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A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day...02-16-06...VP Guns Down Moderate Republican (Satire)
Chris Davis | February 16, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

Posted on 02/16/2006 4:48:40 AM PST by DollyCali



A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day
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Vice President Guns Down
Moderate Republican (Satire)
by Writer33





Washington—In what is sure to bring the White House crumbling down, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter—a moderate Republican and lawyer—claiming it to be a hunting accident and hiding the atrocity for 24 hours before press secretary, Scott McClellan held a press conference.

The accident happened about 5:30 p.m. on a private ranch about 200 miles south of San Antonio, where the vice president has hunted previously. Whittington was treated incognito on the scene by Cheney’s traveling medical detail before being taken by helicopter to the hospital. This allowed Vice President Cheney more time in coming up with a story, as well as prepare President Bush for a possible response.



The responses from the White House were slow in coming, considering President Bush knew what happened the night of the accident and failed to report it to the White House press corps. The egregious error has put the spotlight on Vice President Cheney, President Bush and the lack of any disseminating of information.



The public perception of Cheney’s secretiveness and high and mighty attitude has been heightened by these recent episodes. The hunting accident also has exposed certain disarray and utter incompetence within the Bush administration. The mainstream media—in their efforts to save the world—are calling for Vice President Cheney’s resignation and impeachment of President Bush, leaving the frail Whittington to waste away in the hospital.

The poor, moderate victim, Harry Whittington, 78, reportedly took pellets in his cheek, neck and chest during Vice President Cheney’s vicious attack while claiming he aimed for a bird during a hunt in southern Texas on Saturday. Mr. Whittington was pronounced in stable condition at a Corpus Christi hospital, surviving the onslaught of the merciless shooting, but recently suffered a heart attack after one of Cheney’s pellets moved to his heart.

All seemed well on the surface, but Mr. Whittington claimed that conversations came up involving tax increases to pay for Bush’s war as well as finding no weapons of mass destruction or any links to al-Qaeda in Iraq. Some of the other topics, he noted, were issues on Bush’s illegal wire tapping of innocent civilians, including an adamant stand on moderate behavior and a need for a move to the center for the Republican Party.


Mr. Harry Whittington


“I went to the bathroom and came back,” whimpered Harry Whittington, a Republican lawyer. “The next thing you know I see Vice President Cheney blasting away with an evil glare in his eye. It was horrific! All I could do was yell ‘help, extremist!’ America needs more moderation. Just look at what we have now!”

Whittington was moved out of intensive care on Monday afternoon but Peter Banko, administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital, indicated that he didn’t know when he would be discharged, especially considering recent events and that “Mr. Whittington was lucky to have come back from the hunting trip alive with the party of Genghis Khan.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” claimed Peter Banko. “This is just one of the most extreme, brutal attacks I’ve ever seen in all my years as a hospital administrator. It’s just like a hardcore, conservative animal to unleash his wrath on an innocent moderate like Mr. Whittington. I want charges filed now! We’ve got to bring down the terror in the White House!”



“You can’t tell me, an experienced hunter,” noted Sen. John Kerry,” D-MA, “that Vice President Cheney couldn’t see the man while wearing the blaze orange cap and vest. It’s absurd to believe anything otherwise. If they’re not wire tapping your phone, then they’re shooting members of their own party to keep them quiet. I think it’s time for hearings.”

“I’m in agreement with Senator Kerry,” stated Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident could’ve cost the man the loss of his sight, or even worse, the loss of his life. I think it’s a bit hypocritical of this administration to say that they want to protect Americans and then go around shooting them.”

“I am so ashamed of this party,” cried Sen. Susan Collins, R-ME. “I just wish they could learn to use a little moderation once in a while. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!”

“I am sick and tired of those that say that disagreeing with this administration is wrong,” shouted Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “It is our right as Americans to question authority, especially when they shoot moderate Americans and withhold the information for 24 hours. It’s time that we repealed the Second Amendment and ban hunting in America all together!”

“I think the press is just a pack of hyenas out for blood,” quipped Scott McClellan, White House spokesman. “They’re over reacting and completely missing the point. The point is that the Vice President was aiming center mass. It was a great shot!”



` “This administration is the most secretive administration in modern history,” stated Harry Reid, D-NV. “The vice president accidentally shoots someone—albeit a lawyer—and then keeps that a secret for nearly a day. I don’t even recognize America anymore. This White House has got to go now!”

The lack of disseminating information just may be the straw that broke the proverbial White House’s back, ending in shackles for Vice President Cheney and President Bush. There was a time when conservative Americans could always count on a Republican that couldn’t pull the trigger, but by shooting a moderate Republican, Vice President Cheney has staked a claim on the Republican Party, the Second Amendment and gun control.




Chris Davis
Writer33






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TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: 28gaugeisforbirds; accidentshappen; birdshot; birdstamp; blazeorange; cheney; cheneyistheman; chrisdavis; covey; dontsneakup; dubelievesthis; guns; hunting; huntingregs; huntingsafety; kerry; media; press; quail; quailhunting; satire; shotguns; somecallthissatire; somecallthistrue; texansknowthetruth; whittington; writer33
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To: DollyCali

I listened to Rush yesterday and he was so funny when talking to some of those dimwit democrats and their made up stories..I think we heard the same stories..I love your graphics but have told you that before..


21 posted on 02/16/2006 5:27:27 AM PST by Beth528
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To: The Mayor
Hi Rus...

The Lord God said, "Be still, and know that I am God; (Psalm 46:10).

Because I go,go,go.. I regularly need to focus on that verse (and it is one that is on my computer board & in my car)....That is the problem with many of us.. too frantically busy to hear, communicate & interact with our creator. Thank you Rus

22 posted on 02/16/2006 5:29:13 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: Beth528
Thanks Beth. I don't make them... just steal BORROW them from other kind FReepers.
23 posted on 02/16/2006 5:30:05 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: MEG33

Hi Meg... lovely. Do you save all of your tables/pix in a word processing document? Your distinctive style is great!

That looks a bit like something we have growing here in the woodlands in spring - in the flax family. the five petals differentiate it from those with 6 petals..


24 posted on 02/16/2006 5:33:44 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: DollyCali

LOL!And I and I borrow them from you..


25 posted on 02/16/2006 5:34:19 AM PST by Beth528
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To: Issaquahking; snugs
I am so glad to hear that Mr. Whittington is doing better. At his age one never knows the complications that may occur from any trauma.. I know the Cheney's are heartsick & it is so cruel the way the media is like a bunch of vultures on him about this.
26 posted on 02/16/2006 5:36:23 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: DollyCali

You laugh! I got to go to work and nurse a cup of mud (coffee) to Vegas...Have a great day!


27 posted on 02/16/2006 5:36:38 AM PST by Issaquahking (Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. Choose wisely, the MSM hasn't)
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To: Beth528

great. I never mind if anyone uses my stuff. I do some composites that are available for FReepers. I do understand a few of my things even made it to more liberal sites...


28 posted on 02/16/2006 5:37:50 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: Issaquahking

Have a safe trip.. business or pleasure?


29 posted on 02/16/2006 5:38:26 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: DollyCali

LOL.

I have to say that is a wonderful thought and it would be so much fun.:)


30 posted on 02/16/2006 5:38:42 AM PST by Mrs.Nooseman
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To: DollyCali
Well, it's going OK. We 're in the low 60's this morning but there's a cold front that's coming in.

We may get some snow and freezing rain this weekend.

We really need the rain. Our state is still under a burn ban. We haven't had any decent rain since October.

31 posted on 02/16/2006 5:39:08 AM PST by E.G.C.
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To: DollyCali


Forgot to answer your question.The Puppy distracted me.

Yup ,I have to be at work at 10 am my time.:)


32 posted on 02/16/2006 5:40:06 AM PST by Mrs.Nooseman
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To: DollyCali

Well i send them to friends(not liberals)and they really enjoy and use them as well as I do....


33 posted on 02/16/2006 5:40:40 AM PST by Beth528
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To: Mrs.Nooseman

I now have a puppy too! Two weeks ago on Wednesday. She chews everything in site, is into everything possible & bounces around all over the place. Guess that is a puppy job description, huh? She was smaller then Toby when I got her & now she is larger. She is about 4 months old. A shepherd mix


34 posted on 02/16/2006 5:43:18 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: DollyCali

Thank you..Thank you for the fun thread.I save some in freepmail then play around in different backgrounds..add or delete frames..add brs as they don't show up in freepmail..

I do it all after pasting a basic frame I think will work in the preview box on a post. I save pictures I really like to my computer and keep the links on a notepad or in a list in freepmail.I do a lot of deleting ,copy and paste in preview and in freepmail! I've learned to hunt for where I goofed..I am learning to just type out a table.


35 posted on 02/16/2006 5:53:11 AM PST by MEG33 (GOD BLESS OUR ARMED FORCES)
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To: Beth528; DollyCali


I sometimes leave a note.;)
36 posted on 02/16/2006 5:59:05 AM PST by MEG33 (GOD BLESS OUR ARMED FORCES)
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To: DollyCali; writer33; Beth528; MEG33

37 posted on 02/16/2006 6:12:00 AM PST by demkicker (democrats and terrorists are familiar bedfellows)
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To: demkicker; MEG33; pookie18

Thanks to Pookie for many I have used

38 posted on 02/16/2006 6:14:03 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell GOD how big your storm is -- Tell the storm how B-I-G your God is!)
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To: demkicker

ROFLOL..You should have warned us to "put down your coffee"


39 posted on 02/16/2006 6:16:05 AM PST by MEG33 (GOD BLESS OUR ARMED FORCES)
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To: MEG33
when I pull up properties it has Dolly's name on the picture..So who ever uses it would be able to tell it was hers..And I always tell the person I send them to who made them and give the credit to that person..I think all the graphics on this site should be send all over the Internet, to me they are so good and tell the story without words...Good note Meg33...:)
40 posted on 02/16/2006 6:16:49 AM PST by Beth528
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