(Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan) -- Former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer, largely credited with turning Canada's armed forces into a "lean, mean, peacekeeping machine," says that US President George W. Bush has entered into a secret alliance with the Klingon Empire that threatens the fragile peace that has existed for 20,000 centuries between the Milky Way and Alpha Centauri galaxies.
"George Bush is risking intergalactic warfare because he and his Texas oil baron buddies are trying to take over spice mining on the desert planet of Arakis," said Mr. Hellyer during a speech delivered at the weekly meeting of the Moose Jaw Kiwanis Club at the Tim Horton's on Main Street next to the BP station. "Bush's cronies are trying to corner the market on spice, which is the fuel used to power the new "space-folding" hybrid engines that General Motors has developed. To this end, Bush has entered into a secret alliance with neo-conservatives on the Klingon Home World to supply America with Klingon cloaking technology, thereby making American bombers invisible to Zontorian gamma ray sensors. This is sure to be seen as a threatening gesture to the Romulans who will no longer be able to detect American incursions into the Neutral Zone."
Ta'Hoth, Klingon Ambassador to the United States, told this reporter during an exclusive interview, that Mr. Hillyer's assertions have no basis in fact. "Mr. Hillyer's wild accusations show that he has less spine than a Venusian glornbok," said Ta'Hoth. "If Mr. Hillyer would renounce his diplomatic immunity, I would gladly challenge him to the ancient Klingon duelling ritual of Pa'Qooth in which two men fight to the death armed only with moose antlers while standing in a vat of sulfuric acid."
In an emergency session of Parliament, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin said that Canadian peacekeepers will be sent to patrol the Neutral Zone between Earth and the Romulan Empire as soon as the Royal Canadian Air Force's WWI-vintage biplanes can be retrofitted with dilithium-based warp drive engines...........
