Skip to comments.Battered mail-order brides seek rights
Posted on 11/07/2005 10:00:36 AM PST by HOTTIEBOY
NEW YORK (Reuters) -- It took Natasha a day trip to Moscow to find the American husband she had dreamed of. It took the next six years to get out of the nightmare that followed. A music teacher from central Russia, she was one of 200 Russian women who patiently lined up at a Moscow restaurant to meet 10 American men at a gathering hosted by a mail-order bride agency. She spoke no English but immediately caught the eye of one of the men, 16 years her senior. He was handsome and said he wanted the same things she did: a loving family and children. They went to museums and the theater with an interpreter, and he started the paperwork to bring her to the United States as his wife. The fairy tale ended eight months later. Natasha, who would only be identified using a pseudonym, had barely set foot in the United States when her new husband began to abuse her sexually, disappeared for weeks at a stretch, threatened anyone who tried to befriend her and forced her to sign a post-nuptial agreement. Thrown out of their house after two years of abuse, Natasha was left to fend for herself in an unfamiliar country with minimal English skills and no legal documents to work. 'Expensive toy' "He told me I was the most expensive toy he ever bought," said Natasha,
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Are they handling them badly in the UPS trucks or what. If I order one I will not accept it if the Box is damaged.
LOL - sprayed my monitor with that post!
Did he disappear for weeks at a stretch or did he threaten to harm anyone who tried to befriend her? This lady's husband is undoubtedly no prize, but something about her story just doesn't ring true.
THe idea of a "mail-order bride" just does not sound like a good one.
oh the perils of making major adult choices when you haven't a clue about life.
i have a limited amount of sympathy. if was juts as much her choice as his.
The woman is looking for ticket to the US and finds out she married a pig.
The man is looking for a submissive Russian sexpot and finds out he married a gold digger.
I was gonna place an order, but no mail order brides were offered as a prize for FR donations during Freep-a-thons. Plus, it is getting cold here and I think the goods would be damaged sitting at my side door all day while I am at work.
Mail-Order? That's so 80's. Get 'em over the Web.
Yeah, it's difficult to figure out what to make of these things.
I think FR may have some interesting insight in this regard. We read about the horror stories, but there are some successes. There are at least a couple of Freepers who have successfully done this.
I knew this guy who went to Russia and he met this beautiful hairdresser, really out of his league (he looked like an albino walrus with acne). They fell head over heels in love and he sent for her and married her after two weeks in the country. Shortly thereafter she sent for her "cousin" to come live with them. Little beknownst to him they applied for about $75k in credit cards in his name, ran them over the limit and the two "cousins" disappeared forever.
Dumbest guy I ever knew.
Except maybe for that guy I worked with who took $40k in his 401k money and invested it all in Beanie Babies. That guy was pretty stupid too.
(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,
You could probably get them to hold the package at the delivery facility so you could pick it up when you were ready...
U sed to work witht guy who got a Russian bride. She stayed about 3 weeks and went back home. I know the guy so I can't really blame her. He is out a lot of cash, though.
Her story probably is true. I know of a woman going through problems with a guy who brought her to America, the 'agencies' in Russia translate everything so that both parties involved think it's bliss. Most of the losers who go over there have already had a string of unsuccessful marriages in the states, most 'restarant meetings' like the article describes are little more than sex trips for the men.
There's a fair amount of Russian women scamming American men but few make it here, the process is pretty stringint. (most scam a guy for 2000 bucks saying it's to buy a visa, and disappear).
Still there's an incredible number creatins looking for little more than a live in sex slave going over to Russia though these agencies.
But did he at least get a new cool hairdo?
"You could probably get them to hold the package at the delivery facility so you could pick it up when you were ready..."
No way! If I spend all that loot on a mail order bride, I'm gonna be the only one to hold her! I wonder, would they deliver the package to my place of employment.....
Imagine how the admins would talk about that, I mean, they get all giddy over a few roses.....
Hey, beanies are gonna make a comeback. They just HAVE to.
It's all in the timing. The investor who bought the Beanie Baby rights from the original designer/marketer for something similar to what your friend invested, way back before anybody had heard of them, made millions. The guy sensed that these silly things would catch on big if marketed properly, and he was right.
Turned out well for one, the other struck out.
I've known my share of "mail order brides" and studied the scene for a while. There is no difference in "abuse" or anything else between mail order marriages and domestic marriages. Anecdotes to prove any opinion can be found.
I've seen plenty of "abused" brides who were able to take responsibility for their own actions, including the action of disappearing or going to a "help" agency or whatever.
I've also seen victims who wallowed in their victimhood and did not want to take personal responsibility for their past, current or future actions.
Wasn't there a thread last week about an internet dating site for farmers?
I really want to make a battered versus plain crack here, but I'd probably get slammed for it.
Hardly all of these are symbolic marriages, many legitimate couples meet this way. (Though statistically it's not many, something like 9% of K-1 Visa holders return to their home country after a year).
That's actually better than average odds...
The crew ragged him mercilessly for months.
"'She spoke no English but immediately caught the eye of one of the men, 16 years her senior. He was handsome and said he wanted the same things she did:' That must have been an interesting conversation."
Everyone speaks "Body English".
I'll wager that the guys aren't always pigs.It's just like divorce here in this country.It's now SOP for a woman in a divorce case to claim spousal and/or child abuse. Even if it's not true,she has an important leg up in the case.
Same with Russian women.They come here,they claim abuse, they get an immediate green card (under current Federal law) and before you know it,she's got a green card,a welfare check and she's hooked up with a guy named Vladimir from Brighton Beach.
And there are a lot of very sucessful American males who have had it up to their keisters with the demands and whining of many succesful American women.
Agency translators will tell girls what they want to here to get cash out of the guy. (Usually the guy pays for gifts, translations, commisions on trips, and tickets, all of which they require the girl to go along with so they'll tell her a fairy tale, and how easy it will be for her to learn English, and often times she'll never know the guy has had 4 wives, is paying child support for 5 kids, and has served time for felonies.)
Hmmmmmm, Mail order brides . . . mail order brides.
Isn't that a Jeopardy! response under the category "Dumbest Things Women Do To Screw Up Their Lives"??
Hey, beanies are gonna make a comeback. They just HAVE to.
Sucker. I told you Pokemon was the smart investment.
(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,
In general, especially with agencies, it really depends on what both are bringing to the table.
It's hereditary... my old man lost his shirt on Weebles.
while I'm sure there are cases like this, a big percentage of russian mail order bride industry is run by the russian mob and many of the women are brought into the country so they can obtain greencards and work as prostitutes and strippers in the north east.
Some of these women are innocent and were just looking for a way out of the country, but easily fall into a trap by the Russian mob and married off to total scumbags or go to foreign countries beliving they are there for work, and end up forced into prostitution. But many are russian prostitutes without the american men even knowing to being with. THey were told they were school teachers or art students, etc...
Many of these men meet beautiful charming sweet russian women thinking they are getting wife and mother material.
They end up paying thousands of dollars to the "matchmaking services" which are just fronts run by the mob.
Soon after they arrive, the women start making the mans life a living hell and have no desire to act like wife and have children, and as soon as the time has past that they can qualify for citizenship without being married, they invent stories of abuse to be able to win as much money as possible in the divorce settlement to help pay off the debt/deals they have with the russian mob.
As the saying goes, buyer beware.
There, now you can do it.
If you follow this link Women looking for men you can see how a lot of lonely guys could easily fall for these women.
That's a pretty gross generalization.
I've met a slew of folks who've worked with agencies, most are shady (in that all russian business is shady), few are mobbed up.
I've not once heard of an agency saying a woman who was a prostitute was a teacher, and helping her get a visa to America. That is a Law and Order urban legend.
I have heard of men meeting prostitutes on 'romance tours' where agencies can't find enough attractive girls so they pay hookers to fill out the crowd, but that sharad usually ends sooner than latter.
And I've met a TON of 50 year old 3rd time divorces looking for an 18 year old trophy.
I'm leaving for Ukraine on Saturday (I have a layover in Paris. Damn.) I'm getting married. However, I have already met this young lady in person several times while overseas. After I returned to the US we struck up a very expensive courtship based on email, text-messages, and staggering (on my part) phone bills.
The fact that I've met her is only a slight advantage over the men who haven't. I still have to deal with the whole "inter-cultural" issues that will undoubtedly surface after I bring her over her. I'll be the first to admit I'm really rolling the dice, but isn't every marriage a gamble?
This behavior sounds like my second husband. He was full of loving attention before we were married, spending time doing anything he could to please me, sometimes to the point of distraction. I had known him 15 years.
AFTER we were married, he managed to vanish for 5 separate time periods, each longer than the last. This was in 1978, and to this day, I do NOT know where he was on any of those excursions. Had city, county, and state police searching for him when the last time stretched to 5 weeks. He also threatened me a number of times, until I told him he "better get me with the first blow", because I would crawl until I located him and kill him with a plastic picnic fork if I had to. It would be him or me that survived. He never threatened me again. This was after the 5th disappearance.
I divorced him, despite his pleadings of affection, and have been cured of the idea of being married.
As a lonely guy myself, I am unpersuaded that it is a good idea.
Cold? Russian women can take cold. Are you kidding?
I agree with you, I would probably never do it, but there are a lot of guys out there who would, especially if you take a look at the girls on one site - www.loveme.com
"Except maybe for that guy I worked with who took $40k in his 401k money and invested it all in Beanie Babies. That guy was pretty stupid too."
Depends what you're looking for, where you're looking, and what agency (if you feel compelled to use an agency) you trust in your endeavor. I've met a few guys who've succeeded wildly, a bunch who made a lot of dumb decisions and got really dumb results. There's a few sites dedicated to exposing fake agencies, and girls that are just looking for visas or cash.
Good luck. Hope it works out.
Odds are much, much better with the way you went about this that things will work out, rather than through some mail order agency or dating tour service, etc...
Last girl I date was russian, who had lived over here for 7 years before we met. She wasn't some mail order bride, etc.. Smart girl who came over her cause her sister came over to work at microsoft as a programmer. She took care of herself and had a career on her own. Her english skills were pretty good. But we did have plenty of run ins with the inter-cultural thing and her english skills. It happens no matter what. But those things work themselves out. My advice: Never assume they understand what your talking about. One of the biggest reasons we would argue was because I said something, and she thought I had said something else. Even a few words misunderstood and it will easily be a landmine blowing up in your face later on. Can get frustrating, but patience pays off.