being diverted to the coffers of Air America, the liberal talk-radio network whose ratings are yet another example of "deferred success." The needs of disadvantaged Al Franken and his pals apparently outweigh those of Bronx welfare recipients. Perhaps Janeane Garofalo is the coatless girl John Edwards was talking about all those months. Air America looks like the broadcast version of the U.N. Oil-for-Food program, whereby money earmarked to save starving moppets somehow winds up in the bank accounts of bloated self-described do-gooders with political connections.

The DNC's Bush-is-the-reason-your-kid-is-fat press release is a convenient precis of the party's problem: While he runs rings around them, the Dems lounge about getting flabbier by the week and telling themselves it's all his fault they can barely move except to complain about Bush's Supreme Court nominee's kid being overly cute. What's the betting for 2006? The Dems will have a few more "nearly the biggest political upsets," while the Republicans will have the actual political upsets -- a couple more Senate seats? Including Robert C. Byrd's venerable perch in West Virginia?

Republicans may see the increasingly arthritic, corpulent, wheezing, flatulent Democratic Party as a boon for them, but I don't. Two-party systems need two parties, not just for the health of the loser but for that of the winner, too. Intellectually, philosophically, legislatively, it's hard to maintain the discipline to keep yourself in shape when the other guy just lies around the house all day.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Government; Miscellaneous; Philosophy; Politics/Elections; US: Ohio
KEYWORDS: bloated; chicagosuntimes; couchpotato; democrats; dnc; lazyparty; marksteyn; nothinggoingparty; whigs
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Mark Steyn calls the Democrats the "guy [who] just lies around the house all day." Couch Potato Democrats. The other party is becoming sedentary, corpulent, and the sick old man of American politics. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Democrats go the way of the Whigs. A nothing going party that has nothing to contribute to the country's discourse is in no condition to stay in shape and beat the Republicans. I doubt Steyn's analysis will wake up the half-sleepy fellows at the DNC who've convinced themselves the key to victory is bragging that almost winning an election is like winning one!

(Denny Crane: "Sometimes you can only look for answers from God and failing that... and Fox News".)
1 posted on 08/07/2005 5:39:36 AM PDT by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop

So the Dems are going to claim victory even when they lose? Sounds like German propoganda in the last year of WWII.


2 posted on 08/07/2005 5:45:22 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: goldstategop
I love reading Mark Steyn's articles.

And the idea that Bush is heartlessly pursuing an elite leisure activity denied to millions of American schoolchildren takes a bit of swallowing given that his preferred fitness activity is running. "Running" requires two things: you and ground. Short of buying every schoolkid some John Kerry thousand-dollar electric-yellow buttock-hugging lycra singlet, it's hard to see what there is about "running" that requires increasing federal funding.

You've got to love it.

3 posted on 08/07/2005 5:47:36 AM PDT by SunTzuWu
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To: mainepatsfan

Or Hirihito's announcement that the "War had not gone necessarily to Japan's advantage."


4 posted on 08/07/2005 5:48:17 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim (Now that taglines are cool, I refuse to have one.)
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To: goldstategop
"Running" requires two things: you and ground. Short of buying every schoolkid some John Kerry thousand-dollar electric-yellow buttock-hugging lycra singlet, it's hard to see what there is about "running" that requires increasing federal funding.

LOL, just emailed it to my bicycle riding husband.
5 posted on 08/07/2005 5:49:19 AM PDT by Mercat (God loves us where He finds us.)
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To: Tijeras_Slim

A slight understatement.


6 posted on 08/07/2005 5:50:37 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: Pokey78

A woman's right to shoes...Brilliant Steyn.


7 posted on 08/07/2005 5:52:44 AM PDT by blanknoone (When will Europe understand there is no one willing to accept their surrender?)
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To: goldstategop
I wouldn't be surprised to see the Democrats go the way of the Whigs.

We can only wish. If it ever did happen, I think a new party should arise that is somewhere to the right of the Republicans who have become to centrist on many issues.

8 posted on 08/07/2005 5:53:19 AM PDT by Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...
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To: Tijeras_Slim

Or Baghdad Bob "There are no Americans here!"


9 posted on 08/07/2005 5:54:03 AM PDT by neodad (I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast, for I intend to go in harm's way)
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To: mainepatsfan
The new Chariman of the DNC??


10 posted on 08/07/2005 5:55:23 AM PDT by skimbell
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To: skimbell
I'm convinced the reason the Dummies were so disappointed by Bush's win last year was because they believed their own propaganda.
11 posted on 08/07/2005 5:58:20 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: goldstategop
Good post.

>> I doubt Steyn's analysis will wake up the half-sleepy fellows at the DNC who've convinced themselves the key to victory is bragging that almost winning an election is like winning one!

Lets hope this is the case.

I believe that before the rats totally implode politically they may well end up acting out violently. I remember the real leftists of the early 70's, and amaze that they have degraded to the point they have today.

Drug addled minds apparently fall short of the mark, as far as motivation and initiative go. It will all be over for the party should the rats lash out in a violent manner.

After the rat party collapses, their remainder and the remainder of the AFL (public employee unions) will form the American Labour party. They are not going away any time soon.
12 posted on 08/07/2005 6:00:03 AM PDT by mmercier
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To: mmercier

Now someone please photo shop Deans face into Bagdad Bob's picture. Or if it has been done then please show that pic.

Thanks in advance


13 posted on 08/07/2005 6:01:31 AM PDT by BookaT (My cat's breath smells like cat food!)
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To: mainepatsfan
What do the Democrats stand for? I doubt a liberal could tell you cause otherwise they wouldn't be blowing millions on new think tanks if they knew what their core values were. That pretty much sums up the Democrats current predicament: they're bereft of ideas and they have to pretend to be Republicans to have a chance to win.

(Denny Crane: "Sometimes you can only look for answers from God and failing that... and Fox News".)
14 posted on 08/07/2005 6:02:24 AM PDT by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop
Wonderful article! I once saw a border collie competition where a dog, owned by a man named Nigel, was a complete disaster. After the fiasco, the TV commentator, clearly not wanting to be mean, said to the owner, "That was nearly smashing, Nigel!" Sounds like the new Democratic Party slogan.
15 posted on 08/07/2005 6:03:17 AM PDT by RedRover
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To: goldstategop
...a woman's right to shoes.

Love this.
16 posted on 08/07/2005 6:03:17 AM PDT by Talking_Mouse (Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just... Thomas Jefferson)
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To: goldstategop
Wow. I noticed my gal had put on a few pounds but I had no idea it was Bush's fault. That sonofabitch chicken hawk.

Bwah-Haa-Haaaa!

17 posted on 08/07/2005 6:05:01 AM PDT by Caipirabob (Democrats.. Socialists..Commies..Traitors...Who can tell the difference?)
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To: goldstategop

I love this guy, he is always so 'right on'.


18 posted on 08/07/2005 6:06:18 AM PDT by Dustbunny (The only good terrorist is a dead terrorist)
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To: goldstategop

Hillary will move as far right as she thinks she has to in order to win because she knows the idiot Dem base won't turn on her no matter what.


19 posted on 08/07/2005 6:08:29 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: goldstategop
The democratic party has turned into and endless Monty Python sketch:


Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't!
Arthur: Well what's that then? (pointing to the arm lying on the ground)
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You LIAR!

~~snip~~



Black Knight: (kicking him again) Have at you!
Arthur: (getting up) You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!
Black Knight: Ohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid b*****d, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK!!!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound!


20 posted on 08/07/2005 6:11:20 AM PDT by Condor51 (Leftists are moral and intellectual parasites - Standing Wolf)
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To: goldstategop
Wow. I noticed my gal had put on a few pounds

Man, that's gonna cost Mark bigtime. Check for bruises later.

LOL.

21 posted on 08/07/2005 6:14:59 AM PDT by savedbygrace ("No Monday morning quarterback has ever led a team to victory" GW Bush)
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To: Condor51

Perhaps someday they'll want to call it a draw.


22 posted on 08/07/2005 6:17:09 AM PDT by mainepatsfan
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To: goldstategop

Steyn on Sunday morning: nectar from the heavens. Thanks so much for posting the whole article! There were WAY too many good digs (eg. Vermont granolamobile, the underprivileged Bronx kids, flabby and flatulent Dems) to pick just one!


23 posted on 08/07/2005 6:20:26 AM PDT by alwaysconservative (Democrat motto: You'd be bitter and humorless too if you were wrong about everything!)
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To: goldstategop
"Running" requires two things: you and ground. Short of buying every schoolkid some John Kerry thousand-dollar electric-yellow buttock-hugging lycra singlet, it's hard to see what there is about "running" that requires increasing federal funding.

That way too much common sense, Mark get with the program!

No, wait, there's John Bolton, too! Better cut through the park before he puts his hands on his hips in an aggressive manner!"

Does anybody else get the feeling that line was specifically for Bungling Biden? Whether not, it's hilarious!

24 posted on 08/07/2005 6:20:35 AM PDT by sirchtruth (Words Mean Things...)
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To: BookaT

Your wish is my command. LOL

25 posted on 08/07/2005 6:23:36 AM PDT by BushCountry (They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong.)
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To: goldstategop
This election was the equivalent of the Germans calling Stalingrad a "success" because they "only" lost an entire army---not three or four.

We're on offense. In the past months we've scored several TDs (re-election of Bush, increasing the leads in the Senate and House, Bolton, the court appointees, Roberts, the gun legislation, and, yes, CAFTA). The Dems, down 48-0 are celebrating because we "just" kicked a FG. Amazing what losing does to your thinking.

26 posted on 08/07/2005 6:25:25 AM PDT by LS (CNN is the Amtrak of news)
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To: Temple Owl

ping


27 posted on 08/07/2005 6:29:58 AM PDT by Tribune7
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To: goldstategop

The libs (Dems) have shackled themselves to the lead weight of multi-culturalism and multi-culturalism is best represented by Islam these days.


28 posted on 08/07/2005 6:30:48 AM PDT by junta (Is Mexico an ally in the WOT?)
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To: BushCountry

Awesome BushCountry. Thanks!

BookaT


29 posted on 08/07/2005 6:36:35 AM PDT by BookaT (My cat's breath smells like cat food!)
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To: goldstategop
"Fortunately, the Dems have found a new line of attack to counter the evil election-stealing moron."

He sure has a way of pointing out the morbid thinking they have. Years ago it was fun to have an intellectual debate with these people. Now it's like arguing with a two year old. We can now call the Dems the party of eternal adolescence...you must check maturity at the door to be part of their party.
30 posted on 08/07/2005 6:38:06 AM PDT by generationfixit
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To: generationfixit
Years ago it was fun to have an intellectual debate with these people. Now it's like arguing with a two year old.

Those were my thoughts exactly, only you put it more succinctly!

31 posted on 08/07/2005 6:43:36 AM PDT by alwaysconservative (Democrat motto: You'd be bitter and humorless too if you were wrong about everything!)
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To: goldstategop
But mysteriously much of the money wound up being diverted to the coffers of Air America, the liberal talk-radio network whose ratings are yet another example of "deferred success."

Ouch! Oh, thats gotta hurt.

32 posted on 08/07/2005 6:43:42 AM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: goldstategop
they're bereft of ideas and they have to pretend to be Republicans to have a chance to win.

If they actually ran on what they believed they would never win another election. Thats why they have to keep changing names now and again.

Liberal...no wait, everyone knows what that means and thinks it is bad...lets go with Progressive...yeah, that polls much better.
Soon enough they will have to change again.

To quote the Bard:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet."

Except these days it would read:
"What's in a name? That which we call a liberal
By any other word would still rant as incoherently."

33 posted on 08/07/2005 6:46:04 AM PDT by Personal Responsibility (Register to vote as a Dem! You get to vote in their primaries and it screws up their polling data!)
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To: mainepatsfan

Mark Steyn nails the Democrats to the wall yet again. Sort of like shooting fish in a barrel, yet Steyn does it with such panache.


34 posted on 08/07/2005 6:49:48 AM PDT by RicocheT
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To: Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...; mmercier; goldstategop
I wouldn't be surprised to see the Democrats go the way of the Whigs.
You have to remember the Fourth Estate. The go-along-and-get-along national "objective" journalism cabal. Under the First Amendment, as modified by the FCC censorship of humility, journalism is arrogant towards those who do not conform to its concensus and flattering toward those who do.

Until and unless FR takes over national politics, there will always be a party of the left which journalism flatters while it bullies everyone else.


35 posted on 08/07/2005 6:51:38 AM PDT by conservatism_IS_compassion (The idea around which liberalism coheres is that NOTHING actually matters but PR.)
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To: mainepatsfan

Missed it by that much ||


36 posted on 08/07/2005 6:57:41 AM PDT by Tarpon
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To: goldstategop
...Two-party systems need two parties, not just for the health of the loser but for that of the winner, too...

And that's the problem. The democrats have become the party of narrowly defined, single-issue special interest groups that provide a predictible but insufficient number of votes -- but tie their hands when it comes to legislation because almost every issue America faces today goes against one of these interest groups. All democrats can do is whine, carp, and blame Bush. Pathetic.

37 posted on 08/07/2005 7:02:38 AM PDT by Oldeconomybuyer (The democRATS are near the tipping point.)
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To: goldstategop; Tolik; writer33; Kenny Bunk; neverdem

this is beautiful. wonder why this column doesn't appear in MY paper?


38 posted on 08/07/2005 7:11:06 AM PDT by bitt ('We will all soon reap what the ignorant are now sowing.' Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: prairiebreeze; Mo1
After the Ohio vote, Dem pollster Stan Greenberg declared that "one of the biggest doubts about Democrats is that they don't stand for anything." That might have passed muster two years ago. Alas, the party's real problem is that increasingly there's no doubt whatsoever about it.

Mark Steyn ping.

39 posted on 08/07/2005 7:11:13 AM PDT by Peach
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To: mainepatsfan

"I'm convinced the reason the Dummies were so disappointed by Bush's win last year was because they believed their own propaganda."
___________________________________________________________________

Amen to that. The MSM was eagerly shilling for them and leading them down the primrose path to perdition.


40 posted on 08/07/2005 7:15:44 AM PDT by sinanju
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To: Slings and Arrows

bttt


41 posted on 08/07/2005 7:16:49 AM PDT by bitt ('We will all soon reap what the ignorant are now sowing.' Victor Davis Hanson)
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To: goldstategop
As usual Mark is spot on.

Thank you for not excerpting this!

42 posted on 08/07/2005 7:18:34 AM PDT by upchuck ("If our nation be destroyed, it would be from the judiciary." ~ Thomas Jefferson)
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To: SunTzuWu

A great line.


43 posted on 08/07/2005 7:26:42 AM PDT by Eric in the Ozarks (Scratch a Liberal. Uncover a Fascist)
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To: generationfixit

Eternal adolescence, you say? More like perpetual toddlerhood to me. I wouldn't even accord them the dignity and gravitas commonly associated with kindergarten.


44 posted on 08/07/2005 7:30:29 AM PDT by coydog (My bathroom djinn can beat up your bathroom djinn!)
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To: goldstategop
Time after time, Steyn just keeps hitting them outta the park.
45 posted on 08/07/2005 7:36:49 AM PDT by MaryFromMichigan
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To: All

The election went 48-52. It wasn't THAT close. Hardly a squeaker.
Dems do nothing but lie!!


46 posted on 08/07/2005 7:45:49 AM PDT by jackv
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To: jackv

Well, if it were the Senate, 48-52 would be a victory for the 48, provided that they (Democrats) embrace the philosophy of the stop sign and the agenda of the road block. The Democrats are too firmly entrenched in senatorial tradition to make any sort of sense to the rest of the American people.


47 posted on 08/07/2005 7:51:21 AM PDT by dufekin (US Senate: the only place where the majority [D] comprises fewer than the minority [R])
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To: mainepatsfan
I'm convinced the reason the Dummies were so disappointed by Bush's win last year was because they believed their own propaganda.

'Feel good" propaganda only works to the benefit of those who know better.

48 posted on 08/07/2005 8:01:19 AM PDT by i.l.e.
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To: goldstategop
Wow. I noticed my gal had put on a few pounds but I had no idea it was Bush's fault.

The man formerly known as Mark Steyn has entered the Federal Witness Protection Program. He has been given a new identity and a new home without his family.

49 posted on 08/07/2005 8:04:48 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (Bork should have had Kennedy's USSC seat and Kelo v. New London would have gone the other way.)
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To: goldstategop

With Steyn, the pen is indeed mighty.


50 posted on 08/07/2005 8:05:33 AM PDT by TASMANIANRED (Conservatives are from Earth. Liberals are from Uranus.(c))
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