'Demanding' Kerry Won't Do Ketchup

NewsMax ^ | 29 March 2006 | Carl Limbacher

[Aussie Dasher]

John Kerry’s list of travel demands makes Dick Cheney "look like a travelin’ rube,” according to the Smoking Gun, an online site that has obtained both the vice president’s and Senator Kerry’s lists of demands.

Kerry’s demand list was compiled during the 2004 presidential campaign and circulated by the would-be president’s advance team to prepare hotels for a Kerry visit.

The documents reveal that Kerry "hates celery,” and instructs, "NEVER order Tomato based products OR sandwiches [sic].” Thus, ketchup, the condiment that made Mrs. Heinz Kerry’s previous husband enormously wealthy, is out of the question.

Kerry does like fruits – especially bananas, apples, oranges and grapes.

If he’s going to have bottled water, and hotels are instructed that "bottled water must be everyplace that JK is,” he prefers Poland Spring. "No Evian,” hotels are instructed.

And don’t dare give him a "regular old stationery bike." "JK,” as the documents refer to him, "would prefer a recumbent bike these days.”

As for his hotel room, accommodators are told, "The phone and the ability to order movies in-suite should always be turned on and ready to go for JK’s arrival.”

"I know this may seem trivial,” the primer continues, "but these things make JK very happy.”

[Aussie Dasher]

John F'n Kerry again proves what we've long known him to be - a total pain in the ass!

[gondramB]

"makes Dick Cheney "look like a travelin’ rube,” "

Hmmm No bias there.

[digger48]

[Aussie Dasher]

I'm not sure what a 'travelin' rube' is...and what the hell is a "recumbent bike"?

[Clintonfatigued]

John Kerry is nothing more than a high maintenance trophy husband.

[Clintonfatigued]

This story calls for a song...

[Michael.SF.]

Hmmm No bias there.

I took that as a knock against JFK, not Cheney. The implication being that JFK is an elitist.

[Vigilanteman]

what the hell is a "recumbent bike"?
Isn't Kerry married to a recumbent Dyke?

[gondramB]

"I'm not sure what a 'travelin' rube' is...and what the hell is a "recumbent bike"?" They are actually great for exercise.

[muawiyah]

I can relate to the ketchup thing ~ worked one summer cooking up millions of chickens which were then frozen and shipped nationwide.

I couldnt' stand to eat chicken for 5 years.

Odds are few, if any, Heinz field employees use ketchup either.

[wagglebee]

TROPHY!?!?

Is that what gigolos are called these days?

[mmanager]

"Kerry does like fruits". I couldn't agree more.

[gondramB]

"I took that as a knock against JFK, not Cheney. The implication being that JFK is an elitist."

I think they meant it that way but I would never apply such a negative word as "rube" - I thought it showed subconscious bias in spite of their surface intent. - but I could be wrong.

[CobaltBlue]

Look, if you're paying for a hotel room, you can order what you like. That's the beauty of the free market.

[pageonetoo]

They are actually great for exercise.

The bike, or the girl?

[Michael.SF.]

I'm not sure what a 'travelin' rube' is...

A rube, which comes from "Rhubarb", refers to somebody new to something (usually the big city), usually referring to someone from the countryside or hicks. It is (as you surmised I'm sure) decidedly not complimentary.

[Aussie Dasher]

So THAT is what they're called!

[fieldmarshaldj]

"John Kerry is nothing more than a high maintenance trophy husband."

Doncha mean "trophy BUNNY" ?

[sgtbono2002]

Its one where he can lay flat on his back and pump the pedals. Lazy Bastid.

[mmanager]

No Evian? What about the homeland?

[gondramB]

"The bike, or the girl? "

Why the bike, of course.... I had to go through hundreds of pictures to find one that showed the bike off perfectly. :)

[Clintonfatigued]

LMAO--that photo op ranks right up there with Michael Dukakis's tank ride!

[Future Snake Eater]

What a homo.

[Aussie Dasher]

Fair dinkum, I learn something new every day. Thank you!

[pogo101]

Kerry J. Blige?

[Michael.SF.]

Look, if you're paying for a hotel room, you can order what you like.

Small correction:

Look, if you're paying enough for a hotel room, you can order what you like.

I still can't get GlenMorangie, neat, ice on the side, please, delivered to my room at Motel Six. But at least the lights are on.

[wrathof59]

Kerry doesn't eat Heinz:)

[Chode]

booo...

[Michael.SF.]

Fair dinkum

You know, you are never 'fluent' in a 'foreign' language until you know the slang and you Aussies are awesome with your slang!

[mmanager]

She prefers "Hunt" :)~

[mmanager]

I meant the plural version "H(C)unt's"

[melt]

"NEVER order Tomato based products OR sandwiches [sic].” Thus, ketchup, the condiment that made Mrs. Heinz Kerry’s previous husband enormously wealthy, is out of the question."

That's right. Ketchup is only for the "Little People".

[Aussie Dasher]

I can't blame him for that...

[AppyPappy]

"The phone and the ability to order movies in-suite should always be turned on and ready to go for JK’s arrival.”

Somehow I can't see Lurch watching porn

"Look Theresa, maybe you could do that"
"OK, call up the bell boy".

[lesser_satan]

I don't know about the bike, but could sure go for some "exercise" with her!

[Kieri]

Hey, I've got a recumbant trike (a Re-Trike, to be specific) and it's no easy ride! The frame is heavy and going uphill is a major workout.

In case you were wondering, I picked it over a regular bike because I can pedal it with my heels, something foot reconstruction made necessary.

The thing earns me more than a few looks while I'm out...!

[gondramB]

"LOL - Yah all that liberal Newsmax bias... ;)"

{Chuckle} That is certainly a problem we don't have.

But the term "rube" was applied to the VP by The Smoking Gun and only quoted by NewsMax.

[CheyennePress]

I'm a traveling rube. Nothing quite like being dirt broke and fancy free student. Doing it this summer. Just going to camp across the country, sleep in the backseat of my car, shave in the morning at reststops. Maybe a $25 hotel when I'm looking to shower that night.

Hey, I've been to all 50 states, my car gets 45 to the gallon, and life is good. ;) Just cruisin down the backroads, camping where I like the scenery.

Only way to see the West.

[j_tull]

and what the hell is a "recumbent bike"

a recumbent bike is a device that that puts the rider in a position to perform auto-fellatio.

[Aussie Dasher]

Sounds mighty good to me!

[Holicheese]

"A rube, which comes from "Rhubarb", refers to somebody new to something (usually the big city), usually referring to someone from the countryside or hicks."
Thats what the Wallet Inspector called me after he took my wallet in for repairs.

[JayNorth]

Odds are few, if any, Heinz field employees use ketchup either.

Kerry could be considered a "Heinz employee" in his role as "chief poodle" but as far as ketchup (or catsup) is concerned, JFK never worked an honest day in his life, his aversion would be to work, not ketchup.

[UnklGene]

Recumbent bike:

[hsalaw]

"NEVER order Tomato based products OR sandwiches [sic].”

What's a "tomato based sandwich"? Or does the guy just not eat sandwiches? Who doesn't eat sandwiches, for cryin' out loud?

[fat city]

"Maybe a $25 hotel when I'm looking to shower that night."

Some of the rest stops have automatic sprinkler systems (Cali, for example)- sleep on the lawns and save that $25. shower bill (btw, motels aren't $25. any more- at least not motels with showers).

[GoDuke]

"John Kerry is nothing more than a high maintenance trophy husband."

What contest in hell did Teresa win?

[Michael.SF.]

I'm a traveling rube

I don't think so. Well at least not according to this dictionary definition:

rube [ roob ] (plural rubes)
noun
Definitions:

an offensive term for somebody who is regarded as naive or unsophisticated, especially somebody from a rural area who is not used to city ways ( slang )

[Late 19th century. Shortening of the forename Reuben]

Just like you can only be a 'rookie' for one year, I don't think one can stay a 'rube' for very long.

[Ole Okie]

and what the hell is a "recumbent bike"

Don't know, but it appears that part of it is bent.

Wait, that's Clintoon's schtick.

Part of the bike must have been in Cambodia.

[stevio]

LOL!