Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

The REAL history of Liberals Vs. Conservatives
unknown | unknown

Posted on 11/19/2005 12:18:29 PM PST by right right

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast & live on fish & lobster in winter. The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "The Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men sometimes think and act like they are women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal foods. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.


TOPICS: Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS:
Lot of truth in some comedy.
1 posted on 11/19/2005 12:18:30 PM PST by right right
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: right right
A man over 30 yrs old and still liberal is either a communist or queer or both.
2 posted on 11/19/2005 12:26:21 PM PST by Mulch (tm)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: right right
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.


3 posted on 11/19/2005 12:28:08 PM PST by txroadkill (W. is back.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: right right

that would be funny if it wasn't so true


4 posted on 11/19/2005 12:30:54 PM PST by genghis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mulch
A man over 30 yrs old and still liberal is either a communist or queer or both.

Thank you.  They could also be attorneys ... lotsa lawsuits in them libbie causes, ya know.

5 posted on 11/19/2005 12:33:53 PM PST by softwarecreator (Facts are to liberals as holy water is to vampires.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: right right
Image hosted by Photobucket.com yeah, democRATs were from the Wussly tribe...
6 posted on 11/19/2005 1:05:39 PM PST by Chode (American Hedonist )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: right right
Isn't there a saying that goes something like this? I think it was written before libs became communists/Anti-Americans so it might not be true today.

"If you weren't a liberal when you were young, you don't have a heart. If you are still liberal when you grow up, you don't have a brain."
7 posted on 11/19/2005 2:19:36 PM PST by varyouga (Reformed Kerry voter ( I know, I'm a frickin' idiot))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: varyouga
I've heard it attributed to Winston Churchill, but I haven't verified he was the source.
8 posted on 11/19/2005 8:46:30 PM PST by AndyTheBear (Disastrous social experimentation is the opiate of elitist snobs.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson