Posted on 08/19/2005 4:45:38 PM PDT by writer33
Washington—In a sudden turn of events, Reagan documents linked Supreme Court nominee John Roberts to early humans, commonly referred to as Neanderthals. The shocking revelation left many confused and the White House in stunned silence at their poor choice of candidate, a position a minority of Americans—best known as conservatives—agreed with.
The so-called classic Neanderthals were robust and had a large, thick skull, a sloping forehead, and a chinless jaw. These features, keys to the evolutionary link, were easily identifiable in conservatives such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Walter Williams and Mark Levin, but also found in John Roberts. But more apparent are the truths found within the Reagan documents, revealing the dark secrets hidden to everyday Americans.
More than 38,000 pages of documents stored at the Reagan presidential library in California were released on Thursday that reportedly provided the definitive clues into Roberts’ philosophy, and became the key that uncovered the skeletons within when he was an associate counsel in the Reagan White House from 1982-1986.
Roberts, who has been nominated by President George W. Bush to replace retiring Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court, will face Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearings starting on September 6, 2005, with even more questions to answer. If confirmed, Roberts would serve on the nation’s highest court and could strike down abortion rights and civil liberties.
As an associate counsel, Roberts’ primary function dealt with preventing misuses of the presidential seal or Reagan’s photo or signature for commercial gain, but later, Roberts provided legal counsel on weightier issues with a more insidious and sexist agenda, leaving a trail that linked him to his ancestors.
As Congress toiled away, debating an equal rights constitutional amendment for women in Reagan’s first term, Roberts killed an initiative by some California Republicans to come up with an alternative constitutional amendment, which gave women their only real chance at the American dream. Instead, women have been left scarred and hollow because of the philosophy and the disdainful evolution of one man.
Roberts said the idea, offered by Los Angeles Professional Republican Women, Federated, would make Reagan appear crassly opportunistic and would risk losing the devotion of some of his most loyal supporters.
In a July 31, 1985, memo about a scholarship program recognizing women over the age of 30, Roberts wrote, “Some might question whether encouraging homemakers to become lawyers contributes to the common good. I, on the other hand, think women should be barefoot and pregnant. A woman with a career will destroy this country. Just look at France?”
Roberts also took on state initiatives aimed at addressing sex discrimination. In a January 17, 1983, memo he wrote “that many of the efforts are themselves highly objectionable.” Those included a Florida proposal, which he said was presumably unconstitutional to charge women less tuition at state schools because they have less earning potential.
“If women think they’re going to get a cheap ride in college,” noted Roberts, “they’ve got another thing coming. An educated woman is a dangerous woman. Just look at Hillary Clinton. We’ve got to keep ‘em stupid and pregnant!”
Roberts will take the witness stand before the Senate Judiciary Committee next month. He will have some explaining to do to Chairman Arlen Specter and other members of the committee that remain in shock and awe over President Bush’s choice.
“I have the ultimate step,” said, Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-CA. “I can use all the parliamentary rules I have as a senator to stand up and fight for the little people. Don’t think this Neanderthal is going to get on my court.”
“I’ve been sitting on my porch all summer reading everything I can about Judge Roberts,” Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT, claimed. “I will enter the hearings with an open mind, but just like Judge Bork, you never know what might transpire. We’ve got to get to the bottom of these documents and really go to work for the American people.”
“I think NARAL was right,” fired Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “Since discovering these papers, women and minorities have plenty to fear from Roberts. I was utterly appalled at President Bush’s evolutionary choice. Something’s got to be done about this caveman.”
“If Roberts gets on the Supreme Court, women will be ushered back to the early 1900s,” said President Kim Gandy of the National Organization for Women. “I know Senator Leahy will give me my day in court, so to speak, and let me testify during the hearings. I just know he’ll do what’s right for America. It’s time to send a message to Bush!”
With the facts slowly emerging on John Roberts, it’s only a matter of time before the Borking begins. America simply cannot endure another Neanderthal like Ronald Reagan, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity or John Roberts. The consequences are too dire to face if America is to avoid a return its terrible past.
;o)
LOL! The title alone is a chuckle.
Man you got me again. I was most of the way thru before I caught on.
Careful. This type of talk could launch a flame war with Patsy Buchanan and his Brigadiers.
"Judge Roberts? No, can't say that I ever heard of him. He must be related to the homo sapiens. We're the Democrathal tribe."
And the same is said about conservatives on DU
This is probably being posted on DU as an actual news story.
BTT!!!!!!!
Count me in; a proud Neanderthal since 1951.
Neanderthals ~ Bump!
good one !
I know, but why get into too many fine details for a satire. How about the earliest humans in the evolutionary link?
Thanks for reading, Eagle. I appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading, Gabz. I appreciate it.
Thanks for reading, edskid. I appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading and pinging, AV. I appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
:) Glad you enjoyed it, ss. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
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