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SEVEN CONGRESSMEN ARE ZOMBIES!
Weekly World News ^ | Unknown Publish Date | Author Unknown

Posted on 12/19/2005 8:32:26 AM PST by Lazamataz

At least seven U.S. congressmen are boot-licking zombies controlled by Haiti's supersecret AIH intelligence agency, but here's the clincher:

Nobody can figure out who they are because the living dead -- with their shuffling gait, wrinkled skin and glassy stares -- are indistinguishable from all the senior-citizen politicians on Capitol Hill.

So says the FBI in a frightening internal report that suggests the House of Representatives "could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years . . . and the American public would be none the wiser."

"It's a serious situation with national security implications that do not bode well for our future as a free nation," says a senior FBI official who leaked portions of the report to journalists in Washington.

"By definition, zombies have limited mental faculties, no emotion, no free will, and they are only able to function at the behest of voodoo priests who control their every move.

To read more of Seven Congressmen Are Zombies, pick up the current Newsstand Issue on sale now!


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: omg; runforyourlives; zombies
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1 posted on 12/19/2005 8:32:27 AM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

Only seven?


2 posted on 12/19/2005 8:33:20 AM PST by BenLurkin (O beautiful for patriot dream - that sees beyond the years)
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To: Lazamataz

3 posted on 12/19/2005 8:33:43 AM PST by AbeKrieger (Islam is the virus that causes al-Qaeda.)
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To: Lazamataz
Found one.


4 posted on 12/19/2005 8:34:25 AM PST by oldleft
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To: Lazamataz

...suggests the House of Representatives "could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years"...
----
COULD become???


5 posted on 12/19/2005 8:34:35 AM PST by EagleUSA
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To: Lazamataz

Name them! Tell us! (like we don't already know)


6 posted on 12/19/2005 8:34:35 AM PST by netmilsmom (God blessed me with a wonderful husband.)
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To: BenLurkin

> Only seven?


There are several dozen nosferatu as well.


7 posted on 12/19/2005 8:34:36 AM PST by orionblamblam (A furore Normannorum libra nos, Domine)
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To: Lazamataz
Nobody can figure out who they are because the living dead -- with their shuffling gait, wrinkled skin and glassy stares -- are indistinguishable from all the senior-citizen politicians on Capitol Hill.

How true! I can name quite a few more than 7 that fit the description.

8 posted on 12/19/2005 8:35:08 AM PST by kayak (Praying for MozartLover's son, all our military, and our President every day!)
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To: Lazamataz

I think they're off by a factor of 40 - there's at least 280 zombies on Capitol Hill.


9 posted on 12/19/2005 8:35:08 AM PST by steveegg (Take two - throw those long knives at the DemonRATs and lieberals - and include the RINOs)
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To: oldleft
zombies have limited mental faculties, no emotion, no free will, and they are only able to function at the behest of voodoo priests who control their every move.

Voodoo priests = Black Caucus.

10 posted on 12/19/2005 8:35:24 AM PST by AbeKrieger (Islam is the virus that causes al-Qaeda.)
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To: Lazamataz; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; SandyInSeattle; Darksheare; tiamat; ...
If they're looking for brains in Congress, the poor bastards are probably starving.


11 posted on 12/19/2005 8:35:27 AM PST by Slings and Arrows ("MOO...BANG...MOOO!")
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To: Xenalyte; Dane; Jersey Republican Biker Chick; cjshapi

It's all true!!!


12 posted on 12/19/2005 8:36:07 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: Lazamataz
with their shuffling gait, wrinkled skin and glassy stares

Ah-HA! I knew Nancy Pelosi got that botox treatment for a reason...

13 posted on 12/19/2005 8:36:23 AM PST by TheBigB ("Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"--Brian Griffin)
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Comment #14 Removed by Moderator

To: Bacon Man; Hap; humblegunner; Allegra

Headline of the Week ping!


15 posted on 12/19/2005 8:36:40 AM PST by Xenalyte (Tom Cruise is in my closet and he won't come out.)
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To: Lazamataz
At least seven U.S. congressmen are boot-licking zombies controlled by Haiti's supersecret AIH intelligence agency...

Perhaps they should look for congressmen licking boots. Most of them are so busy kissing butt that some licking boots might stand out.

16 posted on 12/19/2005 8:36:43 AM PST by highlander_UW (I don't know what my future holds, but I know Who holds my future)
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To: oldleft

That's not a zombie - that's a gorgon.

17 posted on 12/19/2005 8:36:51 AM PST by Slings and Arrows ("MOO...BANG...MOOO!")
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To: Lazamataz

I am laughing so hard, I'm about to start tearing up. This is a riot!


18 posted on 12/19/2005 8:37:01 AM PST by Xenalyte (Tom Cruise is in my closet and he won't come out.)
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To: Lazamataz

19 posted on 12/19/2005 8:37:09 AM PST by byteback
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To: oldleft

Please do not confuse zombie with nitwit. Your post is an insult to zombies everywhere.


20 posted on 12/19/2005 8:37:20 AM PST by Casloy
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To: Lazamataz

21 posted on 12/19/2005 8:37:22 AM PST by Solamente
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To: Lazamataz

Exhibit "A"

22 posted on 12/19/2005 8:38:22 AM PST by andy58-in-nh
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To: Xenalyte; Dane

I pinged Dane because I have always suspected he was a zombie.


23 posted on 12/19/2005 8:38:47 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: orionblamblam


That movie creeped the hell outa me, and I'm hard to creep out.
24 posted on 12/19/2005 8:39:02 AM PST by Xenalyte (Tom Cruise is in my closet and he won't come out.)
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To: Lazamataz

Sounds like you've got a case of the Gotta-Start-Something Mondays!


25 posted on 12/19/2005 8:39:34 AM PST by Xenalyte (Tom Cruise is in my closet and he won't come out.)
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To: steveegg

Try 536 (excepting the Hon. Ron Paul) and you'll be closer to the number


26 posted on 12/19/2005 8:39:38 AM PST by billbears (Deo Vindice)
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To: Lazamataz

This actually makes a lot of sense.
Think about it, could Ted Kennedy actually be alive? His liver must be the size of a football.


27 posted on 12/19/2005 8:39:43 AM PST by NormB (Yes, but watch your cookies!!)
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To: Shermy; Grampa Dave

Kindly ping the usual suspects.

This intreresting post is at least as accurate as anything we find in the NYT, or WaPo, and a lot better written.


28 posted on 12/19/2005 8:39:55 AM PST by Kenny Bunk (Democrat vote fraud must be stopped. Hello? RNC?)
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To: Xenalyte
Sounds like you've got a case of the Gotta-Start-Something Mondays!

I love Dane because poking him always gets a nice, wholesome, wheat-filled response.

29 posted on 12/19/2005 8:40:27 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: Xenalyte

30 posted on 12/19/2005 8:40:51 AM PST by Slings and Arrows ("MOO...BANG...MOOO!")
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To: Lazamataz
Well, this certainly explains why so many in Congress don't have any brains. The ZOMBIES have been eating their brains.

BRAINS... BAIIIINSSS!!

31 posted on 12/19/2005 8:40:53 AM PST by SpottedBeaver (Tagline removed by Moderator)
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To: Lazamataz
Geeze, you'd think they could just give them a Zombie Test:




32 posted on 12/19/2005 8:41:01 AM PST by Hurricane Andrew (History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.)
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To: Lazamataz

Hey, you're Undead, aren't you!

LAZ FOR CONGRESS! HE'S UNDEAD BUT HE'S FUNNY!


33 posted on 12/19/2005 8:41:39 AM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Hurricane Andrew; Xenalyte

Presence of the LIFE-IMPAIRED!!! LOL omg that is laugh-out-loud funny!


34 posted on 12/19/2005 8:42:00 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: Lazamataz
...a frightening internal report that suggests the House of Representatives "could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years...

This is good news, right? Kinda like an upgrade?

35 posted on 12/19/2005 8:42:15 AM PST by M203M4
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To: Larry Lucido
LAZ FOR CONGRESS! HE'S UNDEAD BUT HE'S FUNNY!

Is smell truly that important?

36 posted on 12/19/2005 8:42:39 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: Lazamataz
Since we all know that zombies eat brains for breakfast, I guess NC Republican Congressman Howard Coble must be one of the seven: The Honorable Howard Coble United States Congressman, North Carolina Specialty Recipe Favorite Breakfast "Brains N' Eggs" When I was a youngster, my mom used to prepare Brains N' Eggs for breakfast. It was a fairly regular breakfast, not at all unusual. So that's when I started eating them. I've enjoyed them ever since, but I can't find any on Capitol Hill. I'll admit the name of the dish is not the most appetizing, but try 'em, you might like 'em! http://www.virtualcities.com/ons/nc/gov/ncgvhc1.htm
37 posted on 12/19/2005 8:42:48 AM PST by AuH2ORepublican (http://auh2orepublican.blogspot.com/)
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To: Slings and Arrows

38 posted on 12/19/2005 8:43:23 AM PST by day10 (Wherever you come near the human race there's layers and layers of nonsense.)
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To: Lazamataz
“Zombie stories are such nonsense, and they’re a perfect example of everything that is wrong with journalism in this era of the Bush junta.”
- Andy Rooney


39 posted on 12/19/2005 8:43:51 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: Lazamataz; Owl_Eagle; Sam's Army; Darksheare; pissant; Dashing Dasher; najida; JimWforBush; ...
OMG, PING!!!

Um, Teddy has completely preserved and pickled himself, so I guess he is one.

40 posted on 12/19/2005 8:44:25 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.)
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To: dead

LOL!


41 posted on 12/19/2005 8:44:44 AM PST by Lazamataz ("Over it is not, until over it is." -- Yoda Berra)
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To: Lazamataz
"could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years . . ."

Could become? I thought they already were.

... and the American public would be none the wiser."

A "duh" statement if ever I heard one.


"Sheeple, sheeple who need sheeple...
Are the luckiest sheeple in the world...."

42 posted on 12/19/2005 8:45:14 AM PST by shezza (55 days)
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To: dead

Kind of appropriate you're here, eh? ; )


43 posted on 12/19/2005 8:45:17 AM PST by TheBigB ("Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"--Brian Griffin)
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To: Lazamataz
Zombie #5

(a/k/a Rep. Ellen Tauscher(D)-CA)

44 posted on 12/19/2005 8:45:30 AM PST by budman_2001
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To: Lazamataz

I love the WWN. My favorite was the series they had on the romance and marriage between Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. They had pictures of all the dictators who came to the wedding, including Qaddafi, Kim Jong Il. It was classic.


45 posted on 12/19/2005 8:46:55 AM PST by badbass
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To: MotleyGirl70; Cagey

PETERMAN: That noise. that's the noise.

ELAINE: What?

PETERMAN: That inferno rattling sound that has plagued me these past two days - and I could not find the source. In my office, in the hallway. even in the men's room! Shame on you, Elaine!

ELAINE: No, no, Mr. Peterman that wasn't me!

PETERMAN: That reminds me of the Hatian Voodoo rattle torture! You haven't gone over to their side have you?

ELAINE: No Mister Peterman.

PETERMAN: Because, if I hear one more rattle - just one - your out on your can And if you are undead - I'll find out about that too.


46 posted on 12/19/2005 8:47:03 AM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick; Lazmataz

LOL!!!


47 posted on 12/19/2005 8:47:13 AM PST by Dashing Dasher ((It was) Like being shot through a pinball machine with a piano on your chest!)
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To: Xenalyte; orionblamblam

48 posted on 12/19/2005 8:49:10 AM PST by Zacs Mom (Proud wife of a Marine! ... and purveyor of "rampant, unedited dialogue")
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To: Fierce Allegiance; Constitution Day; martin_fierro; Tijeras_Slim; Petronski; ...
"Hot zombie chicks" ping!

49 posted on 12/19/2005 8:51:03 AM PST by TheBigB ("Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"--Brian Griffin)
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To: Lazamataz
Hmmmmmmm....







50 posted on 12/19/2005 8:53:16 AM PST by Zacs Mom (Proud wife of a Marine! ... and purveyor of "rampant, unedited dialogue")
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