Skip to comments.Pat Tillman's Former Teammate Joins Marines
Posted on 03/10/2006 2:53:24 PM PST by Kaslin
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New Enlistment Oaths
Discussion Board on this Military Joke
U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that atleast twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and recieve no thanks or notice form the public. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD.
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
Where've you been, M!! Tell Nan to disregard my FReepmail ; )
I say it's OOOH RAH. And I say, by God, everybody BETTER spell it right! LOL!
Ya'll take two steps to the rear from LadyX...and you'll find my Dad... He graduated PI just before her-how wild is that! Two years after her 50th anniversary trip, I was there for my son's graduation, laying flowers on the base of the monument for our Marines that are now guarding the streets of heaven.
Godspeed to this new Marine, God bless him, and God bless the Corps.
[by the way, sum Marines kin spel - I represented Florida in the National Spelling Beeee in 1947 - when Harry S. Truman was The Prez..:)]
I trust Clint Eastwood : )
I had enough Marines at my house a little while ago to have a flag raising of my own ; )
Oh, tell it like I like it!
I represented Florida when I was ___ at the National Spelling Bee in Washington DC and collected _________ from _______________.
Hmmm...wouldya believe on a secret mission?
Or didya think I was taking a dip at Elliott's Beach on Parris Island?! ROTFL...
Took a few hits, but dealt with 'em...
Praying for your F-I-L, of course...
Adorable! Sending it to son, to send to USAF buddy and Army cousin. (wicked grin)
You nut! Secret mission. Good to see the kevlar held up ; )
Speaking of the beach, I just dragged some driftwood inside today- collected at Geiger some months ago.
Thanks for the prayers! We were able to speak to him last night-he sounded good, we don't think it won't be long but he'll go down fighting, with a smile, and a song in his heart. Here's an OOOHRAH for Pops!!
I know many 13 year old girls who did that.
I just lined daughter up to go fishing with some of the boys...she doesn't want to bait or remove fish. I said, "No problem. You drop the line or you can be their gopher." She replied, "I'm not going to be ANYBODY'S gopher." I said, "Good girl." : )
Anything less is a hollywood creation.
And those guys that say Whhoo aaaHHH,, U ha, he ha, oh ha, rah ha, blah blah......well, that's probably those ARMY guys.
And we all know what ARMY stands for
Semper Fi, Lady X :-)
Well, lemme tell ya,
Actually, they must be throwbacks to these fellas...
Or a good hardy farmwoman. Had one tell me that grunting was good for ya.
Such economy of effort is a valuable thing, helping you to make the long haul ahead...:)
Okay. freema... I've heard of R... O... T... F... L... M... A... O... Which I do... believe... means "Rolling On The Floor Laughing My... (expletive deleted)... Off... But... And let me be perfectly clear... I do not know what P... I... M... P.. means! Could you make that... Perfectly clear to me?
You full bodied Dick! It means 'Peeing In My Pants,' you smuck! Gadzooks! When they finally dig you up and cut off your head and put it in a jar of white wine, you will become much smarter!
You're telling me... Hey, Normey, if this is white wine, why does it smell and taste like urine?
They told me it would be filled with butta... But I think they lied! Those damned Republicans of the future!
Now... That made it all... worthwhile!
That... I think says it all, Bender!
With out a doubt, #2!
Say good night, Dick...
Good night, Dick!
Good night, Dick...
Good night, Spock. Live long and prosper.
Good night, Spock. Live long and splrrrg.
Thank Saint Peter, General Lee and Stonewall Jackson that crap is over!
Now... that I gotta put on my list!
Say... Earl? When you do put this on your list... be sure you run the spelling by old Double A! That way you'll know it is all spelled right!
And all this crap is on a thread intended to salute a new boot... The Old Corps will never believe it!
Well, Sarge, they ain't supposed to... Wheee Haaaa! Wheee Haaaa!
I just love... Marines!
Don't we all...
Don't forget the Navy boys... They are just animals! Animals!
And all those Air Force fly boys... They tip so well... And they have such good manners!
And those Army boys... They opened up my eyes to what a man is really like!
I think we may need to hold on to her for awhile, don't you think so, Sir?
And... Don't forget the French!
Book 'em, Dano... Book every damned one of 'em!
Excellent. My son starts his first tour aboard the USS Louisiana as a nuke next week.
God bless our military and their families.
you are one sick individual...I like that.
There IS a MArine Corps Institute course called SPALLING FOR MARINES.
I know because I took it!
Long as it's a male Marine and a Female Marine! :)
Oh No. I forgot all about it. I did too
3 points for promotion right?
I've never seen Marines argue about spelling, By the way forwar harch is spelt with an H.
6'5", 300 lbs! Yikes! I'm surprised they can fit him with a uniform.....and the flak vests would cover him about as much as band-aids on a stripper.
I hear what you said,
and you're right,
I hear what you said,
But you left,
I just realized that I can't print any of the cadence I remember and I can't remember any of the cadence I can print! LOL!!!
Does he look like those folks in the second picture from the bottom of post #69?
How did you get a nuke for a son?
I just got a Marine.
Is inadaquat a fruit of the kumquat family?
ha Ha MA
I had to keep my mispellings, just to remember how not to do it!
Wanna hear a funny one, Race? 'Course you do!!
And so does he-who-does-karaoke in Japanese!
(Note: I'm a damn Yank, raising kids in the South.)
Early one morning, alone at the desk with my back to the kitchen, reviewing a recipe for an oriental dish, I muttered aloud to myself, "I wonder what 'tamari' (as sesame oil) is?" My (current) Marine had come into the kitchen, heard me, and responded, "Tuesday."
Thanks for the ping! GREAT story... stirs the heart and soul. :)
Actually he inherited great looks from his beautiful mom.
How he got to be a nuke is an example of divine intervention apparently we were not even sure he would graduate from high school. Very smart would not do a lick of work. Get an A in physics one semester and F the next.
Interestingly enough entering and winning a Shakespearean competition without having ever set foot on a stage turned his life around.
"...ever...." should be ...never setting foot on....
I just love boys, never a dull moment!
As eldest of seven I was very used to their shennanigans but my dear wife youngest of four girls was not. As a consequence they drove her crazy since she expected them to be more responsible etc.
She would have been so proud of how her sons turned out. My younger boy is a senior computer science major and a fine young man as well.
She passed at the age of 43 eight years ago.
I'm just a tiny bit younger than that now.
You've done a tremendous! job, then.
I have some kids that I 'surrogate' who lost their mom at a very young age. I've always just been mortified to contemplate how Hubby would ever manage to finish the job alone ; ) or better stated, how the kids would manage to survive with him, without me ; ) Hubby suffered the loss himself, similar to your kids. It was very tough. Dads just sometimes don't realize how very, very important they really are. FIL is terminal presently, and the range of emotion is off the charts underneath, and very quiet on the surface.
Keep on truckin', you must be doing something right!
And, if you get a chance, give the other one a giant bear hug from me, my best wishes for a successful tour, and all the blessings I can muster (considerable!).
If it was just myself who knows what would have happened since I loved my wife to distraction. But her family was simply superb and I am still close to them all today. Her mom lived with us the last six months and sometime after her death. Wonderful woman.
I will give some advice though for you. Get life insurance on yourself.