Posted on 11/13/2005 10:35:27 PM PST by cyborg
Sacramento—In a bold, yet unexpected move, California has decided to dissolve all ties with the United States of America. It is reported, that on Tuesday, November 15, 2005, the California legislature will vote to secede from the Union.
The vote comes in an answer to the agonizing defeat of Governor Schwarzenegger’s propositions at the voting booths. The voters have made it clear that they don’t want any change in California. They have demonstrated to Governor Schwarzenegger that they want to leave things alone, keep the status quo.
“I’m glad the propositions went down,” stated Autumn Keely, a registered Democrat. “I’m especially glad Proposition 75 fell. We just can’t let Governor Schwarzenegger stick it to the unions. Those people work hard for their pay. They should be able to throw unlimited amounts of money at their candidates. But this is what happens when you elect a former Nazi to office.”
The losing propositions were 73, 74, 75, 76, 77 and seventy-eight. The proposition defeats were followed by the gun ban in San Francisco, which sparked a liberal revolt that has led to the expected vote on Tuesday. The measure, Proposition H, would ban the possession, manufacture, distribution, sale and transfer of firearms and ammunition within San Francisco.
The ordinance is reportedly supposed to take effect on January 1, 2006, but San Francisco residents would have until April 1, 2006, to surrender their handguns to police. However, the NRA is going to challenge the matter in court.
“This ban probably won’t withstand legal challenges,” commented Mayor Gavin Newsome. “But what a wonderful world it would be if those right wing nut jobs and their guns were banned. That would be heaven! The legislature must vote to secede now before those NRA wackos have time to get a court date!”
With the defeat of the propositions that have rendered Governor Schwarzenegger impotent, the secession was only a matter of time. The liberal tide has turned in California as they prepare to create a socialist utopia, saying no to Bush and to all Republicans.
Poll after poll showed it was an election that Californians didn’t want, with a total lineup of eight initiatives that didn’t even come close to every day issues such as gas price gouging, housing costs and the illegitimate war in Iraq. The voters basically told Governor Schwarzenegger to go back to the drawing board.
State Senate leader Don Perata, a Democrat from Oakland, said Tuesday night that Schwarzenegger had sowed the seeds of his own demise by taking on the full gamut of public workers, who made up more than half of the union members in California. “He asked for it and we gave it to him,” fired Perata. “I hope he’s not too disappointed. Just wait till we secede from the Union. It’ll be one for the ages. Long live the Socialist Republic of California!”
Governor Schwarzenegger is vigorously fighting the vote and reports that he’ll veto any legislation presented to him involving secession. “I’m not going to stand by and let these left wing weenies run my state,” leveled Schwarzenegger. “I’m going to do something about it. I think it’s high time we cleaned house in Sacramento!”
Proposition 73, which forced an abortion provider to notify parents of minors seeking abortions, suffered narrow defeat for Schwarzenegger. The exit polls reportedly showed voters wondering whether government should be involved with parental notification.
“I think the government should stay out of my kids’ bedroom,” said Joe Birnbaum, a 53-year old unemployed factory worker. “What goes on in my daughter’s bedroom stays in her bedroom. That’s why I voted no to Prop 73.”
“I’m sick and tired of these Christian conservatives invading my privacy. If my 14-year old daughter wants an abortion without notifying me, that’s just fine. These Christians need to keep their praying and their bibles to themselves,” fired Natty Goldman, a welfare recipient and mother of six.
As Democrats get geared up to vote on secession, some new mottos are being bandied about. Some of them include: “Californa, a whole other country;” “California, a utopian escape from conservatism;” and California, a socialist’s paradise.”
Now that the conservative propositions have been defeated, California has landed a one-two punch to Governor Schwarzenegger, leaving the legislature’s sudden decision to secede as the last step in rebellion. As Black Tuesday approaches, America looks on in utter disbelief and wonders if the California legislature has lost touch with all reality.
Now L.I.E., San Francisco isn't a complete cesspool.
:)
Smart. Awesome. Cute. HANDSOME, I should say. Wonderful. Neat. FanTAstic. Marvelous. Doin' great in school. Grand and Groovy and he loves his Gramma.
Aaaaaaaahhhhh...... ;)
Thanks for asking!
Hey, writer! I love your stuff...even if NYTexan does say those things about you! :o)
And, he makes a mean cup of coffee.....
All joking aside, I think this will be a real story in about 20 years.
I don't know. Ticket fines might double to raise enough money for the new government. Construction on a wall would begin imediately to keep people from entering and exiting California.
Too bad this is parody...
.....and don't let the door hit you on your gay little a$$es on the way out! Buh Bye , Kalifornia! lol!
Now there's an intriguing idea. Thanks for stopping in durasell. I appreciate it.
Great post, lainie. You had me rolling. Thanks. :)
:)
Thanks for reading, NRA. I appreciate it.
It sounds as if Brad does love his Gramma. That's good news. Glad to hear he's doing good amidst secession talk.
:)
Now writer, the child is in bed. I mean really....look at what TIME it is! :)
From which direction? Or, will it officially become New Tijuana?
Thanks, LW. I'm glad you enjoy the stuff.
Thanks for reading and pinging the list, NYT. I appreciate it.
It'll probably become New Tijuana. They'd have to build a wall to the north and east.
I know. I've lived in LA and Sacramento in the past. I bailed for the Midwest in 97. The state is in a sad sad shape, and it looks like it's headed for worse, with the tax eaters swamping the boat...
You didn't notice the elevated Homeland Security status?
When I am in the area, the color goes from red to scintillating neon-red with purple colorbursts, strobing at the frequency of 25 strobes per second.
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