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Quotes from CENTCOM
Military | 31 Aug 05 | Unknown Miitary

Posted on 08/31/2005 1:36:26 PM PDT by grace522

CENTCOM Quotes

Subject: Military Quotes

: Thursday, June 02, 2005 3:39 PM Subject: Military Quotes (CENTCOM: Central Command - the Command responsible for Iraq and Afghanistan) (EUCOM: European Command)

"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..." MAJ (JS)

"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ(EUCOM)

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)

"Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt." LTC (JS) on the joys of coalition building

"That's FUBIJAR." COL (CENTCOM), Fu--ed Up, But I'm Just a Reservist...

"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership

"At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges." Maj (CENTCOM)

"Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it." LTC (JS) on OIF coalition-building.

"WE are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us..." LTC (EUCOM) doing some standard, Army self-flagellation

"I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, "It's no problem," he means, for him." Maj (EUCOM)

"Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto repeat..." LCDR (EUCOM)

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings

"We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot." LtCol (CENTCOM) on life at his Command

"Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams." Maj (CENTCOM) on the daily thrashings delivered to AOs at his Command.

"Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few..." MAJ (Task Force Warrior) on the "success" of the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program, where 1100 Army troops trained 77 Iraqi exiles at the cost of, ...well, ...way too much...

"I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq..." MAJ (JS) on the often-frustrating process of building the Iraqi coalition for Phase IV

"Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?" CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker

"OK, this is too stupid for words." LTC (JS)

"When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!" CDR (CENTCOM) on his view of the value of being politically correct in today's military

"There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble..." Lt Col (EUCOM) responding to the above

"Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard)

"Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks." Lt Col (USSOCOM)

"I haven't complied with a darn thing and nothing bad has happened to me yet."

"Accuracy and attention to detail take a certain amount of time."

"I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career." MAJ (JS)

"Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress."

"It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it." LTC (EUCOM)

"Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness." LTC (EUCOM) at a CT conference

"Eventually, we have to 'make nice' with the French, although, since I'm new in my job, I have every expectation that I'll be contradicted." DOS rep at a Counter Terrorism Conference

"That guy just won't take 'yes' for an answer" MAJ (EUCOM)

"Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking."

"I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain." CDR (NAVEUR)

"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)

"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)

"He who strives for the minimum rarely attains it." GS-12 (DOS)

"If I'd had more time, I'da written a shorter brief..." Maj (EUCOM)

"I work at EUCOM. I know bullsh_t when I see it." LTC (EUCOM) in a game of office poker

"I'm just livin' the dream..." EUCOM staffer response to the question, "How's it going?" or, "What are you doing?"

"Why would an enemy want to bomb this place and end all the confusion?" GS-14 (EUCOM)

"Other than the fact that there's no beer, an early curfew and women that wear face coverings for a very good reason, Kabul is really a wonderful place to visit." LTC (CENTCOM)

"After seeing the way this place works, I bet that Mickey Mouse wears a EUCOM watch." Maj (EUCOM)

"USCENTCOM commanders announced today that they intend to maintain their presence in Qatar "until the sun runs out of hydrogen," thus committing the US to the longest duration deployment in human history. When asked how they planned to maintain the presence in Qatar for a projected length of 4 to 5 billion years, planners said "we're working on a plan for that. We don't have one yet, but not having a plan or an intelligent reason to do something has never been much of an impediment for us in the past; we don't foresee it being a big show stopper for us in the future either."

Among the options that were being discussed was an innovative program to "interbreed" the deployed personnel. "We are going to actively encourage the military members in Qatar to intermarry and raise children that will replace them in the future. Sure, it may be a little hard on some of our female service members, since there are currently are about 8 men for every woman over there, but we expect that to be OBE as the sex ratios will even out in a generation or two. In any case the key to the plan is to make these assignments not only permanent, but inheritable and hereditary. For example, if you currently work the JOC weather desk, so will your children, and their children, and their children, ad infinitum. We like to think of it as job security." CPT (CJTF-180)

"I keep myself confused on purpose, just in case I am captured and fall into enemy hands!" GO/FO (CENTCOM)

"Nothing is too good for you guys...and that's exactly what you're gonna get..." LTC (EUCOM) describing the way Army policy is formulated

"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today." Maj (EUCOM) after listening to a JFCOM trainer/mentor

"He cloaked himself in an impenetrable veneer of terminology." Lt Col JFCOM describing the Jiffiecom alpha male

"Transformation has long been the buzzword for those that are dispossessed, dispirited and disillusioned..." Chaplain (EUCOM),


TOPICS: Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Government; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: centcom; gwot; oef; oif; quotes; witty
Witticisms from our Bros in the field
1 posted on 08/31/2005 1:36:30 PM PDT by grace522
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To: grace522

It should be noted, these are only the typical gripes from overworked soldiers, the majority of which are very proud and dedicated to the cause in Iraq.


2 posted on 08/31/2005 1:46:18 PM PDT by grace522 (Let's not slander our intelligence to that degree)
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To: grace522

Man...my eyes are still full of tears from laughing so hard. I never knew our boys could be so clever!


3 posted on 08/31/2005 1:47:57 PM PDT by Lekker 1 ("Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"- Harry M. Warner, Warner Bros., 1927)
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To: grace522; SirChas

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker




I'm telling you in advance.... I'm stealing the above. As soon as I regain my composure, I'll use that line.


4 posted on 08/31/2005 1:50:32 PM PDT by mad puppy ( The Southern border needs to be a MAJOR issue in 2006 and 2008)
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To: grace522

Bump 4 bookmark


5 posted on 08/31/2005 1:51:41 PM PDT by The SISU kid (Politicians are like Slinkies. Good for nothing. But you smile when you push them down the stairs)
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To: grace522

bttt for later


6 posted on 08/31/2005 1:53:25 PM PDT by bmwcyle (We broke Pink's code and found a terrorist message.)
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To: grace522
I knew there would be ONE I could use at my job.

"I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat..." Lt Col (EUCOM) after being assigned a difficult tasker

Shalom.

7 posted on 08/31/2005 1:53:52 PM PDT by ArGee (So that's how liberty dies, with thunderous applause. - Padme Amidala)
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To: mad puppy
I'm telling you in advance.... I'm stealing the above. As soon as I regain my composure, I'll use that line.

UnME both.

Ranks right up there with "I've never heard a buzz sentence until now."

Shalom.

8 posted on 08/31/2005 1:54:57 PM PDT by ArGee (So that's how liberty dies, with thunderous applause. - Padme Amidala)
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To: AnOldCowhand; Allegra; BerthaDee; Conspiracy Guy; Clemenza; cyborg; Dashing Dasher; Deaf Smith; ...

FF (Favorite FReeper) ping.....


9 posted on 08/31/2005 1:55:35 PM PDT by The SISU kid (Politicians are like Slinkies. Good for nothing. But you smile when you push them down the stairs)
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To: grace522
This might help with interpretation

Acronymicon:

JS=Joint Staff

EUCOM= US. European Command

OSD=Office of the Secretary of Defense

OUSD=Office of the Undersecretary of Defense

CENTCOM=US Central Command

GO/FO=General Officer/Flag Officer (since generals have flags, they're called flag officers)

DIA=Defense Intelligence Agency

CJTF=Coalition Joint Task Force

NIPR=Non-Secure Internet Protocol Router (The Web in Mil-Speak)

JOC=Joint Operations Center

SHAPE=Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe

GS-##=General Schedule- Civil Servant Ranks. Higher is better

USAREUR=US Army Europe

LATAM=Latin America

DOS=Department of State

SOCEUR=Special Operations Command Europe

MARFOREUR=Marine Forces Europe

USSOCOM=US Special Operations Command

OBE=Overcome By Events

COA=Course of Action

NAVEUR=US Navy Europe

SVTC=Satellite Video-TeleConference

TRANSCOM=Transportation Command

JFCOM=Joint Forces Command

OER=Officer Efficiency Report


10 posted on 08/31/2005 1:56:04 PM PDT by gondramB
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To: gondramB

OBE=Overcome By Events

I like that! Man, if that doesn't describe my life, I don't know what does...

OBE Naj


11 posted on 08/31/2005 1:58:43 PM PDT by najida (I run with scissors and I don't play well with others.)
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To: ArGee

LOL.


12 posted on 08/31/2005 1:59:04 PM PDT by peacebaby (Folks around me are crazy. Mercury MUST be in retrograde.)
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To: Lekker 1
"I've heard of 'buzzwords' before but I have never experienced a 'buzz sentence' or a 'buzz paragraph' until today"

Lol, makes me yearn for the good old days in the army. Looks like Sec Rumsfeld and his DoD minnions have the army running in circles.

13 posted on 08/31/2005 2:02:14 PM PDT by OldCorps
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To: grace522
"His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep..

Back in the day, that sentence described about 80% of the field grades and above.

14 posted on 08/31/2005 2:03:47 PM PDT by OldCorps
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To: The SISU kid
Impressive. A lot of these are really funny.

I am partial to this one;

"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..."

15 posted on 08/31/2005 2:07:53 PM PDT by teenyelliott (Soylent green should be made outta liberals...)
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To: teenyelliott
My Favorite....

"When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all." LCDR (CENTCOM)

Reminds me of one of my past tag lines....

"We’re all on this sphere to revel together in the bond of our collective lunacy"....

8^)

16 posted on 08/31/2005 2:12:21 PM PDT by The SISU kid (Politicians are like Slinkies. Good for nothing. But you smile when you push them down the stairs)
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To: The SISU kid

Your new tagline is pretty funny!


17 posted on 08/31/2005 2:22:45 PM PDT by teenyelliott (Soylent green should be made outta liberals...)
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To: grace522
The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)

LOL! This is my favorite.

Our Soldiers seem to have an uncanny ability to call a spade a spade..I found no disrespect in these quotes, only grains of truth..

18 posted on 08/31/2005 2:24:25 PM PDT by Iron Matron
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To: grace522

Kind of reminds me of the absurdity of the book Catch-22.


19 posted on 08/31/2005 2:25:02 PM PDT by The Grammarian
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To: Gamecock

Ping.


20 posted on 08/31/2005 2:25:33 PM PDT by The Grammarian
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To: grace522

My brother is at CENTCOM, I wonder if any of these gems are his. lol


21 posted on 08/31/2005 2:27:10 PM PDT by kalee
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To: grace522

bump for safekeeping


22 posted on 08/31/2005 2:31:00 PM PDT by Excellence
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To: grace522

So many possible taglines....


23 posted on 08/31/2005 2:32:02 PM PDT by Feiny (The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... ...)
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To: pissant; Dashing Dasher; dead

Over here...now.


24 posted on 08/31/2005 2:35:15 PM PDT by Feiny (The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show... ...)
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To: grace522

bump


25 posted on 08/31/2005 2:38:43 PM PDT by EverOnward
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To: grace522

bump


26 posted on 08/31/2005 2:41:23 PM PDT by EverOnward
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To: feinswinesuksass

Thanks for the ping! Great stuff.


27 posted on 08/31/2005 2:43:43 PM PDT by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: feinswinesuksass

"The 'L' in CENTCOM stands for leadership"


ROTFLMAO!!!


28 posted on 08/31/2005 2:43:54 PM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: mad puppy
Hey, check out my new tag line! Just wanted to make it official that I stole it from this thread.
29 posted on 08/31/2005 2:45:17 PM PDT by SirChas (I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career)
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To: najida; PaulaB
"We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about ..." Lt Col (EUCOM) in briefings

Crazy Aunt Ping?

30 posted on 08/31/2005 2:45:35 PM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: Allegra; MikeinIraq; Pukin Dog

You might like these...


31 posted on 08/31/2005 2:49:01 PM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: Dashing Dasher; najida

**LOL**

C.A.P. ...ok is it 5:00 yet? Just made

myself laugh over C.A.P


32 posted on 08/31/2005 2:50:03 PM PDT by PaulaB (You kiss your Mom with that mouth?)
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To: dead

ping for later


33 posted on 08/31/2005 2:50:34 PM PDT by pettifogger
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To: grace522

bump


34 posted on 08/31/2005 3:10:26 PM PDT by Ramius (Blades for war fighters: http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net)
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To: Lekker 1

I've heard most of these before - decades ago.


35 posted on 08/31/2005 3:24:17 PM PDT by AFPhys ((.Praying for President Bush, our troops, their families, and all my American neighbors..))
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To: grace522

Bump for future use in any or all occasions!


36 posted on 08/31/2005 3:43:52 PM PDT by No2much3 (I did not ask for this user name, but I will keep it !)
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To: grace522

"The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em." CDR (CENTCOM)

I love it! Describes about 99% of my military career. :) (I was in the "pocket," just so there's no misunderstanding, LOL!)


37 posted on 08/31/2005 5:36:39 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: SLB; Cannoneer No. 4; Darksheare; Squantos; Travis McGee

A few pings, in case you weren't in any of the others.


38 posted on 08/31/2005 7:35:16 PM PDT by FreedomPoster (Guns themselves are fairly robust; their chief enemies are rust and politicians) (NRA)
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To: The SISU kid
"If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute." MAJ(EUCOM)

As a construction estimator, I live this!

39 posted on 09/01/2005 5:11:09 AM PDT by Fierce Allegiance (This ain't your granddaddy's America)
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To: Dashing Dasher

I think there does need to be a Crazy Aunt Ping list...
What for, I don't know, but I like the sound of it.


40 posted on 09/01/2005 6:53:34 AM PDT by najida (I run with scissors and I don't play well with others.)
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To: grace522

These are great!


41 posted on 09/01/2005 7:17:16 AM PDT by fortunecookie
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To: The SISU kid; Dashing Dasher
ROFL!! Thanks for the ping - these are hilarious!

And I can relate to some of 'em...

42 posted on 09/01/2005 8:58:35 AM PDT by Allegra (There is no place like home....the great USA!)
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To: Allegra

Missed you!

How are things in the desert!?


43 posted on 09/01/2005 9:00:18 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: najida

Consider yourself on it!

;-)

DD


44 posted on 09/01/2005 9:01:01 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: Dashing Dasher

Hi! I'm home until later in September and starting to get used to it. Got in over the weekend after ten days in Jolly Olde England. I get to see a Texans game and an Astros game while I'm home....doesn't get much better than that!

There are thousands of Katrina refugees here, too, so I'm doing whatever I can to help them out. I've talked to so many of them, hugged several of them and I'm so impressed at how stoic they are about this. I can't imagine what they must be going through...their whole city being wiped out. I haven't been able to get my mind around that yet and I don't think many people have.

The sister I visited in England (my youngest sis - I have three) lived in New Orleans until two years ago. She's still waiting to hear from close friends from there.

How's everything going with you? Have I missed any Neanderthal-wranglings?


45 posted on 09/01/2005 9:16:59 AM PDT by Allegra (There is no place like home....the great USA!)
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To: Allegra

I just sent you FReepMail.


46 posted on 09/01/2005 9:21:51 AM PDT by Dashing Dasher (You eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?)
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To: Allegra

Welcome home Allegra!


47 posted on 09/01/2005 9:39:39 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: grace522
"Never attribute to malice that which can be ascribed to sheer stupidity." LTC (CENTCOM)

That's "Never ascribe to malice that which can be described by incompetence." I've been using that for over 25 years.

48 posted on 09/01/2005 7:30:44 PM PDT by magslinger (They called Israel the land that GOD Himself gave his Chosen People the Jews.)
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To: Rokke
""Never pet a burning dog." LTC (Tennessee National Guard) "

Some of these are priceless.

49 posted on 09/01/2005 11:12:40 PM PDT by elfman2 (2 tacos short of a combination plate)
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To: Allegra

Welcome home Allegra!!!!


50 posted on 09/02/2005 9:31:50 AM PDT by The SISU kid (Politicians are like Slinkies. Good for nothing. But you smile when you push them down the stairs)
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