Skip to comments.Looking for jokes about US Army (VANITY-Nothing tasteless, just funny)
Posted on 04/03/2006 6:01:27 PM PDT by curtisgardner
I was looking around the internet for some funny jokes about the US army but couldnt find much. Does anyone have any funny jokes about this subject to pass along? im obviously not looking for anything tasteless, just a few zingers to tell a former army man. Thanks to all who contribute.
Saw a good bumper sticker:
US Marine Corps: When something absolutely, positively, must be destroyed overnight.
"Marines, Moslems. Who do you think gets the virgins?"
Order to Troops in Iraq
To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
Ref: ComMidEastFor Inst 16134//24 K
1. All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
2. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:
"Eat Pork Or Die" [both English and Arabic versions]
"Shrine Busters" [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]
"Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy" [Both English and Arabic versions]
"Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more." [Both English and Arabic versions]
The road to Paradise begins with me." [Mostly Arabic versions but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs]
Guns don't kill people. I kill people." [Both Arabic and English versions]
"Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version]
"Infidel" [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]
3. The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.
4. The following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:
"Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800 Daily."
"Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?"
5. All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.
This is more of a Navy joke, but...
An Army General, an Air Force General, and a Navy Admiral were at an Army base, and the subject came up of who had the biggest balls; soldiers, airmen, or sailors.
The Army General says, "watch this!", pulls a pin on a grenade, throws it down on the ground, and yells at a soldier "throw yourself on that grenade!"
The soldier says, "YES, SIR!" and throws himself on the grenade, blowing himself up.
The Army General grins and says, "soldiers have the biggest balls".
The Air Force General says, "that's nothing, come with me". They all go to an Air Force base, out on the flight line. The Air Force General says to an airman, "throw yourself into that jet intake!".
The airman says "YES SIR!", throwing himself into the jet intake, and getting blown out the back as a fine mist.
The Air Force General grins and says, "airmen have the biggest balls".
The Navy Admiral says "that's nothing, come with me", and they go onboard an aircraft carrier. The Admiral looks up the mast, and sees a sailor 150 feet above the flight deck, doing maintenance on one of the antennas.
The Admiral cups his hands around his mouth, and yells "SAILOR!". The sailor replies, "YES SIR!". The Admiral then yells, "SAILOR, THROW YOURSELF OFF THE MAST AND LAND HERE AT MY FEET!".
The sailor promptly replies, "F**K YOU ADMIRAL!", flips him the bird, and goes back to his maintenance.
The two Generals are aghast. The Admiral folds his hands across his chest and smugly says, "now THAT'S balls!"
Oops! Thanks for the info
The correct answer is the Boy Scouts have better looking uniforms and adult leadership.
Q: Did you hear about the accident at the Army base?
A: A jeep ran over a box of popcorn & killed 2 kernals
My dad (a 33-year Air Force veteran) told me, when I was about to go into the Army, that General Custer told the Army when he left for the Little Big Horn to not change anything till he got back - and they haven't.
A.R.M.Y.=AIN'T READY to be a MARINE YET!
NO THE BOY SCOUTS DON'T HAVE HEAVY ARTILLERY!
"GOOD MORNING VIETNAM"
OR "THE MARINES ARE LOOKING FOR A FEW GOOD MEN" AND THE FBI IS LOOKING FOR THE REST!
How about this?
An oldie, but cute:
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. The young lad anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.
The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked her grandson, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup of coffee?"
Her grandson proudly replied, "You know Grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."
"A.R.M.Y.=AIN'T READY to be a MARINE YET!
USMC = Uncle Sams Misguided Children
And, Boy Scouts get to carry knives.
USMC = Uncle Sam's Monkey College
ROFLMAO!! I have got to send that one to my son!!
A.R.M.Y. - Aren't Ready for Marines Yet ;)
USMC = Uncle Sam's Mental Cases
NAVY = Never Again Volunteer Yourself
and, for Fort Eustis...
EUSTIS = Even Uncle Sam Thinks It Sucks.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, the Army barber shaved off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the Third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. the army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.