Posted on 03/09/2006 5:16:12 PM PST by SJackson
A funny thing happened to me the other day when my wife and I had, thank God, another baby (a boy). Many of my friends didn’t seem all that happy for me. Sure, they went through the motions of smiles and congratulations. But it was evident that many thought me insane. Why would a young man and his wife ruin their lives with eight children? Who could afford the day-school bills? Didn’t we want to live life a little, and not just be burdened with kids?
It got downright surreal when a European film company pressed me, while my wife was in labor, to finish shooting a segment that had an urgent deadline (I obviously told them they were insane). The next day I was mildly criticized by a Jewish organization I was scheduled to address – because I had to cancel my appearance when I realized the lecture would clash with the baby’s bris.
I don’t mind that the world doesn’t really love babies. I do mind that it pretends to. It’s time we got honest about our priorities. Most people get a new car every two or three years, but one or two babies through the life of a marriage is plenty. You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people. But if you dare bring a crying baby on board you will be given malicious looks, as if the little thing is a package that ticks.
If you walk your dog along the street, people will stop you to tell you how cute he is. But walking down the street with a baby? You might run into a cooing woman or two, but for the most part you’ll be utterly ignored.
Indeed, the contempt shown to parents who have many children is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. As a father of a large family, I find myself apologizing wherever I go, as if I’ve committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by my selfish insistence on overpopulating the earth. Long ago my wife and I discovered that few hotels were prepared to accommodate so many children, even if we took three of four rooms – which is why we bought an RV for travel.
How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World. Rich countries, by contrast, prefer to increase their standard of living rather than the number of the living.
Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman.
Hence the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda, at 47.52 births per 1,000, or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility of these countries confirms the unspoken Western view of these country’s inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception becomes a synonym for civilization.
A Christian mother of six once wrote to me: "I find it troubling to worry about getting pregnant again... because I don’t want to face the criticism of friends and family. Why do people not see children as a blessing?" A fair question that deserves a fair response.
Why is it that even many synagogues today are not children-friendly? Why are people impressed that Jay Leno owns twenty motorcycles but disgusted that some religious families choose to have ten children?
Let’s not finesse the response. We all know why. A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings that are innocent. A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness. A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources. And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down."
The world can go fly a kite.
By just looking at my children I become more innocent. By loving them I become more noble. By spending more money on them than I spend on myself I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.
I am often asked by women how they can tell whether the men they are dating are marriage material. I tell them, "See if he enjoys children." A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile.
There was a time when husbands and wives worked hard to ensure that they could afford the blessings of a large family. Today, the higher your earning bracket the fewer children you have. But then we always knew that many people turn money from a blessing into a curse.
Before he died, the Lubavitcher Rebbe launched a campaign asking parents to have one more child than they originally planned. It is a campaign that a dwindling Jewish community should revive as it continues to disappear.
I'd suggest you read what he's written on the topic. Eventually he turned his back on Jackson. Before the recent court case. I can't fault him for trying to point out the error of Jackson's ways, unsuccessfully.
My wife and I added to the population of the Earth about 10 days ago. I forgot just how wonderful babies are!
I was talking to a woman with three children at a playground yesterday and she kept telling me how she really didn't like children and was horrified at the thought of being a grandmother and terrified that her oldest son would make her one... she seems to tell perfect strangers this... her poor children.
Now me, if God sends me another, I'll be happy, and if not, I'm thinking, in ten years or so, if my children co-operated, I could be a grandmother...yippee!
Mrs VS
You know, I read that again.
It's off topic, but important.
Clearly you think the Rabbi's children are at risk for molestation.
IMO, that's an outrageous accusation, but if true, one that should be acted on.
Immediately.
Time for Alberta's Child to step up to the plate and tell what he knows. Not on FR, but to the authorities.
Let us know how the investigation proceeds.
And thanks for the contribution to a cheery thread.
ping
I'm glad I called in, too, as I tend to be shy, but each time I gain more confidence (that's not why I call) and don't let the host get away with talking over me until I've had my say. He's supposedly a conservative, loves his guns (and wife and three children I have no doubt), but is all over the map on some things.
Thank you for reminding me that it is not true about overpopulation across the board. And, yes, there is plenty of room left in this country, but what kind of a country do we want? Try to buy some farmland to build something affordable; I mean the deck is stacked against people who love and want more than one child.
It could get to the point where there will be sanctions against people who have more than one child, maybe not forced abortion, but there are some really ugly people out there. They have no love in their hearts so they don't anybody else to have any either, children help you grow in love, not that that's the reason you have them. I had mine, and most people here seem to have had theirs for the same reason, they wanted them and were willing to make the sacrifices, if not financial, the restrictions on your time and fun, to raise them. Then you get older and see that all that fun you supposedly missed was a blessing :-)
You can have a *lot* of fun doing things as a family!
Wow I feel for her children. Why would you have children if you don't like them? People really amaze more each day. My 6 yr old is the only aunt in her class and to all her friends shes a star. lol. If this women ever has grandchildren I hope she has her act together by then or her children realize shes not the grandmother type. I feel really sorry for her and her poor children.
I come from a family of eight children. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
My father and mother were never rich, but they NEVER went on the public dole. What gets to me beyond anything are those who have children and complain. There are those of us who would love to have the blessing of even having one.
I think she is a gift from God. Now at 6 she is the joy of our lives. As far as apologizing for having your children I wouldnt. If you can afford them and give each the care he/she needs then I dont think its anyones business. I do resent the people who just have children to collect more welfare and really have no time or love for these children but you seem to have a it all together. I can relate to peoples stares and comments as years ago when I was pregnant with my 2rd son , had my other 2 children, my friend's twin babies in a double stroller in a store and the comments and rude stares were unreal. I just smiled and laughed but inside I was thinking people really are RUDE.
You must be a wonderful MOM. That is the most important thing one could ever be. And yes, those people are ignorant and rude.
I've a large family and have heard the litany of crude comments from complete strangers who have never spent a dime supporting me or my children yet they must express an opinion.
People used to count us (8 kids) when we went on trips, but we just took it in stride and laughed anytime someone did.
That person would have rued the day he tangled with me if he had said that to me or even if he would have said it in front of me.
Unless you give birth to the Osmond family, of course.
I used to love watching them on Friday nights.
They are indeed a blessing.
I will have had 5 in 8 more months and look forward to this last one immensely.
From newborn to 18.....I am very very blessed and grateful.
Folks who don't want children are fine....that's their choice...but I like em.
And I love making em.
Old Man.
This is the key. Babies require commitment. I also think generations of high divorce rates have taken their toll. A lot of young adults I know would rather not risk putting their kids through a divorce.
Yet that is a copout too. I would LOVE to have that one special child and it kind of hurts when you see some that could abuse the privilege or when those that have had the privilege of having a child complain about mundane things.
Babies are a blessing .....this rabbi is WRONG !
You might ask mer who is going to foot the bill when she lives to be 95 years old!
That mom would have gotten an earful from me. Every stinking day I yearn to have a child. I am working towards having one, but it will be a LONG process. I can't believe someone would take it so much for granted, then again, maybe I could.
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