"Mom, I have an idea. There's this dyke at school and I think she has a crush on me. It's gross, but this may work out. How about if I kiss her -- take it easy! Take it easy! -- right in front of a teacher. I bet the school will call you up."
"So, you act all upset! Then I act all upset that I've been "outed"! Stop giggling, mom! Then we sue the school! We get a bunch of money, and then I can go to college!"
"It's so crazy it might work. But we better make sure if your father is OK with this."
If she wins the suit I wonder if the judge could set up the settlement something like: If you ever get married or give birth you pay back the school board with interest and penalty plus you get tried for fraud.