Posted on 02/20/2006 1:09:56 PM PST by HAL9000
Wise choice...
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends £5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay....How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't." she says.
"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Call one up sometime and ask if they have any MILLION Ohm resistors in stock. If they say "yes," then ask them. "Do you have them out where people can TOUCH them???"
Silly girl your definately thinking some funny stuff today :)
On his resume he put, "Radio Shack batteries are as good as good batteries."
Well I was carded the other night at Walmart because the clerk thought I was under 27. My true age: 46 and it was verified by submittal of my driver's license.
Erasmus wrote:
"Call one up sometime and ask if they have any MILLION Ohm resistors in stock. If they say "yes," then ask them. "Do you have them out where people can TOUCH them???""
--I read your joke, hehehe, You mean to say 1millionFarad Capacitors, not resistors, right? =)
Amazing people like this can rise so far....Oh wait -- our President did...
Call me old fashioned, but I prefer the other method...
That method can get you arrested.
Not at all! You'll note that she was over 18 and he got her permission first...
Well and good, but you have to remember to stand behind her at the McD's beforehand.
They didn't sell enough toy puppy dogs with radios in their bellies for that quarter. They might also have to quit giving out free batteries. (/Sarcasm off) In the past, they used to want your name & address when making a purchase, even when you paid cash, I thought this was a stupid practice. The pimply-faced geek there proudly told me that Radio Shack had the largest mailing list in the country. That explains why I used to get 4 catalogs from them at a time. 1 to my name, and 3 others to misspellings of my name.
A good resume will open many doors. Once inside, however, one has to know what to do.
I used to work at a Pawn shop and this Arab guy came in with a Llama skin rug to pawn. I asked him what it was and he told me, I said "So this is (phonetically) 'lam-uh?'" and then he got loud in a real thick Arab accent and said "No! it is (phonetically) laam-aah" During the course of the conversation, I mispronounced Llama several times and he loudly corrected me each time. I still laugh about it to this day. We also used to have a neon sign that said "Watch batteries while you wait", I pointed out to the boss how funny that was.
Once, about the same era, they were pestering me for mine. There was a reply card display on the counter with the mailing address of their home office in Dallas, I think. I gave them that address and they carefully wrote it down. Then I told them that my phone was unlisted.
Evidently, the dude lied when he went into one of the stores to buy a battery a gave the clerk a fake name and address.
Every time someone asks me for my zip code I either say I can't afford one or that I don't give it to strangers.
Oh yes, Radio Shack. The place if where you want to buy a battery, it takes you 15 minutes because the clerk has to fill out a form with item number, quantity, your address, your phone number, your mother's maiden name and the social security number of your yet-to-be-born grandson.
I once told the Radio Shack my zip was 12345. He said "Really!?!"
I said "no."
The shocking truth is that for a pack of 4 batteries they get $3.99, and the actual cost is (59 cents). But this is true for the Bunny and the Coppertop as well. Batteries are profit. As compared to items such as TVs and iPods which don't make any profit.
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