Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

The rude `When are you having a baby?' question
Mercury News ^ | January 10, 2006 | Dear Abby question

Posted on 01/11/2006 12:58:24 AM PST by beaversmom

DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is almost 38 years old. Most of my adult life has been spent in school, working or traveling. It is only in the last two years that I have met someone and settled down somewhat -- although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love and believe in. Neither of us feels a giant void in our relationship or our lives that needs to be filled by a baby.

In the past year or so, several of my co-workers and other people I barely know keep asking, ``When are you going to have a baby?'' or, ``You only have a couple more years -- aren't you going to have a baby?'' or, ``Don't you want kids?''

My family doesn't even ask me these questions! I think they are extremely rude and intrusive, and I resent the simple-minded assumption that just because a person has a uterus and ovaries she must make a baby. How should I respond to these questions?

Childless and happy in Texas

(Excerpt) Read more at mercurynews.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: dink; judgmental; nunabusiness; rightonrightcrime; rudepeople; selfishness; smug
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 321-324 next last
I think it's funny that this person signed it ...happy in Texas. She doesn't sound too happy. Sounds like a typical hostile liberal. She sounds very European. Maybe Texas isn't really the place she should be living. Europe or San Fran would be more like it. I know not everyone is cut out to have kids, but I don't think you have to get hostile at people making an inquiry over something the majority of us do. There are ways to answer politely and get your point across.

I remember hearing about an old school friend who was sent an inquiry about attending the upcoming highschool reunion. This was back in 1995. The inquiry had questions like: "Are you married?" "How many kids do you have?" She sent a very nasty letter back stating she was a lesbian and how dare these people assume she was married and would have kids. The person organizing the reunion was very taken aback because she didn't realize a simple inquiry would be met with such a hostile reaction. This old friend was always a bit out there and ahead of her time in the feminazi sense so it came as no shock to us--we had even joked she would end up as a lesbian.

1 posted on 01/11/2006 12:58:26 AM PST by beaversmom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
Most of my adult life has been spent in school, working or traveling. It is only in the last two years that I have met someone and settled down somewhat -- although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love

Translation: we're too self centered to have children. Its all about US.

I have to say I agree with her. She should NOT be a mother.

2 posted on 01/11/2006 1:06:00 AM PST by adamsjas
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom

Have the baby!!!!!!!

How much more fun comes in an 8 1/2 pound package.

Live a little, you only come around once.


3 posted on 01/11/2006 1:06:24 AM PST by beaver fever
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
I don't know if she sounds so much like a liberal.

I can relate to the rudeness and intrusiveness she mentions.

I too, am childless due to certain circumstances in how my life has played out (and not necessarily how I wanted them to) and it doesn't make me a liberal, a lesbian or anything else. I am very much NOT any of those things.

And I hate the ever-present "Do you have kids?" question and the "Why?" that follows when I answer in the negative. I consider that my own business and will tell people with whom I feel close.

I am an "aunt" to many of my friends' children and adore playing with them or babysitting them. But the fact that I don't have children does not make me some weirdo or conversation piece.

I have a couple of other friends in the same boat for their own various reasons and they feel just the same way.

4 posted on 01/11/2006 1:07:10 AM PST by Allegra (Ooooops....I've Done It Again...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom

And when people learn that I have 6 kids I always get the rude "don't you have a TV?" remark - and some cads will go so far as to "inform" me that I could get "snipped".

I would never think to ask someone with few or no kids about the type of birth control they use and why they don't have more kids...


5 posted on 01/11/2006 1:09:35 AM PST by Notwithstanding (I love my German shepherd - Benedict XVI reigns!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom

The worst question for a woman is ..."When's your baby due?" ...when you're not pregnant.


6 posted on 01/11/2006 1:10:22 AM PST by Troublemaker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Allegra

Thanks for posting that.


7 posted on 01/11/2006 1:14:22 AM PST by CounterCounterCulture
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Allegra

Me too.


8 posted on 01/11/2006 1:18:24 AM PST by Aussiebabe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Allegra
...although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love and believe in

My guess is liberal. Like I said not everyone wants kids and/or cut out to have them and there's nothing wrong with that but I think it's normal for people to inquire about such. I understand that some people get too nosy--they can do that about a lot of different subjects. I might ask someone a question about how many kids they have and depending on their answer won't go any further than that. Usually I know that they have one and am curious if they have any more.

9 posted on 01/11/2006 1:19:29 AM PST by beaversmom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Troublemaker
The worst question for a woman is ..."When's your baby due?" ...when you're not pregnant.

I thought that's what the article was going to be...

10 posted on 01/11/2006 1:20:40 AM PST by KneelBeforeZod (Someday a real rain will come and wipe this scum off the streets.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
Lib Artist or not it's nobodies bid-ness if she does or doesn't. I'd turn around and ask the unknown person if they have had their colon cleaned out lately.
11 posted on 01/11/2006 1:20:44 AM PST by Dallas59 (“You love life, while we love death"( Al-Qaeda & Democratic Party)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

It's good these questions are asked. It is in our society's best interest to expect child-rearing and marriage. When those start to disintegrate and disappear from public expectations, there goes your birth-rate. And up go the percentage of babies born out of wedlock.

If you can't have them or circumstances have led to other decisions, just smile and be thankful that you live in civilization that's not going to make itself extinct by failing to do something so basic as produce offspring.


12 posted on 01/11/2006 1:31:31 AM PST by CheyennePress
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom

I am curious about a lot of thing too. It is natural. Can you please tell me how much you and your husband (if you are married) earn a year. I am also curious about your net worth. Hope you are not offended. It appears to me you must have children and therefore do not know the feeling, if you have never had children, how offensive it is to ask that question.


13 posted on 01/11/2006 1:33:20 AM PST by Aussiebabe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Dallas59

People get too offended. I like Michael Medved's attitude. He's Jewish and gets confronted/asked by people all the time wondering why he's not a Christian. I personally saw this happen in Denver. He didn't get offended. He's proud he's Jewish and is happy to explain his beliefs. He doesn't think the people are rude for inquiring. He's comfortable in his own skin. And if you get asked a question that you don't wish to discuss/answer you can reply in such a way that isn't rude but gets the message across.


14 posted on 01/11/2006 1:34:15 AM PST by beaversmom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: KneelBeforeZod

My wife and I cannot have children. We tried and tried and it did not work. After her last miscarriage, we decided that was it. Adoption is far away on the periphery of thought.

For us the most painful question is "Do you have kids?"
It is a kick in the bullocks.


15 posted on 01/11/2006 1:38:00 AM PST by Paulus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
She's not getting upset at strangers, but these are co-workers. Considering, anybody who is even thinking of having a baby usually brings it up incessantly over the slightest provocation, the co-workers by now should know she ain't having a kid.

Potential Spawner: Excuse me can you stop smoking?
Sane Person: Why.
Potential Spawner: Well I plan to have a child.
Sane Person: You're pregnant? Congratulations! When did that happen. I didn't even know you had a boyfriend.
Potential Spawner: Well, thank you, but I'm not pregnant yet, but I might try in a few years.
16 posted on 01/11/2006 1:39:19 AM PST by Hong Kong Expat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Aussiebabe

I only take offense if something is meant to be offensive. People could ask me how many kids I have. They don't know if I have had kids to pass away. If they don't mean offense then I don't get offended. I have had people ask me if I'm going to have any more. At one time I thought that might not be possible. I didn't get offended at the question.


17 posted on 01/11/2006 1:40:25 AM PST by beaversmom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Aussiebabe

I don’t think “Do you have children?“ is in that league. It’s the sort of thing people would carry on talking about, unlike the size of your salary.

What’s rude is to keep probing if the answer “No” comes back.


18 posted on 01/11/2006 1:42:01 AM PST by FostersExport
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
I think the rudest question to a new mom is "are you breastfeeding"?
19 posted on 01/11/2006 1:42:41 AM PST by Pro-Bush (We protect Korea's border better than our own!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beaversmom
I'm sorry, I don't want to get into a fight, since we agree on most issues --but on this issue, you just don't have a clue.
20 posted on 01/11/2006 1:42:48 AM PST by Aussiebabe
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-80 ... 321-324 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson