The decline of manners in the U.S.

CNN ^ | Friday, October 14, 2005

[IIntense]

You have to be referring to underwear. The word "britches" is not used often in my neck of the woods. If you hang a hat on your head, the rest of what you wear, or don't wear, will assure your acceptance. Remember: The Hat Rules!

[MARTIAL MONK]

I always thought it was part of the same motion. Your right hand reaches for the doorknob and your left reachs for your hat. I remember when wearing a hat indoors was the same as spitting on the floor; it meant that you were looking for a fight. Someone was likely to give it to you.

I was in a restaurant in Tulsa when a group of National Guardsmen came in. The lids came off at the door and their manners were impeccable throughout the meal. They acted like men. Best bunch of guys I ever bought a meal for.

[MARTIAL MONK]

Back when the word "cowboy" was a slight pejorative I can remember my grandfather using the hat-in-the-house rule to differentiate. If we were in the hardware store and some yokel was wearing his hat inside my grandfather would push me toward the door and say "We'll be back when the cowBOYS are gone. Conversely, if we ran into rancher who was dignified and mannerly he might comment later "Now that's a cattleman".

The only time I ever saw him wear a hat inside was when the Clutter family was murdered near Garden City, Kansas. That morning he came in through the screen door with his jaw set and without removing his hat. The whole house became silent as he walked straight to the gun rack, removed two rifles and two boxes of shells and walked back out. We all knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong. Truman Capote wrote about it in In Cold Blood.

[SweetCaroline]

I do that!

Walking around the store has become a peril, and dodging carts is the norm. I say excuse me to let others know I'm behind them so they don't back up into the cart and to assure them I can wait until they move.

[GraceCoolidge]

I always say "excuse me" (or us since I'm with my kids) if I'm walking in a store aisle between the person and the shelves they are viewing. Given the width of the aisles, most times if someone is standing back at all to look at the merchandise, I have to walk through their line of vision.

[garyhope]

I'm a big believer in good design and I don't think there are enough and properly placed cart return places at most markets.

[IIntense]

Supermarket aisles can, in some way, be compared to highways without stop signs and traffic lights. We stop any time and any where along the route. If the other lane is clear, oncoming cart-pushers just go around them.

I guess there are unwritten laws of aisle travel, e.g., don't park your vehicle in the middle, or across from a display which takes up half a lane.

The great majority of shoppers show consideration for everyone else. I'm fine with them all.

[IIntense]

Since we're on the subject of manners, I've concluded that people really do not have to ask another to excuse them. OF COURSE we will be walking in front of others who are checking out the various toothpastes, for instance. How else can we get through the aisle if we can't go behind them? So, for a nanosecond, they were interrupted. Anyone is welcome to agree or disagree with me. There are many instances where we should asked to be excused but when an "Excuse me" is not called for, I feel kind of wimpy to say it. For those who truly believe they should, who can argue the point. I'm merely speaking for myself.

[IIntense]

You come across loud and clear as believing it shouldn't be like this. Wow! I don't blame you or anyone else who endures this onslaught.

Have you undertaken any real serious analysis of what's going on and what your options are to improve the situation? It would be well worthwhile, when away from the workplace, to dedicate some priority time to quietly think about, and then decide some rules for yourself...what makes sense and what doesn't. To bounce it off of someone who can relate, especially if they solved some of the same or similar hassles, could benefit you greatly. I wish you all the best! If you lighten your load, or even if not, let us know.

[IIntense]

Oh how I can relate to "There's room for one more".

Boarding a hospital elevator, with each stop people packed in, way over the limit the elevator was designed to handle.

It stopped between floors. The fellow nearest the elevator controls phoned in our predicament, adding, "Would you please hurry!" Obviously he was not too comfortable.

I was accompanied by my mother and daughter. They were cool. I, sorry to admit, was not. I pulled "The Daily Word" from my purse and proceeded to read.

Some number of years passed before I would even use an elevator. Eventually I was forced to with Mom and Dad, at various times, being hospitalized. Not comfortable, tho.

Today, thank God, I can use them without any trepidation. Well, a little, at times. If I'm alone, who's on the elevator, who's going to get on? Always looking out for the weirdos, there and a few other places.

The message here is: Yes, we can get beyond any fear.

[IIntense]

Now you know, Yaelle, all people are not filthy and I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. You refer to the kind who are don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks about it. In most cases they probably never were taught to respect others and the environment.

I had occasion to go back to the "old neighborhood", the place where my brothers, friends, etc. grew up. At that time it was a nice part of the city. Upon revisiting, I was appalled at the mounds of trash which bordered the curbs on the "avenue", the place where we shopped for clothes, went to the movie theaters, and the food stores and butcher shop which the moms in the area relied upon.

My conclusion was: You want to live in this run-down, low-life area you created? Be my guest.

[GraceCoolidge]

I just say it automatically. Because many people seem surprised by my saying it, though, I'd say probably more people agree with you than with me. You are right that passing in front of people who are looking at things while shopping is inevitable, but I don't think that makes it wimpy to say "excuse me" just to acknowledge them and the fact that I have to pass. As I say, though, I think more people take your approach to that issue. I just feel rude visually cutting people off without at least acknowleding that they are there.

[Niuhuru]

I work in a grocery store and I swear the biggest peeve I have is when the mothers give their kids food/fruit/vegetables strighth from the shelves and let them eat it without paying. They munch on it while shopping and then throw away the wrappers. Just this afternoon two women came with their kids, took some suckers out of the candy bin, and starting eating some themselves. The biggest problem we have is that people are acting like the lowest gutter trash.

[lmr]

I know that this is the same person who just spent the past 10 minutes calling every phone number possible trying to reach me live. When I finally get this jerk on the phone, it ends up being something that I could have answered in 10 seconds on email and it wasn't time-sensitive.

I have dealt with this as well, I quit my job last week as office manager because my blood-pressure is up to well... brain hemorrhage levels. One thing that people could do is use the proper channels. I didn't hire people to work under me just to transfer calls to me, these people can actually help customers when I am not available or busy.

Anyhow, I quit because of other reasons as well. It's a family business and I can't stand certain members of my family.