Posted on 01/12/2006 5:29:53 PM PST by Phil Southern
Hello fellow Freepers,
I always note the fact that the posters here generally respond with candor I can appreciate even though I may not always agree. That is why I am asking for advice in dealing with what could be a serious, saddening problem of which I have been made aware.
Today, when I picked up my son from daycare, the daycare worker pulled me aside and informed me that other children at the daycare came to her to say that the driver of the bus they ride (from school to daycare in the afternoon), has been mean and rude to my son. Specific statements were "yelling" ,"yelling shut-up", and possibly other things. The children who came forward are "4th or 5th" graders. I asked her if other kids confirmed the information, and she said that more than one other student did confirm, with some saying the actions happen "some of the time", and others saying "all the time".
A bit of background is necessary. My son is high-function disabled. He has a mild case of CP; he walks on his own with a pronounced limp (no aids). He has severe-profound hearing loss and wears hearing aids. He actually hears about as good as your grandmother/grandfather who is tone deaf.....but his disadvantage is he never heard well to begin with. He is a "good" boy, but can be loud at times. He is almost universally responsive and respectful of authority....but has a short attention span. In short I do think he is a good bus rider, and sometimes needs admonition. My son is 7 years old and is in regular kindergarten with a tutor/aide (Your tax dollars at work, with my thanks).
I have history with this bus driver. Last year, **2** days before the end of school, Joe first rode the same bus to daycare in the afternoon (as a test to see how he faired at the daycare where he would go during the summer). On the second day the driver in question approached my son's aide to say that my son could not ride the bus because he yelled, and would not stay seated. I promptly approached the school system contact I knew and it was arranged for my son to ride a different bus......and I was told that the bus driver in question had been reassigned before, and had trouble when he was the driver of the "special-education" bus (AKA "the short-bus"---no offense meant or taken---we do appreciate good and bad humor). I was assured at the time that he would not be riding with the same driver again this year......but nothing I know about was ever said or done other than reassign my child to a different bus. Also, I was told there is even an assistant on the bus, purpose unknown(not specifically for my son, anyway). This particular bus is not a "short-bus". There have also been instances lately of my child not wanting to ride the bus, or asking to ride a different bus....which until now I had attributed to other things.
My questions.......how far should I take this? My first instinct is that my son can be intimidating, but is a good traveler and respects authority. I told myself last year that a bus driver should not driving a bus full of kids if they couldn't deal with kids. I'm incensed on several different levels.....but I also don't want to be "over-protective" or heedless of the needs of others. I also know that my son, at this point, is TOTALLY innocent, not hateful, not mean, and only expects kindness and smiles from ALL adults. If any of you freepers want to see a picture of us....contact me privately.
I am in need of advice, and will answer any questions if there is something unclear. Thanks in advance,
Phil
If the situation doesn't improve, I would talk to the principle at the school.
I'm assuming that you do not have the means to take him to and from school yourself, but have you looked into a private bus service?
Or maybe a non-working family friend?
Read her the "Riot Act". Tell her it will be her job if she keeps it up. Just one more time...
The driver says he yells and won't be seated. Is that accurate?
If so, then it would seem your son's behavior is an issue that needs to be addressed at one level or another.
Aside from talking to the bus driver and the principal (the principal is your "pal") ...uh...you might begin to let your own son know that his own hearing difficulties lead to him speaking loudly in certain environments. My guess is a combination of all three would do the trick.
If this is a 2 parent family, Do you and spouse both work and use this as an excuse for sending this poor child to daycare?
Talk it over with the principal and ask if it is possible to have an older child sit with your son as a peer mentor, kind of like a social behavior tutor. It could be treated as an honor to the kid selected.
You are your son's champion. You are his protection against all things bad. It's your job to streighten this out by whatever means you need to employ. Too bad if they don't like you. It's your job. No one else will do it for your son with the same absolute concern for his benefit as will you.
Sometimes cubs NEED mama tigers.
(The guys a jerk!)
My gut reaction is that if other kids are reporting it to the point that the daycare worker takes it seriously rather than brushing it off as "just kids" then there is a serious problem with the driver.
The driver's behavior is obviously disturbing the other kids enough that they are trying to get help.
Does the driver work for the school or a bus company that contracts with the school? I think you need to make a complaint about the issue, especially since the driver has "history".
Even if the bus driver's expectations are unreasonable, it's not safe for anyone on the bus for there to be conflict between the driver and a passenger. The driver needs to be concentrating on driving!
If a discussion/explanation with the bus driver doesn't resolve the issues, then I would look into another form of transportation, for the safety of all involved.
Another possibility would be to ask for a monitor or assistant for your son on the bus, if he's really having problems behaving appropriately. Maybe an older student who's travelling the same route would volunteer to be your son's "buddy" and encourage him in good behavior.
Being a "mamma tiger" is fine is the situation warrants it.
If he is speaking with a loud voice, the driver is right to be concerned. However, yelling at your son is unnecessary and unsafe.
The little guy's relatively helpless; and it sounds like the guy's taking advantage of the condition.
"I was told that the bus driver in question had been reassigned before, and had trouble when he was the driver of the "special-education" bus"
The bus driver is a known problem. Report him.
Does your school district equip the busses with cameras? Perhaps there is a way that you and the school administration could review the tapes?
I have seen disabled, (as well as abled) children get out of control or difficult on the ride home. It's been a long day and the revved up bus kids wind each other up. It may be too much for your son.
Ask to see the video of your son's and the bus drivers behavior. You'll be better able to judge the situation after seeing it for yourself.
Schools, like other bureaucracies, have a particular food chain. I don't know from your post, but if you've been dealing with the principal or the school, you're spinning your wheels.
Bus drivers are not under the school, but the transportation department and the district.
Call the Head of the transportation department and discuss it with him/her.
If that doesn't work, contact the Superintendent of the district.
politely explain if this matter is not handled promptly and to your satisfaction, you will approach the board, perhaps even going further, if necessary.
there is no need to tolerate this moronic behavior. the driver needs to be replaced; perhaps night custodial work will do.
Long term, we need school choice. But so long as the leftis want to run things, fine. It's their mess. And we have to find a way to get America's kids educated. So...
"The driver's behavior is obviously disturbing the other kids enough that they are trying to get help."
Ditto that. And it could be a PR nightmare for the local school system. You have the upper hand.
I had a cousin who was suspended for sneezing too much on a bus. Yes, sneezing. I called the local paper. The school system decided not to suspend my cousin. Never made print in the paper. Would have been a hoot.
I wasn't in a position to negotiate on behalf of my cousin. You are for your son. And if things don't go the way you want them, you can inflict serious pain on them.
1st. Get in the bus driver hard and fast. Inform him of your sons situation and also of his responsibilities to you, your son, the rest of the kids, etc.
2nd. Personally visit the head of the transportation dept (the bus drivers boss) and inform him of the situation and that your next visit of the day is with the superintendant of the schools (his boss).
3rd. Visit the superintendant and bring him up to speed on whats goin on. Ask for a copy of the districts policy regarding school bus drivers interaction with students and also the policy on handicaped students and special needs. (this is your amunition. If they aredoing something they are not supposed to do or vice-versa you can kill them with their own regulations) Let him know that you want to see this thing straightened out in the easiest way possible but that you also want on the agenda for the next school board meeting and run through it all with the school board again asking them for their advice on how things can be made right for your son and possible any other children that this driver may be taking advantage of. (...after all you really dont want to get a lawyer and seek a legal fix to something that should be being handeled at a lower level...this is a threat to them but dont make it if you arent willing to follow thru with it. the schools have a lawyer on retainer for stuff like this but if you are in the right, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT, and they know it and will respond.
...and be ready to be branded as a troublemaker and wear it with pride because you are doing what needs to be done to insure your sons continuing education and safety.
Personally I would find another method of transportation. You should have been told by the bus driver, bus company, or the school about any incidents.
Your descriptions sounds like it was other students on the bus that told the daycare person who then told you about it.
Also it does not sound like your child could describe to you what took place, only he did not want to ride the bus.
Bus drivers are not exactly positions held by highly skilled trained people, nothing against them, as I personally would not want to have to drive a bus load of kids of any age anywhere.
I agree if he has run Special Ed before and had problems he has issues with handicapped kids.
He's in the wrong line of work.
If it's bad and persistent enough that *other kids* are bothered by it to the point of raising the issue with an authority figure, I think you ought to take it seriously. Some people are just jerks and need to be monitored and/or slapped down.
I'm glad there are so many level headed FReepers here. My first instinct involves a baseball bat (that's what got me fired from my last job).
Have you asked your son what his take is on this? Other than that, I wouldn't take any chances. I'd WRITE a complaint to the principal and copy the district. Usually, however, daycare isn't public and has no district offices.
Speaking only for myself...I would make my position and displeasure known personally to the bus driver.
I would make sure that he/she knew that I was aware of his/her unacceptable behavior towards my son and any further distress or disharmony directed towards my son would be met with high levels of displeasure from me.
I would also make it known to him/her that my displeasure takes many forms...none of which would be pleasant for the bus driver.
I know that many here will say, "Oooh you can't doooo that."
Tough. When my kids are harrased or bothered I respond quickly and severely. Besides, we're talking about a child with enough problems on his plate without having to deal with a boob like this. If this bus driver can't act like an adult then it's high time someone put the fear of G-d into him/her.
Again, I speak only for myself and do not suggest you respond in this manner unless you have experience doing so and are good at it.
Here's an angle to consider:
I've been in school situations where I did not have any real authority over the kids and the kids knew it. That job nearly ate a hole in my stomach, though I managed never to raise my voice.
The driver may feel the same way, trying to drive a school bus full of unruly kids, and feeling powerless to assert any control. A complaint, conveyed through a supervisor, would sour the situation even worse.
I would suggest approaching the driver personally, and assuring her that you will support her. Give her your phone # and invite her to call you directly if your son causes problems. At this time you can explain your sons problems to him. Then tell your son that you expect him to obey. If he sees your deference to the driver, that will help.
Use a soft touch first. Give the driver her power and she will probably do well by you. If this doesn't work go over her head.
First, you and your son will be in my prayers.
I raised 2 boys by myself, now 45 & 50. Wonderful young men.
The youngest had a problem bus driver. He was always the quiet, shy one, so I knew he was not causing trouble, and he was 6 years old. Talking to the bus driver just made matters worse.
I requested a meeting with the principal, requesting the bus driver be present. She was one angry woman.
Other parents came forward and complained.
The driver was fired.
This happened in Delaware. 3 years later we took a trip to Disney World. We stopped at a Florida Waffle House for breakfast.
We were shocked to have this same mean woman come to our booth to take our order.
My son has never forgot that I stood up for him, as I did other times as he grew.
Take a stand. You are the one your son will always trust to do what is right for him. Thank God you care.
Great post. I agree!
There is some justice in the world!
LOL... Did you take the opportunity to stiff her for the tip?
Speaking as the mother of a deceased handicapped child, I assure you that the bills involved to provide the extra medical care would lend a real need for both parents to work and both to carry him on their insurance. Otherwise you'll undoubtedly exhaust one policy and be refused at premier hospitals. My daughter exhausted three policies before she passed. But she got the best possible care when she was alive. What's more, some school districts REQUIRE that handicapped children attend daycare/school at 3 1/2 years old. It's called "early intervention". Part of JFK's mainstreaming lunacy, I believe. Tough spot to be in. Rock/hard place.
Not everyone has the patience required to work with kids with your son's problem. The driver being reassigned does not mean much if your child, or others like him are in the transportation "mainstream". They are sure to interact sooner or later.
The drivers need to be introduced to the kids with problems early on, and educated on the nature of the problem and the probable manifestations. Then they'll be able to tell your child from the mouthy brats that seem to abound these days!
Had to quelch that one myself a couple of times.....
I agree with the posters who say that if the other children are seeking help, the situation is not good at all.
I do question why last year on the 2nd day you requested a different bus driver rather than instructing your son to stay in his seat and remain quiet while on the bus.
Never ask for advice unless you want it. If your son is loud and intimidating, you should find alternate transportation rather than complain that your child should receive a "special" bus driver. You are basically blaming the bus driver for your child's behavior. There is no reason your son can't be quiet on a bus. One loud kid tends to start a tsunami of loud kids.
I am with you on this one. Don't take no for an answer.
I drove my kids to and from school every day until my oldest daughter was old enough to drive and take herself to high school. Her first day of school the bus driver left her off at the wrong gate at the elementary school and she was lost just walking around. After that I took my three kids to school and picked them up.
In Yucaipa one time a bus driver got mad, quit in the middle of the route, told the kids to all get off the bus and took it back to the bus garage, got in the car, and left. My best friend's daughter was on that bus and it took the school over an hour to find the kids after they didn't come home.
Call me an overprotective Mom but I didn't trust my kids to bus drivers. I was fortunate that I was able to accompany my kids on field trips and drive them to and from school. Had a bus driver one time on a field trip that didn't know how to drive a manual shift and one of the band kid's had to help the guy shift -- was sure I wasn't going to make it home alive as the guy kept killing the engine at stop lights.
This is the best advice I've seen so far. It's always best to avoid triangulation if possible. Unconfrontational face to face will likely solve the problem.
My response is not as the parent of kids who ride a bus. I take my kids to school. If this is a special ed bus, it could have autistic children on it. A loud child is a nightmare to some autistic children. Most special ed buses I have experience with are pretty quiet.
Phil Southern wrote: "...Today, when I picked up my son from daycare, the daycare worker... informed me that other children ... came to her to say that the driver of the bus ... has been mean and rude to my son... 'yelling', 'yelling shut-up,' and possibly other things..."
"...more than one other student did confirm, with some saying the actions happen 'some of the time' and others saying 'all the time'..."
That's the portrait of an out of control bus driver. He/she should not be involved with children, let alone driving a bus on public streets.
The report by the day care worker is a gift to you. What you do with it may influence whether the day care worker and reporting kids ever report any other adult's inappropriate behavior.
Imagine your horror had the bus driver's behavior deteriorated further yet no one had bothered to inform you at this stage of the bus driver's bad behavior.
This is a gift to your son, who for whatever reasons, has been unable to relay his problems to you about riding on that bus.
Make good use of the information by making other arrangements for your son's transportation now. Get him off that bus and away from that driver.
Then take this gift of information given to you and report that driver so that no other children or drivers on the road have to suffer a bad bus driver's inappropriate behavior.
The situation is not as you surmise, though I do not doubt and have witnessed your premise. All of our close family work, his mom/my wife died last year, and the daycare is a great environment for him.
1] Find out if the Bus has oboard cameras and if so tell the Drivers dispatch or administrator you would like her/him and your self to reveiw such cameras and their contents Sonme schools have them some don't
2] Your child although some may not like to say including yourself is a special needs child and if those special needs are not catered to in a fashion that is respectable to your child and you dependng on what state your in you could threaten to take legal action !
That in most cases takes care of the problem schools and daycares don't like don't like dirty laundry .
3] Find out the facts first talk to the other kids parents and find out if it's ok to meet them and the other kids at the school with the principle in attendence always get the facts first.
The principle or other aurthority may want to give his driver another chance after the facts come out if so tell them you want a mobile camera installed into the bus for the security of your child and others DO THIS in front of the other parents !
this will force the principle or authorities hand into at least having to do something
4] If none of the above works talk to an atourny and have them threaten legal action and have him go directly to the school board because the principle is not doing his /her job .
Good Luck
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