Stalin's mutant ape army (Yes, it's what you think)

The Sun (U.K.) ^ | December 20, 2005 | JEROME STARKEY

[Stoat]

Stalin's mutant ape army

Evil science ... Josef Stalin
 

By JEROME STARKEY

 SOVIET dictator Josef Stalin ordered his scientists to cross humans with APES to create an invincible breed of Red Army soldiers, secret documents show.

 

Archive papers say the Kremlin chief demanded his Planet of the Apes warriors be “resilient and resistant to hunger”.

He said they should be of “immense strength but with an underdeveloped brain”. He also wanted them to work on railway construction.

Labs and ape skeletons have been found in the Black Sea town of Suchumi in Georgia by workmen building a kids’ playground.

It is thought the apes were among creatures captured for research during the 1920s project, which cost Stalin £8,500 — more than £1million in today’s money.

Scientist Ilia Ivanov was ordered to breed the mutants. He had already tried to create a super-horse by crossing the animals with zebras.

His archived reports show the Pasteur Institute in Paris let him use a research station in Guinea, West Africa, for ape-breeding research.

And he wrote to the ruling Politburo: “The biggest problem is to catch living females.” Researchers learned to torch trees and chase apes into cages as they scampered down.

Ivanov reported that African women had been seized to be impregnated with ape sperm, but no pregnancy resulted. Female gorillas were set to receive human sperm.

When his project failed, Ivanov was arrested in 1930. He became one of millions rounded up by paranoid Stalin and died in a labour camp in 1932.

[Stoat]

His archived reports show the Pasteur Institute in Paris let him use a research station in Guinea, West Africa, for ape-breeding research.

The inevitable French connection to all evildoing.

[Jeff Chandler]

“immense strength but with an underdeveloped brain”

Ya'll have fun with that one. Good night!

[denydenydeny]

[fizziwig]

Hitler and Stalin...two lefty peas in a pod.

[snarks_when_bored]

SOVIET dictator Josef Stalin ordered his scientists to cross humans with APES...

So Stalin tried to make over the Russian army in his own image.

[Dallas59]

Monkey Love?

[GeronL]

I am not sure this is going to surprise anyone.... probably the leftists will be happy to hear it

[Dallas59]

“immense strength but with an underdeveloped brain”

[Darkwolf377]

Josef Stalin ordered his scientists to cross humans with APES

Henry Waxman, cancel your subscription to FamilyTree.com

[WestVirginiaRebel]

"This one's for Uncle Joe!"

[Cacique]

PING

[spetznaz]

LOL

That is so wrong.

However that dude is scary. He seems to be literally tearing apart any unfortunate soul that gets into the boxing ring with him. It wouldn't be nice to see the fellow walking up to you in an alley.

[staytrue]

Maybe they should clone Mike Tyson ?

[little jeremiah]

He was trying to create Uruk-hai.

[BigCinBigD]

Jerry Jones is doing the same thing in a secret grotto deep beneath Vally Ranch. We need the offensive line help.

[Capn TrVth]

Get your hands off me...

[JennysCool]

Who, me?

[truemiester]

He won his title and when the other manager tried to take it back, POW! The Russian manager laid one on hime. What a fight after the fight! Of course trying to take back the belt from a guy this big begs the question, 'who's brain was underdeveloped?'

[TheCrusader]

"SOVIET dictator Josef Stalin ordered his scientists to cross humans with APES to create an invincible breed of Red Army soldiers, secret documents show. Archive papers say the Kremlin chief demanded his Planet of the Apes warriors be “resilient and resistant to hunger”.
He said they should be of “immense strength but with an underdeveloped brain”."

[Stoat]

I knew that HT absolutely had to make an appearance on this thread at some point :-)

[0siris]

Dude that's not funny that's sadistic. It is agony to be exposed to that beast. If our troops plastered the cells of enemy combatants with pictures of that...thing, I'd be the first one leading the parade to the Hague to charge the U.S. with war crimes. That...thing...should not have been let loose on this earth, someone was fooling around with the Necronomicon and suddenly that shoggoth slithered onto our plane of existence. Dear God make it stop, I wish I was born blind and hands less if by chance I stumbled into that...thing...in my blindness and accidentally felt up her dilapidated face. I will never sleep soundly again.

[Old Sarge]

"His treachery lies deeper than you know. By foul craft,
Stalin has crossed apes with Men. He's breeding an army,
in the caverns of Siberia..."

[JohnCliftn]

The Red Army was pretty tough in WWII. I don't see why he'd want to.

[Stoat]

The Red Army was pretty tough in WWII. I don't see why he'd want to.

The article suggests that at least one area of interest was for heavy physical labor such as building railways.  Although the gulags were full of poor souls whom he had no problems with working to death, perhaps he thought that the apes would be faster, cheaper to house and feed or more efficient?

I hope that the 'secret documents' referred to in the article will become public one day, as they may provide more clues.

[FreedomCalls]

“The biggest problem is to catch living females.”

/Sigh./ That's always been the problem isn't it?

[de Buillion]

"He had already tried to create a super-horse by crossing the animals with zebras. "

He was trying to cross apes with zebras? Duh, that ain't gonna work!

[ChadGore]

[propertius]

Great scoop by the Sun -- picking up a story from La Repubblica that completely misrepresented a dubious story in the Russian rag Moskovski Komsomolets...

Firstly, it's hardly a new revelation. The story was first exposed in a Russian emigre newspaper in 1927 and confirmed in the 1990s. Secondly the quotes from Stalin are made up and the archives mentioned in the Sun and La Repubblica articles are shamelessly ripped off from a book released last year.

The interesting conspiracy theory comes from Soviet scientist Boris Porchnev who escaped from a gulag in the 1950s. He claims the race of ape-men was actually created and they were put to work in the salt mines. They couldn't, as one would expect, reproduce.

One supposedly escaped and there were several sightings of this poor chimera in Vietnam....

[PJ-Comix]

ATTACK OF THE COMMIE MUTANT APE-MEN!!!

[steveegg]

She qualifies for half of her hero's requirements (she is neither resistant to hunger nor of immense strength).

[muir_redwoods]

"And he wrote to the ruling Politburo: 'The biggest problem is to catch living females.' "

I've found this to be true also

[Caipirabob]

"Oh that Stalin! He told me he'd call..."

[Restorer]

Zebras can be and are crossed with horses and asses.

http://www.lovelongears.com/zorse.html

[sure_fine]

tree swinging ping

[UnbelievingScumOnTheOtherSide]

Ma-ma! Ma-ma! Ma-ma!

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

The perfect socialist man. Actually, some of the spawn escaped and are teaching liberal arts at American universities.

[SkyPilot]

[meowmeow]

Although the gulags were full of poor souls whom he had no problems with working to death, perhaps he thought that the apes would be faster, cheaper to house and feed or more efficient?

And they wouldn't write books if they escaped to the West.

[Wilhelm Tell]

Stalin probably created his ape-men but then had them all executed for suspicion of disloyalty or whatever. I can picture the paranoid Stalin, "I just know those apes are conspiring to overthrow me!"

[Shqipo]

"Get your stinkin' paws off of me, you damn dirty Commie!"

[Vaquero]

"God, Scmod, I want my monkey-man"

[Jeff Chandler]

“immense strength but with an underdeveloped brain”

[Sam Cree]

Ha!

[mysterio]

[Aquinasfan]

Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!

[Joe 6-pack]

"I've found this to be true also..."

I always have to wonder if the ones I catch are diseased or defective in some other way...

[Paved Paradise]

I was thinking Tyson as well!

[evets]

'Beast from the east'

7'2" 320 lbs.

[ArrogantBustard]

So THAT'S what they meant by building the "New Soviet Man".

[chemicalman]