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WAR OF THE WORLDS: The Lost Version (Iowahawk)
Iowahawk | 10/31/05 | Dave Burge

Posted on 10/31/2005 7:29:09 AM PST by IowaHawk

“War of the Worlds”
Aladdin Radio Theater of the Air
CBS, Sunday October 30, 1938
Radioplay First Draft

The Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations present Orson Welles and the Aladdin Theatre on the Air in "The War of the Worlds" by H. G. Wells. Brought to you Aladdin long-leaf Persian cigarettes, for that rich long-lasting poppy flavor of the Casbah.


Ladies and gentlemen, the director of the Aladdin Theatre and star of these broadcasts, Orson Welles.

We know now that in the early years of the twentieth century this world was being watched closely by brains much greater than man's, and yet as mortal as his own. We know now that as human beings busied themselves about their various concerns, enjoying the rich, long-lasting poppy flavor of Aladdin, now in a crush-proof box, they were scrutinized and studied -- perhaps as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the creatures that swarm in a drop of water, or as a man with a telescope might hungrily study a lovely silhouette disrobe in a nearby apartment.

With infinite complacence the people went to and fro over the earth about their little affairs, some in the roomy liqui-cushioned mohair comfort of the all-new 1939 Kokomo Mogul 8, serene in the assurance of their dominion over this small, spinning flake of delicious celestial Oatabix which man has inherited out of the dark mystery of Time and Space.

Yet across an immense ethereal gulf, as wide as the stance on the new Kokomo Mogul 8, minds that are to our minds as ours are to the beasts in the jungle, intellects vast, cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us... waiting... watching...

(FADE IN) ...and bringing a forecast of rain, accompanied by light winds. Maximum temperature, 61. This weather report is brought to you by Lux-o-Lad, the man's pomade with the patented Hollywood sheen. We take you now to the Bakelite Room of the Hotel Zephyr in downtown New York, where you'll be entertained by the music of Ramón Raquello and his orchestra.


Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of syncopated Latin dance rhythms to bring you a special bulletin from Consolidated Radio News.

At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Chicago Scientific Observatory reports observing several explosions of incandescent gas on the planet Mars. Space-o-scope readings indicate the gas to be methane escaping from a subterranean Martian bowel and moving towards the earth with enormous velocity.  Professor Pierson of the Observatory at Princeton confirms Farrell's observation, and describes the phenomenon as, quote, "like a jet of blue flame from milady's favorite, the all-new streamlined Flashpoint brand kitchen range," unquote.

We now return you to the music of Ramón Raquello, playing for you in the Bakelite Room of the Hotel Zephyr in downtown New York.


And now a tune that never loses favor, the ever-popular "Cerveza Mi Amor." Ramón Raquello and his orchestra...


Ladies and gentlemen, the Government Meteorological Bureau has requested scientists of the country to keep an astronomical watch on any further disturbances occurring on the planet Mars. We are ready now to take you to the Princeton Observatory where Carl Phillips, our commentator, will interview Professor Barbara Pierson, famous astronomer. We take you now to Princeton, New Jersey.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is Carl Phillips, speaking to you from the observatory of Princeton. Professor Barbara Pierson stands directly above me on a small grated platform. She is gently grasping and twisting the giant lens, her... her shapely legs... reaching slowly heavenwards...

May I help you, Mr. Phillips?


For the rest of the scary stuff, Click Here

TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: halloween; iowahawk; kayak; moonbats; robots
Choosy Newsies Choose IOWAHAWK
1 posted on 10/31/2005 7:29:10 AM PST by IowaHawk
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To: IowaHawk

Another great IowaHawk thread!

2 posted on 10/31/2005 7:37:28 AM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: IowaHawk

Go Hawks !

3 posted on 10/31/2005 7:40:57 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: All
Roosevelt lied! Robots Died!
4 posted on 10/31/2005 7:43:13 AM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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