Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

51st Way to Leave Your Lover
Special to FreeRepublic ^ | 26 November 2005 | John Armor (Congressman Billybob)

Posted on 11/25/2005 10:42:22 AM PST by Congressman Billybob

My wife, Kemberly, has left. That’s ordinary enough. It happens a few million times a year, assuming that half of all American divorces are the wife’s idea. But this is about the why, not the what, of that decision.

The why is unique, and extraordinary. If I were she, and she were I, I would do the same thing. (Work on it. That sentence is grammatically correct.)

My wife has been offered the job of Head Chef of a new restaurant out of town, to be built and run to her specifications. To that you say, well, some commuter marriages work. Not this time. The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa. And that is 8,000 miles from my home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Our situation raises an interesting philosophical question. Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?

Here’s our story. The Internet recounted its beginning, so it’s appropriate it should recount its end. We began with serendipity, a Newsweek recommendation of my column that brought me together with a lady from Indiana who read it. We end with serendipity, also.

Anyone with skills as a chef, and manager, and caterer, would jump at the opportunity to run a brand-new, four-star restaurant, if such an opening came to his/her attention. A fair number of you are closet chefs. You watch the Food Network. You think maybe you could chuck your humdrum day job and build a satisfying future with a special food product, or a brand-new restaurant. You know who you are. I saw you smile.

But opportunities like that aren’t advertised in the paper. Like much else which appears in the newspapers, things aren’t what they claim. You can rest assured that a help wanted ad that says it offers the “Opportunity of a Lifetime,” doesn’t.

Here’s the story behind this story. Back in June, Kem made a business trip to American Samoa. The population is about 67,000, but of those the ones who come from mainland US or other nations are a smaller group and everyone knows everybody. When anyone new shows up, the residents get to know him/her promptly. It’s the equivalent of waiting for the stage in the American West a century ago.

Anyway, it turns out that a group of businessmen were interested in creating a new, four-star restaurant near Pago Pago. They knew what they wanted, but not who would do it. Enter a talented woman from North Carolina. Everybody invites each other in that group home for dinner. (There ain’t a lot of nighttime entertainment in Samoa.)

So, the folks on the island found out that Kem is a fine cook. They also found out that she knows her way around commercial equipment and management for kitchens, and multiple styles of cooking from many nations. To make a long story short, she had an opportunity to become Head Chef, and partner, with full creative control.

She looked at three possible locations for the restaurant, two for new construction and one a mansion with wrap-around porches overlooking the Pacific. Think of the architecture and environment described in Somerset Maugham’s famous short story, “Rain.” He was living on Samoa when he wrote that.

Kem has not described to me how long it took her to consider this offer that came out of the blue. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings worse by telling me that her delay was measured in nanoseconds rather than days or weeks. In any event, she returned to North Carolina, and immediately told me the good news (or bad news, depending on your viewpoint).

I understood right away how incredible this opportunity was for her, and why she wanted to accept it. So, instead of getting hysterical, I’ve worked with her on such details as getting a long-term, no-cut contract, and possible copyright issues with the name of the restaurant. So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.

Will I miss Kem? You bet. Do I wish her well? Absolutely. Since many readers of my columns are friends of both of us, drop her a line care of my address and I’ll get it to her. And if you’re in Pago Pago in about 14 months, look her up at the club, have “a Thanksgiving dinner that can’t be beat,” and say hello.

About the Author: John Armor is a First Amendment attorney and author who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: americansamoa; cuckold; experiment626; felicityfahrquar; kemberlyherding; pagopago; shedumpedhim
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200 ... 301-327 next last
Very few of my columns are this personal. But this one must be. Any of y'all who are friends of Kemberly can post answers to her on FR, to "Felicity Fahrquar."

John / Billybob

1 posted on 11/25/2005 10:42:23 AM PST by Congressman Billybob
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Sorry to hear it Billybob.


2 posted on 11/25/2005 10:46:13 AM PST by TXBSAFH ("I would rather be a free man in my grave then living as a puppet or a slave." - Jimmy Cliff)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Good luck to you both.

Certainly hope the financing of the place is on the up-and-up.


3 posted on 11/25/2005 10:46:51 AM PST by JennysCool (Non-Y2K-Compliant)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Well, women come and women go, but a good chef...


4 posted on 11/25/2005 10:47:45 AM PST by Jeff Chandler (Peace Begins in the Womb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Isn't there any way you could move along with her? It seems like your career as a writer could be continued from anywhere.

Anyways, best of luck to you both.

5 posted on 11/25/2005 10:47:49 AM PST by ActionNewsBill ("In times of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

You're a better man than me, Billybob.


6 posted on 11/25/2005 10:48:27 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Now that taglines are cool, I refuse to have one.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?

No.

7 posted on 11/25/2005 10:48:41 AM PST by HitmanLV (Listen to my demos for Savage Nation contest: http://www.geocities.com/mr_vinnie_vegas/index.html)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

I wish you both well.


8 posted on 11/25/2005 10:48:43 AM PST by SmithL (There are a lot of people that hate Bush more than they hate terrorists)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Does she need a good line-chef?
9 posted on 11/25/2005 10:50:11 AM PST by johnny7 (“You have a corpse in a car, minus a head, in the garage. Take me to it.”)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?

It all depends on what is most valued by the individual. For me, my wife and children are the chance of several lifetimes!

10 posted on 11/25/2005 10:50:20 AM PST by TheDon (The Democratic Party is the party of TREASON!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

It must not have been love anyhow. Come easy, go easy.


11 posted on 11/25/2005 10:54:02 AM PST by tessalu (t)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Sorry to hear this, but no I would not go anywhere my wife would not go. She has followed me to Europe and Africa, but I turned down an ASA job in Turkey because dependents couldn't go We were only engaged at the time and the assignment would guarantee I would not go to Vietnam.
12 posted on 11/25/2005 10:54:04 AM PST by HoustonCurmudgeon (A right wing Christian, not part of the Christian Right)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Just a question, though: why aren't you in Samoa?


13 posted on 11/25/2005 10:55:29 AM PST by r9etb
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: HitmanNY

My husband is the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes.

The answer is a resounding no.



14 posted on 11/25/2005 10:55:33 AM PST by Salamander (Cursed With Second Sight)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Good luck to both of you.


15 posted on 11/25/2005 10:55:35 AM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

That's so sad.

My condolences.


16 posted on 11/25/2005 10:56:40 AM PST by Full Court (Keepers at home, not just a suggestion)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ActionNewsBill
"It seems like your career as a writer could be continued from anywhere."

Pago Pago Billybob?

17 posted on 11/25/2005 10:56:44 AM PST by Enterprise (The modern Democrat Party - a toxic stew of mental illness, cultism, and organized crime.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
John, while I like your posts and writings, I think you may regret later having this posted online.

I can understand writing something to work though difficult issues. But divorces are hard enough, and putting it out there in public while it's happening - even in such a civilized, rational post as yours - can't make it any easier.

I hope you can find a way to keep your marriage together. It is too important a thing to let a job or distance destroy it - even an incredible distance. Good luck.

18 posted on 11/25/2005 10:57:10 AM PST by Yossarian (The media is now simply running a 24/7 soap opera with Dubya cast as the arch villain.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheDon

That's a terrific point of view!


19 posted on 11/25/2005 10:57:46 AM PST by Enterprise (The modern Democrat Party - a toxic stew of mental illness, cultism, and organized crime.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Aw, she'll get to missing your rapier wit, subtle charm and Adonis-like features and come running back.....




And if she doesn't, I'm sure there's plenty out there willing to call themselves Mrs Billybob


20 posted on 11/25/2005 10:57:56 AM PST by digger48
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Comment #21 Removed by Moderator

To: Congressman Billybob
good luck. I hope it stays amicable.whenever money,kids, or revenge are involved, it never does for long.

If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

22 posted on 11/25/2005 10:59:20 AM PST by Rakkasan1 (Peace de Resistance! Viva la Paper towels!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Sorry to hear this Billybob. No fret man, there will be more ladies than you can shake a stick at in the future, but I know you won't want to hear that now. In years to come, you also are likely to find out there was more to this whole thing than you now might think.

So take a good dose of skeptical scotch and keep it on hand brother, and hang in there, the best is yet to come
in finding THE woman!

I really enjoy reading all of your postings and I hope to keep seeing them here as you go through this transition!


23 posted on 11/25/2005 10:59:45 AM PST by Candor7 (Into Liberal Flatulence Goes the Hope of the West)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob; Felicity Fahrquar

You both have my prayers. May God bless you and keep you!


24 posted on 11/25/2005 10:59:48 AM PST by kayak (Praying for MozartLover's son, all our military, and our President every day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JRandomFreeper

fyi


25 posted on 11/25/2005 11:00:19 AM PST by kayak (Praying for MozartLover's son, all our military, and our President every day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
John:
Everyone will have his two - or maybe three - cents to toss in, but I'm sorry you're going through this. The breakup of most marriages is something to be mourned.
Best of luck, and hang in there.
26 posted on 11/25/2005 11:00:57 AM PST by Mike Bates (Irish Alzheimer's victim: I only remember the grudges.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Yossarian

Why would ANYONE post their personal business online????


27 posted on 11/25/2005 11:01:34 AM PST by bonfire (dwindler)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa.

How many ways can you cook a Yam or roast a pig?

28 posted on 11/25/2005 11:02:02 AM PST by Mike Darancette (Mesocons for Rice '08)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Happens all the time in the military...people work with it...


29 posted on 11/25/2005 11:02:34 AM PST by dakine
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: HitmanNY
Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?

No.

Agreed. That anyone would cheapens marriage. It becomes a business venture rather than a building block of society.

30 posted on 11/25/2005 11:02:56 AM PST by Desdemona (Music Librarian and provider of cucumber sandwiches, TTGC Ladies' Auxiliary. Hats required.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
My condolences.
But IMHO, it's a shame that you didn't share her dream enough to sacrifice your career, pack your bags and go along with her. That's the kind of love marriages are made of.
31 posted on 11/25/2005 11:03:12 AM PST by Willie Green (Go Pat Go!!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
Good morning.

Clearly, FRiend, you need to buy yourself a 38ft cutter and sail for the South Pacific. That would keep you occupied and keep you within a week or two of seeing Kemberly.

If that isn't possible, good luck to both of you.

Michael Frazier
32 posted on 11/25/2005 11:05:36 AM PST by brazzaville (no surrender no retreat, well, maybe retreat's ok)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
So sorry to hear this. Could I leave my Wife for a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity? Absolutely not. She means so much more to me than any job ever could.

Good luck to both of you though.
33 posted on 11/25/2005 11:06:33 AM PST by reagan_fanatic (Darwinism is a belief in the meaninglessness of existence - R. Kirk)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Best of luck to you.


34 posted on 11/25/2005 11:06:43 AM PST by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Best of luck to you. May God comfort you.


35 posted on 11/25/2005 11:07:13 AM PST by BipolarBob (Yes I backed over the vampire, but I swear I looked in my rearview mirror.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Simple answer - No, I wouldn't leave nor would I expect my wife to leave for the "chance of a lifetime." Our marriage is our "chance of a lifetime". My wife gave up a tremendous career to follow me overseas and if she had said she didn't want to move, I would have stayed, no questions asked.
If a DUmmie had written this article, FReepers would be ripping the author a new a#&hole! Complaining about lack of commitment to marriage in general, etc, etc, etc. And you would be justified in your criticisms.
What part of, "For better or worse, 'til death do us part." do you not understand? Or is it "til a great job opportunity do us part"?


36 posted on 11/25/2005 11:07:23 AM PST by go-dubya-04
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: tessalu
Come easy, go easy.

Nothing easy about it. I've been through a divorce that I didn't want, and it was one of the worst things a human being can go through. In hindsight, the divorce enabled all the really wonderful things that have happened since, but I had no way of knowing that, then. So, it is with the voice of painful experience that I wish them both well.

37 posted on 11/25/2005 11:08:19 AM PST by SmithL (There are a lot of people that hate Bush more than they hate terrorists)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.

Hold on a second - that's sort of a non-sequitur. You are leaving something out: are you getting divorced because you don't want go to Samoa with her or because she doesn't want you to come?

Are you the one putting your career in North Carolina ahead of the marriage?

38 posted on 11/25/2005 11:08:29 AM PST by Mr. Jeeves ("When government does too much, nobody else does much of anything." -- Mark Steyn)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ActionNewsBill
Not trying to speak for him but island living is "unique."
It's the one type of place I've heard people moving to and coming back from the most. I was stationed on Guam 5 years.

In real life it's not the least like the romanticized version of island living. Even a visit to an island can't prepare a person for what an island lifestyle means. It's not for everybody.

Just a couple of examples. Almost everything comes in by air. All priority. If a person wants something, they have to wait a while for it. By the time it eventually gets there, it may not be wanted or needed anymore. Islanders are used to disappointment, that's why they're so laid back.
Typhoon season can keep a person indoors for weeks at a time.
39 posted on 11/25/2005 11:09:27 AM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Your priorities are whacked, dude.


40 posted on 11/25/2005 11:10:12 AM PST by Mr. Lucky
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
A few years ago I had a great job and wife in Fla. Well the company went under so I had to pack up and move home to Chicago. My wife decided to stay in Fla. with her family.

So I lost my wife I loved and career at the same time. It sucked to be me.

After 3 tough years....I couldn't even find a job waiting tables... I was in the right place ..right time...I'm making more money then ever and I have a hot French girlfriend........never give up.
41 posted on 11/25/2005 11:11:07 AM PST by Blackirish (Jeez)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

Like a couple others here, I don't think it was true love if you're both allowing it to end like this. It's nonsensical.


42 posted on 11/25/2005 11:11:30 AM PST by andyk (Fear my strategery of misunderestimation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob
[ Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along? ]

Hmmm.. If she could leave(for good) for a better opportunity and did then she is better off and so are you.. Cause the marraige was just a convenience.. and merely got inconvenient..

It gets better than that(marriage).. A gold plated bidet is just a portal to a sewer.. sitting on one can fool some people into thinking they have finally arrived.. and the question arrived where?.. never seems to cross their minds at the time..

On the otherhand working there for a year or two could add to her credentials immensely.. then she could quit and get a good job AT HOME..

43 posted on 11/25/2005 11:13:26 AM PST by hosepipe (CAUTION: This propaganda is laced with hyperbole..)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: HitmanNY

Sad.

"..for better, for worse..."

Nothing in there about chefs et al... (And I am a closet chef....)

Sorry, for her. Sorrow, for him.


44 posted on 11/25/2005 11:13:37 AM PST by silverspurs
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

Comment #45 Removed by Moderator

To: Congressman Billybob

Why end the marriage? Only you two know if it's strong enough to withstand the distance. You both sound like conscientious adults; give it a chance.


46 posted on 11/25/2005 11:14:53 AM PST by IronJack
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

UGH! Losing a wife and a chef at the same time! That's awful!

Now the important question: Tomato based BBQ sauce or mustard, brown sugar and vinegar? Inquiring minds want to know.

Sorry for your loss.


47 posted on 11/25/2005 11:15:54 AM PST by Poser
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: HitmanNY
Do you have a recipe for "Estranged Wife Samoan Deelight...with pineapple, fava beans, and a nice Chianti?"

"Serves 40-60 perhaps?"

48 posted on 11/25/2005 11:17:53 AM PST by Dark Skies ("The sleeper must awaken!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

SAD BUMP :^(


49 posted on 11/25/2005 11:19:00 AM PST by SweetCaroline (What shall it profit a person if they gain a million dollars, but looses their soul?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Congressman Billybob

So many questions, so little time.

Where you invited to join her?

Instead of jumping to divorce, why didn't you try a "long distance" marriage? I bet the homecomings would be great.

This would be the start of something wonderful for you both.

Why the defeatist attitude?


50 posted on 11/25/2005 11:19:59 AM PST by i_dont_chat (Houston, TX)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200 ... 301-327 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson