SEVEN CONGRESSMEN ARE ZOMBIES!

Weekly World News ^ | Unknown Publish Date | Author Unknown

[Lazamataz]

At least seven U.S. congressmen are boot-licking zombies controlled by Haiti's supersecret AIH intelligence agency, but here's the clincher:

Nobody can figure out who they are because the living dead -- with their shuffling gait, wrinkled skin and glassy stares -- are indistinguishable from all the senior-citizen politicians on Capitol Hill.

So says the FBI in a frightening internal report that suggests the House of Representatives "could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years . . . and the American public would be none the wiser."

"It's a serious situation with national security implications that do not bode well for our future as a free nation," says a senior FBI official who leaked portions of the report to journalists in Washington.

"By definition, zombies have limited mental faculties, no emotion, no free will, and they are only able to function at the behest of voodoo priests who control their every move.

To read more of Seven Congressmen Are Zombies, pick up the current Newsstand Issue on sale now!

[Solamente]

[andy58-in-nh]

Exhibit "A"

[Lazamataz]

I pinged Dane because I have always suspected he was a zombie.

[Xenalyte]

That movie creeped the hell outa me, and I'm hard to creep out.

[Xenalyte]

Sounds like you've got a case of the Gotta-Start-Something Mondays!

[billbears]

Try 536 (excepting the Hon. Ron Paul) and you'll be closer to the number

[NormB]

This actually makes a lot of sense.
Think about it, could Ted Kennedy actually be alive? His liver must be the size of a football.

[Kenny Bunk]

Kindly ping the usual suspects.

This intreresting post is at least as accurate as anything we find in the NYT, or WaPo, and a lot better written.

[Lazamataz]

Sounds like you've got a case of the Gotta-Start-Something Mondays!

I love Dane because poking him always gets a nice, wholesome, wheat-filled response.

[Slings and Arrows]

[SpottedBeaver]

Well, this certainly explains why so many in Congress don't have any brains. The ZOMBIES have been eating their brains.

BRAINS... BAIIIINSSS!!

[Hurricane Andrew]

Geeze, you'd think they could just give them a Zombie Test:

[Larry Lucido]

Hey, you're Undead, aren't you!

LAZ FOR CONGRESS! HE'S UNDEAD BUT HE'S FUNNY!

[Lazamataz]

Presence of the LIFE-IMPAIRED!!! LOL omg that is laugh-out-loud funny!

[M203M4]

...a frightening internal report that suggests the House of Representatives "could become a nest of zombies within the next 10 years...

This is good news, right? Kinda like an upgrade?

[Lazamataz]

LAZ FOR CONGRESS! HE'S UNDEAD BUT HE'S FUNNY!

Is smell truly that important?

[AuH2ORepublican]

Since we all know that zombies eat brains for breakfast, I guess NC Republican Congressman Howard Coble must be one of the seven: The Honorable Howard Coble United States Congressman, North Carolina Specialty Recipe Favorite Breakfast "Brains N' Eggs" When I was a youngster, my mom used to prepare Brains N' Eggs for breakfast. It was a fairly regular breakfast, not at all unusual. So that's when I started eating them. I've enjoyed them ever since, but I can't find any on Capitol Hill. I'll admit the name of the dish is not the most appetizing, but try 'em, you might like 'em! http://www.virtualcities.com/ons/nc/gov/ncgvhc1.htm

[day10]

[dead]

“Zombie stories are such nonsense, and they’re a perfect example of everything that is wrong with journalism in this era of the Bush junta.”
- Andy Rooney

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

OMG, PING!!!

Um, Teddy has completely preserved and pickled himself, so I guess he is one.